Love Was Easier Then

Back in my day, there was no such thing as dating apps; I remember just having a crush on someone and confessing to them.  Of course, I also dreamt of putting on a beautiful white dress and walking down the aisle to marry the love of my life. As I grew up, I realized a lot of things about love.

When I was a little girl, I watched romantic-themed movies; I liked to see the main characters fall in love and have that special ending. I would always imagine cute scenarios in my mind, always finishing with that special ending.

It all started when I went to middle school, a twelve-year-old girl learning about love. My first relationship didn’t last long; I was so shy that it was the reason we broke up. There wasn’t tinder or any dating app in those times, no swiping or picking at everyone’s flaws. Instead, I liked having a crush and gossiping about it to my friends. I thought my first relationship would be the one, being with each other for many years, but no. So that’s when I decided to wait, thinking that my “prince charming” was out there.

My second relationship was long-distance; I met him when I went to South America. I fell so hard in the feelings of the butterflies in my stomach that I didn’t realize that it was going to be hard to sustain a relationship far away. It wasn’t until a week after I came back from my trip that I found out he cheated on me. I felt a sharp pain in my heart that I didn’t think I could ever feel, so I ended it. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the one...again. Slowly realizing not everything is a fairy tale.

I had many other relationships throughout my middle school years, but each and one of them was a fail. I never thought it was going to be this hard, so I went on a different approach. I fell in love with this guy; he was a new student, he was sweet. I didn’t want to just fall for him, so I started to be friends with him and get to know him, as all relationships should start. After three months, I was sure he was the one, being such a silly teenage girl once more. I even told my friends that I would give it a shot; they even agreed that he was the one for me, which gave me more confidence. I soon realized that he liked me back, so we started dating when we went to high school. It was a sweet relationship, but unfortunately, it didn’t work out, so we ended. So I decided to take a break from boys and let love come when it was the right time.

A year past and once more, I fell in love again. But, this time, jealously came to me; I hated when he talked about this other girl who supposedly had a crush on him too. So I told my friends that I had a crush on him, of course, they were shocked, but I couldn’t contain my feelings anymore. Later on, my friends helped me get with him, for which I was thrilled. The relationship was a very healthy one, but there were just some complications. The girl who had a crush on him started causing drama between us. She began spreading lies about my friends and getting them in trouble. I thought I could handle it, but it was just too much; rumors were one thing but threatening my friends were one thing. I politely told him that our relationship couldn’t continue; he didn’t take it too well, even if it hurt me. So we distance ourselves, she did get what she wanted, but she ended up losing as well. It was another wait for me, another love to come. I started to think something was wrong with me, so I distanced myself from the boys. 

After high school, I decided to try out my chance in a dating app. I had my hopes up because I got so many matches. I had conversations with some, but they all wanted something more that I didn’t want to commit. I did meet friendly boys, but after some time, we stopped talking to each other. So then I deleted the app because it just wasn’t working for me. I decided to focus on myself; after all, it was the true love I needed.

I did fall in love with two more guys along the way, but it wasn’t worth it. I tried so hard to get my chance, but instead, I was being played. I will be honest, I felt butterflies when I was around them, but I had to stop my feelings after finding out the truth. So I push them away and continue to focus on myself.

Don’t get me started when my exes come back to talk to me. I’m a friendly person, so I spoke to them, but I told them we could be friends, nothing more. They do ask me if I am in a relationship, I say no, but when they want to ask me out, I say no because I’m not interested.

As I met new people, the same question came to the conversation. “Do you have a boyfriend?” That is what they ask me; I don’t mind it, I’m honest. I say that I’m not anyone’s type and that some guys just wanna use me for satisfaction; I’m not into that like I said before. I want a gentleman who is sweet and wants to have a serious relationship with me. Some people agree, and some don’t, but I’m not a pretty girl, so that statement is true for me. 

My love life has been a rollercoaster, learned some lessons throughout the way. But sometimes destiny hits you when you least expect it, I am now in a relationship, and we are happy together. We both want a serious relationship, and I hope we last forever; if not, I will be learning another lesson. But, sometimes I miss the old days, the love letters and being so shy with each other, and I know I will be able to say back in my day once more.