Despite What You Think

"And you're sure you have everything?"

The sharp winter wind whistled and slapped my face as I watched Tom load his last bag into the back of a taxi. His black hair fluttered along in the direction of the wind, his cheeks flushed from the cold. I rubbed my hands together as he stepped away from the car and walked over to me and nodded. "Yes, I do! Quit worrying about me already!"

He sent me a glare, but I knew there was no anger behind it. He dug through his coat pockets until he supplied himself with a pack of cigarettes and a silver lighter. With practiced motions, he lit a stick and offered me one. I held my hand up and shook my head, and Tom shrugged, the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. He gave it a puff, blowing the smoke purposely in my face, and chuckled as I sputtered. "It's a wonder why I even came down here to see you off," I grumbled as I waved the smoke away. "You're nothing but an unavoidable irritation."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm gonna miss doing this."

I carefully looked him over, trying to find any sort of emotion, anything besides the smart and sly man I knew. There was nothing. "You know, I will miss you." Tom rolled his eyes and I sighed, frustrated. "I mean it, Tom. You're the best friend I've ever had."

Tom scoffed and took a drag. "Careful, Cody. I might actually start to think you care."

I rolled my eyes as we stared at the rushing cars in the busy street. "Well, despite what you think, I do."

Tom flicked his eyes towards me, and they were filled with a mix of emotions that were hard to read. They were cold and icy, but, there was something else behind the perfectly crafted mask he always wore. "Right, well... I guess I'd best get on then."

He let the cigarette drop to the ground, and stamped it out with his foot. He held his hand out to me, and I grasped it firmly. "Will you come back?"

"Don't know... I'll consider it."

"I'll be in touch."

Tom nodded and the warmth of his hand disappeared from my own. As he opened the passenger door of the taxi, my mouth seemed to gain a mind of its own. "I hope we meet again."

Tom flinched and looked back at me, half of his body already in the car. He blinked rapidly and nodded solemnly, but a smile flicked across his face. But it wasn't one of joy. "You'd be the only one. Goodbye Cody."

I nodded, and forced a smile. "Goodbye Tom."

The door slammed close, and the engine roared to life. We stared at each other, until the car melted into the streets of the city. And just like that, my best friend was gone.

It was... strange without Tom. I had gotten use to his snide quips and the smoke he had always brought with him. Of course, my life went on, and I hoped his had too. He was a grown man like me... so why couldn't I stop thinking about him?

A week had gone by since he left. After work that night, I picked up my phone and called his number. The line rang for a few moments, and then fell into voicemail. Knowing that Tom barely looked at his voicemails, I decided I would try again in an hour.

Time never moved so slow.

When the agonized sixty minutes- which seemed like sixty years- had finally passed, I dialed the number again. There was one ring... two rings... three...

"Hello?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Tom! Its so good to hear your voice!"

There was an annoyed sigh at the other end of the line. I smiled. "I can't seem to get rid of you, can I?"

"No, it seems that you can't."

Tom gave an irritated huff, but his voice was free of an anger and spite. He almost sounded happy. Almost. "Well, I guess I'm stuck with you forever then... how are things without me?"

I sat down in my living room and laughed. "Boring. I should have made you pay for my own plane ticket."

"Right. Did you buy your own lighter now that I'm not there? You have no idea how weird it is without anyone stealing my lighter."

Tom was smiling when he said that, I could tell. It made me relieved in a way. "No, still haven't got one of my own. I guess I should..."

"Yeah, you should."

A seconds of silence fell over our lines, and if it had been in person, it wouldn't have felt awkward. But this? This was extremely uncomfortable. Finally, I blurted out, "Do you miss it?"

Tom seemed to choke on his words given the sound on his line. "I-I'm not sure I know what you're talking about... miss what?"

Right... you have to be more specific, or maybe you should try thinking before you ask things, for God's sake!

"Oh, you know, the city and all that..."

Tom laughed on the other end of the line. "Not really. I'm not getting home sick, if that's what you're wondering."

"So you've settled down then?"

"Just about."

We lapsed into silence again. I gripped my phone tightly, wondering when exactly in my life did I never have anything to say. It certainly had very bad timing. Talking to Tom over the phone had been my mission all week. Now, here he was on the line, and I could barely choke out a few sentences. "What about you? Are you sure you still miss me?"

Tom's words surprised me as they rang in my ears. It was certainly strange of him to ask me. "Of-of course, Tom. Why would you think otherwise?" There was no response, which sent my mind into a slight panic. "Tom? Tom, are you alright-"

"I have to go, Cody. I'll call you when I can."

