Three Years

She wanted to have fun. She was having fun. Her grandmother’s front yard wasfilled with the sound of laughing children and an acoustic guitar. Plastic chairs were strewn about and the picnic bench in the corner of the yard was covered with Styrofoam plates of half-eaten hot dogs and empty water bottles. Her eyes gleamed with adoration as she watched her brother and his fiancé interact. Her brother had his arms wrapped around his fiancé from behind, her head leaning against his chest. Occasionally, he would whisper something in her ear that would make her crack a smile or cause a chuckle to erupt from her throat.

            The sound of a car door and the familiar beeps of a lock snapped the girl out of her longing gaze. Her eyes traveled to the sudden intruder that had pulled into the driveway and that’s when she spotted a familiar dingy, white pick-up truck. Her whole body became paralyzed and it felt like all the breath had been knocked out of her. The young man stepped out of the passenger side door. His hair was a bit longer since the last time the girl had seen him, and he was a lot taller now but the way he smiled paired with those dimplesalerted her to who he was. Stepping out of the driver’s side at the same time was a middle-aged woman with a smile to match her son’s. The two sudden visitors were greeted by hugs and kisses from guests who had noticed their arrival. 

            She felt like she couldn’t breathe. The unexpected visitors had elicited a plethora of 

emotions that now rose in the pit of her stomach and they were starting to overwhelm her. She didn’t even bother acknowledging the two newcomers before she bolted inside the house, ignoring the confused calls of her name. Her feet kept moving until they stopped at the entrance of the guest bedroom. She slowly pushed open the door, just enough to squeeze her way inside, and took a seat on top of the bed in the center of the room. 

Her limbs were numb as she sat crisscrossed on her grandmother’s hand-quilted bedspread. She fiddled with her fingers as her eyes lingered on the dark carpet, a sliver of light from the cracked open door the only thing illuminating the dark bedroom. Old and new picture frames were littered on every open surface of wall area in her grandparent’s spare room, snapshots of smiling children and genuinely happy couples mocking her current state. The muffled laughter and chatter from the party outside were the only things she could hear as she sat alone with her thoughts. 

The last time she had been this overwhelmed with emotion was ironically also the last time she saw him. She recalled that night with a scowl on her face as she remembered all the tears and words that were never meant to be spoken. Needless to say, they hadn’t said a word to each other since then, which explains her complete shock when he showed up at the get-together at her grandparent’s house. No one had informed her that he would be coming, then again no one knew what had happened between them the night she left, everyone assuming that they simply grew apart. She was so consumed in her unpleasant memories that she didn’t notice the figure watching her from the doorway.

“You do realize the point of these things is to promote social interaction, right?” the boy joked while gesturing with his hands. 

“You of all people should know that social interaction isn’t really my thing,” the girl shakily replied, not looking up from the floor. “How did you know where to find me, Dylan?”

“Because,” Dylan started as he took a step inside the room, “even when you want to be alone, you like to be surrounded by the ones you love.” He gestured to the many pictures of her family members visible throughout the room. “How did you know it was me, Emi?” he wondered out loud. 

Emi. He was the only person who called her that and it used to cause butterflies to flutter violently in her stomach. She didn’t know what was stirring in the pit of her stomach now, but it certainly wasn’t butterflies. 

“Because you’re the only one who would know where to find me,” she answered back. He was the only one who knew enough about her to know that her grandparent’s guest bedroom was her solitude.

“Can I sit?” he asked, gesturing to the empty space next to her on the bed, “I promise I don’t bite.”

She lifted her head and lightly nodded while she looked Dylan in the eyes for the first time since he had arrived. His eyes seemed bluer than the last time they saw each other, granted the last time they saw each other had been three years ago. He was no longer the baby-faced, fifteen-year-old she remembered but, then again, neither was she. 

Dylan took his place on the bed while Emily moved her gaze back to the ground. An awkward silence quickly engulfed the room as they sat side by side, each of them waiting for the other to say something. Neither of them knew how to start the conversation; what do you say when you have too much to say? 

“Why are you here?” she asked. This was the question that had been plaguing her mind since he arrived at the party.

“I mean, this is a party, right?” he joked nervously.

She gave him her “serious” look, alerting him that this wasn’t the time for comedy. She watched as he twiddled with his fingers, a nervous habit he’d been doing since they were kids. 

“My mom told me your family was in town for the first time since you moved and that your grandma was throwing a party to celebrate. She didn’t tell me whether or not youwere going to be there, I just kind of… hoped you would be,” he explained while staring down at his lap. 

