Normal People and Narrators

Kevin is just your average sophomore college student. Normal brown hair, normal green eyes, and the same normal red jacket that he wears every day. Nothing different about him. Just basketball and coffee. That's Kevin in a nutshell. Now reader, here we have a normal situation. 

Kevin sat in the same corner table near the window at Starbucks sipping his grande black coffee that he gets every morning before class. Nothing new. A ring signaled that someone was walking into the coffee shop. Kevin looked up, expecting to see the same businessman that comes every morning after he sits down with his coffee. But today it wasn’t him. It was a woman in a pink spy suit, with a walking teddy bear? Wait no, a bear cub? Nope, a walking teddy bear. When did scientists ever figure out how to do that? Kevin asked himself. You would think it was on the news sometime. And Kevin never missed the news. The door rang again, and in walked the businessman Kevin always saw. 26 seconds late. Jeese, you would think the author would be able to get the timing right. Some people. 

Kevin sipped his coffee some more. He kept glancing up at the tall blonde in the spy suit and the teddy bear. She was attractive, but her outfit was a little strange, considering it was like 85 degrees outside. But hey! You do you girl! Maybe she’s just one of those people always cold. But seriously, a walking teddy bear? Kevin looked down at his phone, 7:08. The same time he always looks at his phone and realizes he should probably head back to campus for class. 

Kevin hopped in his red pickup truck and started her up. He drove off, occasionally taking a sip of his coffee. When he got to the same red light he always gets stuck at, a different vehicle pulled up beside him. That was weird, a white convertible, not a green buggy. And, wait a minute! Is that the blonde in the pink spy suit with the walking teddy bear? Oh my writer's block, it is! Kevin thought it was a coincidence, but Kevin thinks a lot of things that aren’t coincidences are coincidences. So today, we’re not gonna trust his judgment and assume that there’s something fishy going on. 

 Kevin walked into his creative writing class and sat down in the third row, at the end and swung his red jacket over it, just like he always does. Someone sat down in front of him. Strange, no one usually sits in that seat. And, what the bad cliche? It's a pink spy suit and her science experiment that went wrong! Huh? What a coincidence! No! Kevin, this is not a coincidence! Would the author just create a character who has some common sense? Kevin, this lady’s following you! I’m sorry, did you say something? Yes, I did say something, blondie and her little sidekick over there. Yeah.  their following you. Huh? You don't say! What is wrong with you? Nothing, or I hope not. I think you should see a doctor. Anyway, Professor Whatshisname did his usual spiel about climaxes and other writing stuff you should probably know if you're writing a story. Blondie sat there doing nothing, teddy took notes. I guess bears can be writers too. I bet you 20 bucks that a bear wrote this story! 

As Kevin was heading back to his dorm room, a hand grabbed his. It was furry. Kevin turned around, and no! It can’t be! Teddy Bear human thing! 

“Salutations earthling! I am just another fellow human being and no matter how hard you try, I will not tell you that I am an alien from another planet and work for the spie association and we don’t have your brother, and we’re certainly not trying to steal the key you have hanging around your neck so we can unlock the vault that has a super blaster to try and wipe out earth city by city.” 

Ummm. 

“ I just told you didn’t I?” 

Yeah. so uhh, wait where did Kevin go? Kevin get back here! You're the main character here. Well really I am, but I’m just that little reading voice you use when you read inside your head. 

“ I’m back!” great! Okay Kevin, this teddy bear here is from another planet and is trying to wipe out earth. And he has your brother. 

“ What!” yeah so, what do you want to do now. It has to be exciting, keep the reader engaged. 

“ How about following them onto their spaceship and getting my brother back?” Yes! That’s good. Really good! Who needs authors when you got Kevin? 

“ Thanks. All right. So there he is, next to that lady in the pink spy suit, let’s see where they go next!” Okay, it looks like they’re heading towards 54th street. We should head there. 

Suddenly she stops, turns around and looks at Kevin. He looks away, trying to act cool but he looks like a pathetic dope. 

“ Do you have to do that whole narrator thing right now? Wait a minute, do I really look like a pathetic dope?” Yes and Yes. Ahem. Where was I? 

“ suddenly she turns around-” Oh right. 

She starts to walk towards Kevin, he starts to sweat. The thoughts running through his head are unclear. They all blur together. Does she know that I know who she is? Did the teddy bear thing overhear our plan and tell her? “ I’m too pretty to die” 

“ You said that last one out loud, bud,” but this time it wasn’t me. It was the women. Kevin suddenly realized this and started trying to get words out but couldn’t. When he opened his mouth there was nothing but a tense silence in the air. A squeaky voice lifted the silence. 

“ I heard your little plan. We’re a part of this story too you know! Why do the villains never get the spotlight?” Nevermind that! This story is about Kevin and the little voice inside your head reading this story right now. Not you. The thoughts in your head are not important. 

“ Excuse me!” the teddy bear thing said with a little head movement resembling a Toddlers in Tiara’s kid.  

“ And I am not a teddybear, I am a walking and talking bear cub. Who just happens to be fluffy, but just on the outside! Inside I have a heart of stone!” Oh please! I can read your thoughts too! I just don’t think it's important enough to waste words on! But back to the story please! 

 “Fine, but after the story, you and I are gonna step outside for a little while!” Whatever you say! 

 The blonde wrapped her arm around Kevins' neck and dragged him into the spaceship. Kevin squirmed and tried to speak, but his voice was muffled from his mouth being covered. She tied him to a chair and started to integrate him.

“Where's the key?” 

“ What key?” The key hanging around your neck, idiot! Oh shoot!

“ Dusty! Grab it” The teddy bear took the and-

“ BEAR CUB!” Yeah, sure. He handed it to the blonde. 

“ I have a name you know, Lindsey.” Fine! The bear cub handed the key to Lindsey! How was that?

She took the key and opened up the vault near the door. Out came what looked like a giant purple water gun. A super blaster! The most powerful weapon in the world. It can wipe out entire cities with just the press of a button. 

 Lindsey pulled out the super blaster. She admired it and stroked her fingers up and down it, holding it like it was a baby. The teddy-Bear cub reached out to touch it, but Lindsey pulled it away. 

 Kevin squirmed. He managed to wiggle one hand out. He pulls out the other hand and untied the rest of him. He got up quickly and ran towards Lindsey. He grabbed onto the super blaster and they pulled vigorously. Right, left, Kevin, Lindsey. Until finally Lindsey gave in. Kevin smashed the super blaster on the floor. There was a loud bang, a poof of purple smoke and suddenly it was in a million pieces. Lindsey, Bearcub and Kevin all lay on the floor. 

With his lasts words, Kevin managed to pant. " I saved the world."  

Kevin sat up in his bed panting. What a dream. He hopped out of bed and got dressed. Blue jeans and a red jacket. He headed downstairs and made himself a quick bowl of captain crunch. As he basically inhaled the cereal, he put on some red converse and plopped into his red pickup truck. He drove over to the Starbucks around the corner. 

Kevin sat in the same corner table near the window at Starbucks sipping his grande black coffee that he gets every morning before class. Nothing new. A ring signaled that someone was walking into the coffee shop. Kevin looked up, expecting to see the same businessman that comes every morning after he sits down with his coffee. But today it wasn’t him. It was a woman in a pink spy suit, with a walking teddy bear? Wait no, a bear cub? Nope, a walking teddy bear. When did scientists ever figure out how to do that? Kevin asked himself. You would think it was on the news sometime. And Kevin never missed the news. The door rang again, and in walked the businessman Kevin always saw. 26 seconds late. Jeese, you would think the author would be able to get the timing right. Some people. 

 You know what happens next...