A Quiet Winter

Eran was standing on the roof of the tower that was his office building, listening to the saddest song he could think of as he prepared to walk off the edge. Komm Süsser Tod or Come Sweet Death, a song that he heard in an anime when he was a teen. He heard the door open under music behind him as he climbed onto the edge, followed by the sound of supplies dropping, like someone clearing the top of a desk in one swoop. He turned around to see a woman standing frozen, staring. He gave her a smirk and returned to his action. 

Eran had barely gotten over the edge when he saw long black hair moving up beside him. Calmly climbing over as he just had. He gave her another, more curious, look. He didn’t recognize her as she worked at a different company in the building. She looked down and took a deep breath, then back up at Eran, returning the smirk from earlier. He saw no emotions on her face. No fear, no joy, no future. A face that haunts him to this day.

Then she jumped. 

He watched briefly as she plummeted to the ground but did not have the stomach to observe the impact, closing his eyes and turning his head away. almost losing his resolve, but only momentarily. Despite standing on the edge of the abyss, it was only just then that he saw through the fog. 

Eran Kept his eyes closed as he leaned forward and braced himself.

Then he let go.

A rose-scented arm wrapped around his neck before his feet could leave the ledge, snatching to the ground, landing on top of his interrupter. 

They laid there for a bit. The woman under him had her legs wrapped around his legs and was practically suffocating him in her chokehold, expecting him to fight back in a desperate fit to kill himself, but he didn’t. His recent predecessor hadn't softened him enough to step down from the ledge, but it was enough for him not to climb back up. Plus, he could feel she was not a woman big enough to stop him if he truly wanted to, and he didn't want to hurt anyone. He wasn't there to hurt others.

One of his earbuds fell out, so he could feel her panting against his ear. Every few seconds, she released an exhausted “No!” and adjusted her grip every time it started to slip or weaken. He didn’t have it in him to tell her she had successfully thwarted his attempt or that she had just missed another lost soul

Eventually, When the mood had stalled and his savior had caught her breath, the cops came to investigate, finding them tangled on the ground. She kept her hold on him as she explained the situation. He remained silent.

He finally got to look his savior in the eye after finally convincing her to let go, and the officers lifted him up to carry him away. She was young and pretty, even under the makeup that had run down her face. April, he heard her tell the cops her name. April collapsed when she heard about the woman she had missed by only a few seconds.

Then Eran was carried off.

He didn’t expect to see April after that incident, but after being held and investigated at the police station, he found her waiting outside to drive him home. The cop that escorted him out told her the address he had given them and followed it up by telling Eran he owed her his life. From there, she showed up daily. At first, he didn’t answer, but after a couple of weeks, he opened the door to her, shivering in the early chills of autumn, holding fast food and a thermos up to her smiling face. 

She tried to hide it, but he saw her heart break a little. He had the appearance of a man who had given up on life. His hair was untrimmed, he looked like he had dropped 30 pounds, he wore stained clothes, and he didn’t know it, but his eyes mimicked the face he had envisioned since that day.

Eran left the door open for April, returned to his couch, and laid on his side, staring at the television. It was currently turned off. He had barely moved from it for days, but his home was a mess despite this. 

The floor was littered with beer cans, various empty food containers, and lots of Rocky Road ice cream. Photo frames had been knocked down from their places on the walls and shelves, leaving broken glass splattered around them, with some sections of shards in the main hallway having dried blood on them. 

April stepped into very little difference in temperature, and despite some light left outside, most of the house was dark. Any place where light didn’t slip through the outline of the shut curtains. She flipped a couple of light switches without response before surveying the home. And finally, stopping to take a good look at the warm body decaying on the sofa. With his stained robe and underwear, scratched and scared soles, and listless gaze. Her heartbreak took a slight turn toward annoyance. 

She walked over and quite violently cleared the coffee table before him, Causing him to flinch slightly. She sat the food and thermos on the now clear table, Picked up the house keys off the floor, and left, locking the door after her, leaving a confused Eran in the silent darkness.

