Harvard Heartbreak

High school is a bore. Sure, sometimes I may be challenged by the curriculum, but that’s only because of my large family and my late-night weekend job. I get along fine with most anybody. I don’t really fit into a certain group of people. It is mainly a bore because I can’t wait to get to college. I’ve already been accepted to Harvard- last year. Two more months and I can use my summer to start preparing for the rest of my life. The next ten years are vital. I need to complete my first four years with an average of a 3.8 GPA. I also need to score at least a thirty-five on the MCAT (though I intend to do much better). From there, I can proceed into Harvard Medical for the next four years. Still yet, even having qualifying degrees at my disposal for a more-than-sufficient position in the medical field, I will then complete two additional years of specialized study. These last six years will most likely contain important milestones such as residency among other similar work study opportunities that give students hands-on experience. 

The bell signifying that fourth period is over snuffs my thoughts into a ringing resonating in the drum of my ears. I’m positive my fellow classmates can surely hear it echoing. Mrs. Eclair adorns a smile too wide for her face, and is overly gracious as usual when she thanks me for my help as I leave her room. I am her student aid, and I truly don’t really do anything for her but maybe sort through a few papers now and then. Most days I spend in her class I write or daydream. As my days in this school are expended, I tend to be daydreaming more than ever. I am absorbed by what comes next. My desire to be a doctor of lab research for Cystic Fibrosis dominates my life. 

“Hey!! Earth to Michael!!” 

“What? Oh- hey Julia. Sorry I was just..ya know. I got lost in thought”. I didn’t realize I had walked down two and a half hallways and sat at my desk in Mr. Wicket’s room. 

“Yeah. I totally saw you looking at Addie’s butt. I guess Santa must have you on the naughty list this year hah!” my lunatic best friend has a sense of humor, and a personality in general, loud enough to drown my thoughts. Good thing we have classes together the rest of the day. I’m thankful for her. 

********

The rest of the day was somewhat normal, at least in the fashion of how engulfed I was in thoughts of the future. I said bye to Julia and got on the bus. I have a car, but my dad had to borrow it so I have the privilege of being on this metal contraption for my trip home. Might I add that it takes much too long for these drivers to get us home than need be. Instead of stopping every 200 feet, following every safety guideline there could possibly be in the three page manual, why would they not just drop all nine students that live on that street off at one corner? It won’t kill them to walk a little. Maybe they would show less ignorance if they tripped on the skewed sidewalk and broke their phone. 

I don’t know why I’m a grump all of a sudden. I was in such a good mood just a bit ago with Julia and Nathan. Part of it is because everyone else keeps saying how fast the year is going for them, but for me all it’s doing is prowling at the slowest pace it possibly could. I suppose that is due to my begging it to just be over. Speaking of being over, my stop is next. 

 I bid the driver a good day as I slump from metal steps to cracked pavement. The road I live on is a quiet, homely street downwind from the town park, which is the central hangout. I walk past the seven houses between the main drive and my own home. Weathered bricks are a blend of red and grey. My whole family pitched in to plant the flower gardens that lined the entire front- the flowers that were nonexistent just a month ago have effortlessly bloomed into their full delicacy as the warmth has drifted back into the March air. I notice my car is parked neatly next to my mom’s. Of course I had to ride the bus yet he had my car back home already, I think crossly. I walk up the gravel drive and as I step onto the fractured concrete of the porch, for the first time in months it seems, I take pause and look at my home- the solid wood door with its gorgeous stained glass viewing at the top, the giant window bulging at the front that we all sit in on Sunday mornings waiting for the Church bus, the tree out front with a tiny picket fence around its flower-covered base- for the first time in a while, I long not to leave. I thank God for this place, and for the family that awaits me inside- the family I depart from in four months to fulfill my purpose. 

I walk through the door, and being that my bus took the longest to get me home, was immediately tackled by three small children and a dog. 

“Woah hold on guys let me shut the door so Daisy doesn’t get out. Maybe let me set my bookbag down too” All the while I can’t help but chuckle in the face of love. 

