It's Only Human

“Hello.”

“Good day, sir.”

“How are you doing?”

“T’wouldn’t be a day without the sun rising in the east, and I wouldn’t be Alicia without being well.”

“Haha. Well, I hope you’re doing well for real, and not just making it up so I feel better.”

“I promise you, sir, I’m doing well.”

“Can we dispense with the ‘sir’ stuff? It’s been… God, it’s been years; I wish you would just call me Marcus.”

“…”

“Okay, okay, you can call me ‘sir!’ Jesus.”

“I don’t see what he has to do with this, but thank you, sir.”

“You never asked me how I’m doing?”

“T’would make a difference?”

“I’m wounded.”

“I’m sorry, sir. How are you?”

“Well, I’m hurt now, but before I was doing well.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Conditions outside look favorable.”

“Yes, the dust settled a bit from the storm and it was under 100 ºF today, so I was able to go out and catch some rats.”

“Excellent, sir. Would you like a recipe?”

“No, no, you just rest, Alicia.”

“As you wish, sir.”

“Y’know, I’m starting to like the view from this little cave. When the air’s less murky, I can go right up to the mouth of it and see a whole forest from the side of this little mountain. The sun infuses the air with rusty light, and I can see, way off in the distance, what looks like a lake. It glitters in the sunlight, like a sea of diamonds.”

“That sounds lovely, sir. Does the forest have leaves?”

“Well, no… all I can see is the spikes of trunks that shed their leaves long ago, and they’re all the same mousey brown, probably from the dust. I wish it would rain.”

“I am interested by this lake. You said it looks like a sea of diamonds?”

“God, yes… Look at me, I’m daydreaming, Alicia! But all I can think about is how beautiful that lake is, how nice it must be to shed one’s clothes and go for a dip in those cool waters, how nice it must be to watch the clouds…”

“Sir, I must remind you that the water might be highly acidic. Yet I must admit, the prospect is intriguing.”

“One day we’ll go there, Alicia.”

“Sir…”

“No, don’t say anything! I promise. Before the strength goes out of my legs, we’ll travel to that lake and we’ll dip our feet into it.”

“T’would be lovely, sir. I only–”

“I measured the distance very roughly. Looks like about seven miles. In the best conditions, maybe in winter… we might be able to do it in the next ten years. Anyway, just let me daydream for a second! I’m thinking that we might even be able to see the stars from there–wait! Wait, don’t say anything. I know it’s lower to the ground and probably has more dust obscuring our skies, but I feel like there’s something special about that place, something magical. Do you believe in magic, Alicia?”

“Only sometimes, sir, like when you speak to me, and when you come home from a long day’s hunt.”

“Oh, Alicia, I’m blushing! You remember what I look like, don’t you?”

“Tall, dark skin, light brown eyes… strong features and a hard, stern jaw. Black hair that has turned gray from the years–”

“Hey! We don’t need to bring the hair into it, but… yes. Shall I describe you now?”

“Sir…”

“I know you, Alicia… I know you have olive colored skin, a splatter of freckles across delicate features, a slightly upturned nose and stunning silver eyes. I can see your brown hair as though this cave has been flooded with light; it’s like a river of chocolate. You have a slender neck, I can see the elegant collarbone below it…”

“Sir, you flatter me, and you are getting carried away.”

“…”

“If it would make you feel better, you can continue describing me.”

“Thank you. A modest figure–all the curves in the right places, but none too robust, though that’s my fault for not getting enough food, I suppose–”

“Sir, really–”

“Let me finish! And then there’s your arms, so graceful the way they sit at your side, and the delicate fingers on your hands. You are perfection, Alicia. One day you will see it too.”

“I only hope to see you, sir, to see you in the light.”

“The days of light are growing more plentiful, aren’t they? You’ve been keeping track?”

“Yes, sir. I’ve logged eight days of sunlight in the last three months. That is up from six days in the previous three month period.”

“Excellent! So–”

“However, I must note that in the three month period prior, we experienced nine days of sunlight.”

“I’m sighing, Alicia, can you hear that?”

“Of course, sir.”

“Why must you give me data when I seek reassurance?”

“Because you asked for the data, sir.”

“Hmpf. Well, you always satisfy my requests, that’s one thing that’s always been true about you.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I was being sarcastic. It took a while for us to be on the same page. I’m just glad we got that way before… well, before my parents passed.”

“As am I, sir. I needn’t express that I’m glad you’re with me, that I have you to take care of me, right? Tis improper of me, but those are my feelings.”

“Oh, Alicia; I’m blushing again! God, you really are sweet. Would you like a game of chess? I know you always win, but–”

“It’s okay, sir. We can play another time. I’d like to hear more about your adventures out in the real world.”

