In The Darkness

In the darkness of a stormy night, the metallic tang of lightning rests slightly over your scent.

Floral, bitter and so alive.

So fragile, so achingly human.

Your blood is pulsing through your veins and I can hear each beat of your heart as I sit and await the dawn.

 Your heart, the ever-present clock to remind me of the truth, that one day that clock must stop so we can spend eternity together…or separate us by a veil, when you enter a realm where I can never follow.

You want to join me in the darkness, condemn yourself to the cold emptiness of the undead, even though the darkness frightens you. I know that you believe that as long as you are by my side, you can do anything, be anything. Your faith in me stirs emotions that I thought I had suppressed long ago.

Those who have known me for centuries have noticed the change and are glad for it.

You make me feel human, even though I am not - and that scares me to death. If I make a mistake…

No. There is no room for mistakes, not here, not with you.

I allow myself to brush my cold fingers down your neck and touch your delicate skin carefully. Even in sleep, you trust me; you shift your head to be closer to me and you smile, as though it is not a monster that holds you in the cage of its arms.

Eternity, if I am strong enough to resist.

If - and only if – our love and bond is strong enough.

An eternity of you is all I want; all I have ever wanted. Someone to stand beside, to hold and cherish– someone who will do the same for me until the day the sun dies and there is no life left on this earth, undead or otherwise.

The beast inside me, the one that lingers beneath my skin, is conflicted as you lie in the shelter of my arms – your precious pulse is a siren song, drawing attention to the warmth of your blood and the mouth-watering scent that breaks my fangs through my gums…but the creature that shares my soul cares too much about you to allow it to go any further.

Even now, my own deadly nature fights to keep you alive.

You sleep on, unaware that you are embracing your potential death; the death wearing the face you love.

Remember that I love you, no matter what happens.

No, I will not do this, I will not entertain these thoughts.

I try to focus on the features of your face, the way you talk in your sleep. Anything but the blood flowing through your veins.

I waited too long to hunt.

Your sickness has abated and it is long past time for me to leave, to find warm blood that does not hold your scent, to strip away this careful humanity and relish in the savage delight of the hunt. Time to reconnect with every part of me.

I have never understood how you can hold me once I return, how you can press your lips to mine knowing what they have done. You always tell me you do not care, as long as I am fed and alive. Do you mean it truly, I wonder. Do you honestly feel no remorse or pity for your kind?

The others thought I was out of my mind to keep you as a human fledging; to train you and let you see the true nature of the future before making that final irreversible choice while your heart still beats.

Maybe they are right, perhaps I am flirting with danger.

My mind wanders back to where I will go tonight, how I will choose my meal.

Thoughts and anticipation of the hunt draw a growl from my throat that startles you and I move my hand away carefully. The savage side of my nature scares you when it appears, even though you try not to let it show.

You are growing stronger with each passing day; you are learning to guard the emotions of your heart and to think as a creature of darkness thinks.

Here though, with me, you are as open and loving as you have always been.

You wake slowly from your dreams and smile up at me lazily, opening your arms to draw me down. The moonlight strikes your skin and highlights the pale blue veins in your wrists…I feel my eyes latch onto them even as you stroke my face and reach up to run your gentle fingers through my hair.

“You need to hunt.” You say quietly. There is no judgement in your tone, no disgust on your face, “I will be alright.”

I do not want to leave your side, but I know there is only so long I can hold the beast at bay. I tell you as much without saying a word, I can see in your expression that you understand. We have always felt the pain of the other.

“You would never forgive yourself if you lost control. I can see it; you’ve been here too long; your eyes are hungry.”

A knife to the heart, but a true one.

“I can manage a night longer.”

Truth or lie, I myself am no longer sure.

“You can take some, if you need it.” You say gently, and tilt your head so your neck is exposed to me, “It’s ok.”

The beast growls eagerly and leans forward, crawling towards your veins…

“No,” I say sharply, drawing myself away from you faster than you can follow and sitting at on the edge of the bed, “no, not you, not tonight. I…” The truth now, so that you can understand that I am not rejecting you, “I don’t know if I will be able to stop.”

You nod your understanding and watch me.

The beast is snarling at the rejection, but some part of it understands that we do not have the strength to resist drawing more than a few drops. I need to leave now whilst I have the resolve.

“Go,” you order quietly, “then come back to me.”

I dart to the window and throw it open, allowing the scent of rain and icy wind to wash over me.

Now I am away from your scent, I can focus.

The beast is pushing forward now, eager to begin its hunt.

 I crouch in the frame and look back over my shoulder to see myself reflected in your eyes – a dark-eyed monster with fangs haloed by rain and moonlight. You smile, and the monster smiles back.

Remember that I love you, no matter what happens.

As I drop into the night, ripping away my humanity and unleashing my savage nature, your voice follows me on the breeze.

“Come back to me.”