Until the Next Stop

══════════════════ Part 1: Just Until the Next Song ══════════════════

Is it wrong to hold onto you so dearly?

Kissing in a room full of strangers.

Are you a stranger, too? If you told me your name?

And am I? If I told you mine? 

Kissing underneath the disco lights, with a girl I met 10 songs ago.

Your hair smells so nice.

Your skin’s so soft, so clean.

And God--you flick your tongue so good.

I leaned in close with the sway of the beat, our cheeks grazing. 

And back out again, just to look into your eyes.

One look and I knew--

Fuck the beat, I need you right now.

So I pulled you back in. 

You let my lips skim and tease all the sensitive places around your neck and ears.

“Can I kiss you?”  

A whisper, a look, and you knew, you desperately needed me, too.

Even if it’s just for tonight, 

Or two songs more, 

to me--

I swear to God--

You are. 

Yuna,

For just until the next song, let me look at you like you are the most beautiful girl in the world.

------ ༻❁༺ ------

Staging turns the lights down low. They’re playing Sasha Sloan’s “Dancing With Your Ghost” as our last song. Fitting the Halloween theme tonight, it’s a surprisingly subtle and skillful shift from the risky, heart-racing EDM that’s been blasting.

Yuna’s a waist-length’s away, staring into my eyes with that same unforceful, but irresistible invitation that first attracted me from across this room filled with strangers, and again right before I knew my night would be lost if I couldn’t return the sweet poetry she writes with the slightest nip of her lips.

She tiptoes to reach my ears.

“For just this last song, kiss me. Just kiss me and hold me tight. And don’t stop, not until the music ends. It’s your fault for looking at me like that all night long. Promise me, okay?”

As if she needed to ask. This time, it really is the last song. I’m nervous. I wasn’t before. I don’t want this feeling to end. I’m intoxicated by her warmth. The warmth found underneath flashing lights that shroud my loneliness in obscurity, anonymity. I pay careful attention to the rhythm and rhyme of each verse, matching her suggestions, other times offering my own.

I don’t know if it’s right to hold onto a stranger so tightly. 

But the way she pleaded, I wonder if we answered the same call, heard somewhere in the night, that promised for even just until morning, I could unlearn the lessons of the past. I know it’s better than being like those watching eyes, awkwardly holding a drink in the corner of the room, too afraid to even nod their heads along to the music.

I never felt so alive, and what could be wrong with that?

I run my fingers through Yuna’s hair, nuzzling our foreheads, then drawing her into me. I can barely contain my desire. Through peeking eyes, I can’t help but notice really just how beautiful she is. And the physical aside, she’s the best dancer here. I’m told I’m not bad looking, but fuck--what is she doing with a nobody like me?

I part ways with her lips. I long for those irresistible eyes--the absolute euphoria of knowing mine are the ones she’s peering into. If the eyes are the window to the soul, I want to discover the expression she makes as I face mine to hers. If I call out to her, will she hear?

I hold her against my waist, one hand around hers, the other guiding her gentle feel, slowly, to the pounding in my chest. Don’t pull back, don’t look away. It beats louder--it’s melded into the pulsations from the speakers overhead, it’s melded into hers. All of everywhere, surrounding us in the same rhythm—softly, powerfully gentle.

I face her.

And she glistens.

She glistens.

She glistens like crystals so precious I fear she might break. 

You are the most beautiful girl in the world. 

Kissing you. Kissing the most beautiful girl in the world, in a room with only us two. For more than just tonight, I wish this dance could last forever.

Andrew.

A shattered voice calls a name that isn’t mine.

My cheeks are stained wet. 

“Yuna?”

══════════════════ Part 2: A Moment in the Sun ══════════════════

The music has died. The bouncers usher us out the exit. People around me look for each other--friends they came with and “friends” that’ll last only until the next morning--on exhausted feet. My ears are ringing and my own feet move a little awkwardly, no longer guided by the rhythm of a disco beat.

Yuna’s next to me. She’s holding my hand. I can’t remember if she first held onto mine or if I reached for hers. As the final choruses were sung, I can only remember that unwelcome sensation as it stole upon my cheeks, the bitter sting of tears that weren’t mine. 

I looked at the girl in my arms. Her surprise at her own sudden emotionality seemed even greater than mine! I didn’t know what to do. I remember pulling her into my chest where I thought she might be safe from the gazes of those around us. The bitterness soaked through the fabric of my shirt, reaching underneath the skin. Drunk and dazed--and unexpectedly angry--I felt I could understand the meaning of those tears.

Why does a girl like you, who dances so freely, so beautifully--so desperate to smile and live--end up so alone?

Even as I try to hold you in these powerless arms…

The girl crying in the arms of a stranger, in the middle of a crowded dance floor. As we step into the dirty sidewalk at night, I wonder what kind of “friend” she is. Who did I see, dancing so beautifully? Was that just the specter? The frightening after-images of a person raising their hands to the sky, offering themselves to a world that’s already come crashing down upon them?