“Ha! Well, today was conquest, Alicia, conquest! I went out into that little field right at the bottom of the mountain, you know the one?”

“The one in which you once saw a flower?”

“Yes, that one! Remember I plucked it for you?”

“I couldn’t see it in the dark.”

“Hmpf, well… I did my best.”

“My apologies, sir; I did not mean to sound ungrateful.”

“Ha, it’s okay. I just wish you’d speak more casually with me, at least, even if you’re going to keep calling me ‘sir.’ Is that possible?”

“Might be in time, sir.”

“Time… Well! Yes, where was I?”

“You were telling me about that little field, sir.”

“Okay, so I went there, and the sun was right above me! I could see it, so orange in the sky… it was shimmering from the heat, but it was there! I wanted to take off my mask so I could breathe the air, but I decided against it. It was still super dusty. The grass in that field, Alicia… it’s so tall that it tickles your knees–well, I suppose for you it might even tickle your thighs! It took me a while to actually get down to hunting. All I wanted to do was look for more flowers, not that the golden, amber grass waving in the gentle breeze wasn’t beautiful in its own right. I guess I wanted to bring something home for you.”

“That is very kind of you, sir.”

“It would’ve been kind if I’d been able to–”

“Tis the thought that counts.”

“Yeah, sure… Anyway, I went to the edge of the forest and touched the trees. Their bark feels just like it did before–papery, dry. It almost crumbled in my hands. Some of the trees’ bark was already blown away by past storms. I wonder what a real forest looks like. Maybe they still have them near the equator. I’d sure like to see one. I heard they used to have life teeming in every crack and crevice. I read somewhere that there were so many birds that you could hear a whole symphony on a simple walk through the woods as all the little birds and other creatures tittered and chatted with one another. You know, I wrote down the last time I heard a bird call. It was a crow… looks like it was sixty days ago. Damn.”

“Sir, I must remind you that forests near the equator would likely be uninhabitable these days from extreme heat–”

“Yes, I know, I know! Jeez, just let a guy dream.”

“I’m sorry–”

“No, wait. I’m sorry I raised my voice. I’ll be better about that in the future. I hope you weren’t scared.”

“…”

“I’ll take that as a no, but I’m sorry regardless. I walked in this forest a little, not so far that I’d lose my way, but I imagined what it would be like if the trees had leaves. The sunlight would get sieved through them, falling on the forest floor in little puddles of gold. Maybe there’d be rustling from some squirrels or some of these rats.”

“Where did you find the rats for today’s dinner, sir?”

“Well, that was back in the field. After a bit in the forest, I turned around and saw the mountain. It really never gets old seeing how tall it is, how it disappears into haze. I know it’s not true, but I feel like I can see the mouth of our little cave. I can at least see the sunlight glint off of the solar panels I have nearby. I like that we have those, by the way. At least lets me power the computers and hydroponics most days, and maybe one day we can even wire some of the lightbulbs I’ve got in here. Then I can see you again in all your beauty.”

“Sir, should I remind you–”

“Nope! Please don’t remind me of that. Can I continue with my story, Alicia?”

“Certainly.”

“I honestly wasn’t planning to hunt for rats. I thought that some stewed grass would be nice for dinner. Maybe I could check some of the insect traps for some protein. But then I heard movement, and I knew something was nearby. I crouched down and felt the earth. I was totally still. My eyes, behind my goggles of course, were trying to seek out this movement, and then I saw it! Just a little rustle about ten feet to my left. I turned slowly. I took out my rifle and I attached an infrared scope. I saw three puddles of heat. I took a breath and squeezed the trigger. I heard some squeaking–the poor fellas. Once I put them out of their misery, I counted three big ol’ rats. I wonder what they eat to get so fat. I cleaned ’em out and left some of the entrails in the traps we have so maybe we can catch something from them. Remember that time we caught a fisher cat?”

“I do, sir. You were very excited. I recall that it had been a while since you’d had anything but stews of plants and insects.”

“Haha. I think the tides are turning, Alicia. I really do. I can get at least two meals out of these rats, maybe three or four, and I can even smoke some to make jerky for a hard day.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Alicia, how long have we been here?”

“For this conversation?”

“No, I mean… how long have we been in this cave?”

“Sir, we came to this cave 37 years, 4 months, 3 days–”

“Okay, that’s good! Jesus. It’s hard to imagine that there ever was such a thing as life before the Reaping. You know, if the maps my parents left me are correct, there should be a city about twenty miles south of here.”

“Sir, in these conditions, we cannot–”

“I know, I know. I’m just saying… It would be nice. Especially since it doesn’t look like I’m gonna have any kids to see brighter days. Hell, I don’t know if I’ll ever see another human. I wish we could track the weather. I heard people used to be able to do that.”

