The Last Kiss

It was love at first swipe. Every kiss felt like magic. His touch brought me peace and his words made me feel secure. We’d only known each other a short time but I really thought he just might be the one. I found myself doing things for him that I don’t normally do like cooking him meals and washing his clothes. I’d grown content with my loneliness but when I met him I’d changed my mind. However, he changed my heart just as quickly as he broke it. 

I’d just moved to Texas from Florida. I was living alone at the time and didn’t really know anybody there. Like most single and lonely young adults I decided to hop on dating apps to meet some new people. My bio was very specific that I was “looking for friends “but I was open to the idea of more. Some might argue that dating apps are a terrible way to meet people and I have to agree, but I’m socially awkward and this was the easiest thing for me. The swiping makes it easy for me to pick who I’d want to talk to as long as we match of course. Now usually conversations on dating apps are an absolute snooze fest. Just the same old conversation: 

“Hey”

“Hey” 

“What are you doing?” 

“Nothing much, just chillin'. What about you?” 

And essentially the conversation goes nowhere if a conversation is even started at all. But with Isaiah it was different. He could actually hold a conversation that didn’t make me feel like I was talking to a chatbot. He was funny and easy to talk to, which was refreshing considering all the weirdos I’d already matched with. The vibe was going well and we exchanged numbers which is an accomplishment in the dating app world. He asked me to hang out and I was a little skeptical but he seemed like a nice guy. I also made sure I triple-checked with him that he wasn’t a serial killer. He came over two bottles of wine, and to me, that was a bright green flag. It was a sweet red wine called Llano that probably is still one of my favorites. We sat and talked for hours getting to know each other. We talked about childhood traumas, generational curses, our viewpoints on relationships, friendships, etc. He was so interesting because he was a complete goofball but also had so much depth to him. We’d just met but I felt so connected to him. After talking for a few hours we played Mario Kart. Little did I know he was a big gamer and a victory was not in the cards for me. We had this flirty competitive vibe that was amusing because even while losing I was going to talk trash anyway. My repeated defeats had me determined to get at least one win. For a moment I was, but once I got to the 3rd lap still in 1st place he pushed the controller out of my hand. We immediately started play-fighting, as I was salty that my victory moment was stolen. Amid our playful wrestling, we locked eyes and shared our first kiss and many more after. Not to sound cliche but it was truly magical. The passion was so intense it almost felt unreal. Time was non-existent that night. It went from 6pm to 2 am in the span of what felt like maybe an hour. From that night on we talked day and night and spent more and more time together. Each day was more perfect than the last. My guards fell lower and lower until I was completely defenseless around him. And then came that day when everything changed.

 I remember it like it was yesterday. He'd spent the night before and we spent the morning cuddling and watching movies. Then he turned to me slightly concerned to say, “I have to leave today for 3 months for work.” My heart sank a little but then I asked, “Is that going to change anything between us” 

“No, of course not, it's only two hours away,” he said as he kissed me.

At that moment I believed him. He’d just assured me that everything between us was good. We just enjoyed the next few hours in each other's company before he had to leave. He got up to gather his things and then headed to the bathroom. I don’t know what happened from the time he went to the bathroom and back, but when he came back his vibe was completely different. He stood in front of the door so I went to him for a goodbye kiss only to be given a peck. Just a little peck, barely a smooch followed by a friendly hug tap. He hadn’t even left yet and his energy towards me was completely different. Even though he was showing such blatant disinterest I made excuses. Maybe saying goodbye was too hard for him. I texted him making sure he’d made it safely after a few hours of not hearing anything. About 5 hours later he finally told me he made it. For the next few weeks, I tried so hard to keep contact until I realized the only one making an effort was me. His replies had slowed to the point there were days in between his responses. I knew things were over between us. I just didn’t understand how the man who was so loving and warm was now so cold and distant. Our memories played in my mind like movies. Every kiss, every hug, every joke. I’d reread our old text messages and just kept asking myself why? Was it something I said? Something I Did? How could he just be okay with us not talking anymore? Was any of it real? How did our conversations go from effortless to empty? What really hurt was that I asked him if things would change and he already knew he was planning to not keep me around anymore. I was finally ready to welcome in love and then it rejected me. I’ll never forget that last kiss. That moment when I knew he had lost interest in me. I never got any real closure from him. Just a peck, a side hug and memories I wish would disappear.