Rose's Last Day

Warning: This story contains themes of suicide, mental health and hinted sexual abuse. It also contains swear words.

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”Cut!”

It's the ninth time Hanson has called for a cut, and the tension is growing on the set. Lynn's stomach is roiling violently. She bites her lip, trying to distract herself. Calm down. It's fine. For once she's not the one that keeps fucking up the scene.

”Duncan!” yells Hanson. ”How many times do I have to tell you? You've just found out that your girlfriend is sleeping around with another guy, you have to actually look like it. If I can't feel the emotion of the scene the audience sure as hell is not gonna.”

Duncans fingers go through his thickly gelled hair for the thousanth time. By now it's practically standing up on its own. It's making him look more like a mad scientist than the confident playboy he's supposed to be playing. ”I'm trying, alright? I don't know what you want from me!”

”I want to you try to actually make expressions with that fucking face of yours! Sometimes I wonder how you even got a role in Hollywood: a fucking middle school student could do a better job of it!”

As usual Hanson goes right for the throat. Lynn is used to his outbursts by now, knows that he'll be apologizing for his behaviour later, but never bother to actually change his habit of yelling at the actors whenever he gets frustrated. If it was her being yelled at, she would simply take it. She's been in the business long enough to know when not to fight a director.

Duncan however... He's still young, a talented actor barely out of acting school, and simply just not used to someone yelling him like he's a failing underwear model. His whole body goes tense, angry blush crawling up his face and he opens his mouth-

”OKAY!” Pierce's booming voice cuts through the tension before an argument can take off. ”Looks like emotions are getting a little high around here. I don't think we'll be able to nail this scene today. Why don't we break for lunch and move on to the next scene instead?” Hanson glares at him, but soon nods in grudging agreement. Duncan stomps off the scene, muttering angrily to himself. Hopefully he'll calm down in the hour it takes to eat lunch. Lynn's nerves are frayed enough already without the added tension.

”Lynn!” she jumps as Pierce suddenly calls her name, ”I want to have a chat with you before lunch. Alone.”

”Al-Alright,” she stutters. ”Let me just get the wig off. I'll be with you in a moment.” He just gives her a quick nod before entering into the tiny room he has claimed as an office space for himself on the set.

It takes a few minutes for her to carefully pull off the wig and gently set it down on the stand. The motions are practised enough that her mind is allowed to race. Her stomach is practically dancing now.

Something is wrong. Nothing good ever comes from being called into a one-on-one talk with Pierce. But why? Duncan and Susan are the once that has earned Hansen's ire lately; Lynn has actually been doing alright the last month or so.

They can't be firing her, right? No. No, they can't. Who else could play Rose but her?

Maybe something has happened to Ethan. They have been filming all morning. Maybe he was in an accident after leaving home this morning.

Icy tendrils shots down her spine and she takes a deep breath to fight off the panic. Calm down, calm down. Rose would face any bad news with her head held high, ready for anything. Be Rose. Be Rose.

When she reaches his office, Pierce is sitting his chair, reading through some papers. She knocks on the side of the doorframe and he quickly looks up, his businessmile already on his lips. ”There you are. I have some news I need to share with you. You're not in a hurry to eat, are you?”

Maybe it isn't bad news after all. Rose smiles back at him. ”No, it's fine. I had a big breakfast, so I'm not really hungry.” Only half truth, but he doesn't need to know that.

”Good, good.” He fidgets with a pen, seemingly in thought. As the silence stretches, the butterflies starts to wake up in her stomach again. ”Listen,” he finally says, ”I don't know how to say this gently, so I'll just say it. We're killing Rose.”

Panic. Stomach roiling, lights growing dim around them. Rose fades away, leaving Lynn to deal with reality. She blinks, tries to center herself. ”Wh-” she swallows, her tight throat barely allowing it, ”What? I don't... What?”

”Company wants Annie Nelson on the show. You've heard of her, right?”

”Yes. I have.” Young, talented, gorgeous, with a giggle that might as well have a trademark sign on it.

”After her work on Sisters, they feel that her involvement with our show would boost our views significantly and we need that. Our latest season had the worst reviews we've ever had.”

”What does that have to do with killing Rose?”

