Dear Drugs

Day 1, letter 1

Dear Drugs,

We were never supposed to take it this far. My friends try to warn me saying you were toxic and dangerous to my identity. But I didn’t listen. You were something new and exciting. I became obsessed with you. To the point I begin to yearn for the chance to be with you every second of the day. You brought me out of my shell. You help unlock a side of me I never knew existed. Your presence gave me a rush beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. It started out casually then weekly before I knew it you were with me daily. My friends noticed the change before I could realize it. Your scent hung on my clothes like magnets.  I tried to break it off many times, but no one knows me like you. I was introducing myself to your associates and they became my friends. Quickly I was gaining access to a world beyond my level of understanding, but I didn’t care. I begin to pull away from all the things I once loved. My connection with my family and friends became distant and argumentative. They tried to intervene but the power you had over me was ten times stronger than their concern. I had to lie and make up excuses just to be with you. My motivation begins to unravel and go down a dark path but the memories of us in the beginning were enough for me to keep chasing after you. I remember those days when we would party all night and it was those nights when I felt most alive. I felt unstoppable and nothing was going to keep me away from you. I could dance to the beat of my drum without being ridiculed. I lacked insecurities when I was with you. I approached strangers I never would have seen in my past life. I begin to feel like a superhuman with superpowers. My whole world revolved around spending time with you. My day started with ways of finding you and ended with you in my system. Sure, we hit our rough patches but the make-up session made me believe we could reconcile our differences.

                                                            Sincerely and painfully lost, Me

3 months later, letter 2

Dear Drugs,

Well, it’s three months later and I guess it’s officially over. I’m in rehab and everyone keeps telling me it’s for the best. I hope you know I fought my hardest to stay connected to you. There would be weeks when I could live without you and then boom the thought of you would be so overwhelming. Those times when we would reunite would destroy my progress and I would have to start all over. I miss you every day and every night you are on my mind. I miss us, I miss the high, I miss the intensity between us; honestly, I just miss you, and all the chaos we caused. Even though I know I shouldn’t. It toys at me knowing you are happy with someone else and saddens me that someone else doesn’t understand the price they will pay. Life is so challenging now without you. I must make decisions without your influence and the feeling is weird but rewarding. I was physically sick without you. My skin just now started to clear up, but my hair broke off something terrible. Besides the constant body aches, night terrors, and upset stomach I feel a positive shift in me. I admit that sometimes when I am lonely, I think of you.

                                                                   Sincerely and learning, Me

The sixth month point, letter 3

Dear Drugs,

It’s been a long and slow process, but I am finding my way back to me. My family and real friends have been so supportive. It amazed me that after everything I put them through, they are still sticking by me. Even though you were my partner in crime or at least that something that convinced me to do the things I knew was wrong. I feel a little abandoned because I’m left to do damage control alone. The consequences of our relationship really took a toll on my life, but therapy has helped me to rebuild the life I once lived. I was told I have an addictive personality and suffer from social anxiety. Which in some ways explains why I latched on to you so quickly. Well, I moved to a new city and found a new job and I even picked up painting, a passion I had since I was a kid. I am learning how to cope with whatever life throws at me and not run from my problems. I also learned that I am enough, and my life has meaning. I once thought I needed you to fit in and cope with life in general, but now realize you hinder my ability to distinguished between fantasy and reality. The truth is that I saw our relationship through rose-colored glasses.

                                                                  Sincerely and changing, Me

The 1-year mark, letter 4

Dear Drugs,

This is my last and final letter and a big congratulations is in order. I’m so proud of myself. I am a recovering addict and that's ok. These letters have been such a big step to my recovery process. I wrote these intimate letters about my relationship hoping to release the hold you have on me. A huge part of me still misses you. The memory of you is still attached to the indescribable feeling that only replays the good times. A time when I was completely carefree and selfish. You were there when no one else was around, you saw all my flaws, you filled a void I could not fill on my own, you catered to my negative thoughts, you meant the world to me while drastically crushing it. In my mind you were like a friend to me. A kind of friend that pushed unhealthy habits but satisfied a continuous hunger. Knowing you was bittersweet and besides what society may think it wasn’t completely all bad. I can’t deny or hide our past, but I can take it as a life lesson. I am eager to inform you that I am in love with someone and that someone is me. I am thankful every day that I was given a second chance. A chance to appreciate my uniqueness and the ability to live life abstaining from drugs.

           Sincerely and happy, Me