Who’s there, underneath the rubble? Did I answer the call too late?

Yuna appears hollow, lifeless. Not long ago, she was so full of vitality. No--that was the ghost. I’ve uncovered the person, but what do I do with this hand weakly grasping mine?

She speaks. 

“Hey um, the music ended, you know.” She says, but she doesn’t pull away. “Thanks for keeping your promise, and--more than that. I’m sorry for the mess I made in your shirt.” 

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing I own is very expensive anyways.” We face each other hesitantly, perhaps sensing our mutual longing. “Is it alright if I hold onto you a little longer? I feel like tonight isn’t a good night to be by yourself.”

I can feel her grasp strengthen, even if just a little.

“I’d like that actually. I’m just a little afraid right now. I’m sorry if that’s a bother.”

I shake my head. I have no idea what kind of shit Yuna’s been going through, or what she was searching for as her hands reached far beyond the lasers and strobing lights. I don’t know the person whose name she called for. But more than anything, I feel her pleas were genuine and real. I felt something real for the first time in so long. I’m grateful to her. I want to respond to her.

“Hey, do you wanna get something to eat? The fries and shakes across the street are pretty good and they stay open late.”

I point to the neon-lit diner across the street. A decent-sized crowd out of the club has already migrated inside. It’s a popular spot after dancing.

“Oh, I love Rocco’s. I think their shakes are really good, too.”

Fifteen minutes later, Yuna and I are seated opposite each other in a chrome-tinted booth lined with buttery red leather, brightly lit under multi-colored fluorescent lamps. At Rocco’s, everything kinda glares in your face. They’re open 24 hours, so the sun never stops shining, I guess. A waitress about our age prances over with a basket of fries and two large shakes in those tall pretty glasses. She’s dressed in one of those old-fashioned minidresses and a bright white apron. Festively, she has on a hairband with little bats on top. 

“So we have the large fries, the Vampire Cherry Pop, and the Cookie and Cream Monstrosity. Can I get anything else for you two?”

We shake our heads and thank her. She flashes a fanged smile and prances away. That’s cute, she’s also got on a pair of fake vampire teeth.

Two ridiculously tall “freak” shakes and a large basket of fries in the middle. If I stretch my neck past them I can see Yuna on the other end of the table.

Carefully sliding the Cream and Cookie Monstrosity towards me, I let out a wow.

“Honestly, this is why I love Rocco’s.”

Yuna laughs as she pulls her own glass towards her--almost spilling, but recovering at the last moment.

“I know, right? These are so cute.”

After appreciating that first strawful of their hand-spun ice cream--thick and rich while still sippable--with a satisfying gulp and an mmm, I ask Yuna, “So if you’re a regular at Rocco’s do you go to ____ University? I’m wondering because I bump into classmates every now and then.”

“Yup. I’m a junior. How about you?”

“I graduated a little early, but otherwise I’d be a senior this year. I’m sticking around campus in the meantime, though. Trying to figure my next steps out. What’s your major?”

She lets out a pretended sigh. “I was hoping you brought me here to cheer me up, not remind me about school. Technically, I’m supposed to be declaring for microbio. I finished all my lower division pre-reqs, but now I’m just not sure, you know?”

“I totally get that. If you’re a junior this year that means you probably started classes virtually, right? That must’ve been tough, having to make a bunch of decisions about your future without actually ever having stepped foot on campus.”

“No, seriously! That’s exactly why I’m just so unsure about everything right now. I mean it’s not even just choosing a major. Now that we’re finally doing in-person, I just feel like I’m suddenly surrounded by people again and I’ve forgotten how to like, deal with that, you know?”

“You’re telling me.” I let out a real sigh. “But I actually miss people, so I’m just a bit envious of you. I spent most of my last two years virtual, which basically meant I met a bunch of people my freshman year, then got sent home and graduated without ever seeing them again. It was hard keeping friendships when the only thing to do was play Among Us and that got old real fast.”

“That’s true. That’s kind of sad, isn’t it.” 

I laugh it off. “But it’s cool. You don’t need a student ID to meet people at a club, do you?” 

She recovers her smile. “You’re right. Oh, by the way, did you want to try each other’s shakes?”

I grin. The Vampire Cherry Pop really does look delicious. “Honestly, I thought you’d never ask. We’re kind of far apart. Do you mind if I sit next to you?”

She shakes her head and scoots a bit to her right. “Go for it.”

I slide in next to her and we exchange shakes. The fruitiness contrasts great with my cookies and cream and the cherry soda mixed in with the ice cream really deserves the word “pop”. More than a milkshake, isn’t this a float? 

Yuna seems to be having positive reactions, too. “Mm. It’s so yummy! I’m really glad you’re not a vanilla kinda guy. I’d have been super disappointed if your order was basic.”

I smile to myself. Vanilla is one of my favorite flavors--a timeless classic. But I’m not the type to make boring first impressions either. 

