Progress

Progress

It is Sunday afternoon. Lin is sitting in her garden relaxing. She is alone. There is a slight breeze which cools down the otherwise hot summer day. She sits in a rocking chair which she has dragged into the grass. She has a great view of her town. Her house sits on top of a rather large hill. There are quite a few houses in this town but none near Lin’s. She likes to keep her space from people. She doesn’t have much of a choice. She hasn’t left her property in almost two years now. Since the pandemic began she has kept inside. At first her kids would visit her but now they have become too busy with work. Her husband Mike died one year before the pandemic started. Lin’s daughter once asked her if she missed Mike very much since his passing. In response to this Lin just smiled and said “He still visits me my dear” That was the last time she spoke to her daughter. She hopes that her kids will visit again soon but doesn’t bother with phoning them. 

Lin continues sitting rocking in her chair. “I’m not really supposed to be sharing this information with you ya know?” She directs her comments to the empty chair sitting a few feet away from her. “I do have to keep up a certain level of confidentiality with my clients. They really trust me. They have to trust me or else they will find another therapist to see. They can do that, you know. There are plenty of qualified therapists out there. My clients would already have more than enough of a reason to change to a more… more capable therapist.” She gestures to the empty chair she is talking to. “Do they know about me?” Mike asks. “No, and they don’t need to. They know that every therapist is human. We have our own lives, dreams, and… she pauses, not sure if she’s ready to admit this. Illnesses.” 

“What about your session with your client on… what was it Tuesdays?” Mike asks

Lin lights up with a spark in her eyes. 

“Ah yes Lucile– OH dear I’m not supposed to share any of my clients information” Says Lin

“My love, I think under the circumstances I am the exception” Replies Mike

“Really, you think?” Asks Lin with relief

“My darling Lin, who would I tell? You do understand that you are the only one that can see me.” Says Mike

“Well, yes… I suppose” 

It is quiet for a while. Lin takes a sip of her tea; English Breakfast with a little bit of sugar. No one speaks. She closes her eyes and listens to the sound of the windchimes blow. It’s like music to her. 

Mike speaks again, breaking Lin’s silence. “Have you seen the kids lately?”

“No, not since Jul asked me about you” Lin responds

“She worries about you, Lin. They all worry about you, Gwen and Robert too. It’s just that Julia doesn’t try to hide it. You help so many of your clients get better. Maybe it’s time for you to get some help too. I’m sure you’re tired of seeing me hang around you all the time–” Mike says before he gets interrupted. 

“N- No. I already had to lose you once when you died. I don’t want to lose you again. I like seeing you. You keep me from getting lonely. The house is so quiet without others here.” Says Lin

“That’s why you should get some help. Professional help. You could go out sometime. See the kids, your friends. Isn’t Julia getting pretty serious with her partner? Maybe we’d be grandparents soon. Wouldn’t you want to see our children’s children?” Mike says

Lin takes a moment to gather her thoughts before responding

“I don’t want to talk about this now.” She says.

“Well then…” His tone takes a more gleeful shift. “Tell me about your client, Lucile right? The one you like so much.”

“Yes, Lucile. She has gorgeous long blonde hair and the most beautiful green eyes. She spent this last year living in Spain. Each week she tells me about all these wonderful adventures she goes on. Such a sweet young girl. Goes surfing on the weekends.” 

Lin continues to tell Lucile’s stories of travel and adventure. It is truly amazing, she thinks, how fearless this girl can be. Her mother died about a year ago. There was a horrific accident involving an elevator door closing too soon. Lucile was there when it happened though she tries not to think too much about it. 

