THE POOL

THE POOL

She is thinking back…

19-89.

She was living in California. It was the exact day she found out about Earl.

A year after her father died

It was late at night…

I don’t know what time it was. But it was dark where she was at. In fact, there were four of them there. Amy, her mom, Rick, and the guy who lived next door. His name, I don’t remember. Amy remembers waking up with this kid sleeping next to her. Uncomfortable. When she woke him up to go home, Rick and her mother were sleeping on the couch. That’s when it hit her. It was just, too soon.

Maybe. She doesn’t know.

She has mixed feelings.

Still.

Anniversary weekend.

2025-1997= Twenty-eight years.

That’s a long time with one person.

Weird.

So far it is clear blue and sunny. But rain this afternoon. This is the first time she has sat outside that she has spent time outside all season. She even cleaned off the table and opened up the porch shade. Lol.

She did that yesterday, and what did she see when she rolled it up?

Cathy with a K.

Bam!

Fuck.

She doesn’t want to see these people.

If she sees them, she feels she needs to acknowledge them.

It’s polite.

Keep your friends close…

They are too close.

Example…

When are you going to stop?

When is it going to be enough?

Haven’t I done enough?

Haven’t you spent enough?

10:29 PM.

Good night.

Good morning. 3 AM exactly. Jason is home today. And tomorrow.

And the entire, weekend.

What to do?

What to do??

Group exercise-

Move and Tone. 8-9 AM. Tues. and Thurs.

Today is a good day to experience this class. This is something that Amy wants to do on her own. (If the Jeep is working) I want to leave Jason out of the equation. I’m sick of it.

Here’s a question.

A very doubtful…

Are the spickets on?

Nope.

It was busy today after Jason saw the dentist. They did a little yard work and then they went to exercise at the Y. Amy wanted to walk, and swim and sauna.

Her new thing.

As much as she didn’t like going in the pool at Carter’s, she loves it now. Maybe it’s because she is not doing old lady therapy thing.

She gets in and she goes…

Dad and Fran came down today to bring Trevor his house warming gift. A riding lawn mower. A nice gift. Trevor was/is really happy with it. He was really cute. She was watching him do big people stuff.

At his house.

Ever since Trevor and Justine moved to Tecumseh, I see them quite often.

I see him, quite often.

Nice.

He’s happy.

That makes me happy.

3:53AM

Today is Sunday. Lol. That makes me happy.

A day to go to the Y.

That reminds me…

Lol.

I have a funny story to tell. Tee-hee.

The pool...

Amy loves the pool.

As she was swimming one day in the deep end, she swam down to the bottom of the pool. She tried. Just to see if she could do it. Well…

She couldn’t.

She ended up doing a somersault underwater.

I don’t recommend that for anyone over the age of let’s say, twelve. It freaked her out a little. She was spinning, holding her breath, and searching for air all at the same time. By the time she got up to reach for air, her brain was still somewhere under the water. Lol.

She had to grab for the ladder, of which she couldn’t see.

(To get air, so she wouldn’t drown.)

It seemed like a long time.

I’m sure it was only a nano second before she reached for the ladder.

Lol.

I bet the lifeguard could see it. He was either laughing or getting ready to save her. Amy wanted to laugh, choke, cry, and vomit, all at the same time. LOL.

Just the thought makes her sick.

Bleh.

Needless to say…

No more underwater.

I miss my mom tonight.

She was in my mind when I was working on a puzzle.

I was also wondering what the boys remember about her.

How far back can they go when it comes to the time they spent together?

Hmmm?

Some nights my memories flood my head.

It’s time to go to bed.

Her sleep got all out of whack yesterday, and last night. Up, down. Up…

Down.

She went down somewhere around nine pm, and she slept until three. A good six hours. She hasn’t slept like that in months. The swimming. That’s what it is. I remember as a kid how tired, it made me feel. And I wasn’t just cooling off or floating around either. I was swimming, laps. Kick board, breast stroke, regular stroke. She even did the back stroke. It wore her out.

The sauna was closed. This seems to be a thing.

The sauna being opened then closed then, open-close.

She stayed up as late as possible so she could, sleep.

