Gemini

TW: abuse, mental health

Cassie took a deep breath and wondered why she agreed to this. This wasn’t her. She felt the butterflies in her stomach fluttering about and almost turned around. She swallowed, trying to ignore the anxiety building in her. 

You can do this. 

Before her was a metal double door leading into a converted warehouse. She could hear thumping behind them, and knew she couldn’t back away now. She looked down at herself, she was nicely dressed in neat but casual clothing; jeans and a black cardigan over a yellow top. It wouldn’t make her stand out and she was happy with that.

In fact she would be happy standing in the corner trying to be invisible.

But Sandra wouldn’t let that happen.

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Sandra, or Sandy as she preferred to be called, was Cassie’s best friend. They were complete opposites, the extrovert to her introvert, the ying to her yang, the chalk to her cheese. 

“You ready?” she asked and when Cassie didn’t answer, Sandy did for her, “Of course you are.”

Then she pushed open the doors.

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Cassie was greeted with a blast of music and the flashing of strobe lights. A rainbow of lights danced before her and she struggled to take any of it in. She almost turned around again but Sandy forced her forward.

She felt the bass of the music vibrating the soles of her ballet flats and before her was a crowd of people, all squished together like a can of sardines, dancing and grinding and her immediate thought was to wonder if this was up to the fire code.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Sandy yelled over the noise.

Cassie said nothing.

“You’re wondering if this place is safe. Always the logical one,” she said, shaking her head, though she was smirking.

Nothing wrong with that.

Sandy pointed to a bar in the middle of the crowd, “Want a drink?”

Cassie shook her head, “You know I don’t drink.”

Sandy flashed a wicked smile, “Figured this time might be different. I’ll get you a lemonade. Find us a table.”

Always the boss. 

Cassie nodded and looked around. The warehouse was a large rectangular building with a pitched roof made of glass. Light reflected off the glass and danced among the support beams. Formerly a metalworks factory, it had been gutted and repurposed as a nightclub and Sandy had been begging Cassie to visit for over a year now.

The dance floor was the size of a soccer field and surrounding it were tables where patrons were resting or drinking with their friends. Cassie moved amongst them, eyes down as she looked for a free table. She found one in the corner and, satisfied with its location, she leaned on the table top and tried to be invisible. 

-------

Sandy ordered a vodka tonic and a lemonade at the bar and waited. She looked around, seeing groups of people laughing and chatting away as they waited for their drinks.

The bar was surrounded by a circular counter, with the drinks and fridges set in the middle. Bartenders rushed around trying to appease their ever growing number of orders.

From across the counter, through a gap in the bar, she caught sight of someone looking at her. He looked to be slightly older, maybe mid-20s with dark hair and dark eyes. He flashed her a bright smile and she gave him her best one back.

This is great, she thought. Why was Cassie so worried about coming here? This will be good for her. She waved at her admirer. Good for both of us.

Her drinks arrived. She grabbed them, sent a casual salute to the other guy and went looking for her table.

------

Cassie stood at the table watching everyone dancing and having a good time. She felt safe in her little corner, watching. Like a bird safe in its tree. This is how she was. She wasn’t always like this. She used to socialise, but constant bullying through school caused her to withdraw inside herself.

She rarely went to parties. She threw invites in the bin or didn’t show up if she was pressured to yes. Anxiety built and she found comfort in online friends where there was no pressure. She could do it all from the comfort of her own home.

Her Dad understood, he was kind and caring. But then he left for some reason that she couldn’t remember.

Her memory of those times were hazy but Sandy came along in year 7 and they were friends from day 1. She tried to get Cassie to socialise, but she refused and gave no explanation. Since meeting Sandra, life was a mixture of monotony and blank memories. The few friends she did have gradually drifted away, tired of her being unreliable, distant, until, finally, her best friend Sarah had had enough and left. 

Now it was just her and Sandy. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Sandy had said. “Who needs them? You have me. Just me and you. The dynamic duo!”

“Let’s go dance,” Sandy said.

“Nah, I’m ok,” Cassie replied, looking over at the crowd of dancers. Suddenly there was a lull in the music, a brief respite, and people could talk without yelling. But, of course, with the music being so loud people's ears were ringing so they were yelling anyway.

“There’s a lot of cute guys,” Sandy coaxed.

Cassie scanned the crowd. There were a lot of guys, most of them a little older. Was that a bad thing? Maybe meeting someone more mature could help her get out a bit more.

Was that something she wanted or was that Sandy’s influence coming through?

“Look at the blonde over there,” Sandy said. “He’s totally checking you out.”

Cassie looked over to a nearby table where a tall, 20-something was stealing furtive glances. When he saw her looking he gave her a smile and she smiled back. Sandy was right, he was cute. He was tall and lanky with long blonde hair and tanned skin. She imagined he spent a lot of time at the beach, surfing and swimming with other equally cute guys and girls.