“Bubby guess what we did at school today!” a blonde curly haired girl exclaims. This is Lilith, my six-year-old sister

Caleb, the seven-year-old boy with an untamed pile of dirty blonde hair, says excitedly, “Mikey! We made airplanes and flew them all over the class!! Can you make airplanes with us? Please?!” 

“I wanted to tell him, Ca-leb-ah” whined Lillith

“I go bye-bye wit daddy” giggles Vinson, the red headed four-year-old

“Oh you did huh? I bet you had fun with daddy. As for you two, that’s awesome you built paper airplanes at school. I will make some with you later after I get some homework done, Okay?” 

“Okay” was the echoed reply from all three of them before the two older ones ran towards the back of the house, a waddling little brother in their wake. Silly kids, I think. With all that energy and noise, you would never dream Caleb and Lillith are terminally ill. I miss them already, but I need to get out of here and in college. The sooner I’m in college, the closer I can be to finding a cure for them. 

Max and Kathi are my two step-siblings that sit at the table already doing homework. Max is  an overly skinny sixteen-year-old with long, thin hair dangling from a sack hat, pimples everywhere, banging his head to metal music. Kathi is the timid twelve-year-old, golden blonde hair snaking around her puffy, shy cheeks. 

“Hey knuckleheads” I announce to them as I lay my things down and begin removing my computer. 

“Hi” is all I get from them. They’ll talk more later, I think. 

After setting my laptop up on the table, I venture into the kitchen that resides in the center of the house. A snack always helps me concentrate. Here, I find my mom is snuggled in an apron and heat from the oven as she pulls cookies from the rack and places what looks like brownies on it. She is the most beautiful woman I think that exists. She is five-feet and one-inch tall, five inches shorter than myself. Her golden brown hair bounces as she moves, curled ends resting on her shoulders. Her smile brings comfort, and safety is cast from her emerald green eyes to envelope me in love. My mother is my world. I know someday I will give my heart to some other girl. Today, she is the one who holds it. Next to God, she is the most important person to me. I must go achieve the impossible for her. She suffers so much stress and heartache having sick children. I want to take the burden from her shoulders. I want to cure CF. 

“Mom, we just had the holidays three months ago. We don’t need any more sweets. What happened to that diet?” All while I tease her, I hug her and sneak a cookie off the cooling rack.

“Hands off! You know nobody gets any until they’re all done silly goose”- she took the cookie from me right before it reached my mouth. “Besides they aren’t for us. We both still need to lose a few pounds. These are for Jackson, one of your dad’s friends from work. While I was at the school giving Caleb and Lillith meds, dad and Vinson went to visit Jackson because he had something for us. He gave us a gift to help you. He said he’s proud of what you are going to do and wanted to pitch in”. 

“What kind of gift? I mean I get full tuition and everything”

“Dad tried to tell him this, but he insisted that it will help somewhere. He gave us a check for a thousand dollars. It’s made out to you.”

“What, seriously? Mom, I don’t need that kind of money. I already have a car, and everything for school is paid for.”

“Jackson insisted. To repay him, I’m making him and his family some treats. Who knows? Maybe put it in a savings account and let it gain interest. Maybe someday you’ll need it.”

“True” I say, considering that it would be smart to do just that. “ I can do that later on tonight, or another day. I have some school work to knock out today, but that sounds like a good idea. I don’t know how to express my gratitude for that. I guess tell him thank you for me, though I don’t feel its enough. Anyway, I need a snack before I start my work.”

“There’s brownies in the microwave”

“Brownies?”

“Oh don’t worry about the diet. They’re the yogurt ones you like so much”

“Oh the dark chocolate brownies?! Yes please!” As I excitedly, and almost in a skip, scurry over to the microwave and snag a warm, moist brownie from the square glass pan. “Thanks, momma! I love you!” and I’m at my computer with my snack- I nibble and type obsessively until the page is covered in words, and the keypad is covered in crumbs. 

**********

The last two months have gone by pretty much the same- I flow in and out of my excessive brooding. I have seemed more relaxed, though. Until today. This is the day I graduate- I should be proud and full of celebration. Instead I am ridden with angst for what lies ahead. This is just another item for my resume. I now face my life goal to cure Cystic Fibrosis. I now face what I must dedicate the rest of my life on. 