It worked!

Positive waves man…

She can hear the birds.

It’s not quite light out yet.

Soon though.

While we wait, sunshine and the eighties today. A great day for Logan to take out his bike. After work. For Amy, the eighties means outside. She has the tulips to plant for next year. She wants to fill up the side where her strawberries are. She spread some out in the back garden. She put absolutely not a one, in the front.

The sun is just now beginning to go down. The gentle breeze with the river in the back ground make up the noise around her. She could fall asleep. That makes her think back of why they bought this place. Wow.

So much.

The sounds were it, for Amy.

Jason didn’t care so much.

So…

She let a part of him go.

As he let a part of her go also.

Speaking of…

She hasn’t talked to Aaron. She told herself, and she told Jason that she is not going to call him. He can call her. And if he does, she is going to tell him how she feels. It’s simple. Three words. It’s all bullshit. Just like Facebook. Bullshit. Bsbsbs.

Example:

Her sleep patterns haven’t changed. At about nine o’clock this morning Amy decided that she wants to change things up a bit. She doesn’t know…how. Then Aaron called. She now knows what she needs to do. It breaks my heart, but if I don’t do this my heart will never heal. I’m done. It’s time.

It’s time for some things, to be over.

I’m mad.

I talked to Aaron. I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I’m more than done. It’s over. It was over a long time ago. I also talked to Jason about what I talked to Aaron about. In comes the argument.

Blah, blah, blah…

I don’t want to be married anymore. I’m mean. I’m nasty. I’m Done.

Yep.

It is over and done with.

He is doing a lemon chicken tonight. Amy’s hungry. She hasn’t eaten all day.

And when the argument was over, we went into Adrian to pick out some Mother’s Day candles.

She was out.

And Jason felt generous.

It’s becoming normal. The arguing. She is sick of it.

The normal.

Breathe…

Amy woke up some time in the middle of the night. After a few hours of looking around for things, she went back to bed and slept for a few more hours. When she woke up Logan was already around and washing his clothes.

Cleaning his room.

That was nice.

Jason was and still is, watching the television.

A documentary on the Vietnam War and LBJ. At least that’s what I can hear from the other side of the wall.

Tonight the kids are coming over for dinner, and baby shower talk. Amy talked with Marcia this morning and we are ready to plan a party. Yay! Games, and diapers. It going to be sometime in June. I

t’s only May right now.

The beginning of May.

Rain, rain, rain.

With the small lilac bush blooming purple flowers.

Yay!!

Purple is a funny word.

PER-PLE.

PURPLE!

Lol.

There’s two, actually. And they are both, blooming.

A delicious smell.

12:11 pm.

The trailer is clean. It even smells clean.

All of the machines are going. And Jason and Logan dropped off the Jeep at Fred’s. When they walked through the door, Jason tells me that Trevor and Justine backed out. They’re tired.

As is Amy.

Tired of a lot.

They rescheduled for mid-week.

It’s not my baby shower, Trevor.

Wow.

There wouldn’t have been enough food for them anyway.

The roast really shrank.

But…

It was yum, yum-yummy.

Too bad kids.

12:15AM.

I’m up.

I went to bed early.

It think it was still light out. I know it was before eight, because that’s what time Jason goes to sleep on a work night.

I’m up now.

When my computer is in sleep mode it shows events that are going on near me.

Seether is coming to Peoria.

Sounds familiar. I think it is in Illinois. The drive would be worth it. Logan loves, loves, loves, Seether’r music. That would be a, fun concert. Maybe.

I’m too old.

Maybe.

We had discussed going to Volbeat in August, but that’s out of the question with the baby coming at that time.

But Seether?

Logan has a tattoo.

Hmmm…

10:51AM on a Friday.

It is Mother’s Day weekend. We are spending Sunday morning in Chelsea. No I’m wrong. We are going to Chelsea in the, middle of the day. In the seventies. It’ll be beautiful at the gravesite. Linda is in a gorgeous yard. So is my mom. A beautiful spot. I have missed my mom a bit lately. I would like to go to her spot and sit awhile. I’d be there with my father and my grandparents, too.

