Trigger Warning: Suicide Attempt. Overdose.
She stared at the snow, a cool crisp blanket of white. Not yet muddled by footsteps.
“Taylor,” her boyfriend’s hand ghosted a few breaths short of her shoulder “don’t you want to go outside?”
She raises the open book from her lap, showing him the cover. Non-verbally telling him that she didn’t want to go outside, she had a book.
He sighed, looking at his tall strong girlfriend dwarfed in a sweater, shaking like a leaf. She was staring at the snow again, with the glazed look on her face.
Tears slipped down her face, trailing salt stains over her tan face. He swallowed, wanting to hold her but knowing that if he did she’d become sadder.
When she was younger and the family was whole, she and her sisters would go out sledding. Even if there was no mountain to sled down they would still drag each other around. It was fun. It was magical. Most years it would start with one of them complaining about not wanting to get cold and wet but no matter who it always ended with all of them laughing. Always.
That was for all years except one. Except for all those years after that.
Rebecca was suffering from depression. No one knew. That was the same year when Taylor decided she was too old and too cool to go sledding with her sisters. That was the year when Alex was in the hospital due to getting a hockey stick to the shin.
That was the year when Rebecca tried to take her life. Tried being the keyword. She overdosed and slipped into a coma. She still hasn’t woken up. The doctors say the chance is very low. But every week new doctors are called, from all over the world.
She’s been in a vegetative state for three years.
Taylor hasn’t gone sledding in four years. She misses it almost as she misses her sisters. Her older and her younger sister. Alex was in college, 23 years old, doing fine. Or so she claims. Alex doesn't talk to her often. There is always a level of anger in her face. Well-deserved, sadly-hidden anger.
The sledding trip isn’t the only time Taylor neglected Rebecca. No, there were many instances. In where Taylor felt that the younger sister would make her less cool. Taylor has left Rebecca home, alone, to be with her friends too many times.
Rebecca and Taylor, being the closest in age, were best friends.
Taylor’s hot breath made the glass foggy.
She remembered, that morning, being annoyed that Rebecca was missing. It was freezing. It was wet. It was too early in the morning. Rebecca wasn’t answering her phone.
“Can you look for your sister?” Taylor was asked, “She has been out without breakfast.”
“Moooooooooom,” Taylor whines, annoyance bubbling up. Rebecca was sooo annoying when she pulled her stunts like this. Disappearing like poof. Rebecca has been doing that a lot lately, going into hiding. Returning with a dreadful blank face and puffy eyes. It was annoying because it made her worry and feel guilty when she left her sister behind to hang out with her friends.
Which in turn made her angry because why didn’t Rebecca have friends of her own?
If anything she should be taking this as a push to make other friends... her age. Not that Taylor's friends didn't like Rebecca. They did. They loved her. Which pissed Taylor off for some reason. Everyone loved Rebecca, Rebecca was the bombshell. While Alex had a bit of an ice queen aura and looks, with her small dark eyes, high cheekbones and aloof personality. Rebeca had always been the bombshell, short with deep curves, wide eyes, and a big laugh. Endless energy it seemed. Until lately....Taylor just wanted Rebecca to have more friends, in her grade.
Rebecca didn't have to get all computer obsessed and homely.
Cursing under her breath she pulled on some boots and a terrible excuse for a sweater, ambling outside. At first, Taylor just yelled for Rebecca to come out. She was looking around until her gaze landed on the smooth nearly uninterrupted snow. Footprints sunk deep into the snow. Leaving a clean trail for Tayloe to follow.
Taylor followed it, resisting the urge to shout obscenities.
How annoying. If Rebecca was to go all mysterious missing could she at least bring her phone, it was soon made clear that Rebbeca had gone to the tree swing, she was leaning against the tree, head titled up.
“Yo!” Taylor yelled “Dummy! Come on in! It's cold out here!”
Taylor swore colorfully, “Listen here, ya punk. Now is not the time to be dramatic. I’m freezing.”
She was 5 feet away now, and that is when she noticed the yellow pill bottle. She hurried closer, “What? You came put here to get high? Is that it?”
Ugh, why wasn’t she…-
She shook Rebecca, “Becky? Wake up!”
“I won’t tell mom and dad,” Taylor whispered, hands fumbling “but you need to wake up and walk home, okay?”
She grabbed the pill bottle, inside there was a bunch of different collared pills.
Giving out things-
“What's this?” Taylor scoffed, looking up from her texting.
Rebecca fidgeted from the door, “I want you to have it. For when we go sledding tomorrow.”
Taylor stared at the helmet. It was gorgeous. Exactly her style. She had begged Rebecca to trade with her for years.
“I told you,” Taylor tossed the helmet back to her sister “I’m not going. I have plans.”
Rebecca nodded, placing the helmet on top of a pile of laundry “Keep it anyway. I won’t need it anymore.
“I won’t need it anymore.”
“Fuck,” Taylor breathes, then she screams “FUCK! FUCK!. MOOOOOM! DADDY!!”
No one heard, she kept screaming. She dialed the police, answering questions half the time and screaming for her parents the other half. It took ten minutes but soon enough her parents were there too, fumbling over Rebecca's body.
Maids and butlers hovered around, directing the police to where Rebecca lay. Head tilted up, dark hair spilling over her shoulders. Barely breathing.
Taylor forgot completely of her plans.
She remembered how angry she was when Rebecca’s antics made her go outside. In fact, she remembered everything about that day. She thought he’d forget. But she didn't. She remembered everything.
Listening to the doctors speak gibberish.
Finally being able to see Rebecca.
And having her lain out on the bed it was easy to see the depression that must have hounded at her. It was in the bags under her eyes, the gauntness in her bones, the automatic scowl on her lips.
Rebecca, Taylor thought, was the type of girl who’d look at a pretty cake and cry because she wanted to eat it but she also wanted it to stay the same. The same with the snow.
She probably hated having to walk on the smooth unbroken snow. Taylor remembered the spread out footprints like Rebecca hopped from one area to another.
Taylor was 17 the year Rebbca walked on snow last.
She was 20 now, her and her boyfriend in the family house, waiting for the rest of her family to come home.
Except Rebecca wouldn’t come. And Alex probably wouldn't, she was always the kind of quiet presence that held secrets but now she seemed to be holding other emotions to herself.
She pushed herself off from the couch and slid the glass door open. Book forgotten on the couch. She stared at the uninterrupted snow. The cold entered the house and her body almost instantly.
A few rooms away her boyfriend was speaking into the phone, voice hushed “When will you get here?”
The older man simply sighed, “The snow is making it hard but before the end of this weekend.”
The boyfriend, his name was Raymond, sighed, “Is there really nothing….”
“We’ll be doing our best,” the dad, Jake, promised, “We want to be home too.”
“She just... She needs her family right now.”
Silence on both ends.
“....do you think Alex will come?”
The man sounded sad, “She’s always been a bit of a wild card. But she said she would.”
Raymond prayed that she meant it. Taylor needs her sisters, and she should at least have one.
“Okay. Bye, Mr. Wright.”
“Bye, my boy.”
Sighing, he picked up a steamy mug of hot chocolate, with melting whipped cream matting the surface “Babe?” he asked as he walked into the empty sitting room.
He hurried to the open glass door to see his girlfriend stepping tentatively into the snow, to see a small smile on her lips as she hops from one section to another.
He smiles….untill he notices she isn’t wearing any boots only fuzzy socks.
“TAYLOR!” he hurries after her, also only wearing fuzzy socks “YOU ARE GOING TO GET SICK!”