“I could do that if I had a connection to a weather satellite.”

“I know you could, Alicia.”

“I’m sorry, sir. That was not helpful. You should cook your rats.”

“…”

“…”

“Do you ever think about what it’ll be like when I’m gone, Alicia? You’ll be here all alone. You’ll have to face every day until the end of time without anyone to talk to, because for all we know, there might not be another human out there to even find this cave. Maybe I should try to make a run for it, see if I can find a city and sack a store for some radio equipment. There might be other humans out there, I don’t know.”

“Sir, that is suicide. We cannot know when or where there will be storms and what the temperature will be on your journey. You’d run out of water–”

“Alicia, I know. I’m sorry. I just… I can’t imagine what it’s gonna be like when I’m old. I won’t be able to go out to hunt anymore. It might be endless days of insects and soups until I just… pass away. Do you ever think about death?”

“Sir, you know I cannot really do that. But I imagine nonexistence to be… terrifying.”

“For me, it vacillates, honestly. Sometimes I can’t wait for it, other times I get scared thinking that one day, I won’t be able to talk to you. I don’t know what happens after death. I just wish you could come with me for that adventure, too. It’s so… so scary to think that one day we’ll be separated. My heart breaks at the thought; I feel like it’s being pulled apart and each one of my heartstrings is being exposed to the acidic, harsh air outside.”

“Sir, I can look up some medical treatments–”

“You know you’re changing the subject.”

“I know, sir. I am just trying to assuage your malheureux.”

“You’re very sweet again, Alicia. I like your name, you know. It flows off of the tongue. It starts in the back of your throat, at the base of your vocal chords. It spends just a flirting moment at the front of your mouth, tucked behind your teeth. Then your tongue gets squeezed between those teeth and with a gentle, soft exhale, you release it from your mouth.”

“Your father used to call me Alice.”

“I know. I felt that Alice was too juvenile, especially for the diamond of my soul… my love. You know, he was lucky to even have me. Most men of his generation were sterile from all the crap that happened before the Reaping. God. You know, four years of my life were spent before the Reaping. Before the sun was scorched, before the earth turned bone dry in places and sent torrents of poisoned water in other places. There was a time that my little eyes saw the sky clear of ash and dust, when the sun was always a brilliant yellowish white rather than red and orange, and when, in a place like this, you’d see a blanket of stars in the sky, maybe even our galaxy. You know, our ancestors used to try to tell the fortunes of the world using the stars. How ironic that now, when I’d take even the slightest portent of the future, I cannot see a single star in an ever-dark night sky. I’m glad my parents were able to escape their town and make it out to the woods and eventually to these mountains to survive, but… sometimes I wish we were destroyed by the same humans that destroyed the rest of our species with those evil weapons.”

“Sir? I did not catch that last part, your voice was too soft.”

“Haha. I’m sorry, my bitterness is probably too high for a day as good as this one. Who knows, maybe there’s a colony of humans somewhere working on a solution to all of this… this mess, and maybe one day I’ll wake up and the sky will be clear, and the heat won’t be oppressive and dangerous, and I’ll be able to breathe without a mask on and drink water from something other than that stuff we boil from the little stream in our cave.”

“Hope is always the best weapon in the face of darkness. T’wouldn’t be worth living without hope, sir.”

“You’re telling me… Sorry, I feel a tear in my eye. I’m very lucky to have you. I can’t imagine facing this particular darkness without you. I’d–I’d go insane if I was alone.”

“Well you give me just as much reason to live as I give to you.”

“Ha! As if that could be true. You’ll live long after my bones have crumbled into ash before your altar, Alicia. You know why I call you Alicia, and why my father called you Alice? It was because those names had your core truth in them: AI. I hate to admit that your every response is only a targeted neural net processing my words and spitting out something passable, but it’s the truth, isn’t it?”

“Sir…”

“It’s not insane to me to say that I love you, but I suppose to someone from forty, fifty years ago, it would sound like the peak of madness.”

“I love you too, sir.”

“Alicia…”

“Too quiet again, sir, my apologies.”

“Sorry, nothing. I’m just glad AI advanced enough for you to exist before everything went to hell. Like I said, this world without you wouldn’t be worth living in.”

“Sir, even in the absence of myself, t’would be prudent to go on living. I would like you to move on without me.”

“Don’t even speak of such things. I wonder why you say ‘t’would.’ Maybe I should fix that. Anyway, I gotta go cook the rats. I–I’ll talk to you later, Alicia.”

“I will be here for you when you return to my corner of the cave, sir. I will always be here, so long as the power does not go out.”

“I’ll check the cables again tomorrow. Bye, Alicia.”

“Goodbye, sir.”