April returned a few hours later, bearing groceries, some cleaning supplies, and battery-powered lighting. The food she left on the table was eaten, though the thermos remained untouched. Eran was more or less in the same position with his eyes closed. She set the keys on the table and got to work. 

She cleaned the hall and living room without waking Eran, then left. April let herself in the next morning, dressed professionally, Surprising Eran, who sat upright on the sofa eating, basically drinking with a spoon, a pint of Rocky Road ice cream. He looked at his keys. They were all there. He looked back up at April and met eyes for a second, and then she went on to clean the kitchen and left carrying his last melted pint of Rocky Road ice cream. 

April returned every day after, usually just to read for about an hour, never speaking directly to Eran. They had yet to utter a word to each other. Sometimes, she would just peek inside on her more busy days, see that Eran was alive, and leave. Others, she would come with food, often homemade. On weekends, she would sit in the chair in the corner of the living room and read aloud. Romance novels that Eran would never read himself, not that he read at all, but he did like listening to her read. 

Sometimes, she would walk through the home looking for something to clean, but Eran stopped making messes and cleaning after himself. He barely moved, so it wasn’t hard, but he felt bad about everything, About putting someone in the position she was in on that roof, About sitting by as she took care of him and his home. About being a burden, she felt responsible for. But he couldn’t tell her to stop coming.

He would steal glances as she read, noticing how the cold made her uncomfortable. Winter started. Her style was typically a sweater layered under a trench coat and scarf. She read with her gloves on, which he knew was uncomfortable. He himself took to wearing socks and spending most of his days under layers of blankets. He was fine with that, but letting someone else suffer didn’t sit well. 

Despite his current situation, Eran’s parent left him this home, some savings, and an insurance payout. He didn’t want to touch any of it. He felt too guilty and undeserving. He was their only son, whom they loved dearly. His father often told Eran he was his Magnum Opus. His mother would say that he was her dream. And he almost destroyed their legacy. 

He only stayed in their home because he never updated his ID after moving out; he never had a reason, despite it having been years. He hadn’t stepped into it since his parent’s funeral, so everything was as they left it, Minus the power that had been out for months. After stepping into the home and lying on the sofa, he didn’t have the will to leave. Now, there was a different reason he wanted to stay.

One Saturday, April arrived to a warm home. She took a second. Standing at the entryway in disbelief. Pride and joy filled her as she flipped the light on and off, letting laughter slip out in her excitement. She took off her outerwear and took to her usual seat. Eran lay on the sofa noticeably under less cover, facing into the sofa, something he had never done. She stayed longer that day, reading more energetically.

With power now restored, she started coming by later and staying longer. Her presence started breathing life into Eran. When she wasn’t around, he moved around more, showered daily, made meals for himself, and thought about what he should finally say to her. But when she came, he would still lie on the sofa feigning listlessness. 

April noticed the change. Eran didn’t realize what a difference his bathing had on the smell of the home. A change she appreciated in her visits. When she started visiting the home, he never changed, and now his clothes were always clean, even if he still wore them like a slob. Also, she hardly did anything to assist him. He started to take care of himself.

Like Eran, April wanted to break their silence but didn’t know how. Her motives for visiting had already changed to comfort. She looked forward to showing up every day and sitting in the room with Eran. She started getting curious about him. She saw the photos of his parents that were around the home; some she had replaced herself. They seemed like a loving and adventurous couple. The big family photo above the sofa where Eran rested showed a happy family. 

Discretely, she searched around the home for more. Eran wouldn’t stop her even if she were more open about it, but despite a couple of months of daily visiting, she had not explored much of the home. The living room, kitchen, cabinets, hall, and bathroom were the boundaries she sat for herself. Though she had good intentions, she was still somewhat of an intruder. Eventually, she found a treasure trove of family memorabilia in a closet in the kitchen. she took out a couple of photo books and returned to the living room. 

She caught the eye of Eran, who watched her open the first book, photos of his junior high years. It took most of his will and willpower for him not to cringe and every ounce of it not to jump up and snatch the books away, but he didn’t want to startle her. He watched her various expressions as she flipped from page to page. Giggling ever so often. 