”Well, you know, the company doesn't have unlimited amount of money and Nelson has a very good manager. So they figured that if we got Nelson onboard we would have to let someone go, and well...” He shrugs, appearing contrite.

Her ears are ringing. Is she dreaming? This has to be a nightmare. It doesn't make sense. It just doesn't make sense.

”I don't know why you're so surprised, really,” he continues, like his words aren't killing her. ”It's not like Rose has any real storylines left anyway. Writers don't really know what to do with her anymore.” He gives her a piece of paper, which she automatically takes from him. ”I have a couple of ideas on deathscenes that I want to go over with you later. She's been a character on the show for almost nine years – we want her death to be as respectful as we can make it while still being a shock to the viewers. And she'll even have an episode dedicated to the others grieving over her death. That's a better ending than most characters get.”

Lynn's nails on her left hand are biting into her palm, and she has to flex her fingers before she draws blood. ”But... Rose is the only part I have right now. If she goes...”

”I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm sure that you'll find something else.” His eyes rake over her once. ”You've let yourself go lately. Maybe if you got into better shape you might get some more offers. You want me to hook you up with Dieter again? The man can work miracles on the human body.”

Fingers digging into her scalp, sour breath in her ear, painpainpain, scream for me, you like that, such a good bitch...

She quickly shakes her head, biting her lip hard as bile treatens to crawl up her throat. ”No! No, I'll... figure something else out.”

”Suit yourself.” He stands up and walks over to her, slapping his hand hard down on her shoulder, her knees almost buckling. ”Try to keep the news to yourself for a day or two, alright? Things are tense enough on the set as it is: no need to make things worse, at least for today.”

Then why the fuck did you tell me now?! Rose screams from deep inside her, but all Lynn does is force a weak smile on her lips and give him a slight nod. He slaps his hand down on her shoulder again in a faux show of camraderie before walking past her out of the room.

As soon as he's out the door, her facade breaks and she slumps down on the chair. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.

What the fuck is she supposed to do now?

She really has no other parts. To be perfectly honest, she hasn't really been interested in any other available roles in years. How many months has it been since she went to an audition? Eight months? Ten months? A year? Rose is all Lynn has needed for a long time. How can she possibly play someone else when Rose is such an important piece of her life?

Her racing thoughts are brought to a halt when her phone starts ringing. Her fumbling fingers cuts La vie en rose off at the first line.

”Hi, Lynn.”

”Ethan!” Oh no. What is she supposed to say? ”Hi. I'm sorry, but things are kind of hectic here right now. Can I call you-”

”Lynn, listen to me. I have something important I need to tell you.”

”Ethan?” Another bad feeling. There is something hard in Ethan's voice that she has never heard before. ”Did something happen?”

There is a sigh on Ethan's side. ”There is no easy way to say this, so I'll just spit it out: I'm leaving you. And I'm not planning on coming back.”

Oh. That's... not at all Lynn was expecting. She sinks down on the floor, her knees folding beneath her in shock, heart beating furiously in her chest. ”...What? I- Why?” Did Dieter talk? No, he would be in way more trouble than she could ever be in if he admitted what he had done. But what else could it be? They were fine. Everything had been fine.

”We never do anything together anymore. We haven't been on a date for over six months, and even then it was on one of your actor meets.”

”That's it? Baby, I'm sorry that I've been so busy, but something has happened and-”

”Just shut up!” Lynn's mouth snap close, Rose hissing in her mind, wanting to tell him off for interrupting a second time. ”Just... shut up and listen for once. It's not just the lack of dates. When you're at home, it's like you're not even there with me. You're looking through me every time I try to have a conversation with you. Do you even remember what we talked about last night?”

She thinks hard, desperate to prove him wrong. But... nothing. They did talk yesterday, yes. Was it about his job? His family? Why can't she remember? ”Something about... your mother?”

He scoffs. Fuck. ”I told you my sister had gotten a new job, something she is very excited about. But as usual, you don't listen. You just nod along, smiling like you're in front of the media. But I'm your husband. You're supposed to actually want to talk with me."

Lynn is going to vomit. She know's she will. It's been threatening all day and every word from Ethan's mouth makes her more and more nauseous.

”But you want to know what's most disturbing? Whenever we're out somewhere with other people and you have to act like an actual human being, you're not even acting like yourself. You're acting like Rose!”

”Shit,” Rose swears under her breath.

”I only noticed it a few weeks back, because I didn't used to watch your show. But when I caught an episode by accident it freaked me the fuck out. Your mannerisms, your way of talking, of laughing... it's all her! That's not normal, Lynn! It's like the woman I married never even existed in the first place!”

Rose sniffs. ”So, what? You've just decided it's over? Just like that? You care that little for me?”

”I'm not sure you even cared for me in the first place,” Ethan says hoarsely.

”Ethan-” Lynn barely hears the click as her husband hangs up on her, his words echoing louder and louder in her ears.

It's not true. She cares for Ethan. Cares for him more than anyone else on her life. Which is why Lynn has never been enough for him.

You're not even acting like yourself. You're acting like Rose!

Well, why wouldn't she? It was Rose that had begun flirting with him at the bar, Rose that had led him to bed, Rose that had said 'Yes' at their wedding. Why would she be Lynn if he liked Rose?

Whenever Lynn hasn't been enough to deal with a situation, she has slipped into Rose and let her handle it. Rose knows herself in a way that Lynn never could. It's better to be someone else than to look stupid, right?

Or maybe that's just what she's been telling herself.

What is Lynn's favorite color? She wants to say amber – but that's Rose's favorite as well. Her favorite food? That's chicken parmesan... which she never ate before she got the role of Rose.

How much of Lynn will be left if Rose dies?

She's shaking, her teeth knocking together painfully and the bile that has been churning in her throat finally makes good of its threat. She barely gets to a trashbag before vomiting profusely into its depths, bits of it still managing to land outside. Heaving again and again, her tears mingling with the halfdigested sandwich in the trash.

When it's all out, she slumps against the wall. She's sitting in something wet. Probably vomit. Who cares.

So. That's it. There will be no Rose for her. Not in Hollywood, and not at home. These will be Rose's last days on Earth.

Her eyes locks onto the set. The next scene will be in Rose's bedroom. She knows the room inside and out, knows every little scrap of paper on the noteboard and how many flowers there are on the wallpaper. Her own bedroom at her house has cats on the wall, but Lynn has no idea how many there are.

Ethan is right. Rose has become more real than Lynn ever was. And now she will disappear.

Maybe... Lynn oughta disappear with her.

The thought doesn't scare her as much as it used to. Right now, it actually sounds rather appealing. She looks down on the paper in her hand.

Elevator breaking. Cancer. Murder. Carcrash.

Beside each suggestion are little notes of pros and cons for each death. The list goes down the entire page, and yet nowhere does it say suicide. Maybe they don't think that's Rose's style. There has been no sign of her being depressed in the show, and the viewers would probably be confused and annoyed if she suddenly killed herself.

But this isn't a sitcom. This is real life. In real life people snap and kill themselves all the time, no matter how stable they appear on the surface.

So, how will Rose do it?

It doesn't take long for her to decide. Rose has always been a lover of the classics. A good oldfashioned hanging from the rafters will do just fine for her.

Rose has been on this particular set for... two years? Three years? Three years. She knows every nock and cranny of the space. It's convenient to know the dark corners when you need to hide from the world. And there is a particular spot on the catwalk above the set that she enjoys tucking away in when things gets to hectic. Good enough for a deathscene.

The walk up to the catwalk is not as hard as she would have thought. Actually, it feels like a weight has fallen off her shoulders. Maybe it's because she doesn't need to worry about tomorrow anymore. Or maybe it's because she's Rose right now. No matter. Better do it before she becomes Lynn again.

Wonder who will find her first? Maybe it will be Pierce. Let him see how a real deathscene looks like. Or maybe it will be Duncan. The boy should really consider getting another job. Maybe this will do the trick.

She makes a snare in one of the cables, slips it over head, tightens it. It should do the trick. Breaking her neck sounds much more appealing than choking to death. She really hopes that she tied the knot right. Would be dead embarrassing if it loosened and she only broke her leg instead. She tests it again. No, it should be good.

She looks down at her bedroom for one last time, and smiles. Welcome to the set, Annie Nelson. I hope you have a lovely time.

Lynn stirs deep beneath her skin, and before she reaches the surface, Rose takes one last deep breath, and jumps.