His words shocked her to say the least, she guessed that after their last interaction he never would’ve wanted to see her again. 

***

            Fifteen-year-old Dylan and Emily sat side-by-side on Emily’s bedroom floor, boxes of her clothes and belongings already starting to replace the furniture. Her head was resting on Dylan’s shoulder as their fingers laid intertwined on his lap. Fresh tear tracks covered both of their faces, the reality of the situation catching up to them very quickly. Of course, Emily didn’t want to leave all that she had known, but her dad gaining primary custody of her after her parents’ nasty divorce required her to move state and, essentially, away from Dylan. 

            It had always been just them since the moment they could walk and talk. Their lives were everything out of an urban teen movie. Their mothers were practically inseparable in high school and continued that mentality all the way to having children around the same time and moving into houses down the street from each other. Their childhoods were filled with knee scrapes, piggyback rides, but most importantly, each other. Dylan’s shoulder had soaked up many of Emily’s tears and Emily had heard all of Dylan’s darkest secrets. All except for one. 

            “Emi…” Dylan whispered, breaking the silence that had overcome them. She lifted her head off of his shoulder and looked at him through watery eyes. He reached his hand up and used his thumb to brush away a stray tear that managed to escape her eye, using his palm to cup the side of her face as she leaned into his hand. He took this opportunity to slowly lean in, almost shutting his eyes when he felt the warmth of her face quickly leave his hand. They both stared at each other with wide eyes, one filled with fear and one filled with regret.

            “What are you doing?!” Emily exclaimed. Of course, she knew what he was doing. It’s what she’s been wanting him to do for the past two years but now that the moment was here, she wasn’t sure why she felt like running. 

            Dylan sat there in shock and disbelief. The thought of her leaving had been the reason he had trouble sleeping for the past couple of weeks. He had struggled with the decision of letting her leave never having expressed his true feelings or taking the leap and seeing where that risk would take him. Part of him knew that his timing was terrible but at this point, it was now or never. He knew that this decision could go one of two ways, the first way being the one he hoped for and the second way being the one he got.

            “No, no, no, no, no, this can’t be happening,” Emily muttered as she stood up.

            “What? Why not?” a heartbroken Dylan asked, following her lead and standing up as well. He felt like his heart was slowly being ripped out of his chest. 

            “Because it’s you and me, it’s us, this isn’t supposed to happen,” Emily practically shouted, gesturing wildly with her hands. If someone had told her six months ago that her best friend was undeniably in love with her, she would be running into Dylan’s arms and they would be getting their happily ever after. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work that way. In the last six months, Emily had watched her mother and father, who had once vowed to have and to hold each other till death do them part, slowly become two strangers. Waking up to shouting and falling asleep to whispered arguments had become her norm until one day her parents broke the news. They were getting a divorce. She didn’t understand how a love so strong could snap as quickly as theirs did. She always thought her and Dylan would end up like her parents one day; happy and in love. Now that her parents were neither, what did that mean for them? Could that same thing happen to the two of them?

            “What do you mean this isn’t supposed to happen? Can’t you see it, Emi, I’m in love with you!” Dylan confessed, finally becoming tired of holding his emotions in for so long.

            “Well, you can’t be. You just can’t,” Emily insisted. Frustrated tears started to build in her eyes, replacing the tears of sadness that she had been crying a couple of minutes prior.

            “Why not?” Dylan asked again. He could tell she was scared but he didn’t know why. And that’s what was troubling him the most. 

            “Look at my parents, they were perfect, they were in love, and now they can’t even look at each other without it turning into an argument,” Emily desperately tried to explain, “Something so beautiful that burned down to flames in the blink of an eye and I care about you too much for us to become like my parents.”

            “We’re not like your parents,” Dylan reassured as he stepped closer to her.

            “You can’t know that for sure,” Emily sighed, “I think you should go; it’s getting pretty late.”

            “Why are you running from this?! You act like we’re not strong enough to get through this together,” Dylan exclaimed, not ready to end the argument just yet. If there was something that everyone knew about Dylan, is that he fights for what he loves and right now, that thing was Emily. 

            “I’m not running, I’m doing what’s best for us!”

            “You’re not doing what’s best for us, you’re doing what you think is best for us because you’re scared!”

            “Well, maybe I am!”

With that, they were left in silence again. They had no idea where to go from here. Neither of them was expecting this on her last day in her old home, so they were at a loss. 

“I think you should go,” Emily said as her voice cracked, trying so hard not to break down in front of him. She knew this was for the best, they both wanted such different things but at the moment, she felt like she was losing a piece of her heart.

