5 comments

Crime Fantasy Friendship

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

Let me tell you my story. This is my story and no one elzus. The room is dimly lit cuz I can’t afford electricity. But I know all that is about to change. Let me tell you how. Tiny Terry she help me write this. She said your life will change because you are coming into money. But she said that is getting ahead of the story. I hope you know what that means.

I know this is not connected but I thought it funny that the Beatles would send all their love home by writing home everyday. I really like that song. I think you should know that about me. But Tiny Terry said that really don’t fit with the rest of the story.

My parents they thought I was autistic but they don’t know my talent. My parents barely had enough money to let us be in a car and we used public toilets a lot. The car had a lot of scratched paint and looked like it had two colors, one of them rust. The seats in the car were good for sleeping in but a lot of times I slept next to the car in bunch of blankets and towels.

My parents were nice. Sometimes when they could they would buy me a milky way bar. Tiny Terry tode me that is sort of interesting but she was not sure that really should be part of the story. I liked milky way because they are so chewy and that makes them last a lot longer. Also the nuts are crunchy which feels good between my teeth.

My parents tode me no talking to strangers. But I thot Tiny Terry was so pretty that maybe it would be ok to say something to her. Maybe she could be a friend. Tiny Terry tode me this should have been closer to the front of the story but I really like milky way bars so I thot that was more important.

So when I met Tiny Terry and showed her my talent, as she called it, she helped me understand my talent. One day I didn’t know her, and then I did. She taught me good.

Here’s how. Tiny Terry she sat there quiet as a mouse(she tode me that is a metafor). But I came up to her and tode her I know what you're thinkin’. She didn’t believe me. But then I said you want a diamond ring from Billy White. You want him to take you outta this place. I tode her I did not know what she meant by this place but that I knew that was what she thot.

She tode me get away from me you liar freakasoarus. But then I tode her I can guess any number you think of, go ahead. She said nothing but I could hear her loud and clear. Then I tode her one-two-seven-eight-nine million.

“Nooooo way”, she said.

Tiny Terry she tode me all about money. Honey, money it is all around she tode me. She tode me money is what makes the world go around. Then she tode me there is Lots of money in OPM. She tode me that stands for Other People’s Money. You see those people have the money you just got to get it from them.

I hated my life always moving around, this bein’ no way to live. I really always wanted a lot. I like pretty things. I like fast things. I luv big things. I like to find my way to have what I want. But you know I never thought I could get anything because I had no way to get it.

I am not a salesman, so how can I get it from them? Tiny Terry tode me how. You see you might be interested, I deal in the down-lo Tiny Terry tode me. You know the undercarpet, the things unseen. Your natural talent is to read minds. Tiny Terry she tode me that could make me the best salesman ever. But I tode her, I don’t want to sell. She tode me you get me the info and I’ll make the best salesman ever. Tiny Terry she taught me everything about business.

You see she tode me you get in their business and then you do business with them. You know a little transaction, it’s not so hard. She tode me a transaction is how you get money. I am still not sure what that is.

So first she tode me really like this in her soft voice:

“A bribe, or a bright future in sales. It don’t matter you’ll get the smack, the money. You see I saw what this man did and I am gonna ask for a bribe, I just gotta make it sound like this the price of doin’ bizness, you know what I mean. And you can find out why he did it, so then we can do bizness”.

And she tode me when we get the smack, the cash, I might buy some real smack and get high. Then I will get a hot car and a hot girl. Cause you know money talks, everyone know that she tode me. When the money spigot flows then everything will be mine.

I tode Tiny Terry, I think you’re a hot girl. She tode me we just bizness partners. I thot, I guess that is OK. But, I tode I thot we were friends. Because I will help you make the bribe, so that she and me could live in a nice house. I tode her we will have so much smack and we could use smack however we want together.

But she tode me she is sort of a friend but mostly a bizness partner. She tode me once we both had million dollars we could set up some amazing stuff. I asked her what kind of stuff. She tode me we will be so dirty rich that I could have whatever kind of hot girl I wanted.

So I guess when I get lots of money I can send all my love to my parents just like the Beatle’s. I will buy them whatever their favorite candy bars are too. I will find lots of pretty things.

So Tiny Terry tode me just use my talent. And she will sell to get those people money, whatever it took. We will start with this one guy and then we will go to the train station and see whatever other kind of people we can find. We will be so dirty rich you can jump in a bathtub and roll in the cash. I asked her why would I want to do that. She said that is just an expression. She tode me an expression is a way of talking. I said Okay.