Yuna turns her attention to the basket of fries we’ve barely gotten through.

“This might sound super blasphemous, but are you the type of person who likes dipping fries into their milkshake? Personally, I’m a big fan.”

Now she’s really underestimating me. Why else would I have ordered the large basket? After looking her carefully in the eye, I grab the longest, crispiest fry I can see, dip it into the cookies and cream, and pop that most perfect combination of sweet, salty, and crunchy into my mouth.

I hold eye contact for a little longer, before we both burst out laughing. “Here.” I dip another fry in milkshake and offer it to Yuna. “Say ahhh.”

Yuna gives me a dubious look and raises an eyebrow at me. But after a little pleading, she eventually humors me, leaning forward a bit as I slowly guide the fry to her open mouth. Psyche! I pop the fry into my own mouth.

“Mmm. Delicious.” I say with the most exaggerated tone possible as Yuna looks at me in earnest disbelief.

She takes another fry and stares at me really seriously. “I played along with you. Now you have to play with me. Say ahhhh.” She’s precious.

“No way. Are you really going to copy my move?”

She’s dead serious. “Close your eyes. And drink some water first and wipe your mouth. I don’t want to see anything disgusting when you open up.”

“Okay?” I follow her instructions and gargle around some water. She does the same. 

“Say ahhhh.” She says with the most passive aggressive tone. 

 “Ahhhh.” I close my eyes and lean forward stupidly to placate her.

“Don’t move.”

“I’m not.” She’s savoring this, isn’t she? 

I feel a fry enter my mouth. And on the other end of it, a pair of lips.

We pull the fry apart.

Have I just discovered the true perfect combination of sweet and salty?

I open my eyes. I look at Yuna, half a fry sitting awkwardly in each of our mouths. I turn redder than preserved cherries. Yuna’s face betrays the same silly expression as we both start finding it a little too hard to face each other.

“I think that was the best fry I ever had in my life.”

Yuna scoots closer, tentatively leaning herself against my right shoulder. We sit in a blissful silence for a while, the only noises coming from the slurping of milkshakes and the jukebox coming alive across the room. 

“Hey, Troy? I might be coming on a little strong, but something about tonight feels really, really right to me.” Yuna looks up at me, her eyes the softest eyes I’ve ever seen. “Could you take me somewhere? You know, maybe with a little less people…maybe we could get to know each other better.”

I reach into my pocket and grab two mints, one of which she accepts. I put both arms around her.

“Yeah, I’d like that. I’m getting the same feeling. I want to get to know you better, too.”

══════════════════ Part 3: Until the Lights Come Back On ══════════════════

We agreed to take the metro back to the university apartments. It’ll be just a few stops. Past the turnstiles, down a twisting flight of concrete, we make our way through the tunneled passageways leading to the train platform.

Yuna, while loosely holding my hand, spins away from me while looking around the large space. “I’m glad the trains run 24 hours, but it’s really weird to see the station so empty.”

“Are you scared?”

“Mmm, no.” She spins back towards me, pressing into my chest. Looking up, she says, “If something bad happens, and I feel like crying, I have a place where I can hide.” Adorable. I hold her there until the train arrives a minute later.

The doors slide open. We have the cabin to ourselves. 

We take the empty row of seats and Yuna curls up on her side, resting her head on my lap. I run my hands through her hair, tracing gentle circles around her temples. The girl crying underneath the disco lights. It was only hours ago, but it seems she’s forgotten that sadness. She has a gentle look of contentment, and lets out a cute moan that catches me off guard. Crap. It creates a little bulge I hope she doesn’t notice.

“Hmm?” Oh fuck. Caught.

But Yuna just smirks to herself and lies her head back down, apparently unfazed.

“By the way, you never told me what you’re studying. Or I guess what you studied, since you graduated.”

“I double majored. English and microbiology, actually.”

“No way--and you graduated early? I don’t believe you.”

“Seriously. I decided why not since I was at home doing nothing most of the time anyways.”

“And what will you do now?”

“On paper, I’m taking a gap year before applying to medical school. That’s what I tell my dad so he pays my rent. I don’t think I want to become a doctor though.”

Yuna laughs at that. “Wow, free rent must be nice. Spoiled much?”

I shrug her off. She’s not wrong.

“But if I’m being honest, my heart’s pretty convinced on trying to become a writer. It sounds silly, but I’ve always loved reading. And since I worked so hard to graduate early, I thought I’d give myself one year to try and write something that someone, anyone, might find worth reading. If I can do that, then that’ll be enough motivation for me to believe in myself and keep writing.”

I opened up a little more than I usually like, but Yuna still lies in my lap, eyes closed, smiling.

“That sounds wonderful. When you finish your story, let me read it first. I’ll become your number one fan.”

I laugh her off. But those are words that can really bring someone to tears, you know?

Yuna’s breathing levels out. I think she’s fallen asleep. Just until the next stop, I’ll let her rest here for a while.