“I’ll see you around,” he mumbled solemnly. With that, he closed Emily’s bedroom door behind him. 

Emily stared at the closed door with a somber look as she contemplated her options. She stepped closer and laid a hand on the door knob, almost twisting but ultimately deciding not to, knowing that this was the only way.

On the other side of the door, Dylan stood in the same position wondering if he was giving up too easily.

The door stayed closed.

***

“I don’t understand,” Emily said with a confused expression.

“What don’t you understand?

“I ruined our friendship; how do you not hate me?”

“You didn’t ruin our friendship; I get why you did what you did. I was hurt before but now, I get it.”

“What do you mean?” Emily pushed as she waited for him to stop being so cryptic. She was already surprised that this conversation was happening, let alone happening rather calmly, so she was already on edge as it was.

“I get why you were scared. I remember you used to talk so fondly of your parents’ relationship and how that’s all you wanted; a love just like theirs. 

“But I also remember how much you cried that night they told you they were getting divorce. How you showed up at my doorstep with tears streaking down your face and practically collapsed in my arms. I guess my emotions got the best of me in the moment, but it was only until after you left that I got to see it from your side.”

Emily sat there, looking at Dylan with watery eyes. He wasn't done yet.

“I regret not understanding you sooner, but my biggest regret is letting three years pass without telling you everything I truly felt about you.

“I’ve loved you from the moment we raced our tricycles down the street, even when our moms specifically said not to. I’ve loved you from the moment you said you were going to beat up that kid in eighth grade for taking my spot as captain for the soccer team. I’ve loved you from that night, a week before you left, where we laid on your favorite blanket in the backyard of my house, pointing at random clusters of stars acting like they were constellations.

“I’ve tried to get you out of my mind for the past three years, but it’s proven to be nearly impossible because I stilllove you. And if you’re ready, I want to prove to you that we’re not like your parents. And if you’re not, I’m willing to wait until you are because you’re worth the risk. I just hope you think I am, too.” 

As Dylan finished his speech, he hesitantly spared a glance at Emily to gage her reaction. Her expression remained blank; her emotions unclear as she stared down at the carpet. Dylan took this as his que to leave, knowing that Emily thought best when she was alone. 

“I’ll see you around,” Dylan said as he walked out of the room. 

His words made her stiffen in her spot. That had been the same thing he had said to her three years before, when he had walked out of her bedroom heartbroken and confused. Those words never meant anything good for the two of them. 

As the door closed behind Dylan, Emily remained glued to her spot on the bed. Her facial expression was blank, but her mind was racing. She didn’t know if she could handle another three years without him but just like she had been three years before, she was scared, no, terrified. Of course, she wanted to run and jump into Dylan’s arms and have him tell her everything would be okay, but the thought of losing him in the same way her parents lost each other was enough to keep her from taking the leap. Her parents had divorced after twenty-plus years of being in love and the heartbreak from that decision had changed every perception of love she’s ever had since then. She thought keeping her distance from him would keep her from losing him, but it was then she realized she might’ve been losing him either way. 

“You two are nothing like them, you know?” a voice said, breaking her train of thought.

Emily jumped and lifted her head to the door way to see the figure of her brother’s fiancé, Jenna, leaning on the door frame. Jenna had been with her brother for the past eight years, acting like the older sister Emily never had since she was ten years old. She went to her about everything, but this was one thing she was sure even Jenna couldn’t solve. 

“No one can know for sure,” Emily mumbled.

“Look Em,” Jenna started after taking a seat next to Emily on the bed. “I’ll admit, falling in love is one of the scariest things you’ll ever do. You never know what’s going to happen, no matter who you fall in love with.”

Emily huffed as she dramatically flopped onto the bed with her hands covering her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be helping me?”

“My point is,” Jenna said with a light laugh, “Just because it’s scary doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try. People fall in and out of love all the time, it’s just the way life works and it’s normal. You can’t let your parents’ divorce make you afraid to fall in love, especially when it’s Dylanof all people.

“That boy looks at you like you hung the moon and all of the stars and you look at him the same way. Everyone can see it. Me, your brother, even your parents have been waiting for the day you two will get together.”

“All I’m saying,” Jenna said as she moved Emily’s hands away from her face and looked her in the eyes, “If you weren’t worth it, Dylan would’ve given up a long time ago. And judging by how hard you’re thinking about this, I’d say he’s worth it to you too.”

Jenna patted Emily’s knee twice as reassurance, then stood up and walked out of the room to rejoin the party, leaving Emily alone once again.