The line went dead before I could say anything else.

Tom and I called once every week, but I was never given any explanation about why he had hung up on me during our first call. It didn't seem like it was something I would learn about any time soon, which was irritating but expected. Tom was always... a mystery. Every time I thought I had figured him out, he would always show a different side to him.

Two months after he had left, I found myself smoking in the streets of the city, walking aimlessly. The remains of winter were beginning to melt away, but the after bite of the frost was still lingering in the air. Crowds lined the sidewalks and brushed past me, my existence a fragment of their imagination.

I took a drag, inhaling the smoke as it burned my lungs. Smoke curled around the air and earned me side glances from a few people, but I thought nothing of it.

Soon, my thoughts were drifting back to Tom, and my hand fell into my pocket to brush against the lighter I had bought. Its cool metal stung my fingers, but it felt wrong.

It should have been Tom's lighter in my pocket. But it wasn't, it was some lighter I had bought a few weeks ago because of Tom's constant reminder over the phone. "You can't steal my lighter now, so might as well get your own now, Cody. You'll finally learn what responsibility is."

"Oh shut up."

I sighed and let the cigarette hang loosely from my fingers as I looked up at the downcast sky, the usual blue replaced by a calm grey. The watch on my wrist beeped loudly, signaling the arrived time of twelve in the afternoon.

Around this time, Tom would be meeting me for our lunch break in the city, but that time was in the past. God knew what Tom was doing at this time now. I rolled my eyes, knowing what the answers was. He had probably found another person to share lunch with, another friend.

I didn't know why that made me so angry. Tom was his own person, I couldn't decide what he did with his life. Stop being so childish, you idiot! You talk to him every week, isn't that enough?

Tom's number sent me to voicemail for the third time. My phone slipped from my hand and onto the couch where I was slumped, my mood ruined. Tom's phone calls were one of the only things I looked forward to, and now, that idiot had forgotten about them. There was a loud bang as the front door flew open, but I barely moved my head. "Jessica, could you try coming into the house without breaking down the door!" I shouted at my sister, who stumbled into the living room, her face flushed from the cold. "What are you even doing here?"

She hastily removed her boots and smiled at me, but I rolled my eyes. She was only a few years older than me, but sometimes I felt like it was the other way around. "Can't a poor women visit her own brother?"

"Not unless she calls first!"

She stuck her tongue out at me and jumped beside me on the couch, and I groaned as I shuffled over, creating barely enough room for the both of us. She handed me my phone as she got comfortable and gave me a knowing grin. "You seem upset... is Tom not responding to your calls?"

I snatched my phone away from her and scowled. "That's none of your business. And I am not upset."

She laughed and rolled her eyes at me. "Cody, you're a terrible liar. I'm sure he's just busy! You don't own his life, you know."

"I am aware of that!"

Jessica giggled and shrugged as she grabbed my television remote and flipped through the channels. "But, I guess you are his 'best friend,' so you're obviously gonna be protective of him."

I looked at her with a quizzical look. "What do you mean?"

She set the remote down after she had found some sort of romantic movie. "Well, you obviously care about him, and you don't want anyone to take your place as his 'best friend.'"

She smiled at me, then turned back to the television, but I stared at her. "I'm not jealous."

"I never said you were."

My face grew hot. "Oh..."

We sat in silence as I reluctantly finished the movie with her, but every ten minutes, I would glance at my phone. Tom's contact never illuminated the screen. By the time the movie was over, there was still no word from him.

Jessica pulled me into a light hug as I walked her over to the door, and when we pulled apart, she smiled. "I'm sure he'll call you soon, Cody. Try not to be such a mother hen."

I glared at her. "I am not acting like a mother hen." She gave me a knowing look, and I sighed. "Fine, whatever you say."

She nodded and waved, and I watched as she walked towards her car, making sure I saw her headlights illuminate the dark road before heading back into the cozy atmosphere of my home. With one more hope that Tom had called back, I picked up my phone, but it was in vain.

There was still no word from Tom.

It was around two in the morning when I heard my phone buzz loudly on my nightstand. Blearily, I reached for it, blinking rapidly at the bright screen. When I saw the contact name, anger and relief flooded my conscious. I quickly answered the call. "Tom! Do you know what time it is! I called you hours ago!" There was a few seconds of silence, which was not like Tom. He was always thinking on his feet, he always had something to say before anything was said to him. "Hello?"

"Are you Cody Henderson?"

