MY DARLING GRANDDAUGHTERS , ONE A ANGEL IN HEAVEN, ONE A ANGEL ON EARTH

THIS IS A TRUE STORY OF UNBELIEVABLE LOVE AND HORRIFIC PAIN OF A GRANDMOTHER AND HER TWO GRANDDAUGHTERS, 

I HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS GRANDDAUGHTERS ,ONE WAS TAKEN FROM HER DAD WHO LIVES WITH ME AND I AT ONLY 13 1/2 , by her grandmother  because we moved 60 miles away ,to be close to my other son and his family,but because he is in a biracial marriage , and she was now a teenager ,her grandmother did not want her around my daughter-in-law family, even tho for the last 7 Years she had been allowed to be with them and her cousin my granddaughter from my sons first marriage,  her grandmother told me that was why she couldnt come, because of the biracial marriage, 

This is a letter I wrote to her after my other granddaughter   At age 17 got killed in a car accident, and we had seen her at the funeral for the first time in two years, she was so heartbroken over her cousins death and the fact for four years thay hadnt been able to be together ,because her grandmother didnt want her even seeing her cousin,  she was feeling like WE didnt try hard enough to get her back,  my sons name was not on her birth certificate so legally we had no grounds to stand on,  

HERE IS THE LETTER  I WROTE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO HER: 

Darling there is no way your dad and I could have loved you more  and still do ❤️you were and are our life   That’s why when you were taken away we nearly died it was close to the pain we all feel over losing Miranda   The pain and hurt was devastating the only thing worse is real death. I t was like that for us and for you so you have a right to question what you are feeling. We not only said the words we showed you with hugs kiss s and cuddling even from Boo And Reecie and from mama   We love you beyond belief. We only love God more than you. Never ever forget that. Every day with out you was like a day in hell. We all suffer mental emotional problems from that time. 

When we lost you and could never have you with us not for anything, not just to see you at somewhere in Clinton, our only contact was sitting in  a car with you in your nana yard, I tried so hard  from October 2016 until February 2018 , texting ,calling , begging crying even Miranda had tried so hard to get us together, but when we took your Christmas presents to you in February 2018, not with your Nana’s permission but though Miranda you saying you would run out and get in the car to see us and get them,  your nana as you know were yelling for us to leave  so we had only about 10 minutes with you,  then that night she called me up cussing me and saying I had never better go in her yard again, she was drinking. And I never got mad with her, I kept telling her she didn’t mean it that I know she loves us and God loved her and He wouldn’t want that, after her not being able to get me mad she hung up on me and that is when I blocked her , fell on my knee and turned it over to God, I couldn’t go on trying it almost killed Shaun in December and it was going to kill me so from February 2018 until my other precious granddaughter’s funeral in April 2019 ,I had not seen you, and I had no contact with your nana during that time except when I found out I had cancer in August 2018 and I went to her house to see if I could tell you in person about it, , I told Her  Why I was there and she was yelling for me to leave That you didn’t even need to know, all the time I was hugging her and telling her I loved her, she said she hated I had cancer but that didn’t change nothing , I wasn’t going to see Alexis, You was not there because if you had been you would have come running out of the house , She  just kept yelling and saying for me to leave or she was calling the police , Shaun was in the car , he didn’t know what to do so he called Your uncle  and He  told him to get me to leave because she could have me arrested , I left my heart broken even more knowing I may be facing death and yet I couldn’t even see you to tell you I was sick,  but that was the end of me trying, it was in God’s hands and I could not  change that ,I never saw your nana or texted her again until April 2019 at Midway school at Miranda’s wake and I saw her when I was walking up the aisle and I was shocked, I didn’t know she was there , the first thing I wanted to say was because of you I never got my little family back together, and now I never will until in Heaven, because of you I do not have not one picture of me and my two beautiful teen granddaughters growing up for three years , After thousands of pictures I had taken of us for 13 years , all this anger toward her wanted to come out but instead I did what I knew Jesus wanted me to do, your mom was with her but your mom is not who kept us apart I never blamed her after the first six months, your mom did what her mama told her to do,so with God in my heart and in the deepest grief I have ever been in , I hugged your nana and told them I was glad they came and I told them I had no hard feelings with them and that I loved them and they alway were my family , your nana said I love you, and that was it , and I haven’t seen or talked to her since, 

After February 2018 , , to us it was almost like you had died , I felt some of the same grief that I have felt losing Miranda , after all until you left us , you were our life , you were all the happiness we had after losing mama, for two years in that big empty barn , the house was only depressing until every other weekend when you  would come and bring our happiness with you when you left the happiness left with you,  then after having you every other weekend for 13 years and any other time we wanted to when you were not in school we moved and we lost you and it felt the way it did losing Miranda,almost ,because with you I kept my hope to see you again here on earth, I know I will never see Miranda again until in heaven ,  

