Blocked

A week before Riley was set to leave, she figured it was now or never. She’d have to tell Anita sometime.

“So, I might be going on an artist’s retreat with some of my coworkers. Like, just the four of us, at an Airbnb or something.” Riley said, washing her face at the sink.

         “Hold on a sec. What’d you say?” Anita asked, shutting off the shower and stepping out.

         “My coworkers and I are doing a writer’s retreat of our own.” Riley repeated, handing her a towel.

         “Oh! Cool. Who’s going?” Anita toweled off her long hair. Riley shamelessly stared at her in the mirror, and Anita rolled her eyes when she noticed.

         “I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself.” Riley laughed.

         “You’re cute.” Anita shook her head. “So who all is going?”

         “It’s me, Kaylee, Alice, and Miranda.” Riley said, watching in the mirror again for her girlfriend’s reaction. Her lips pursed, but other than that, no change.

         “That’s fun. I didn’t know Alice and Kay wrote.” Anita said, applying a few drops of serum to her face and gently patting it in. Riley had discovered that sharing skincare was one of the bonus perks of dating a girl. The guys Riley had dated in the past had used bar soap on their faces and—she was pretty sure—never even heard of moisturizer.

         “They don’t—well, Alice does sometimes, but she mostly paints these days. And the place we’re staying at is gorgeous, from what I’ve seen, so Kaylee’s gonna bring her fancy camera and do some photography stuff.”

         “I see. Well, that’s cool, I’m excited for you.” Anita smiled at her in the mirror and dabbed on some eye cream. Riley figured it was now or never.

         “You and Miranda…” she started.

         “You don’t want to know.” Anita shook her head.

         “I’m just curious. I mean, you’ve never really talked about it, and I work with her, so I was just wondering. Like, I mean, what was your relationship like?”

         Anita sighed and looked down at the counter. “It was a long time ago.”

         “I know that.”

         “And…I just don’t really want to talk about it.”

         “Are you still into her?” Riley turned away from the mirror to look at her.

         “No.” Anita’s eyes snapped up to meet hers. “I can’t believe you’d even ask that.”

         She wrapped herself in the towel and slipped out into the bedroom. Riley followed her after a moment.

         “I’m sorry. It’s just…I’ve talked to you about my exes because they mean nothing to me now. They’re just memories, some more regrettable than others. I just wondered if you don’t want to talk about her because your relationship was that bad…or if it was that good.”

         “It wasn’t good.” Anita shook her head. “I haven’t told you about it because I know you have to work with her, and I don’t want you to, like, go off on her and get fired.”

         “Oh.” Riley was taken aback. She sank down onto the bed, and Anita scooted next to her.

         “Our relationship was really unhealthy, in retrospect. I wouldn’t say it was abusive, but she was just so controlling. And obsessive.”

         Riley digested this information. She’d always thought Miranda was a little bit of a control freak, but she’d assumed that was just her work ethic.

         “I think it’s easy for you to talk about your exes because they weren’t great, but they weren’t horrible, either. But there are other things that you don’t like to talk about, like your parents, and I try not to push you.”

         Riley sat in silence, her stomach twisting. She’d talked to Anita briefly about her parents, giving her the Cliff’s Notes: she didn’t talk to them anymore. The last time she’d seen them, they’d begged her to come to church with them. To repent and turn back to God. She knew not all Christians were homophobic, but her parents certainly were. It was so cliché, it would have bored her if it wasn’t part of her reality.

         “That’s why I love you. You’re nothing like Miranda.” Anita took her hand and squeezed it. Riley pushed her parents to the back of her mind. They’d made their choices, and she’d made hers, regardless of what they thought about it. Her decisions had brought her to this moment in time, in this apartment, with her girlfriend who she loved more than anyone else in the world.

         “Well, I wouldn’t say that. I am pretty obsessed with you.”

         “I know you’re being cute, but I mean it.” Anita said, her grip tightening. “If you were anything like Miranda, I’d have left a long time ago. I could go into detail to show you how bad it actually was, but I won’t. I don’t really like thinking about that period of my life. That’s why I’ve blocked her number, and all of her social media profiles. That’s why I never bring it up.”

         “I’m sorry.” Riley brought their joined hands up to her lips and pressed a kiss to the outside of Anita’s. “I didn’t know. I won’t bring her up again.”

         “It’s okay.” Anita’s shoulders relaxed. “But if she says anything about me on your trip, I want to know. I have a feeling she’s been saying some bullshit.”

         “I will. She probably won’t say anything to me, though, ‘cause she knows I’d beat her ass.”

         “You would not.” Anita laughed. “You can’t even yell at Louis when he scratches up the couch.”

         “That’s different! He’s a baby, he doesn’t know any better.”

         “He’s, like, six years old. That’s middle-aged in cat years.”

         “We don’t know that for sure. They could’ve gotten his age wrong at the shelter.”

