The Sled

Erin forced herself to keep her bare hands out of the pockets of her coat as she trudged through the snow behind her brother. Just in case she would need to catch him. Even without seeing Nick’s face, she could imagine him furrowing his brows in concentration. Every step an achievement.

So solemn for his age, she thought. But then, he’d also spent too many too many days in the hospital for his age. Erin could barely remember the last time he had smiled, or even had seemed happy.

Which was why he’d been able to force her into this foolhardy plan.

Nick halted, panting heavily with his hands on his knees. In one hand, he kept hold of the cord attached to their father’s old sled. It was a ramshackle thing, held together more by the dream of what it had been than by physics and logic.

“You okay?” Erin wiped away the snow that had gathered in her hair.

“Yeah.”

“We could always go back, you know.”

“To that prison?”

“At least it will be warm.”

Nick clenched the sled’s cord in his fist. He, at least, had been smart enough to wear warm gloves. “I need to do this.”

“You can still be a kid without sledding. It’s not that awesome. Otherwise, my friends and I would still be doing it.”

Nick shot her a glare as cold as the air around them. Erin pursed her lips. She understood. Rationally, what she said might make sense, but emotionally, it didn’t at all.

“Alright. You win.” Erin gave him a weak smile. “Just promise me you’ll be careful. And if it becomes too risky, I’m taking you back.”

"You'll have to force me."

Erin patted his head, the coarse wool of the hat their grandmother had knitted for him rough between her fingers. “Don’t you worry about that, little brother. I may be a girl, but I’m still way stronger than you are.”

The scowl he gave her considerably brightened her mood.

*

“It’s not very high.”

They stood on top of a lazy slope in the park. Below, a group of children Nick’s age were hiding behind a snow-covered fountain while throwing snowballs at their parents. Their melodious laughter didn’t brighten Nick’s mood.

“I’ll have you know that this was a mountain for me when I went sledding.” Erin finally dared to put her hands in her coat. They were burning from the cold.

“How old were you? Three?”

“Closer to your age, actually.”

“Were you stupid or something?”

No, Erin thought. I was able to be a child.

She didn’t say it out loud. She grinned for him. “I’ll have you eat those words before we go home. You’ll learn better than to speak like that to your wise, amazing, and beautiful sister.”

“Yeah, right. Keep fooling yourself if you want to.” Nick sniffed as he said it, but there was something else in his eyes. A twinkle, perhaps. The largest spark of enjoyment he had shown since she snuck him out of the hospital for ice-cream last summer.

She gave him a playful push. “Just sled down and keep that wise mouth to yourself.”

With obsessive care, Nick aligned the sled at the top of the slope. He sat down, his furrowed brows closed further together. “I’m not sure I still want to. It’s going to be a disappointment anyway.”

Erin raised an eyebrow. “Are you getting scared?”

“Never.”

“Then go!”

Nick kicked himself off, folding his legs onto the worn wood as the sled glided to the edge. It wobbled for a moment, hanging between staying put and going down. Erin put her boot on the back of the sled and gave a push.

Nick drew a sharp breath as the sled sped down the slope. It left a deep trail in the snow, curving in random direction from the lack of control the old sled offered. Down near the fountain, one of the children shouted at Nick in glee.

Soon, the sled reached the foot of the slope and slowed down. Nick stood, grabbed the cord, and began working his way up again. The expression on his face was unreadable.

He was sweating by the time he reached the top. Erin pushed her wet hair out of her face. “How was it?”

Nick shrugged. “Disappointing. I didn’t go very fast. We can go back now.”

It would be wise to take Nick back to the hospital, but something inside her resisted. A tangled knot in her stomach told her she couldn’t let this day end in disappointment. Who knew how long it would be before she could sneak Nick out again?

“It’s probably because you didn’t do it right.” Erin took the sled and placed it near the edge. “Try sitting more to the front.”

Nick aligned the sled neater. He gave her a puzzled look, but he did sit down. “And now?”

Erin plumped behind him. She locked him in with her arms. “Now we go together. More weight should give us more speed.”

“I’m not sure this is a good —”

“Too late!” Erin pushed them off. They plummeted down. Erin threw her head back and laughed. The uncontrollability of the old sled. The cold snow rising against her legs. The wind rushing past her face. How had she ever forgotten how much fun this was?

