Alone

WARNING: This story contains alcohol, suicidal thoughts, and mild swearing. If you are sensitive to these topics, you might not want to read this story.

It was supposed to be the best vacation that we planned. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. Alone. Alone without my friends or family. They’re gone. I sat outside on one of the metal chairs and watched the sunset fall. The sea was out and dreary silent. I could hear my friends’ voices, whispering in my head. But they faded out. I wish they were still here with me. I wish we never found that stupid game.

I got out of my chair and went straight for the booze. We bought it for the party, me and Joe did. It’s the only thing I have left of him. Not even his car survived; it disappeared with him. I took a couple of shots, already feeling the waterworks prepare themselves, and reminisced that moment with him. I want him back.

“Joe!” I yelled. “Hurry up already! We can’t keep the others waiting!”

“I’m coming!” He hustled over to him, his keys in his hands. Joe’s short, wispy hair waved in the breeze. Its sandy brown color basking in the sun’s glory. I remembered rustling his hair with my hand, having to reach up just a little.

“You’re so slow.” I teased.

“And you’re too fast, Princess.” Princess. I remembered that nickname. He kept calling me that after the play two years ago. Guess which roles we had. 

“Stop calling me that!” I exclaimed. Now, I wish I could hear that name one more time. It wouldn’t be the same if someone else called me Princess.

“Okay, Princess.” I rolled my eyes at him, vividly remembering his crystal blue eyes locking into my dull brown ones. He booped my nose and we got into the car, him driving. We didn’t trust my driving after...a certain traumatic experience. Never again would I touch the wheel.

“So how many drinks will we need?”

“A lot. Jacklyn’s the only one who doesn’t drink, but Aaron and Winnoa are heavy drinkers. Are you sure you still want to come to this party? I don’t want you to feel like a fish out of water.”

“If I bail out now, they’ll just think I’m a coward. I am not backing down. Plus, I’ll be with you.” Which was the worst mistake of my life. If I didn’t join, would they all still be alive? At least, would Joe still be alive? 

I stared at the photo on my phone. It was a selfie with everyone in it, but only I am visible. I looked so...off in that photo. Like I was happy in the moment, but there was no one there to share that happiness. The...game was sitting on the coffee table. I couldn’t dare get rid of it, I couldn't even bring myself to look at it most of the time. Whether it’s because I don’t want others to suffer or because it kept the memory of my friends alive, I didn’t care. I won’t ever know.

My piece was at the finish. All the other pieces were gone, but I knew it would reset if I cleaned it up. I refused to clean it up. I refused to let go of my friends. If I did, I would lose them. The game was the memory that tied them to me. I didn’t know if their souls still existed. I hope they’re out there somewhere.

The grandfather clock by the TV rang quietly, telling me it was 8 o’clock. 8 o’clock yesterday was Aaron’s final moment of existing, before I won. Besides Joe, Aaron was my main reason for coming to this party. I actually had a crush on him ever since Joe introduced me to him. He was hot, smart, athletic, and everything perfect. I always hated that word, but it was the only thing to describe Aaron. Joe would always tease me about it; he knew I was crushing hard on Aaron. A lot of people were, but he never dated anyone. I didn’t want to be just another girl to turn away. I never got to be one of them, thank God for that. I believe that the game was the reason why, the only “good” thing that came out of this. He’s not here. I could only touch him and his soft skin for a minute before he faded away. I didn’t get the chance to continue our relationship. Sorry, we didn’t.

“I can’t do it!” I cried. “I refuse to do it!”

“Mary…”

“I’ve lost everything! Why should I win? You have so many other people to live for! I have nothing!”

“Mary!” He shouted. I sniffled, looking down at the game. I avoided his green eyes. I should’ve looked at them one more time. He wiped off a tear running down my red cheek. “If you don’t do this, we both lose. Not only do I disappear, but so do you.”

“But who do I live for? Everyone’s gone, and you will be too!”

“Live for us. We will be gone from this world, all traces of us. But you will keep us alive. Okay? We need someone to protect others from this game. You can do it. I believe in you.” I hugged him. He held me close. The piece landed on the finish line.

“I love you.” But he was gone.

“I love you…” He was still gone.

“I love you…” And he was still gone.

“I...I need you!” I screamed with anger. I smashed an empty glass bottle at the game. The glass shattered and flew everywhere. The game did not budge. My piece stood there triumphantly. Mocking me. Taunting me.

I hope that Aaron heard me when I told him I loved him. He meant the whole world to me. He was my knight in shining armor. And he faced his death with no fear. Or maybe he did feel fear, deep down within his soul. But he wouldn’t show it. Not in front of me.

The moon was full. I came back to the porch, chugging another bottle like the world was ending. My world had already ended. I found the constellation with the North Star in it. I forgot the name, but I think it was the Little Dipper. Winnoa knew a lot about the stars, planets, and galaxies. One day, she announced that she was going to find a new habitable planet for humans to live on if Earth didn’t make it. If she was here, I bet she would have. She brought her telescope to the condo. It’s not here anymore, so I bought a new one to replace it. It’s exactly like hers, except hers had a little cute bunny sticker. I got one, but it disappeared when I placed it on the exact same spot. I can’t bring her back. The game was telling me that. No matter how hard I try bringing them back, it won’t let me. But I won’t move on. I have to keep cherishing their existence.