         “Oh my God, shut up.”

         “Why don’t you make me?”

-

The morning Riley was leaving for the retreat, they woke up around the same time and made breakfast together. Riley made coffee—it wasn’t as good as the stuff she made at the café, but she did her best—and fed Louis, while Anita popped some frozen waffles into the toaster and fried two eggs. Both of them were for her, since Riley hated eggs. To be honest, she even hated the smell of eggs cooking, but she kept her complaints to herself. She supposed that’s the sort of thing you do when you’re in love.

         “This is going to be good for you, I know it.” Anita said, drying her hands on a dishtowel as Riley came out of the room with her bags. Breakfast had been shared in a comfortable silence as they both took their time waking up, and she’d just finished packing her things for the weekend.

         “What if, like…” Riley started, setting her bags down near the door. “What if it doesn’t work?”

         “What do you mean?”

         “What if I go out there, and I still can’t write? And I just sit, like, looking at a blank page all weekend, and nothing comes out?”

         “Well,” Anita came over, wrapping her arms around Riley’s neck. “You won’t know unless you go. Just see what happens. And if not, at least you’ll have a good time with your coworkers.”

         “Okay.” Riley nodded, letting out a deep breath. “I love you.”

         “I love you, too. So much.” Anita kissed her, and it felt like their second kiss all over again. Not their first kiss, which had been awkward and quick and unsteady, but the kiss near the end of their second date. They’d visited an art museum downtown, stopping near the end of a gallery in front of a painting of two Victorian women seated on a picnic blanket, surrounded by willow trees and wildflowers.

         “They were probably just, like, really good friends. Just two gal pals, holding hands, doing friend things together.” Riley laughed, reaching over and taking Anita’s hand.

         “You’re funny.” Anita said, the corners of her lips upturned.

         “I try.” Riley shrugged. She was smiling like an idiot, and she knew it, but she didn’t care. It was a rainy Monday afternoon, and they were the only ones in the gallery, the museum’s silence broken only by their bursts of laughter.

         “Can I kiss you?” Anita asked, looking up at her, stopping Riley in her tracks.

         “I don’t know, can you?” Riley said before she could stop herself, but it was okay, because then they were both laughing and then her hands were cupping Anita’s face and then they both leaned in and were kissing. Only the paintings and the security cameras saw them, and then the Uber driver, and then the front desk worker at Riley’s dorm. She fumbled with her room keys, and then they were finally alone.

         “Have you done this before?” Anita asked, tracing a finger along Riley’s hip bone. She’d always felt a little awkward being naked around others, afraid her body wouldn’t measure up, but she couldn’t be too bad if she was in bed with the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen.

         “No. Well, not with another girl.” Riley admitted, praying to whatever god was out there that this wouldn’t be a dealbreaker. “Have you?”

         “Mmhm.” Anita nodded, kissing her neck. After that, Riley melted, and she didn’t remember to be worried, or embarrassed, or self-conscious.

         She could remember their first and second kisses by number, but after that she’d lost count. They could be on number 2,847 for all she knew.

         “I’ll miss you.” Anita stepped back and opened the door for Riley as she stumbled towards the hall with her bags.

         “I’ll miss you more.” Riley promised, heading for the stairs. She caught one last glimpse of Anita’s face, heart-shaped and olive-toned, her lips pursed in worry, before the door swung shut.

-

         As impossible as it seemed, the cabin they’d chosen for the retreat was even more beautiful in person than it had looked on the site. It sat at the top of a ridge, covered in snow-dusted pines, looking out over the valley they’d driven through on their way up. The panoramic windows in the living room gave them the most gorgeous view of a mountain range in the distance. Riley couldn’t wait to watch the sunset that evening.

         Maybe it was just the fact that she now knew a little bit more about Anita’s past with Miranda, but her coworker had seemed extra intense on the drive up. Barking out directions as she navigated for Kaylee and groaning loudly in frustration when she missed a turn.

         Yeah, Riley could definitely see Miranda being a controlling girlfriend.

         “I know we’re all here to get down to work, but first—a toast.” Miranda announced, pulling a bottle of wine out of one of her bags.

         “I’m down for that.” Kaylee said, searching through the cabinets until she found four stemless wine glasses. The bottle Miranda had selected was a cheap but sweet white wine Riley was very familiar with. She didn’t drink much anymore, but this wine had been her go-to back when she had.

         “Cheers!” Miranda pulled out her phone, taking a video as they clinked their full glasses together.

         “Cheers!” Riley echoed the others. She took a sip, and the familiar, almost sickly-sweet wine went down easy. This stuff was dangerous.

         “Ooh, that’s so cute. Send it to me!” Chloe said, looking over Miranda’s shoulder at her phone screen.

         “Me too!” Kaylee chimed in. She’d finished her first glass in one long swallow and was pouring herself some more. Riley knew her tolerance was much lower than it used to be, and she’d have to watch herself that weekend. She wouldn’t be able to keep up with her friends anymore.

