The Labyrinth

Write a story about lifelong best friends.

           I needed him and he needed me. A match made in Heaven, if there was such a place. See, that's why God made dogs, because “dogs are man's best friends”. I got him as a puppy, potty trained him, taught him to sit, beg, give me his paw, lay down, roll over, and even nod his head yes and shake his head no. He doesn't know what it means, but it's still cute. See, a woman will leave you, yell at you, cheat on you, take financial advantage of you, divorce you, but who's ever heard of a dog doing any of those things? Idiots sometimes abandon or abuse their dogs, but never vice versa. There might be an occasional growl or even a bite, but never abuse. The dog is always happy to see me when I come home, tail wagging, tongue out to lick me. See, there's an old joke: “If you ever want to know who loves you more, your wife or your dog, put both of them in your trunk for an hour and see which of them is excited to see you when you open the trunk.” 

           I give my dog scraps, so he'll keep loving me, neutered him, so he wouldn't leave me for some bitch, give him food and treats, take him to the vet, give him flea pills, watch TV with him, and cuddle with him at night. See, I know he prefers curling up in a ball to conserve heat, but I prefer cuddling with him. Sometimes he'll escape my cuddle in the middle of the night and curl up in a ball, and I'm ok with that. Then, we get up and I grab my bag, and we go for a walk, and he gets a treat. He's happy when he gets the treat.

           See, I've had teddy bears, named after Teddy Roosevelt, since he saved a baby bear during a hunting excursion. I've had stuffed dogs, stuffed lions, stuffed bears, and all kinds of stuffed animals, but a dog is better, since a dog is warm and stays warm. Like, you can put a teddy in the microwave and it'll be warm, but won't stay warm. A dog'll stay warm. He sometimes gets scared of thunder and lightening or barks at squirrels, deer, or skunk, but he's a good dog. 

           Once, I took him to a dog park, because an idiot friend of mine said I should socialize him, but all he did was bark at all the big dogs and try to mount all the female dogs. He succeeded with about half of them. We didn't go back to the dog park though, for a few months, since I prefer to isolate with my dog.

           See, I get emotional jealousy. I see two people hugging each other and I wish I had someone to hug, too. I got a baby carriage for my dog, that way people think I have a baby, a wife, a family, but I just have a dog. If people ask to see the cute baby, I show them my dog. Get odd looks, but it's my life and my dog's life and what do they care? I've read books on animal communication and all the books say we need go recognize the dog as an equal. And I do. 

           I've read books about what it means when a dog licks its paws, why they have those puppy eyes, how to tell if your dog loves you, how to apologize if you accidently hurt your dog, what the alpha in the pack does and what the beta does. I thought about being a veterinarian at one point, but what animal ever likes going to a veterinarian? See, in the end, no one really cares about us. Our kids and our parents just want our money, the boss wants money, but a dog wants food, love, and attention. At my funeral, fuck everyone else, just invite my dog. A dog can sense what I'm feeling and what I need and doesn't judge me. What human can do that? A dog never tells anyone my secrets. What human can do that? 

           If I ever see a dog caught in the back of a hot car in summer time, you damn well better believe I'm going to break the window and give that dog some water. Fuck the lawyers, fuck the police. See, sometimes me and my dog will go on nature trails for days. We bring food and supplies, but it's nice. We get to enjoy the sounds of nature without human interference. We see deer, bears, birds, and nature in all its beauty. See, humans are the only species that wears clothes. But, when we're way out in nature, we can both go natural and enjoy the scenery. And it isn't about sex, it's about being out in nature. See, rape happens in nature all the time. As horrible as it sounds, it's how God made creatures so we could cocreate and dogs rape each other all the time as do bears, squirrels, and every other animals, but humans, in our civilization, make up rules and give punishments, but here on the nature trail, me and my dog can just be ourselves. There aren't any other dogs or humans here, so it's a moot point. Study nature, though, for Spiritual reasons. And relaxation reasons. 

           Then, we see a labyrithe in the sky and it's beautiful, so we (the dog and I) do hand stands and walk the upside down labyrinthe and we are able to go over the rainbow bridge without dying and I see all my past pets and they see me and they're all jumping on me and licking me, but my current dog gets jealous, so I kneel down and pet him, too. Then we meet the Dog doG or the God doG, both are correct since they're palindromes and we talk about the meaning of life for dogs, which is meats and humans. The sense of scents and other dog manifestos. The outpouring of love, the appreciation for their possessions, like the rubber orange caterpillar which never breaks on this side of the Rainbow Bridge. There is sex on this side of the Rainbow Bridge, but no one has any puppies. But, why are me and my dog on this side of the bridge if we're not dead? Are we, like in the boardgame Monopoly: “just visiting”. The dogs still can't talk to humans, though, but they understand me, just like on Earth. The trees have different smells for each dog and each get to smell to their heart's content and mark their territory.  But, is there a labyrinth to get back over the rainbow bridge. I don't see one, so ask the dogs to lead the way, but they don't. So, we're stuck here. It could be worse. At least I'm the only human on this side.