“Winnoa, what are you looking at?” I asked. She was using her telescope, observing the constellations in the sky. She looked back at me and smiled.

“The stars. Look how small they are. If they were closer, they’d be larger than Earth.”

“What’s that red dot in the sky?”

“Most likely a planet. It’s not glowing like a plane or helicopter. You have a good eye if you saw that without a telescope.”

“Thanks. My dad said that I’m a really good observer.”

“Well your dad is right. Hey, maybe you could help out with a project of mine!” All her hard work was gone because of some stupid game. I couldn’t find a trace of it after she showed me. Even if I tried, I could never make up for the lost progress. I remembered a shooting star swimming through the sky. I remembered wishing for love. Any love. Looking back, I got my wish. A twisted fucked up wish.

I should have ignored the game when me and Winnoa were walking through the forest. She invited me to go hiking and asked me to look for types of animals while we traveled to the top of the hill. If I wasn’t there, would Winnoa have found the game? She has a good eye, but she wasn’t looking in the direction I was.

“Hey look, I found an old board game.”

“Strange, there’s no title on the box.” I remembered that the box was golden brown when we first found it. After each disappearance, the box’s hue became darker, until it was solid black.

“Let’s leave it alone.” Maybe I should have kept arguing with Winnoa.

“C’mon! Let’s play it with the others! It’ll be fun!”

“I don’t know. My guts are telling me that this is no bueno.”

“And my guts say this’ll be fun for everyone! It’s a game, Mary. And we’re the players!” How dark that became. She wasn’t wrong, which was even darker.

Upstairs was even quieter. The stairs didn’t squeak anymore; Jacklyn didn’t exist. This was her house. Now it’s mine. Jacklyn was the first to go. I remembered that she rejected having sex with Aaron. I was secretly hoping she wouldn’t. Now I wish she did. Her retgone was so vivid in my head. First, the photos in her home. She disappeared from each and every one. Then, all her valuables that she owned disappeared. Anything that could be traced back to her, unless someone else could be the owner in a different timeline, would vanish. Finally, a little after all her stuff was gone, she was gone. No trace of her was left. Except for her lion statue. She made that herself, but now it belonged to her brother, who’s now an only child. Apparently, the new reason why that lion existed was because he made it himself.

She loved art. She loved creating little animals with her clay. She loved painting and expressing herself. This condo was covered in her art. Now, it’s an empty shell of its former glory. Everything looks grey to me, whether that be from having no lights on or losing all the colorful art she made. 

Jacklyn told me that she would die a virgin. But that didn’t matter. She was gone. It wasn’t death. It was worse than death. And I get to bask in the leftovers. I get to suffer. And drink. I didn’t realize how much I’ve drunk since I won the game. This had to be my 8th drink.

“I don’t drink.” She told me. “I’d like to keep my virtues intact.”

“You’re religious?” I asked innocently.

“Sort of. I believe in God and Hell. And I was raised in a Catholic household, so it kinda sticks.” It didn’t matter in the end. She was nowhere to be found. I believe she’s gone. Not even in Hell or Heaven. Would God remember her?

“But a drink wouldn’t hurt you?”

“The drink could lead me to do bad things. You lose your willpower and suddenly you wake up in bed with a stranger.”

“That sounds awful.”

“It is.” I’ve always wondered whether she said that from experience or because someone in her family did that. It sounded personal to her.

“C’mon Jacklyn, stop scaring Joe’s friend!” exclaimed Winnoa. “She has free will over whether she drinks or not.”

“I’m only warning her.” Jacklyn would be disappointed in the path I chose, but would she understand why I’m doing it? I will never know the answers to the questions I ask myself. I hate not knowing. I hate the unknown.

“Here. Mary’s your name, right?” asked Aaron, who handed me a drink. I remembered that I only took a sip. It was strong. I don’t know what Joe bought, but I almost passed out on the first drink. Now, I could drink eight in one day and be alright.

“Yeah.”

“How symbolic!” Jacklyn smiled. It was symbolic. I looked up my name’s meaning after the game. Beloved and bitter. One of which was true, the other no longer with me anymore.

I grabbed the game and got on a boat. I can’t fulfill Aaron’s request anymore. I can’t stay in Jacklyn’s house for the rest of my life. I can’t stand the stars or Winnoa’s telescope. I can’t drink Joe’s booze. It was high tide. It was nighttime. All I could hear was the waves. They were quiet in my head. I could barely hear them. I was only focused on escaping.

They were soft waves. Small and weak. Cold, that’s what they felt. I went far, far into the sea. I made sure that I could not see any shoreline. I only saw a lighthouse, but that was miles away for sure. I shoved the game into a metal box, chained it with a lock, and tied it to my leg. I took one final breath and threw it in, along with me. The last thing I remember was seeing silhouettes of my friends. Would they forgive me? Forget me? Hate me? Love me? I don’t care what they think anymore. I’m free.