The Diary of Victor Perez

Dear Diary,

Ms. Rodriguez has assigned us to do diaries. “To record our thoughts.” I don’t know if I have thoughts. I mean, I have thoughts. Lots of thoughts. But I don’t think they’re good or important enough to write down. My thoughts are usually, “What’s for lunch?” “What’s for dinner?” “When is the next Spiderman going to come out?” These are my thoughts.

Dear Diary,

Ms. Rodriguez asked us to think about who our heroes are. Not like Spiderman or Superman. Real heroes. Like a fireman or a doctor. If I had to choose one, my hero would definitely be my dad. My dad works all day long. I mean, all day long. He gets up before any of us. I have three older brothers and a younger sister and my mom who also works but not as early as my dad. He is up at, well, I don’t really know when. By the time we get up, which is early too by the way, at 6am, my dad is already gone. And he doesn’t come home until around 8 or 9pm. He’s a construction worker for a lot of different companies. I’m not sure which ones or how many. But a lot, I think. When my dad does get home, does he go to sleep? No. He should because he is really tired but, he sits down and eats, and we all sit with him even though we’ve already eaten. He tells us about his day, we tell him about ours. And then, he’ll usually go outside to have a beer and a cigarette. My mom goes with him. They’ve never said so, but my brothers and sister and me, know to leave them alone during this time. It’s their time. To talk about I don’t know what. Grown up things. Or maybe they tell each other secrets. I wonder what they talk about. But I never ask. Then we all get ready for bed and my dad talks to each of us before we go to sleep. To me he always asks about school, if there’s anyone I like, what I think about my teachers. He talks to me about Spiderman and I tell him about Miles Morales and how I like Miles cause he looks like me. And I tell him about all the things that Spiderman does even though he’s just a kid. And my dad tells me, “Look at all the things you do Victor, you’re just a kid too.” But I don’t think the things that I do are as good as the things that Spiderman does. But my dad thinks so and that means a lot to me.

Dear Diary,

There’s a kid in my class, I can’t tell you his name, but. Well, maybe I could tell you his name. But then, if Ms. Rodriguez reads these she’ll know so, ok, I’m not going to tell you his name. There’s this kid in my class and he’s…special? I don’t know how to say it. He likes to wear makeup and nail polish and he hangs out with only girls, Alyssa and Christy, and he talks…funny. I don’t know. He just came to our school this year. And. I don’t know what to think about him. He’s nice. But my friends and I don’t really talk to him too much. My friend Danny makes fun of him sometimes. Not to his face. But just with us. I laugh but I feel bad afterward. It’s not nice to laugh at someone, right?

Dear Diary,

Last night, I told my dad about the kid in my class. He said that everyone is different and we need to embrace our differences and that I shouldn’t laugh at someone just because they’re different. What if someone were to laugh at me? People have in the past. I’m bigger than most kids my age. And I get teased for it sometimes and it sucks. It really sucks. Crying in the bathroom isn’t fun. I wonder if, you know, the kid whose name I can’t say, has cried in the bathroom because of something one of us has said. My dad said that I need to be kind to everyone. And that everyone deserves kindness. So, today, I went up to the kid in my class. I told him that I was sorry for making fun of him. “You make fun of me?” he asked. I guess he didn’t know. I said yes but that I was sorry. He was quiet for a long time and then said, “It’s ok. Thank you for saying sorry.” I played with him and Christy and Alyssa. They’re nice too. We made sandcastles. It was fun. I was really happy to find out that he likes Spiderman too. Afterward, Danny asked me why I hung out with them. I told Danny what my dad said and Danny said that his dad said that a boy shouldn’t wear makeup. But it’s not hurting anyone and it looks nice, so I don’t see the problem. I think I’ll play with the kid. Hector. His name is Hector. At this point, Ms. Rodriguez would know who I’m talking about anyway. I think I’ll play with Hector more often.

Dear Diary,

Danny played with me, Hector, Alyssa and Christy today. We played on the monkeybars. After, Danny told me, “That was fun. Hector’s cool.” I’m glad that Danny is playing with us since he’s my best friend. And I’m glad he thinks Hector is cool cause he is. I told my dad about it and he said he was proud of me. I’m not really sure what for. I just did what he said. But it’s nice that he’s proud.

Dear Diary,

My dad believes in Karma. He’s always saying stuff like “Watch out for Karma,” “Be kind because of Karma.” Karma. He says it’s the belief that what we put out we receive. That’s what he says. What we put out we receive. But sometimes, bad things happen to really good people. My oldest brother is on Instagram. He posts a lot about human rights and social justice. An end to war, an end to homelessness, Free Palestine, an end to deportations. I don’t understand a lot of it. He says that a lot of bad things always happen to good people because of oppression. I don’t really understand that either. My dad says Karma is complex. That not everything is meant to be but that words and actions are powerful and we have to be ‘mindful of what we say and do.’ So, what is it? Is it Karma or not Karma? Does everything happen for a reason or does nothing happen for a reason? My mom said that it’s both. Karma and chaos, she said. They work hand in hand. I don’t know what that means. But it feels like it makes sense somehow.

Dear Diary,

Hector didn’t come to school today. I thought he was sick cause you know, we all get sick. But then Ms. Rodriguez said that he was taken by ICE. ICE. They work for the government and they take your loved ones away. My brother says that people think that those without documents are criminals. Criminals. Do people think my parents are criminals? My parents who are kind to others, who are kind to me and my brothers and sister, my parents who work so hard, who make us laugh. Are they criminals? Is Hector a criminal? Hector who is 10-years-old, who wears makeup, who likes Spiderman, who gave me his snack the other day because I forgot mine. Hector. Ms. Rodriguez said that Hector and his father were taken. But that Hector is alone. Alone. Alone where? And why would they do that to a kid? Will they do that to me? My dad said that we’re going to stay home for a while. Not go to work. Not go to school. He said it will just be for a little while until things are safe. But when will that be? I can see that my mother and him are scared. That what happened to Hector and what’s happening to a lot of people right now is scaring them. It’s scary. So now we’re sitting in our house with the windows closed and the doors locked. I wonder how long this will take. I wonder when I’ll be able to go back to school. To see Danny. I wonder if this is Karma or chaos. It feels like chaos. I wonder about Hector.

I hope he’s ok.