It was a female voice, and it was one I didn't recognize. As far as I knew, Tom didn't have any sisters or a wife. My heart began to pound in my chest. "Cody- yes, that's me. Who are you? Do you know Tom?"

There was an immediate response. "I'm sorry."

"What?"

I prayed that it had been a sick joke, a prank. I hoped and prayed, but when I found myself standing outside of a large hospital, I realized that this was real. The wind whipped my face as I quickly entered the building.

The whiteness of the walls blinded me, and the pure smell of chemicals was sickening. Tom had said something about hating hospitals. It was one of the things we had in common. I rushed to the desk, and the receptionist did a double take of my appearance. I could almost picture it: a young man with his hair in disarray, dark bags hanging under his eyes. "I'm here to see Tom Edwards."

She raised her eyebrows, then looked down at a clipboard that sat on the desk. "Go ahead and sign your name and the time here. He's in room 2A... I'm not sure if they're expecting anyone right now, Sir."

I quickly grabbed the pen that was attached to the board and scribbled my signature and checked my watch for the time. "They're expecting me, I know it."

"Okay, but you need to let me put on this wristband."

I would have screamed impatiently, but I held out my right arm and watched as she wrapped the band around my wrist and stuck it together. She motioned towards the doors, and without giving her any more words, I practically barged through them. The hallway was surprisingly empty, with few people- who I assumed were nurses, judging by the blue scrubs they wore- littered the area.

The room numbers counted down from ten, and I walked faster, feeling as if two was so far away. But when I stood in front of the door that read "2A", I suddenly couldn't move. With one deep breath, I pushed the door open and peered inside.

I wish I had prepared myself better.

Tom was laying on a hospital bed, his face paler than it shoulder have been, with thick bandages wrapped around his head. Wires were hooked up to his arms, and he had an oxygen mask placed over his mouth. A doctor stood there, and gave me a surprised look. "Oh, you must be Cody Henderson."

I nodded wordlessly, still trying to recollect myself. "How is he?"

The doctor sighed. "Well, the crash didn't puncture any essential organs, thankfully, but there was some internal bleeding in his rib cage. He's fractured his skull, but it seems we were able to dress it before it was infected."

I swallowed. "Will he be okay?"

"Only time will tell, Mr. Henderson. But, he's stable right now. We're doing the best we can for him."

Tears pricked at my eyes as the doctor turned to leave. I looked at him. "Please... he can't die."

It sounded so selfish. People died all the time. What made Tom any different? The doctor stared at me and nodded, "He's in good hands, Mr. Henderson."

When he was gone, I pulled up a chair that was placed against the wall of the room and pulled it up close to Tom. He was so still, and if it weren't for the doctor telling me that he was alive, he might have looked dead. "Tom?"

Of course there was no response. I gritted my teeth as I watched his chest rise up and down. The heart monitor beside the bed created a steady melody, but I was not in the mood for any type of music, even if it wasn't deliberate. Carefully, I laid my hand on top of Tom's. "Please... you'll be alright, Tom."

What made Tom different? "You bastard, making me fly all the way over here. I should be mad at you." I thought for a bit. "You know, you should believe that I care about you. Despite what you think, I do. I do, I do, I do. I care about you, Tom, so don't go and die on me."

His breath was shallow. But, his eyes fluttered, and I sucked in a breath. The never opened, and I sighed. But he was alive, and that was a step. "I love you, Tom... I'm not sure in what way, but I do. So you can't leave me." I laughed hoarsely as tears slid down my cheeks. "I still need to steal your lighter again."

After an agonizing three months, Tom and I stood under the roof of his porch. I smirked at him as I held up his lighter, and he rolled his eyes. "Give it."

I jerked it away from his grasp. "Nope. You won't be smoking for a while, you idiot."

He groaned but smiled as we stared at each other. Then, he tilted his head at me. "Did you always know?"

I lit myself a cigarette. "Know what?"

He waved his hand around me. "That... that you would miss me. That you would... I don't know."

I smiled as he searched for the words to say. I took a drag of the cigarette and smiled at him. He smiled back, and it was a genuine smile. It sent flutters of joy rippling through my heart. Before I could stop myself, I closed the distance between us, and my lips met his. I felt his surprise, but he didn't pull away. It felt like fire, until we pulled away, panting. He stared at me, his lips quirking, not knowing what to say. "To answer your question: I figured out the day you left."

He laughed. "Right..."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Despite what you think-"

"Yeah, I know," he interrupted. "I love you too."