Everyone else

Everyone Else 

Me and my boyfriend Trent have never really seen eye to eye. For some reason, it always seems like I'm drawn to people that are the exact opposite of me. 

 "I cannot stress enough how good you look in that dress, Abby" Trent said to me after looking up from his phone for a split second. 

"You mean it?" I always ask him that after every compliment knowing I'll get the same response each time. 

"Of course, I mean it. If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't say it." 

"Yeah, I know I know...." I said while brushing down the sides of my dress hoping it would somehow slim down the rest of my body.  

"I'm not too sure I like it actually..." I said hesitantly, knowing the cans of worms I had opened with that single sentence. 

“Are you serious? This is like, the 5th one Abby....” At this point Trent was looking up at me from his phone and I could see the annoyed expression on his face.  

“Yeah, I don’t know it just-” 

“Just what? It looks perfectly fine, just like all the other dresses did. What could possibly be wrong with this one?” He said raising his voice more with each syllable.  

I looked at myself again in the mirror, aiming my eyes solely at my stomach. I knew the honest answer to his question but was too afraid to say it. So instead, I said “The color.... It’s the color...”  

At this point Trent stood up and stood beside me looking at me in the mirror.  

“What are you talking about? It’s your favorite color!” He said picking at the seams of the dress. 

“Just because it’s my favorite color doesn’t mean it looks good on me.”  

I picked up my hanger for the dress and walked towards the dressing room to change back into the outfit I know I felt safe in. 

Trent sighed and sat back down, knowing he could not change my mind no matter how hard he tried. In a way I felt bad for him. How much longer is he going to be able to put up with me? 

After I finished changing, I handed the dress back to the worker and we started making our way out of the store. 

On our way out, I noticed this beautiful woman walking past us. I glanced over at Trent and caught him looking her up and down. And for the first time in my life, I decided to call him out on it.  

“.....You never look at me like that...”  

That was when he looked me dead in the eye and said, “Well maybe if you were more confident, I would.”  

And that was when I saw it.  

His breaking point.  

After yelling at each other in the parking lot for half an hour and me crying, we decided we should take a break from each other.  

I went home and immediately went to bed. 

The next day, I had school.  

The only person I spent time with at school was Trent. Today I needed to resort back to one of my older friends. Heather.  

Heather and I are exact opposites, just like me and everyone else I meet for some reason.  

If I am being quite honest, I always resented Heather in a way.  

She is everything I always wanted to be. She is confident, funny, good at everything she does, and can get along with anybody. She’s just like everyone else. I was so envious of her that I started to distance myself from her more. Which was not fair to her at all, so I hope she doesn’t think me wanting to hang out again after all these months is weird. It wasn’t just her either, I started to distance myself from everyone, the quieter I became the more I wished I was as social as everyone else at school. Was it just me? Or did everyone get a lesson on how to talk to people one day when I was home sick from school? 

During lunch time, I walked around the cafeteria after getting my food to look for the only friend I felt like I had left. Despite knowing a lot of people, I didn’t feel like I fit in with all of them.  

I hoped to find Heather soon, I hated walking around because I was afraid people would see me and comment on how bad I looked. But maybe I was too deep in my head. 

That’s when I finally saw her. 

“Hey, Heather.” I said approaching her slowly. 

“Abby!” She said excitedly running up to me to give me a hug. “How have you been?! I haven’t seen you in so long!”  

I slowly pushed her off me. “Yeah, I know... I’m sorry about that...”  

“Oh well it doesn’t really matter now. All that matters is that we can have lunch together, right?” She said grinning at me.  

That sentence took me by total surprise. Not only did she beat me to the question, but I wasn’t even sure she would say yes to that if I asked her.  

“Uh, yeah! Where did you want to sit?” I asked looking around.   

“Oh! Can we sit in our old spot? The one under the tree.” Heather pointed over to a table secluded from the rest of the cafeteria. I was immediately reminded of why I chose that spot, because I was self-conscious of the way I looked while I was eating.  

“Sure.” I said to her, and we started walking over together. 

Our chat started off with small talk, catching up with each other and sharing stories of what our senior year has been like so far.  

“Have you picked out your dress for prom yet?!” She asked me while stuffing her face full of broccoli. 

“Well, I was trying to find a good one, but I haven’t found one that really suits me yet.” I looked down at the ground hoping for a way out of this conversation topic. 

“Oh, well you have some time left, I’m positive you'll find the perfect one! Besides, you are so pretty, you could wear a garbage bag and still make it look good.” She started chuckling to herself. “You’re going with Trent, right? That’s a handsome couple right there!”  

I looked up at her for a moment, then looked back down and let out a sigh. I didn’t know how to tell her what had happened, and at this point it would just be embarrassing.  

She moved her head down to be able to look into my eyes and asked, “Is something wrong?”  

“Uh, well, yes. Me and Trent decided to.... take a break...” I met my eyes with hers and saw the worried and regretful look in her eyes.  

“Oh shoot, I’m sorry Abby, I didn’t mean to bring up anything negative.” 

“No, it’s ok, you didn’t know... Actually, you're the first person I've told.”  

She kept staring at me with that same look on her face while the wind was blowing her black hair into her eyes.  

“Well, if you ever want someone to talk about it with, I’m here for you. This is a no judging zone!” She said in a joking voice, but I knew she was being genuine. 

“Actually.... I do need your help.”  

As soon as I said that the look on Heather’s face went from uneasy to surprised. Even I was surprised, considering the fact that I’m terrified of talking about my insecurities with other people. Nonetheless, asking for help with them. 

“How do you do it?” 

“What?” She said, with a look on her face that looked like I had just accused her of a crime.  

“How are you... You?” I asked her in a confused tone of voice. 

At this point she looked lost and very confused, but in the moment, I didn’t know how else to ask her what I was thinking.  

“What do you mean?” She asked calmly.  

“Like, you're so confident and you just exist so... naturally, like you don’t have a care in the world, or like you're untouchable. I’m honestly a little jealous. I just wish I could love myself as much as you love yourself.”  

She stared at me for a solid second, and then started laughing. 

“What’s so funny?” I asked her, very confused. 

“Do you really think I love myself that much?” She said still laughing.  

“Well, I mean, you sure act like it.” 

At this point she started to stop laughing. “Yeah, I guess I do act like it. You know it’s a good thing you say that, often I forget the person I pretend to be is real.”  

I looked at her with a shocked expression on my face. “Heather, what are you talking about? You meant to tell me you aren’t confident?”  

“Well, no not really. Although the fact that you think I am does kind of boost my ego a bit...” She said giggling again. “Ok let me see if I can explain this to you. I am very insecure; I just choose not to show it. Does that make any sense?”  

I looked at her in disbelief. “No, I don’t get it, at all.”  

“Hm, ok, well let me ask you this; what are you insecure about?” She said putting a carrot into her mouth.  

Great the only question I never want to answer. I thought about whether I should be honest with her, but I figured, I'd rather learn from her than ignore her again.  

“My looks.” I said feeling embarrassed about myself.  

She looked at me surprised.  

“Abby, are you being serious? But you're gorgeous!” She said looking me in the eyes.  

“Well, I appreciate the compliment, but it doesn’t always feel that way.” I said looking back down. “Actually, that one insecurity is the reason me and Trent decided to take a break from each other.”  

“Huh?! Oh please, if he can't love you for who you are then you deserve better anyways!” She said looking at me. “Oh sorry... too soon?”  

“No, you're right” I said looking back up at her. “So, any advice for how I can be confident?” 

“Oh! Well, no not really” she said looking up at the leaves from the tree we were sitting under.  

I looked at her with a confused look and she looked back at me and said “Well, I'm not really confident myself! I have to hype myself up to do most things and then pray for the best! Just like when I asked you to eat lunch with me! I hadn't seen you in so long, so I wasn’t sure you wanted to sit with me...” She said looking down at the ground with a smile on her face.  

At this moment I was in total shock, but somehow felt happy at the same time. To know the girl I had envied since middle school felt the same way I had been feeling my whole life, felt nice in a way. It felt like, she was a real person that I could finally connect and relate to. Maybe she really wasn't like everyone else.  

She looked back at me and met her eyes with mine and continued. 

“But I asked you anyways and here we are! I learned that you never know unless you try, so living by that rule gave me a false sense of confidence, I guess. The only advice I can give you is just, fake it till you make it. Once you start acting like you are confident, everyone around you will believe that you are, even if you don’t see it for yourself. And I can guarantee that everyone you see walking around here, is not all that they make themselves out to be. And as far as insecurities go, everyone has them, I know I do. I’m insecure about my personality, but if someone doesn’t like me for me, then I don’t want them in my life anyway. Just stick around people that make you feel good for being you.”  

Never in my time of knowing Heather have I ever thought she would admit that she's not confident in herself. I wasn’t even sure what to say after that because that answer was better than anything I would have expected her to say. Of course, it didn’t fix my insecurities, but it made me realize I can hang around people that don’t make me feel bad for having them. It also made me realize that everyone is dealing with their own insecurities. I spent so long thinking I wasn't like everyone else, but maybe everyone else is just like me. 

I hugged Heather tightly.  

“Thank you.” I said to her softly.  

She lightly pushed me back, looked at me, and smiled, “No need to thank me!” she said, “It’s not really the best advice, but it’s what I do to get through every day.” 

Even if it’s not realistically the right advice, it felt perfect for me.  

“Hey Heather...” I said looking directly at her.  

“Do you want to help me pick out a dress for prom?”