Once they slowed down, she scooped up a hand of snow. “How was that?”

Nick nodded. “Better.”

“Good. That’s very good.”

“You’re using your ‘I’m going to fool you’ voice.”

“Am I?”

Nick raised an eyebrow the exact same way Erin did. They must’ve learned it from their mother.

“Well, I have a reason. Remember what I said about you eating your words?”

“Erin, don’t.”

She grinned. “Imagine this is you calling your big sister stupid!” And she shoved the handful of snow right into his face.

His mouth hung open as she scrambled away. He wiped the snow from his face. “You just…”

Erin took on a karate pose like she’d seen in the movies and waved at him. “I know. Come and get me.”

It seemed as if Nick might take the sled and walk away. Instead, he scooped up a big hand of snow and moulded it into a ball. His eyes narrowed at his sister, and he threw.

*

The sky had cleared by the time Erin and Nick stood on top of the slope in the dreary light of dusk. A white layer caked their dripping clothes.

Erin raised an eyebrow at her brother. “How was it?”

“Pretty okay. Even good, maybe.” Nick’s face was still solemn, but his brow had relaxed.

 “I’ll take that as a compliment. Ready to go home yet?”

“Almost. I want to go one last time.”

Erin glanced at him and noticed his shiver. But one more time can’t hurt, can it?

“Alright, but we’re going back after. And get ready for dad to be angry at us.”

“We’ll survive.”

One last time, Nick aligned the sled to the top of the slope. One last time, he sat down. He looked at Erin, but she shook her head. He would go alone. One last time, he pushed himself off.

The sled glided down the slope. Erin cheered for her brother, who had finally discovered what it felt like to be a kid going down a mountain. He waved at her.

Nick’s body swayed. Limp, he fell into the snow, the sled skidding to a halt without him.

The beat of Erin’s heart wavered.

“Shit.” She stormed down the hill. “Shit shit shit.” Her foot slipped away. She fell down, biting into the snow. She scrambled, using hands and feet to get to him. His face was stark white, as if all blood had been swapped with ice.

His eyes fell closed. “I think we should go back now.”

Erin snatched Nick under his shoulders and dragged him over to the sled. Her muscles burned, but she was his big sister. She had to be strong enough to help him. The old, reliable sled that would keep him out of the snow. She placed him on the wood and grabbed her phone to dial the emergency services.

*

The bearded doctor turned away from the vitals monitor. Numerous wires were attached to Nick, who lay on the hospital bed with his eyes closed. Lights flickered on the screen accompanied by a steady beep.

Erin wanted to grab the doctor and shake him. How dared he remain this calm? Thankfully, her father had more control over his emotions.

“How’s he doing?”

The doctor scribbled something on his notepad. “He’ll recover. He is undercooled, but his vitals stabilized. I’ll check again in half an hour.”

Erin’s father let out the same audible sigh of relief she felt on the inside. The doctor nodded and stepped out. He left the chastising to her father.

“Erin, why did you help him?” Her father’s eyes were hollow. “You know how weak Nick is.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “He seemed so happy to go sledding. And I thought… I wanted to help him have fun. He hasn’t smiled in so long. Dad, I’m so—”

The lump in her throat blocked all other things she wanted to say.

Her father pulled her in for a gentle hug. “I know. I’m not mad. I’m just glad he got back safe.” A phone rang. Her father sighed and stepped away. “That’ll be your mother. How am I going to explain this to her?”

“Tell her I did something stupid.”

Her father paused at the door. “I’ll tell her everything is all right. You made a mistake, but you did it because you care about Nick.” He left her alone.

“Are they gone?”

Erin’s eyes widened and she rushed to the side of the bed. “You’re awake!”

“I was awake before, but didn’t want to face dad.”

She grabbed his hand. The skin was cold and rough. “Nick, I’m so sorry. I should have never taken you sledding.”

“Erin.”

“I was stupid and irresponsible and I’m so sorry.”

“Erin!” He clenched his jaw. “You don’t have to feel guilty. I wanted to go sledding, and all you did was take me.”

Erin wiped a sleeve over her wet eyes. “I’m your big sister. I should know better.”

“That’s not important.” He squeezed her with his icy hand. “Thank you. I’m glad we went sledding. You’re the best big sister there is, Erin. I finally feel happy today.”

And for the first time in too many years, Nick smiled.