         “I wanna see.” Riley chimed in, peering over Miranda’s other shoulder.

         “Okay, okay, I’m sending it! One sec.” Miranda snapped. “I have to put in the Wi-Fi password first. I have zero signal out here.” She swiped through her apps, finding the Wi-Fi password from her messages with the cabin’s owners, then typed it into her settings.

         “Tell us the password too!” Kaylee pouted. “I need to let Marcus know I got here okay.”

         “Your boyfriend will survive another few minutes without your message, I promise.” Miranda rolled her eyes. She tapped her messages app, and Riley’s eyes caught on the name at the top of the list: Anita.

         That meant the person Miranda had messaged most recently was Riley’s girlfriend. The one who’d promised she’d blocked Miranda on everything. She froze, taking in a sharp breath. It wasn’t like Anita was a common name, either. How many Anita’s could Miranda possibly know?

         The screen changed as Miranda pulled up their group text and sent the video with two quick taps.

         “Okay, whiny ass. The password is literally just 0123.” Miranda said, turning off the screen and sliding her phone back into her pocket, seemingly oblivious to what she’d just revealed.

         Now Riley was faced with a choice: confront Miranda now and start a conflict that would likely ruin the entire weekend for all four of them; or, keep to herself, and try to figure this out alone. She could also ask Anita about it, but how would she even start that conversation? “Hey, my love, did you lie to me about blocking your obsessive ex-girlfriend?” She couldn’t imagine that ending well.

         Well, maybe it was another Anita. Riley would tell herself that for the moment, and she’d figure this out later.

         A text from Anita came through immediately after she typed in the Wi-Fi password.

Hey love! Let me know when you get there so I know you made it. Louis sends kisses.

         Attached was a picture of their cat, fast asleep on the couch. Riley smiled for a second at the sight, then sighed. She snuck a peek over at Miranda, wondering if she was getting a similar text at that moment.

         “I’m gonna go unpack.” Riley said, peering down one of the hallways leading off the main room. “Anyone have any room preferences?”

         “Nah, go ahead. There are four rooms, so we each get our own.” Miranda said, not looking up from her screen, where she was typing away.

         “Cool.” Riley nodded, grabbing her bags and making her way down the hall to the last door. It was a gorgeous room, with its own fireplace and a view almost as nice as the one in the living room, but she was too distracted to enjoy it.

         She stared at her phone. The black screen stared back.

         It was going to drive her nuts if she didn’t get an answer, and she wasn’t about to ask Miranda for an explanation. She trusted her girlfriend a hundred times more than she did her coworker.

         Before she could chicken out, Riley hit the call button and lifted the phone to her ear. It rang once before Anita picked up.

         “Hey babe! How’s it going so far?” Anita’s voice came through cheerily.

         “It’s okay.” Riley played with the hole in the knee of her jeans.

         “It doesn’t sound like it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

         “I don’t know how to ask you about this.”

         “Love, you’re scaring me. What is it?”

         “Have you, um…have you gotten any texts from Miranda?”

         “No, I told you, I blocked her.” Anita’s voice was no longer cheery.

         “I know, but I saw her phone screen for a minute earlier, and your name was at the top of all her messages. Like, you were the most recent person she’d talked to.”

         There was a silence on the other end. Riley waited a few painstaking moments before continuing.

         “It could be a different Anita, I know. I just saw it, and I know she didn’t mean for me to see it, but…”

         “I’m not so sure about that.” Anita interrupted.

         “What do you mean?”

         Anita sighed. “I have a feeling she wanted you to see that.”

         “Wait, why? I’m confused.” Riley’s brow furrowed.

         “She’s trying to make you jealous. She wants you to think her and I have been talking, but I bet she’s either changed the name of one of her other contacts to mine, or she’s sending messages to my number, but none of them are being delivered. Did you see anything more than just my name?”

         “No, I didn’t.” Riley admitted.

         “You didn’t see the actual phone number or anything? Or the text conversation?”

         “Nope.” Riley shook her head, flopping back onto the bed.

         “I really hope you believe me, Ri. I promise you, I blocked her, and she’s stayed blocked since her and I broke up.”

         Riley took a deep breath. “I believe you.”

         “Good. Because I love you. And I’m sure Miranda knows I love you, and that causing conflict between us would be the worst way to hurt me. Nothing would make her happier than breaking us up.”

         Riley swallowed. Even the thought of breaking up with Anita made her eyes begin to get teary. “That’s not going to happen. I love you too.”

         “You promise you believe me?”

         “I promise.” Riley let out a deep breath.

         “Then go get some writing done, my love. I believe in you.”

         With that, they hung up. Riley stood up, steeling herself for a return to the living room. She was on her guard now. Whatever other tricks Miranda had up her sleeve for this weekend, she’d be ready for them.