Provoked

Joey Giordano lacked intelligence but not bravado, so on his third day in, he couldn’t help himself and asked the inmate in the next cell, “Hey, man, is it all true? Didya really do it?”

A few moments of silence passed before the man on the other side of the wall responded slowly in a quiet, yet deep voice. “I’ll tell you, if you really want to know. I’m catching the chain, anyway. Yeah, I’m on my way out of here, did you know that?”

Joey nodded then shook his buzz-cut head even though the two couldn’t see each other. Yes, he wanted to know, and no, he didn’t know the other man was getting released. There’s no way this dude’s gettin’ outta prison, he thought. Nothing interesting had ever happened to Joey, so this was fascinating as well as horrifying.

 Joey had ended up in the clink after fleeing his abusive home at thirteen and living on the streets or in the woods until robbing a liquor store two years later. He was doing a fair amount of time, not only because of the gun his street-thug friend had given him to hold, but also the two previous strikes on his record. Joey had recently turned eighteen and got an automatic transfer to big-boy jail.

Eli Nash leaned his back against the wall dividing the two inmates and took his neighbor’s silence as a green light to talk to a real person. The cell next to him had been empty before Joey’s arrival, and Eli had never needed much invitation to talk, even before he had a real story to tell.

“You probably know most of it already,” Eli began, “because of the news and all. I’m kinda famous. I never told anyone but Wendy about the wolves, though.”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve heard some of it,” Joey answered, trying to play it cool. Eli Nash was synonymous with the boogeyman where Joey had grown up. The scary stories kids would tell about Eli Nash waiting behind bedroom doors, caused Joey to slowly peek around his bedroom door (when he had a bedroom) every time he entered.

 There was another long pause, and Eli drew in a deep breath and exhaled loud enough for his neighbor to hear.

“I was fifteen when I killed my parents. Yeah, that’s true. I’m going to tell you what really happened, though, but I’ll back up because Shade-Wolf had been around long before that.”

“Shade-Wolf?” Joey asked.

Eli continued, “I was thirteen when I recognized Shade-Wolf and Sun-Wolf for what they were and named them. Eleven years later, I still think the names are clever. Anyway, my dad told me the story of the wolves because I had been getting provoked more often. Every time I got angry or did something bad, my parents said I provoked easily. I grabbed the wolf story like a lifeboat and held on tight because I had been drowning in my own mind.

The wolf story is a Native-American folktale about two wolves fighting inside an old man’s head. One wolf is good and represents love and kindness and stuff. The other is bad, of course, and is about evil and anger. The old man tells his grandson all people have these two wolves struggling within them. His grandson asks which wolf will win the fight, and the old man says, ‘The one you feed.’ Isn’t that the best story? I named my good wolf Sun-Wolf, and he was around most of the time. The bad wolf, Shade-Wolf, was coming out more and more, though.”

“Just tell me what happened with your parents!” Joey didn’t care about the boring wolf story.

“You’ve got nothing but time, relax. Now, you’ve gone and got me provoked, so I won’t tell you anything,” Eli responded.

“Oh, no! Is Shade-Wolf going to get me?” Joey laughed loudly at his own joke.

“Owoooooooo!” A powerful, high-pitched howl came from Eli’s cell. The sound was a drastic volume change from Eli’s hushed voice, and so unexpected that Joey jumped clear off his bed. A few moments of tense silence hung in the air before Eli started laughing. His laugh was softer than the howl, and Joey let out the breath he had been holding.

“Come on, man, I’m just messing with you. It takes a lot more than that to get me provoked, even though my parents said I provoked easily,” Eli said.

Joey tensed again at Eli’s casual mentioning of his parents.

“Shut up, Nash!” a guard yelled from a few yards away without bothering to walk over. Eli was known for spontaneously howling.

Hearing the name Nash out loud gave Joey a shiver. He took a deep breath and decided to take his infamous neighbor’s advice and relax.

“Okay,” he said to Eli. ”Go ahead, tell the whole story.”

“If you insist,” Eli said in his eerily calm, quiet voice. “We came straight home after church that day, and didn’t go to Biscuit Basket for brunch. That provoked me because I like the waffles there. Have you ever been there? Anyway, I followed my mom up the porch steps and through the screen door of our house. She took the bag of mini powdered donuts and plopped herself down on her stained recliner. My dad had gone straight to the shed, of course.

 Shade-Wolf came out while I ate toast with butter and blackberry jam and thought about how my parents provoked me all the time. Yes, Shade-Wolf was provoked about not getting waffles, but he was also fed up in general that day. I’m not saying I morphed into a wolf or anything stupid like that, I’m not crazy. Shade-Wolf is a part of my mind that comes out when I get provoked. It’s like he’s there with me, and I don’t feel alone.

