Enough

She winced as she took in the sight of him. He was leaning heavily on her doorway, his eyes bloodshot and his appearance quite disheveled. His head was bent, his gaze seemingly focused on the doormat. A few minutes had already passed since she found him there and yet neither seemed to be close to making the first move. 

The prolonged silence was making her more and more anxious. She contemplated on whether she was going to let him in or not, lest he try to make a scene if she left him outside. She hoped that he’d say what he wanted to say soon and leave, the night air was getting colder and colder the longer she stayed at her door.

Maybe a little prompting would help him get started. She cleared her throat, garnering his attention, “What do you want?”

He didn’t reply, his surprisingly unwavering stare was starting to disconcert her. He tried to stand up a bit straighter, but not by much, still he didn’t say anything.

She sighed and made to close the door, annoyed at him for wasting her time.

“Wait!” his hand shot out, stopping her from shutting it completely. She cocked an eyebrow at him. He swiped a hand down his face, a heavy sigh coming out of his lips.

“I came here to apologize,” his voice cracking. Another pause. She was getting tired of waiting. Her lack of sleep was starting to show.

“Well,” she snapped, “get on with it then.”

He started to fumble with the door jam. His hesitation clear in the way he moved.

“If you don’t say what you’ve come here to say, I’m closing the door on you. I n— ”

“I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, cutting her off. She froze. 

“I’m sorry. I know what I did was unforgivable and I don’t expect you to want to see me again, but I just wanted you to know how much I regret what I did,” his voice wavering towards the end. He paused, taking in a shallow breath, “I really am sorry.”

She didn’t know how to respond. On one hand, she wanted to lash out at him and tell him to leave her alone. On the other, she wanted to cry and ask him what made him cheat on her in the first place.

She was scared of the answers she might get if she asked him. She had thought at first that she was the problem, that she hadn’t done enough to keep their relationship from falling apart, but then it took a few of her friends to make her see sense. It wasn’t her fault at all. It was entirely his decision to go on after another girl behind her back.

That’s what had hurt her the most, that she had done everything to make him happy and yet he still wasn’t contented with her.

Her feelings hurt and her pride wounded, she steeled herself, “I don’t think I can forgive you right now. Maybe I will, one day, but definitely not now.”

His shoulders slumped in defeat, “I understand…I just wanted you to know that I still care for you, that I still love you.”

The silence following after was awkward. She fidgeted and adjusted her robe, tightening the belt around her.

“I better get going,” he murmured. She nodded in return, relieved that he was finally giving her peace. 

But as he turned around, he swayed and lost his balance. She caught him just before he fell to the ground, “Are you alright?”

He made to reply but vomited on the spot next to them. She sighed as she rubbed his back soothingly, trying to keep him up as he retched all over her front porch.

When he stopped, she brought him inside and sat him on her couch. She moved to the kitchen, bringing him back a glass of water along with some aspirin.

“Drink.”

He took them without a word and settled back against the couch, head leaning against the armrest. She left him again to bring him a blanket and some pillows. 

As she helped him set up on the couch, he let out a weak laugh, “This reminds me of the time I had the stomach flu. You nursed me back to health back then too.”

She knew what incidence he was talking about. He had gotten it from the Indian restaurant they had tried on their 1st anniversary. It was a bittersweet memory that she didn’t want to relive at the moment.

She made to leave him, but he took hold of her hand, “Will you do what you did back then too? It really worked wonders.”

Her eyes switched from his face to his hand and back again. He must’ve noticed her reaction because he quickly to let her go. 

“I mean, you don’t have to do it. You need your sleep after all.”

She sighed. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. When was she going to learn? 

She moved him back so she could lay down next to him. Bringing her arms around him, as he rested his head on her chest. Her hands coming up to run across his hair. 

They stayed like that for a long while with her humming a soft melody to lull him to sleep.

“I’ve been a complete jerk to you. You really deserve someone better,” he mumbled sleepily. 

She shushed him in reply, still brushing her fingers through his hair. 

"Rest, we'll talk about that later," she murmured softly.

His body relaxed further in her embrace, as she pulled him just a little bit closer. His breathing gradually coming out in even intervals. She settled into a more comfortable position, she knew they were going to be here for the rest of the night.

Her mind went thinking back to how they ended up here, from the moment she found him drunk on her doorstep to them laying on the couch snuggled up against each other. She questioned her resolve, why had she done what she swore to herself that she wouldn't do? 

Why else was she doing all this for someone who broke her heart if not for love?

She knew that she still loved him, and she knew that she’d always love him...but she also knew that one day someone else was going to come along and make her love them more than she loved him. She knew these things with a certainty that both scared her and comforted her. But for now, she’d continue to love him ’til she had loved enough.

End.