“Michael Thomas”

I now face the whole congregation of the school community. 

Being nervous to walk across the stage to receive my diploma had apparently escaped my awareness. Even so, I manage a lighthearted smile and graciously take the paper, shaking Principal Martin’s hand. I took my seat and watched as the ceremony proceeded, followed by speeches. My mind was absent, to my surprise and enjoyment, even through the cap toss. We were released to our celebrations in the courtyard out front of the school. 

“My baby boy finally did it! Oh Mikey I’m so proud of you!”

“Ha! Thanks momma. I could never have done it without you. You are my greatest inspiration. I love you more than the whole wide world”

“Awe..Well you’ve made me cry. Damn you, son” my mom says with the prettiest smile. 

“Alright stop all the lovey dovey. We’re proud of you, buddy. We really are.” My dad chimes in, doing his best to be funny in an attempt to shield his own giddiness. 

My siblings each congratulated me in turn. Of course there were the heartfelt congrats and goodbyes from friends. It is all cereal. As emotional as I am today, my mind just keeps going back to what I have to do now-I have goals that must be accomplished. 

************

It has been two years since I left home for college. I promised my mom I would call her often and visit on breaks. I did for the first year, but even on my visits home I was absorbed in my studies. I call every few weeks to check in, typically. I have done so much work, though, that the Dean is allowing me to take an aptitude test for early graduation. I don’t have time to medal in family affairs. I have a chance to shave two years off my timeline. My siblings are healthy right now- that could change fast. I have to get my studies done, perfectly, quickly. Time is running out....

I ignored a phone call three days ago from my dad. He never called back so I figured it was nothing, just them checking on me again. I just noticed a voicemail alert walking between classes. I should listen to it real quick. I do, and I skip my lecture to call my mother- she has fallen ill. 

“Mom! Are you okay? What happened?”

“Hi baby”, She says weakly, “it's been months since I’ve heard your voice. I’m so glad you called. I've missed you so much”. 

“I know momma. I miss you too” My heart begins to break, and from it tears spring at my eyes. “I might graduate early, momma. I have to work really hard for it. I just haven’t had time to talk to anybody. Oh God, I’m so sorry mom..”

“It's alright baby boy. I’m proud of you. I...I would really like to see you, though” Her feeble cough makes my own bones quiver. 

“Mom I..I can’t just leave Massachusetts for Ohio two days before my aptitude exam. I would sacrifice my whole career. I would sacrifice any dream we had of curing CF. Mom I don’t want to lose you, but I’m sure there’s something they can do” I have no right to say these things, yet my fixation on my goals dominates not only my thoughts as it did before, but my words as well. 

“Honey, your momma needs you. Your brother and sister with Cf need you. When I’m gone, they need their Bubby to take care of them. Please, son..come home. This family doesn’t need you to save it years from now. We need you now”

“You’re asking me to just throw all my hard work away because the doctors can’t keep you alive for three days?! No. You know how much this means to me. If you love me, you’ll wait three days for me to succeed and be there for you” I end the call knowing I just killed my mother’s spirit, knowing I just damned my soul for being so cruel. 

***********

I have been sitting at this desk in the middle of a large exam room by myself for two hours. Concentration is the utmost importance. I feel confident in my answers. All I have to do is pass, and I graduate after just two years in college. I will be automatically accepted into Med school. This answer is obvious. I don’t have much to go. Just a few more questions and I can submit it for grading- 

“Um, Mr. Thomas? We...need to interrupt your examination”, says a slender woman dressed in black skirts and long, brown hair. She seems nervous. 

“With due respect, ma’am, I only have a few questions left to answer. Can’t it wait maybe ten minutes?” 

“I...I don’t think it can. Um..I have some bad news for you..”

My mother’s brightness, her warmth. Her raspy voice that struggled to call out for her son- I frantically back away from this evil woman who bears this to me. I know my mother died, and the last words I spoke to her were in vain. There is no forgiveness for this atrocity. I refused to eat the food of my soul, and she has withered away so that my soul dyeth with her. 

My lust for success to save my brother and sister murdered ruthlessly my love for my mother. I murdered my mother in her dying hours...