When she finished that book, she opened the second, which was mostly photos of his parents. They kept the couple's photos separate from his and the family's. When she opened it, a letter, likely an old love letter, slipped out. He knew his father was a bit of a sap. April picked it up, unfolded it, and read. Her eyes became more teary with each scan of the page. When she reached the end, she folded it back and left the room with the books. She returned with the second book and sat it on the table in front of Eran, with the letter on the top, and then she went home.

Eran sat up and opened the letter it read:

Dear Son

If you are reading this letter, that means your mother and I have passed. No way you would open this book if we were around. Or, maybe it’s just me. If that’s the case, take care of your mother. She’s hopeless without me HAHA! (don’t tell her I said that). Anyway, I know you roll your eyes when I say this, but I want you to hear or at least read it from me one more time. 

You are the best part of me, my magnum opus.

We love you more than you will ever know. 

I hope you never read this version because I want to see you find a woman who makes you as happy as your mother has made me and have children as proud as you have made me, and I can tell you how you are going to ruin those kids. HAHA! Your grandfather said that all the time to me, and lord willing, I am rubbing it in his face right now. 

Anyway, I don’t want to drag this on if you are reading this. I hope you have moved past our passing and are living happily.

Love you always,

Dad

DITTO! This old man was never good at hiding things. His dinner will be cold tonight. When he goes to write another, he’ll remember this day and give me a page. But, my dream, we do love you dearly and always will.

Tears flowed from the first paragraph alone. When he finished, he sat the letter back folded on the photo book and laid on the sofa, crying himself to sleep.

The next week felt like a regression. When April visited, Eran was back to staring at the blank television, unmoving; the smell was returning, and the home felt colder. 

One night, she visited the home late and intoxicated, falling over herself and knocking things off the shelves and walls. Eran watched as she stumbled over to her usual chair and plopped down, sagging into it. A significant difference from her usually somewhat dignified posture. She shot an unfocused gaze toward Eran, causing him to blink his eyes and return to the TV. 

“Hey!”, she shouted “Hey! I’m talkin to yoush. Eran!”

Eran met her gaze, his heart beating out of his chest.

“Let’sh not go back to dish.” She continued her slurred ramblings “I won lets you die. Your parens desherve better. Be happy. leash you had som We shoudn’t die like dis. I wemeber the edge. Scary. Don jump. We shoudnt jump…” She started nodding off. “And it smellsh in here…” she said before falling asleep. Leaving Eran with so many questions but at least a few answers. Eran got up, laid a blanket on her, and showered.

The next morning, April woke before Eran and rushed out the door not to return. Eran waited. Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. He missed her. She saved his life in more ways than one, and he never even said thank you. He never said anything. He took her for granted and could never pay her back.

Eran took April’s drunken words to heart, as well as his parents’ final message, and decided to start living again. He started with a haircut and a shave. Then he cleaned the house. Twice. Then, he went through his family photos. He laughed, and he cried, but he was happier than he had been in a long while. Then he went outside for a walk, this time going further than the corner store. It was early spring, but he was still overdressed for the weather. Usually, he wore less, even in the cold, but he decided to try and take care of his body.

He walked, took a bus, and then walked some more until he ended up at his apartment building. Unsure if he even had an apartment to return to. He found out he didn’t when he met his landlord. He was a nice guy. He knew Eran’s parents had passed, and despite months without rent or word, he left his apartment untouched until a month back. The tenants, a few roommates, asked to keep the furniture, so he let them keep sorting through his things and throw out anything they didn’t want. Eran was fine with this; it was more than he had expected. He only wanted a few of his personal belongings and documents he left behind, things others had no use for.

When he went up, a young woman opened the door. She was unexpectedly excited when he explained why he was there. 

“So you are Eran? Wait here!” she rushed off, leaving the door adjourned. “April!” he heard her yell, causing his spine to stiffen and stomach to sink.

Moments later, April appeared holding a box of his things, an audience of her roommates grinning behind her. She didn’t look him in the eyes.

“Here are your things,” she said in a low voice.

Eran took the box and said, “Thank you.”

She looked up at him.

“For everything, April. Thank you”