She asked if I knew what a bullfight was? I said yes that is when you have a matador and you wave a big red cape. She said she was the red cape and I am the bullfighter and the money is the bull. So first we attract the bull and then you tell me exactly how to take the bull and stab it, okay. Do you see. I said I don’t know.

You see there is a lot about language that confuses me. Tiny Terry she tode me that is because a lot of stuff is metafor. I said, what? That means it stands for something else but it helps you understand what someone is talking about. I still don’t get it. But I guess that is what the for in metafor is about.

She said that it will be easy. She said that we will practice with this hidden bug that she had. I asked her if it would crawl away. She said what. I said the bug. She tode me it is not that kind of bug. She said this kind of bug will let me listen and hear everything we say like a cell phone, but you can’t see this kind of bug. And even though I would not be in the room, I could see everything, yeah everything. And then you read his mind and you tell me what he is thinking and then we bring in the bull.

I tode her it that is harder to read a person’s mind if I was not in the same room. I tode her sometimes I end up hearing thots from too many people when I am not near them. She tode me she had an idea. She would when she was quiet practice by just thinking one word. That way I would know the other person thots.

So anyway Dan came into the room with Tiny Terry and they were standing there talking out loud and Tiny Terry asked Dan a question. Then she would think the word mouse over and over again.

Then even though Dan did not want to answer the question he answered it in his mind for Tiny Terry. I would then tell Tiny Terry what I heard from the bug.

So one time Tiny Terry tode Dan that she knew the answer anyway. Dan’s face got all red and then he started choking Tiny Terry. Tiny Terry thot help, help, help. So I ran into the room picked a chair hight into the air and brought it down on top of Dan. Dan fell to the ground. Dan didn’t get up.

There was red stuff coming out of the back of his head and dripping onto the floor. Tiny Terry tode me that she thot I had killed him. I began to cry and tode her I was just trying to help.

Tiny Terry tode me we needed to bury the body somewhere out in the forest deep enough so animals could not dig him up. So at night we dragged him to the back into the forest dug a big hole and then buried him and covered it up with leaves.

So Tiny Terry tode me that the plan now was not working. Dan’s money was not easy to get. Now that he was dead we would have to try something elz with someone elz.

But Tiny Terry didn’t know that I had read her mind and that I knew she had a gun and that she was planning on using it soon and that Billy White would help her. He would help her she thot because he felt she was a hot girl. Her plan she thot would be to find another Dan person with my help and then get rid of me and the new person.

This last part of the story I have to say I write without Tiny Terry’s help because I told Billy White and he and I decided it was a great plan but we had to leave Tiny Terry behind. So Billy and Tiny Terry were talking and then I came up from behind and I used the chair again. Now Tiny Terry and Dan are next to each other. Now Billy White and I are about to become dirty rich.

And I have bought a lot of candy bars and sent home a lot of love. Yeah Billy and I are happy and we are very dirty rich.

August 19, 2022 21:36

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

5 comments

Angel Whelan
21:37 Aug 24, 2022

An interesting take on the challenge! Great characterization.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Michał Przywara
21:07 Aug 24, 2022

This was a fun criminal story, full of backstabbing. The narrator has a very strong voice. Yes, his first person narration took some adjusting to, but I don't think it's insurmountable, and it gives us a great look into his thoughts - which is neat, given he's a mind reader. The mind reading's a cool premise. Then, for a low grade criminal to try to take advantage of it makes sense, although it goes horribly wrong when he kills Dan and they have to bury the body. There's an interesting balance here, about taking advantage of the narrato...

Reply

Show 0 replies
16:21 Aug 21, 2022

I get the main character must have a developmental disability as well as being homeless and economically disadvantaged; however, it was a bit of a challenge to read with the spelling and grammar issues. I wonder if you could've gotten the same effect with the dialogue written as dialogue with the spelling to show the character's and Tiny Terry's relationship instead of keeping it all in story form? Overall, I liked the story. It has a interesting characters, a good story arc, and a bit of twist or double cross as it were. :)

Reply

Glenn Holt
21:32 Aug 21, 2022

Thank you for being very frank about the difficulty the language did cause. I agree with your comments about the other possibility of keeping it in story form. I don't know if I did a good job of making this a first person voice in the right way. I also did worry about both the portrayal of a developmentally challenged person and the violence that the story talked about. I am not sure how innocent my protagonist is in the final analysis. He may have known right from wrong, I am not sure. He certainly felt the pain of what he did and...

Reply

22:38 Aug 21, 2022

I didn't have an issue with the violence. They seem like they understand the finality of the events just without an emotional attachment which actually serves them in the next murder. Not sure if that was what you were going for but it worked for me :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply