It's Not Always a Happy Ending

Sam fought back the tears for so long her body ached. The pain came from somewhere deep inside of her, a place she couldn’t identify, her soul maybe, if such a thing actually existed. She stood beside her car and stared at the cabin. It looked like a post card, weathered logs, the pitched roof snow covered with a crisp, smooth layer of ice. The background was picturesque, the cabin surrounded by evergreen trees dripping with icicles glistening in the sunshine. 

This place was her sanctuary where she always found peace but it felt different now and she regret the decision to come here. What made her think that isolating herself for the holidays would help her get through them? It was a stupid idea, being here only made her realize just how alone she really was. She jingled the keys in her hand and considered her options. Every instinct she had seemed to be wrong, at this point she was tripping over her mistakes, maybe it was time to go against her impulses and see what happened. She pulled the suitcase from the back seat and dragged it to the front door before she could change her mind. 

She stepped inside and the memories assaulted her, they had so many good times here, she couldn’t recall a single sad moment. That was before he messed up, he insisted that’s all it was, a momentary lapse in judgment. She was more surprised than anyone to discover she had the backbone to kick him out just moments after she found out.

She turned on the lights and lit the fireplace, there were dried logs from their last visit waiting for her. It was always the last thing Jason did, left logs positioned perfectly ready for their next visit. She left her suitcase in the bedroom and grabbed the bottle of wine she stuffed in her bag last minute. She found a crystal glass, an engagement gift and poured some then sat on the shaggy rug in front of the fire. She took one sip and the damn broke, she cried so hard it hurt. How did she end up here? A week ago she was planning a wedding with the man she loved with her whole heart. She wondered if there was a defining moment that led Jason to do what he did, he never acted like something was wrong. The way he was able to lie made her question their entire five year relationship. When that woman, ironically also named Samantha texted her, admitted to her own relationship with Jason she didn’t want to believe it because if it was true her world was caving in around her. The woman insisted they were on the same side and tried to convince her that she was only trying to stop her from making a mistake but Sam knew better and refused to give her the power she wanted. Most likely Jason had tried to end things and the woman found this to be the perfect revenge.  The feeling of pain and betrayal was still raw. 

She lay back on the rug and stared up at the ceiling beams, the tears running unchecked down her cheeks, soaking her hair. What was she going to do now? She had to start calling the vendors for the wedding to cancel them. She needed to put it all behind her and make sure she didn’t change her mind in a moment when good memories flooded in. 

That was for tomorrow though. She came up onto her elbows and stared at the hypnotic dance of the flames. She was tired, beyond tired, sleep eluded her lately but maybe tonight she could find some peace. She pulled the blanket from the sofa and wrapped it around herself burrowing down into the softness. She closed her eyes and listened to the crackling of the fire and the rhythmic sound of her breath. Tomorrow she would drive into town, maybe get a Christmas tree or maybe gas up her car and head back. Either way she had to somehow start putting the pieces of her life back together.

***

Sam set up the small tree, stringing the lights she bought at the general store. She found it stuffed behind the other trees on the lot. It was really pitiful but there was something about it, like her it had potential but needed someone to care. The microwave sounded and she grabbed the frozen dinner and sat on the floor in front of the tree and picked at the food while she watched the lights twinkle.

The weather made the decision of her next step for her. The light snow that was falling was the beginning of a lake effect storm and no one was going anywhere. She bought a few books, bath salts, wine and cheese and she would make the best of it. Like her therapist said each day that passed put the whole thing further behind her and though she would never get over it she would eventually find a new normal.

The sound of a door opening stopped her musings and she stood, grabbed the fire poker and inched toward the front door. When Jason stepped in stomping the snow from his boots the poker slipped from her grip. The sound of the metal bouncing off the wooden floor made him jump, then he looked at her startled and confused.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Jason froze not sure what to do.  It never occurred to him to see if she headed here for the holiday. “Sam?”

“It’s convenient really, you never had to worry about calling one of us by the other’s name. Again, what are you doing here?”

“Same thing you are, I guess. Where’s your car?”

“In the garage. For your own sake you better be alone.”

“Of course I am.  I just needed to get away, I never thought you would still come here.”

“Don’t forget my name is on the deed too.”

Jason saw the pain, the weariness and it hurt because he knew he put it there. Before everything came crashing down around them he realized he stopped seeing her for who she was. She was pleasant, fun, intelligent and beautiful, they had a relationship others envied and rightfully so, their feelings were real and mutual. She would never understand that he did love her. He didn’t know why he did what he did, poor judgment, fear, panic, whatever it was he hated himself for it. He hated himself for ruining the rest of his life and hurting the one person that mattered. It was true what they say, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”

There was a loud bang and they both turned. The limb he kept meaning to cut hit the window. “I can’t go anywhere right now.”

“Then sleep in the shed, this isn’t some cheap romcom and we’re going to be trapped for the night and work through things. I don’t particularly care if your car slides back to the city.”

Jason dropped his duffel bag and brushed the snow from his jacket, then his hair. “Sam, if I could leave I would. I’ll go to the guest room and stay there until morning, I’ll stay down at the Inn if I can’t get out of town. You won’t know I’m here unless you pass me when I use the bathroom.”

He started to remove his jacket then seemed to think better of it and grabbed the bag and made his way down the hall. She expected the door to slam shut but it closed with a soft click that seemed to echo through the cabin. She really wished she left when she had the chance. She yanked the plug out of the socket and the tree went dark, she no longer saw its charm. She gathered up the snacks she set out and placed them on the kitchen counter grabbing only the bag with books and headed to the master bedroom which was thankfully on the other side of the cabin. 

***

The hours dragged but she refused to give up hope that she would be able to at least get through one chapter of the book on her lap. He didn’t make a sound but she felt his presence, she stared down at the book again and slammed it shut tossing it to the side of the bed where Jason usually slept and laid down on her side. She wasn’t going to cry, not with him here. She wouldn’t give him that power over her. As soon as the storm broke she was leaving and never coming back. Her eyes felt dry and heavy so she closed them but a loud crash had her jolt up. She looked around to see what could have caused it then heard another crash and glass shattering.  She ran out of the room and was hit with an icy blast of cold. She glanced in the kitchen where it was now snowing and the tree limb was hanging over the sink. 

“What happened?”

“What does it look like happened?”

“You’re barefoot, don’t walk in there.”

She heard him rustling around then felt the weight of a jacket on her shoulders. It would be childish to shrug it off so she slid her arms into the sleeves while he moved to check the window. 

“I can cut it back enough that we can at least board up the window for now.”

“Where are you going?” 

“To the shed.”

She found her shoes then fought the frigid wind while she moved everything off the counter. Jason’s face appeared outside and she heard the chainsaw start up. It wasn’t safe to use such a dangerous tool when she knew his vision would be limited with the whiteout conditions but she kept her mouth shut and moved out of the way. 

She heard a soft curse outside followed by a crack when the branch disappeared. Moments later the door opened and closed and he returned with a piece of plywood. She grabbed a side and helped him lift it. Together they maneuvered and secured the wood over the gaping hole.  

He saw the helpless look when she scanned the snowy mess in the room and without commenting he started to help. As they worked in companionable silence he glanced over a few times. He felt like he didn’t know her, a familiar stranger. He looked at her the way someone that was just meeting her would. When had he allowed her to become so familiar that he no longer saw what a stranger would? The enormity of what he’d done hit him. Maybe a part of him thought some time would smooth it all over and they would work it out. The other woman meant nothing and on some level he thought that feeling would spill over to Sam. She glanced up at him, their eyes met and he knew. “Can we talk?”

“What’s left to say?”

“All we did was yell at each other. Can we actually talk?”

Sam crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. “You’re something else. Yeah, sure let’s talk.”

Jason stepped away from the doorway and waited for her to move past him to the living room. She sat and he went to the fireplace to toss on more wood and try and warm up the now cold air. She said nothing and he realized that she always handled their disagreements but now it was up to him and he had no idea what to do. When he couldn’t stall anymore he finally took a seat across from her. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Well that was quick.”

“Please Samantha, just a few minutes.”

“Fine.”             

“I guess I should start with how sorry I am. I know what I did was wrong, I know I can’t ever undo it. I won’t even try to explain or make excuses. You were the best part of my life and I can’t imagine going on without you.”