 What she or you or anybody don’t  know ,is l that for the last 8 month I had been praying to God to bring our families together so I could love and enjoy you all again before I died , and reunite you and your dad so I knew how bad he would need you when he lost me , and whenever that day does  comes he will need you more than ever, because three times I came so close to death, in Dec 6 days in the hospital and for some Reason God wanted to let me live, but I still thought the next time would be my last, so I prayed my heart out never imagining I would not die but God would take the one person in my life that was my only light in the darkness of going thought the horrific pain and darkness of cancer and chemo , 

I know since her death everything I have written about her has sounded like to you that she was my only granddaughter, but for 2 1/2 years since we moved and then we lost contact with you, I was devastated I loved you both the same but the different was , you were like my own little girl I had always wanted and you for 13 years you were the bright light in my life, but when your light was taken from me, if it hasn’t been for Miranda being there and her bringing light back in the horrific hurt of losing ,you, all your family , I loved Zoie like my granddaughter, I loved Hillary like a daughter and I loved your nana so much ,she was not only a true forever friend to me ,she was like a sister, , so I only had my other beautiful granddaughter who had been saved in July of 2017 and after that the most important things in her life was God, family and her baby as she called him her Christian boy friend who his family was her family, they loved her so much , 

So this beautiful inside and out granddaughter knew and felt my pain from losing all of you , and the pain even after 12 years for Buddy and 4 years after losing Mama, the pain of watching my son dearly die from losing his sweetheart, you,his babygirl and you was his life his everything and you still are ,he does not have a girl friend ,not even after nearly three year, he met someone from his past ,after they talked for a long time they finally got together for one weekend and two weeks later she died, another chance of happiness taken away , and then when I didn’t think it could get any worse then came the horrific big C again in my life, this time much much worse, I knew I had to has a mastectomy and going to have to take chemo, the one thing that for 18 years I had been so scared of, and my worst physical fear had come to life , then as Miranda’s grandma ,that she loved and all she could see was a broken hurting shell of her loving ,crazy grandma, 

 So she made it her job out of love for me ,to bring a light , love, hope , hope for knowing I would get well, hope of knowing we would see you and be with you again , she shared with me the hope of knowing you were in a good relationship and was in church and was going to the beach ,having fun and was happy , she learned all of that from friends posts, so she became my everything, all the grief of not being with you, I turned into showing my love for you by putting all my love for my precious granddaughters , into one because of not being able to give you all the love inside of me  to you, I had to let it out , so you and and Miranda became one, and that love ,I felt from both of you , and the prayers and hope from my Christian loving God granddaughter was giving me hope of healing by telling me ever time she FaceTime me ,not just at night but , when she was cleaning her room she wanted me to talk to her, even first thing getting home from school while she was fixing her a snack and saying what up Grandma, but the most important things I got from her were ,true “I love you so much grandma, and the very most important thing she always told me was, “   DON’T WORRY GRANDMA YOU WILL BE FINE BECAUSE GOD HAS YOU “. AND BECAUSE I KNEW SHE NEVER DOUBTED IT , I BELIEVED IT ALSO,  so she was the only light ,the only person ,the only friend , the only one that loved and cared enough to be there for me , to make me laugh , to talk about her fun and love for Nathan , and her love and hope and prayers for you, every time she face time me there were 4 people there, Miranda, me ,you and God , 

and because of her and my love for everyone I begin to get better to have hope to get my hair back to start getting my memory back ,to really believing that God saved me for a reason , the reason was to love everyone, to forgive anyone that I needed to , to forgive myself for my wrong doing knowing He had forgiven me , AND MOST OF ALL KNOWING ALL OF OUR FAMILY WOULD BE TO GETHER AGAIN , 😪AND THEN THAT LIGHT IN MY DARKNESS, THE HOPE OF KNOWING ALL OF OUR FAMIY WILL NOW NEVER BE TOGETHERNESS UNTIL WE GET TO HEAVEN, SHE WAS TAKEN FROM US IN ONE SECOND AND GAIN HER CROWN IN HEAVEN , SHE IS HOME , WHERE SHE WANTS TO BE, SHE IS HAPPY , AND YESTERDAY I ACCEPTED THAT ,I STILL GRIEVE I STILL WILL MISS HER EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY, BUT WHEN I LOOK AT HER PICTURES I AM GOING TO TRY TO REMEMBER ALL THE HAPPINESS WE ALL HAD AND DONT SEE THE PICTURES OF SADNESS

I REALIZED YESTERDAY THAT I WAS DOING TO YOU THE SAME THING I DID TO MIRANDA WHEN WE LOST YOU, I WAS TRYING TO PUT MY LOVE FOR HER INTO YOU ,AND THEN I WOULD HAVE BOTH OF YOU BACK TOGETHER TO LOVE, BUT I CANT DO THAT TO YOU , YOU CANNOT AND DO NOT NEED ANYMORE PRESSURE ON YOU, SO I WILL NOT DO THAT TO YOU NO MORE, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME AND THATS ALL I NEED , I DO LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU EVERY MINUTE OF MY LIFE , UNTIL I SEE YOU AGAIN AND I PRAY GOD WILL LET THAT BE HERE ON EARTH,AND NOT IN HEAVEN , BUT I KNOW GOD IS GOOD AND IT WILL BE HERE ON EARTH, I ❤️🥰🙏🙏🙏 ❤️🙏😘 