“I hear all these gruesome stories from people's lives. It really is such a travesty. This is a dangerous world we– I live in” She looks up at the chair beside her and the man she sees in it. “See this is why I stay here where it’s safe at home. I have everything I need. My garden, my books, and you! I meet with my clients online. Many of them would rather meet online than in person anyways. If I went out then I would miss out on everything going on here. I wouldn’t be able to meet the mail carrier as they deliver my packages. And… and if I met my clients in person then I would probably end up being late because of traffic, you know how it gets. Great! So I'm glad we talked about this because now we are in agreement. I can stay right here in this house for the rest of my life.” Says Lin

“But what about Lucile? You were just speaking so highly of her and her adventures outside- out of the COUNTRY! I know you want to do that too.” Says Mike

“Nonsense, that is exactly how her mother got killed. I refuse to die in some reckless accident thousands of miles away from all my family. Maybe you were happy dying in that car accident in Canada but not me. I will NOT do that to my family” Lin yells

“So then what? You’d rather die of old age in this house? No one would find you for MONTHS! The Postmates Delivery team would notice before your family would. You don’t talk to them ever anyway.” Yells Mike

Lin burts out sobbing. It’s been a long time since anyone has ever made her do that. She starts to curl up in her rocking chair and asks the man she sees in the chair next to her to come hold her. He does. He wraps his arms around her and tells her everything will be okay. It only helps a little and her sobbing quiets down. Tears are still streaming down her face. She squeezes her hand as tightly as she can. She struggles to speak but then eventually manages to say though gasps for breath “I’m just so scared” Mike simply nods in understanding. She sits like this for a while. Her face has turned a bright color red, breathing is still irregular, and her hands are covered in sweat. Mike tells her to close her eyes and listen to the sounds of the windchimes. When the kids were growing up and things got too much for her to deal with this is where she would sit; outside in the garden in her rocking chair. She’s been sitting there a lot recently. 

Distracting her from the music of windchimes is the sound of footsteps. This isn’t something she hears often so Lin assumes she is mistaken, keeps her eyes shut and continues rocking in her chair. 

“Dr. Lin? Are you alright?” Peeps the voice of a familiar sweet blonde headed lady followed by the sound of the gate opening. Lin opens her eyes. In front of her stands Lucile, a client of hers. She looks like the same sweet young girl as before but not so young anymore. Probably around not too much less than 30 years of age. Lin doesn’t see Mike around her any more and un-curls herself from her chair. She clears her throat before speaking in her friendly but professional tone. 

“Lucile. Hello! How are you doing?”

“I am doing quite well actually, but... but you? Were you crying? What is going on? I just wanted to visit you– Here I brought you some cookies that my daughter and I made.” Says Lucile

“Your daughter? No. You don’t have a daughter. You’re too young to have a daughter. You’re only 19.” Says Lin

“No Doctor. I was 19 around the last time we spoke, when I was your client. I just turned 28. This is my daughter Emily. She’s 5.” A tiny human pokes out from behind Lucile’s legs. “Don’t you remember, I sent you a message last week about wanting to visit you? You responded and told me you’d love to see me.” Lucile says

“Oh no, I didn’t get that. It must’ve been Mike that responded to that and had forgotten to tell me.” Lin says while she gestures over to where she sees Mike standing. He waves. Lucile looks at the garden where there is no one else in sight. 

“I see” Lucile says quietly to herself. “Emily, why don’t you bring these cookies over to Dr. Lin here. You can tell her which kind is your favorite.”

Emily runs over to Lin with her tin of cookies. She starts babbling about all of the different kinds of cookies while sneaking a few in her pocket for later. Lin just stares at Emily then at Lin. Here were two real people. They were not people her imagination tricked her into seeing. They were not behind a computer screen. A few tears trickle down Lin’s face as she realizes what has happened. The 5 year old offers Lin an oatmeal cookie. (Emily’s least favorite) She takes it and gives her a smile in return. 

“Lucile?” Says Lin

“Yes” Says Lucile

“Would you tell me about your life these past 10 years?”

“Of course. We were just going to take a walk into town, do you want to join us? Then I can tell you all about my life now.” 

Lin takes a deep breath in as she looks down across the town below her. She looks around her for Mike but doesn’t see him anywhere. She smiles and gets up from her chair.

“Let me get my shoes” Lin says

Lin walks inside and grabs her shoes. She has to blow the dust off of them. It’s been a long time since she’s worn her outside shoes. The closest she’s come to shoes is wearing her slippers inside during the cold winter. Lucile takes Emily’s hand in her hand and her other hand takes Lin’s. They begin walking the path down the hill into town; a path Lin hasn’t walked in a long time. As they walk Lin listens to Lucile recount the adventures of her life.