“He looks like a surfer,” she said. “Don’t know if he’s my type.

Sandy rolled her eyes. “Him then,” she said, indicating a stocky boy standing with a group of guys with similar hairstyles and body shapes. “He’s a bit too geeky for me, but he could be yours.”

Cassie studied him, he was chubby but kind of cute. He had messy brown hair and thick glasses that he had to keep pushing back up his nose. He wore a Minecraft t-shirt and jeans and was tapping his foot to a song that just started up.

She thought about it, but Sandy interrupted, “While you do that, I’m going to go dance.”

-----------

The music picked up, blasting out a fast beat and Sandy was energised by it. She danced her way through the crowd, weaving and dodging, her arms in the air, until she found a pocket all for herself. She closed her eyes and moved with the rhythm of a new beat. She started slowly and stiffly, as though she were a beginner. Then the rhythm sped up and she loosened her limbs and her hips, swaying and bobbing, letting the rhythm guide her, a young dancer full of spirit.

Now the beat slowed again and she was moving with purpose, a practised dancer.

The music stopped and she opened her eyes. There were still dozens dancing around her but one was staring at her.

The surfer boy. And he had a broad smile on his face.

They locked eyes and he took it as silent permission. He weaved his way through a group of girls dancing close together and made his way towards her.

“I like the way you move,” he said with a smile. 

Sandy noticed he had bright blue eyes and his smile was sexy. She smiled back at him, “Thanks.”

He was interested in me. Not Cassie.

The thought thrilled her.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.

Sandy nodded, “Sure,” and followed him through the crowd to the bar.

“What’re you drinking?” He had a relaxed way about him, as if he was never in a hurry to do anything and nothing ever bothered him. He just went with the flow. He was definitely a surfer, or a beachcomber anyway.

“Vodka tonic,” she told him.

He lazily held up a finger and the bartender appeared as if summoned by a higher power. 

“Vodka tonic and a corona,” he said.

The bartender nodded and disappeared around the bar.

“How are you enjoying the night?” he asked casually. A mixture of interest and small talk.

Sandy shrugged, trying to match his relaxed manner though in truth her heart was thumping and her mouth was dry. He really was cute. “It’s not bad,” she finally choked out.

She wasn’t even sure he’d heard her as he looked around, smiled and waved to a group of girls who waved back.

A pang of jealousy washed through her but she swallowed it. Reminding herself that this was a guy who would know many people.

And he came up to you.

“I’m Glenn,” he said after a moment of silence that felt awkward to Sandy but probably went unnoticed by him.

The bartender returned with their drinks.

“Sandy,” she said, picking up her drink and taking a sip. “Do you come here often?”

“Yeah, me and my mates are here a bit. You?”

“First time.”

Another awkward silence and she could see he was looking around, getting bored and looking for a way out.

Come on. You are better than this. You’re not Cassie!

“You’re a surfer?” she said. Change the subject, make it about him.

Immediately his attention was back on her. “Yeah. How’d you know?”

She gave him a mischievous smile, “I can tell. Where do you surf?”

“Up and down the coast, but mainly at Breakers Beach. You know it?”

Sandy nodded, “Yeah, just past the old church right?”

He nodded and looked her up and down, as if noticing her for the first time. Sandy felt those blue eyes scanning her body, x-raying her, deciding if he liked to see what lay underneath.

Another drink appeared in her hand, as if by magic and she wondered if Glenn was also a magician.

“You should come down some time. Me and the guys usually catch the waves early in the morning but then we just hang. Bonfire and tunes at sundown.”

The way he spoke, he made the mundane sound so interesting and Sandy was entranced, but she simply nodded, took another drink, as if she were deciding on his offer. She was ready to accept, jump in his arms and tell him to take her there now, but she had to play it cool.

Finally she said, “Sure, sounds good.”

The music changed again and a roar of approval rocked the club.

“Dance?” he asked.

“Absolutely, just let me make sure my friend is ok and then I’ll find you, ok?”

Glenn nodded, “Don’t take too long,” he said, flashing her a smile that showed perfectly white teeth and Sandy almost forgot about Cassie.

-------

Cassie leaned against the table, watching the Minecraft boy chatting and laughing with his friends. He was drinking a craft beer, they all were, the empty bottles standing on the table like tenpins. She wondered what they were talking about. She looked at his top again and wondered if it was about video games. His t-shirt said he was the type ,and as Sandy said, he looked a little geeky. That was more her type. The ones who spend time speaking to friends online rather than socialising. Maybe this was his first time out as well. 

It was probably easier with a group of friends rather than your only one. Courage born in a pack.

He glanced her way and gave her a small smile. She looked away instinctively.

I wonder if he is shy as well? 

Part of her was telling her to go to him. To break free of her unsocial chains and make the first move but the moment she tried she found she was rooted to the floor.