“Too bad you didn’t think of that sooner.”

“I know, if it helps I think right now I hate myself more than you hate me.”

“Oh I doubt that’s possible.” He hung his head in shame and she fought the instinct to soothe him. “What do you want from me Jason? You did what you did and nothing changes it. I have one question, why?”

“I don’t know, I can tell you she didn’t matter then and doesn’t now, I know it doesn’t make it better but it’s true. I would do anything at all to take it back or fix things. Is there anything I can do, anything at all, to make it up to you?”

She finally felt the anger morph into sadness. “No, I could say let’s try but we’ll just end up right here again and I don’t think that’s good for either of us.”

“So this is it?”

“It was over the moment you decided to let her into your life. She will always be there, a ghost hovering over us.”

It was easier to deal with her anger than the tears that started to stream down her face. He knew he had to risk rejection and moved over to where she sat and hesitantly joined her. He took a chance and put an arm around her. Time seemed to stand still while he waited for a reaction and let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding when her head came to rest on his shoulder. He didn’t crowd her, he just let her cry. How could he do this to her?

After awhile she stilled and he realized she had cried herself to sleep. He grabbed a pillow and placed it against his leg gently shifting her and placing one of the blankets over her so she could sleep. He smoothed her hair away from her face, it was wet with tears and that simple thing brought the tears to his own eyes. 

***

She felt drugged when she started to drift awake. It was the sun streaming in the cold room that woke her. Her mouth was parched, her head heavy and throbbing. She looked up and saw Jason asleep using his hand as a pillow. There was a shadow on his chin and his hair was past due for a cut, shaggy and unkempt. A wave of love filled her followed by the understanding that this was it. His eyes opened and like her forgot for a moment and smiled.

“Merry Christmas.”

She sat up and his smile faded. She somehow forgot what day it was. “Yeah.” Needing a reason to escape she went to the kitchen to check the damage in the daylight. 

“I’ll call someone to come and fix it.”

“I think we should sell the cabin.”

“You love this place. You can keep it, no strings.”

“No.” She turned and searched his face. “I loved what we had here. It’s done but let’s part without fighting. We had a good relationship until we didn’t, I don’t want to spend my life hating you.”

“You’re right.”

“Power’s out, do you want to go into town, have Christmas breakfast before we leave?”

“I’d like that.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you there.”

***

She stepped into the warmth of the diner and breathed in the familiar scent of pancakes and coffee. There were more people than would be expected on Christmas morning but most likely no one had power. Jason stood and she moved toward him, sitting in the chair he slid out.

“I hope it’s okay, I ordered for both of us. Service is slow.”

“That’s fine.”

The food was placed on the table and they ate in silence. Having no appetite she just pushed the pancakes around the syrup. 

“Do you have plans today?”

“No, you?”

“I’m not ready to face my family.”

Sam nodded in agreement. She really had no family to speak of, Jason’s family became hers but that would change now. She knew they wouldn’t turn her away but eventually Jason would move on and she wouldn’t be the pathetic ex that didn’t know when it was time to go. The ring on her finger caught her attention, she didn’t realize she was still wearing it. She gave up on the food and put the fork down then spun the ring around before pulling it off and placing it on the table between them. 

“Sam, don’t…”

She held up a hand and stood. “I thought I could do this but I can’t. I’d say have a Merry Christmas but neither of us will manage that, not yet anyway. Be well Jason, I can’t wish you happiness yet but one day I will, just take that with you, it’s all I have to give.”

He watched her weave her way through the tables and leave without looking back. Outside her shoulders slumped, he tossed some money on the table and ran after her. She was still fumbling with the key to her car when he reached her. 

“Samantha!” He turned her and pulled her into his arms. Her arms came around him and she burrowed her face into his chest. “I hate myself, I’ll never forgive myself. Just know that I love you, I always have, I always will. Maybe one day you can forgive me and you’ll find me.”

She looked up and pulled his face down placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Goodbye Jason.”

He nodded his head, unable to speak then opened the door for her. She drove away and he stood there watching the car disappear. It only took one careless mistake to ruin everything. All he could think was not every story had a happy ending.