Shade-Wolf pulled the big knife out of the wooden block. It was the one with the long skinny blade, not the one with the big wide blade. We used the knife on my mom first. When she noticed me with Shade-Wolf’s look in my eyes, her mouth made the shape of an O. The funny part was that her lips looked like one of her mini donuts because of the powder on them. We thought about walking out to my dad’s old shed to get him next, but didn’t. When my dad came through the tall grass toward the house, Shade-Wolf got the knife again and stood behind the open door. We used the knife on my dad’s skull from the back, so I’m not sure what his mouth looked like.

 My mind started to itch as Shade-Wolf retreated, and I saw the mess. I didn’t want to try to clean all that. You really wouldn’t believe the amount of blood that comes out. Shade-Wolf was gone by then, so Sun-Wolf and I ended up walking into town and telling the police my parents were dead. I told them it happened, and it’s done. They were alive that morning but not anymore. I never went home again after that.

 All these fancy people like detectives and psychiatrists came asking me stupid questions that made my brain itch, but Sun-Wolf stayed to help me answer their questions truthfully. As truthfully as possible without mentioning Shade-Wolf.

Why’d you kill your parents?  I told them there wasn’t a reason. Do you regret killing your parents? No, feeling regret wouldn’t change anything. Yeah, I’d probably do it again. I mean, they would’ve kept provoking me. No, nothing in particular set me off that day.

 The fancy people got impatient with me just for answering their questions. It was like they wanted the right answer, and I was getting it wrong. This one Doc in particular, though, never acted like my answers were wrong. That’s probably why I talked to her the most. Dr. Hastings, but she said I could call her Wendy. Wendy! Like I was just talking to some girl named Wendy. I told Wendy about how Shade-Wolf had come out to kill my parents. She said she’d write me a prescription.

Wendy was the one who came to see me and told me about the new legislature thing. The governor passed a law that gave minors the right to ask for a parole hearing, even if they’d been locked up for years, like me. Wendy hadn’t been to see me in a while and said I looked older. I told her she looked older, too, and she said it’s considered rude to say that to a lady. That provoked me, but not that much.

Wendy wanted to know if my opinion on the events of that day had changed, since I’d had years to think about it. She wanted to know more about Shade-Wolf and Sun-Wolf. She said it was crucial that I tell her the truth now. Crucial! I never did lie back then, remember? I must’ve told Wendy that a hundred times, and I was not about to go through the same boring conversations again. That’s when I got the idea to lie. If I lied, then maybe people would think my answers were correct, since the truth had always seemed wrong to the fancy adults. 

I told Wendy I felt terrible for killing my parents, and I definitely regretted it. It was only me, and there was no Shade-Wolf. I was solely responsible. And, yes, of course, there was a reason I did it. They were abusive! Awful to me! Yes, I was set off that day because my dad was drunker than usual, and the voices in my mom’s head were loud and clear. I grabbed the knife because it was going to be them or me. I was sure of it. Wendy regarded me with her head cocked to the side. She told me she’d send other people to see me. Different fancy people came and went, and I told every last one of them the same lies.

 It was lucky that I had studied those idiots during group meetings in the detention center. I had watched how they looked when they talked about wishing they could take it back. I decided to mimic the kids with their tears and stupid regret. I got very good at making my face scrunch up real sad and remorseful-like. It was actually kind of fun! I think I could be an actor, I really do. Anyway, when it was time to tell the judge, I had it down. The whole act was an experiment that started because I didn’t want to sit through all those interviews again, but lying ended up getting me released. I’ll be leaving here next week.” Eli was finally quiet.

Joey was lying on his bunk staring at the ceiling with huge eyes and slightly gaping mouth. He was processing how crazy Eli Nash really was and was shocked that he was actually getting out of prison. Only a few minutes later, Joey heard Eli Nash snoring from the prison cell next door. He remained awake, staring at the ceiling for a long time.

The fat lady who runs the boarding house, where Eli had been relocated after his release, had gotten him the job at Good Foods. He didn’t mind bringing the shopping carts back to the store from the parking lot, and he got to talk to a lot of people, even girls. He liked Bess, the blond cashier, but she had told him she didn’t want to go to a bar with him. Eli had followed Bess as she walked home from Good Foods one night, so he knew her route. 

The following night, Shadow-Wolf was crouching in the bushes along the secluded sidewalk. Eli had been feeding him for nine years. As Bess got near, they could smell her perfume. She should not have provoked them.