Suddenly her head hurt and her mind became foggy. She rubbed her eyes. She was tired and surprisingly exhausted. Feeling as though she’d run a marathon even though she had been standing here all night. Maybe it was emotional exhaustion from the worry about coming here, worrying about what to wear, wondering if Sandy would abandon her here, leaving her to fend for herself like a timid rabbit surrounded by foxes.

She sipped on her lemonade, it was refreshing and she checked the time on her phone and almost choked.

It was 11:30.

Where did the time go?

“Cassie?”

Cassie blinked and looked up, surprised someone would know her.

Maybe it’s another Cassie.

But no, it wasn’t a mistake. Standing with a group of other girls was Sarah. Her former best friend. She was wearing a short skirt and crop top, she looked good, as she always did. The cheerleader looks with the cheerleader body. Long, shiny black hair that reflected light like a mirror, vivid green eyes and creamy skin. Every single horny guy was after her in high school but she was focused on academics which surprised every single horny guy in school.

They had been thick as thieves growing up and Cassie struggled to remember the exact reason why they were no longer friends. They hadn’t really spoken since their falling out three years ago and anytime they saw each other it was awkward hellos and nothing more.

“Hi Sarah,” Cassie said weakly.

“How are you doing?” she said looking concerned. Cassie wanted to dismiss it but she knew Sarah meant it.

“I’m good.”

“Good. Good,” she said and Cassie could feel the awkward wall building between them. One of her friends tapped her on the shoulder and motioned to the bar. Cassie expected Sarah to leave but instead she nodded and turned back to Cassie.

“What about...the other thing?”

“What other thing?” Cassie asked.

Sarah looked nervous, her hand absently twisting her perfect black hair, “You know...Sandy-Sandra?”

Cassie’s eyes went wide and she suddenly remembered why they had fallen out. Sandy. Sarah didn’t approve of her and over time Sandy’s antics had widened the chasm between them until...until...something had happened.

Cassie frowned, what did happen?

She tried to remember. She remembered the arguments, defending Sandy and what she called disruptive behavior. Then...what? There was a blank spot and she was alone, or with Sandy, or in her room with her online friends. Or seeing a...doctor?

Why couldn’t she fill the gap? Why was she seeing a doctor? She tried to think, tried to remember, but the memories were elusive. She was getting frustrated now and then the pain in her head was worse. She clutched her head and groaned, feeling like she’d been hit with a hammer. She was going to be sick.

“Cassie…? Are you ok?”

Pain flared and Cassie cried out. She stumbled, knocking over her drink.

Sarah reached out for her, but Cassie pulled away, “Stay away from me,” she shouted.

Even with the music blaring there was a pause in their section, everyone was watching them. Cassie looked around wide-eyed and then she stumbled off with Sarah calling out her name.

-----------

Sandy was moving through the crowd, feeling sick and part of her wondering if Glenn had spiked her drink. 

He was too perfect.

She had to get to the bathroom but then-

“Cassie!”

She stopped. Even over the music she heard someone calling Cassie’s name. She looked around, trying to see who it was. What was going on?

There was nothing she could do now, her head hurt and she felt like she was going to throw up.

She blinked.

----------

Her vision was getting cloudy and her head throbbed violently, feeling like it was about to split open.

“Cassie!”

Sarah was following her through the crowd but she ignored her. She had nothing to say to her, she was going to judge Sandy, as she did before. Little Miss high and mighty.

Dancers moved in furious spins and twirls, in time with the music, and she had to dodge past flailing arms. She tried to blink away the fogginess but the strobe lights were now piercing her eyeballs like lasers. 

Stopping, she looked around, but she was surrounded by dancers, none of them seeing her. They seemed to tower over her like evil shadows dancing. She felt tears coming to her eyes and she spun around colluding with-

--------

“Sandy?”

It was Glenn.

“What happened to you? I thought you were coming to dance?”

“Oh Glenn,” Sandy gasped. Her head hurt and she fell into his arms. She was breathing heavily. She’d had too much to drink.

But how could she have? She only had lemonade.

Or was it vodka and tonic?

How many of those did she have?

Wait, why did he call her Sandy?

She stepped back from him on wobbly legs and Glenn shouted for everyone to stop. The whole place stopped. The dancers. The music. The lights. Everything. Like he had issued an edict and everyone obeyed.

She was standing in a circle with everyone staring at her. The centre of attention. Sandy loved that. Cassie did not. She felt faint and didn’t know how long she would hold on.

“Cassie?”

It was Sarah, she broke through the ring of onlookers.

“Cassie?” Glenn asked, confused.

Sandy smiled wickedly, “Cassie isn’t here, bitch.” 

She collapsed.

--------

Consciousness came back. Her eyes were closed but she could hear talking.

“....don’t think she’d been to therapy for awhile…”

It was Sarah. She was talking to someone but she could only hear Sarah’s words.

“...her name...Cassandra.”

A pause.

“...years of abuse…”

Another pause.

“...Dissociative Identity Disorder…”