September 16,2019 

SINCE I WROTE THIS TO YOU IN JUNE , I HAVE FOUND OUT YOU ARE HOME AND I AM SO SO HAPPY FOR ALL OF YOU, THAT IS WHERE YOU NEED TO BE, I KNOW YOUR DARLING LITTLE BROTHER WILL KEEP YOU LAUGHING AND HAPPY , AND YOU NEED TO SPEND EVERY MINUTE YOU CAN WITH YOUR MOM BECAUSE JUST LIKE WITH PATTY SHE COULD LOOSE YOU OR YOU COULD LOOSE HER, AND THEN ITS TO LATE ,  CHRISTIAN PARENTS LOVES THEIR CHILDREN UNCONDITIONALLY, AND I KNOW THIS IS HOW YOUR MOM AND DAD ,AND ME LOVES YOU, SO NEVER FORGET THAT AND MOST OF ALL NEVER FORGET GOD LOVES YOU ,YOU ARE HIS CHILD AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU, ❤️🙏,

I HAD A DREAM AND I WAS AT YOUR HOUSE WITH YOUR MOM AND SHAWN AND YOU AND WE WERE ALL HUGGING EACH OTHER TELLING EACH OTHER WE LOVE THEM AND MOST OF ALL SHARING OUR LOVE FOR GOD, ALSO YOUR MOM SAID SHE WOULD WORK ON US GETTING TO SEE YOU, EVEN IF JUST IN HER YARD OR JUST MEETING YOU AT MCDONALD IN NG , I HAVE PRAYED SO HARD ABOUT THIS AND I AM NOW IN CHURCH REGULARLY AND I FEEL GOD LEADING ME TO REACH OUT TO YOUR MOM, I LOVE HER I MISS HUGGING HER AND YES I LOVE SHAWN AND I AM GLAD YOUR MOM HAS PUT A MAN THAT I KNOW LOVES GOD IN YOUR LIFE,  YOUR DAD DOES NOT KNOW I AM WRITING THIS TO YOU , HE KNOWS YOU LOVES HIM AND HE IS SO GLAD YOU ARE HOME AND HE KNOWS GOD WILL BRING YOU BACK TO US IN HIS TIME, HE IS DOING GOOD GETTING HELP ,NO BEER, NO SMOKING ,JUST TAKING CARE OF ME , BECAUSE WITHOUT HIM I COULD NOT HAVE MADE IT THOUGH LOSING YOU, CANCER, NEARLY DRYING IN DEC AND THEN MOST OF ALL THOUGH LOSING MY GRANDDAUGHTER WHICH IS THE MOST HORRIFIC DEVASTATING PAIN I HAVE EVER KNOWN, THE PAIN OF BEING SEPARATED FROM YOU DEVASTATED US BUT WE HAVE HOPE AND WE KNOW GOD WILL BRING US TOGETHER AGAIN, BUT THE ONLY HOPE OF SEEING HER IS IN HEAVEN, AND I WANT HER BACK HERE, WITH YOU AND HER BESIDE OF ME IN BED , ME IN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO SLEEP ON PAPA BUDDYS SIDE, ❤️, ANY WAY I AM NOT TELLING HIM ABOUT ME TALKING TO YOUR MOM, I CAN NOT GET HIS HOPE UP, ,  JUST KNOW WE LOVE YOU AND THIS IS GOD AND I GOING AFTER THAT ONE SHEEP THAT IS LOST FROM US, LIKE HE WENT AFTER THE ONE OUT OF A HUNDRED THAT HE HAD ,  I DONT HAVE BUT ONE GRANDDAUGHTER LEFT HERE FOR ME TO TOUCH, HUG AND KISS, AND GOD SAIDS FOR ME TO START ON THAT JOURNEY TO YOU,  I LOVE YOU BEYOND BELIEF, 💞🙏💐❤️🥰😍😘

This was the end of my letter,  l never got in touch with her mom, she was afraid for me too, but not the end of my story, three months after this letter, she got her license and the next day she called for us to meet her somewhere without any one knowing,  so for one year that is what we did, she would meet us somewhere so we could see her,  then at the end of that year  she gave her mom and stepdad the news she was running away if she couldnt come to see and stay with us , so at seventeen they let her come home to see us every other weekend, oh what unbelievable joy ,happiness but also pain because my two little pieces of my  heart would never be in my bed with me again, l had one back but the other one was in the arms of Jesus,  but l know one day we will all be together again in Heaven , Grandma and her precious two gorgeous granddaughters.