That would be something for me to do on my own if I still lived there.

They are with me in heart.

At first, I wasn’t going to go to Chelsea. For reasons that I don’t want to talk about. But I am going to go. This is more of a plan that I do not want to be buried. Or put in the wall. Anywhere for someone to come and visit. I wouldn’t wish that Jason would remarry after barely a year. I want him to be independent, so bad. To make his own path.

To not bring his Fran to my funeral

Maybe.

I have mixed feelings. In one hand I expect it. In the other hand, do I wish Jason to be alone?

For a minute.

I was…

Fuck.

Would his Fran even want, to go??

Time to change the subject.

It’s 3:28 AM.

She slept well. A good six hours or so. More than the usual. It was a good day yesterday. After Jason got home, we took some time together and cleaned up outside. The grass is growing fast, and it needed to be mowed again. Our new mower is awesome. Clean, and quiet. While he was doing that, Amy was planting flowers. Yellow marigold’s. She is pretty much done with planting. Now it’s the growing time. Time to wait…

To see beautiful things.

Fyi…

Jason downloaded some new music. It’s been a while since we updated my phone. Lol.

Since, he updated my phone.

A new song.

Beautiful Things.

I want to go back to bed. I tried waking Jason up a little earlier, but nope. He wasn’t ready. It wasn’t time yet.

Do I dare ask him to get up now?

No.

He said not yet.

Ok.

He’s up. And in the bathroom.

Typical.

It is going to be a beautiful day. Not quite as warm as expected, but still nice. Around the seventies. The low, seventies.

Its clear blue, like Tucson.

Don’t see that much here.

It’s Mother’s Day and we decided to spend some time in Chelsea. After we are going to pick up some sub sandwiches and bring them home. That is what Logan chose to do after a long conversation about the day.

And as long as some sun is in the forecast, she’s good with it.

We stayed at the grave site quite a while. We were visiting and setting up her new headstone that Mike and Fran brought down.

LINDA K. AUSTIN

DEC. 2 1946 - JULY 29 2023

BELOVED WIFE MOTHER GRANDMOTHER

As for my mom, she is with me in heart. I miss her so. After Aaron and Kelly texted to wish me a happy Mother’s Day, I asked Aaron if he was going to go see her. A no-go. I was taken aback for a moment. Only, a moment. I didn’t understand. I don’t understand. I just don’t. I know that I feel a tad bit sad for spending more time on this side, but not going to visit mom on this day, hmmm…

I don’t see my parents or my grandparents. I moved away. Two thousand miles-ish away. That’s what happens isn’t it? When people grow up, get older, and get married, they get up and they go. right?

That’s what I always thought people did. My parents did. My, brother did.

I did.

I have seen more family here in Michigan than I ever did in both, California and Arizona combined. Not that it is any better than my side. Or any worse. Just different.

Good morning.

4:04 AM.

My thoughts are sad. My thoughts are spinning. Why has everything happened the way it has happened? Wonder, wonder, wonder…

Not that it’s been bad. Just wondering.

Wonder, wonder, wonder…

It’s been fast.

Ever since my mom died, I have no one to watch, nor listen to.

Besides Mike.

Lol.

Yeah right.

That’s not happening.

The cycle of life. We are all doing it.

But fuck.

Hypa-Hypa.

A…strip song.

I do like the beat.

Check out my melody.

My way or the highway.

My neck is bothering me this morning.

To exercise today, or not, exercise today.

Hmmm…

Easy answer. Walk, weights, and water.

Yes.

I said water. I like the pool. We are going to go to the Y later. We are ging around the time Logan gets off. Such a busy young man.

Speaking of busy…

Greg was doing a few things in his square today. Things such as pick up the dead leaves from last Fall. And he finally pulled down the Christmas tinsel. Fuck. What’s it been, seven or so months?

And he put another chair in the circle of stones.

I was having a conversation with Logan this morning about next door. He went out to check the temperature and that started a small chit-chat before he left for work. I told him that I saw Greg trying to push his rake yesterday. And that I never see Kathy anymore. She could be dead for all anyone knows.

Like the flowers that sit dead in their rock circle.

Weathered and wilted.