when they are dying

“John, are you there?” I wrote. 

There was a long silence as I laid on my bed that night, it was little after 9pm. I had just put my only son, king to sleep. The son I held tightly to my chest as he went through episodes during the night. King was only A year old when his daycare suspected he had autism in 2018. 

see, where I came from, I don’t recall this happening. I am a west African. I was Born and raised in Monrovia, Liberia until the civil war of 1989, I migrated here with my aunt and uncle. In our country We don’t label mental illness and if we do, it is not diagnosed.  So, I was blind to any symptom or signs of my son having autism. 

During those nights like most nights, I held king tight. He had bite, scratched, nearly kicking his sisters, fighting all over my bed, he had slapped, pinched me and insisted on holding his ears. Then he would cry, before making noises of pain he felt, and I can’t physically feel, but I could hear his pain through his tears though he cannot speak. That long night of July 18, 2024, after putting king to sleep, I thought about john. 

“John, are you there” I had to hear from him, not sure why. 

My fingers were crossed. I have not heard from john over 6 years. Something in my spirit prompted me. Maybe it was the emotional roller coaster of navigating through king emotions before bedtime. I laid down, tears forming in my eyes. So, I called john, not even sure if he had the same number.  There was a long pause, my heart raising. Thoughts pondering. Why did I need so much to hear from john?

John was a patient whom I worked for when I did home care jobs back in New York city in 2018 before moving to Houston Texas, for a fresh start off course.  

suddenly I get a text 

“Yes” he replied. 

“Thanks for responding this Is love cisco. “

“hey what you are doing?” he replied as if we had stayed in touch over the years. Like the days when I would go to work, sat in his Livingroom, Unloading bags of groceries. We’d start the grill in the backyard of his lake house, where his boat was, the one he couldn’t drive anymore. The one thing he worked towards for many years planning for retirement. He had worked endless hours which also cost him a divorce; Those were the things we talked about, eating a steak meal, sipping on our drinks as we watched the sun set. I never saw work with john. I guess only when I had to bathe him, clean him up after toileting, Etc. At times I would carry him out in the front to watch the day pass. On this night, I watched on my phone as he typed very slowly. I can see the bubbles of him typing. 

“How are you?” 

“Good, I just got my kids into bed; I have 4 now john.” 

“Do you remember me?” I asked again. 

“Off course!” john replied. 

“Wow john how you been?”

john was always straight forth with words.

“fair struggling to breathe, I can’t talk anymore this is why I have to text your cisco”

So, I am asked, what am I grateful for?

on that night speaking with john just through text messages, which became his only form of communication to express himself.  A sense of gratefulness breathed over me that night.  I will never forget the day when john told me years prior as we sat to watch our favorite show together on Netflix, in the middle of talking about the show. 

“One day I will not be able to talk so I have been recording my voice for all my major needs. So, when the aides come over to help me, it is the only way I can communicate with them. “

Fast forward, these last weeks since I have been texting john, reading his words through those texts’ messages, I begin to look around me, from where I stood in my living space, I can see into my backyard, I became more appreciative.  I was grateful for my life, my son, my family, my friends, my health. Etc.

I realized in a blink of an eye life can truly change, either for the good or bad. 

“So, john how you been doing lately.” I asked him as I shared with him all the things I been battling with due to my son diagnoses. I told him there is still hope; and I will pray for him as well. 

This was john’s reply

“I’m grateful for all the great people I’ve met during my 10 years living with ALS. Those that made my life a little easier”

When I worked as a caregiver since 2011, entering some of my client’s home, the song was always the same, just different voices. 

“I never in a million years saw my life to be like this.” They would share with me from young to old, rich or poor.  Whether if it was A wife taking care of her husband, vice versa, or a parent caring for a sick child holding to their last moments here on earth. 

Being grateful for life has been one of the hats I wear daily. 

 I also share this with others all the time in the 13 years I worked as a caregiver.

 I have learned one thing. 

“At the end of life, its only 2 things I saw matters to a person when they are looking at death in the eye. It is the 2 F’s; it is their faith, and family. The ones who visit them when they can no longer visit or the ones who sat at their bed side when they are dying. 

I have seen people held on to life until a son, grandson, daughter, mother, etc. walks in and suddenly they take their last breath from this earth.  

This is what john is struggling with each day, holding on to his breath because there is hope, so I am grateful for life.

Because you never know when you, or they, are dying. 

While there’s still life, don’t complain, embrace it, until heaven. 

 But be grateful.