Sea of pale faces

Submitted into Contest #18 in response to: Write a story about a very skilled pickpocket. ... view prompt

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His brown eyes stuck out as a light on a dark night amid the sea of pale faces all around him. His kind had no place here amid those of blue eyes and fair skin. Well at least no place among the well-respected people of this town. There was no work for people such as him. No good honest work that is. His kind we're stuck in the lower parts of the city, toiling in the mines, shoveling away the dirt from which they came from. That is what the respectable ones did anyone. The others well, they were workers of the street. Most running business that wasn't entirely legal, which is exactly the kind of business this young lad was partaking in. He was a pickpocket disguised as a street musician. He would play from corner to corner and steal from people's pockets as he walked. This is quite a shame for he was a very talented musician. His instrument was a violin which he cared for surprisingly well. He made quite a fair amount of money doing this, people usually being apt to give him money for his music and the boy was smart enough to travel amongst richer neighborhoods to better his chances of finding valuables to steal.

On this particular day, he had just finished playing on a corner and was packing up to move to the next. He already had his eyes open for people walking up and by him, looking for any jewelry or fancy baggage from which he could procure a fair item. He didn't see anything promising do he zipped along to the next block, running his rounds throughout the city. He saw a particular lady who was wearing a dazzling sapphire bracelet that looked as though it could be worth something. He sneaked past her and unclasped it into his hands. He slipped it into his pocket and got ready to run across the street when he felt a strong grip upon his arm.

“Young man, what is your name?” He looked up into the face of a women that was just as out of place amoung the sea as he was. Her skin was fair and dark at the same time with a redness upon her face. She had eyes that seemed to find every color of blue imaginable and hair darker then even his own. He wanted to run but the gleam in her eye held him in place as did the naturally strong grip on his arm.

“My, my name?” The lady nodded and kept walking with his arm still in hand towing him along with her. “My name is Phelix ma'am.”

“Well Phelix are you coming?” The lady had stopped in front of a large building. “I think it would be wise if you would young man. You have no idea what opportunities lie inside.” She let go of his arm and walked inside. Phelix stood for a moment before deciding to go inside after all what harm could come of it. The lady was waiting for him. “Come Phelix, there are people here I want you to meet.” She stopped and grabbed his arm again, tighter then before. “Now Phelix, I must warn you. These people are not like the ones walking outside nor are they like your kind. They are not people to be messed with.” Phelix then remembered the bracelet that he had stolen. His eyes widened in fear when he once again saw it on the lady's wrist.

The lady walked into a large room filled with people he had never seen the likeness of in his city. Some were dark, some pale, some a mix of the two. Some had black hair some golden, but all of them held the gleam of the lady's eye no matter the color. The lady leads him to the front of the room. “Play Phelix.”

What?!” She smiled and gestured to the violin before walking off to join the crowd. With great hesitation he started to play a folk song his mother had sang to him of a world he had never seen, full of flowers and trees with streams flowing through. Soon the whole room was watching him play. When he had finished a roar of applause came from the crowd. The lady soon walked up to him followed by a woman with golden hair.

“Young man, have you ever thought of playing professionally? I have never worked with one of your kind but your talent is incredible.” Phelix stood in disbelief not knowing what to say. He had always dreamed of playing for a true crowd but never dreamed it possible. He quickly shook his head yes. The golden-haired lady laughed. “Well then young man, follow me and I'll make sure you're taken care of.” She walked off leaving only him and the lady who brought him. She gently pushed him after golden. A smile came upon her face as she watched him start a whole new life.

A young boy comes running past the boy. He looks back and sees the lady pick him up and smile. A tall man walks up to them both, and Phelix realizes he does not have the same gleam in his eye as the others. He was not of there kind. He stood in amazement as he watched the two together. Her with a bright fire inside of her, so strong and powerful, and him, with a physical strength that was matched with gentleness and the marks of kindness and intelligence. He then realized why the lady had helped him.

The lady looked over and saw him staring. Blushing he quickly looked away. Soon however he heard her voice once again. “So now you know. You know why I helped you. Because believe it or not I am very much like you. I have lived the life you now have and much worse. I also was given help when I needed it to live a better life.” She gently lifted his chin. “You are not alone Phelix. There are others like you who live freely. Me doing this helps not only you but all of your people.”

“Queen Crystal, ” a man hurriedly walked up to them. Phelix’s mouth dropped when he realized who the man was addressing. And he very quickly became afraid when he realized he had just pickpocketed his cities new queen.

December 05, 2019 02:47

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1 comment

Arthur Tiberio
14:18 Dec 12, 2019

Hello Jayden. This is Arthur, your designated circle critic for the week. From what I can see, you have an adequate grasp of plot techniques - you know the story you want to tell - and for the most part you carry this throughout your writing. However, execution faults at times, and while the dialogue is fairly decent, it still leaves something to be desired. Your experimentation with semantics are interesting to read, and seem to be paying off well. All in all, it would seem that the only thing you need is more practice, and I look forwa...


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