Maybe More

Maybe More

The road was foggy, and Jack was exhausted, but he had a Thanksgiving dinner to get to at his parent’s house. Thanksgiving and Christmas were the only times he ever went back to see his family anymore. He was fresh off of work. Cleaning toilets for a living was not exactly a prestigious job, but at least it paid for his one-bedroom apartment. It was late Wednesday night, and if he drove straight through he should be able to be there by midnight. He had to drive straight through, he couldn’t afford a hotel. He stopped at a rest area to use the restroom and get some caffeine. He pulled in and saw it was ten o’clock, shook his head, and got out of his beat-up car. There was no coffee, but there was a soda machine. He put a dollar in, and it spit it out. He shook his head again. He was so tired. He tried again, and it spit it out again. That’s when he noticed the out-of-order sign. He went and got back in his car and began to think about his brother. Thoughts of his brother always woke him up pretty well, even better than coffee.

Jack and Jeff were born exactly two minutes apart. Jeff was the older one and never let Jack forget it. When they were little, Jeff always got first dibs. Jeff always got the last piece of cake. Jeff always got to pick the cartoons they watched. In short, Jeff was always first, and Jack was always last. Jack loved his brother but also hated him for always getting his way. Jack always thought that as they grew older, things would change, but dynamics like that rarely do. It wasn’t that their parents had a favorite, it was just sort of how the cards were dealt.

Things were fairly typical until they reached an age where they became interested in dating. Jeff always had to go for the girl that Jack liked, and Jack was left with her friend. One day while Jack was on his way to band, Jeff stopped him at his locker where he was putting up his books. He leaned on the next locker over like a kid in a sitcom and combed his hair back with his fingers.

“Hey, did you see that new girl?” He asked his younger brother.

Jack had indeed seen that new girl. He had sat next to her in lab in fact. Her name was Stephanie, and she was very sweet. Plus, she smelled nice too. Jack wanted to say all of these things, but as usual, Jeff did not give him a chance.

“She’s gorgeous. I was thinking about asking her out.” He said. Just one more missed opportunity for Jack.

“I have seen her. She sat next to me in lab.” Jack said timidly.

“Wonder if she’s free Friday night.” As Jeff said this, Stephanie walked past carrying a clarinet case, “Hey!” He said excitedly as he smacked Jack on the shoulder with the back of his hand, “She’s going to band with you too! You should see what you can find out for me.”

Jack hated playing wing-man, especially for his brother. “It’s band! Our mouths are going to be a little too busy to talk.” He said as he pulled his trumpet case out of his locker, “Besides, she’s going to be in the woods section, I’m in brass. She’ll be on the other side of the room.” He finished as he closed his locker.

“So catch up to her and talk to her on the way. Come on little brother, help me out here.” Jeff said with a smile, and so he did.

Jack rushed down the hall carrying his trumpet until he caught up with Stephanie. He matched her pace next to her and slid his glasses back up on his face.

“Hey, Steph. Is it okay if I call you Steph?” He asked, trying to break the ice. She smiled a coy smile and brushed her hair out of her face.

“No one has ever called me that before, but I kind of like it.”

“You didn’t tell me you played the clarinet.”

“You didn’t ask.” She said with a giggle.

“My brother thinks clarinet is cool.” Jack said. He was afraid if he didn’t bring his brother up quickly, he would wind up flirting with her himself.

“Oh?” She said as she spared a glance over her shoulder. He was far behind, but there was no mistaking the resemblance. He waved to her. “Nobody thinks clarinets are cool Jack.” She said with another giggle.

“Well, he does.” Jack said with a little hitch in his voice, “He thinks your cool too.”

“He doesn’t even know me.” Steph replied, “Do you think I’m cool?”

Jack’s cheeks turned red at this. He hoped she didn’t notice. “Well, yeah, but not like he thinks you’re cool.”

“Oh.” She said as she looked down and switched her clarinet to the other hand.

“Do you have any plans Friday night?”

Back in the car, Jack’s knuckles were turning white gripping the wheel. He thought about this exact day on a regular basis. That was how he set his brother up with his crush. Had he just said how he felt about her, his entire life would have been different. Then again, he was always the band geek, and his brother was the football player.

The Friday in question was a football game. What a first date. No dinner, no movie. Instead, Jeff invited her to sit on a cold metal bleacher and eat a hot dog while she watched him smack his teammates on the butt and throw around a ball. He would have taken her out. He would have shown her a good time. So why didn’t he? Because Jeff always got first dibs.

Jack turned on the radio. He scanned through the stations, but it seemed every station seemed to be playing some sappy love song. “Figures.” He said and snapped it off. The knob came off in his hand. He held it up in front of his face and looked at it in the glow of the dashboard. “Figures.” He said again. He smacked the dash, hoping to get the heater fan to kick back on, but it didn’t work.

Jeff went to college on a football scholarship. Steph followed along and went to the same school. Jack worked as a custodian at the arena, cleaning up after concerts and sold-out shows, barely making a living.

After college Jeff and Steph set to work building a life. They got married, and Jack was the best man. He got drunk at the reception and faded away. He didn’t even tell them bye when he left.

They bought a house in the suburbs and settled down, had a couple of cute kids. Every time Jack looked into those kids’ faces he though, ‘would they look the same if they were mine?’ Even though he and his brother looked alike, he thought their children probably would not.

Sometimes late at night, when he was lonely, he thought of these things. He even thought about whether or not Steph could tell them apart. Maybe he could sneak a kiss. That would be very wrong, and he knew it. He would never do something like that, but sometimes he just couldn’t help but wonder.

He pulled into his parent’s driveway at quarter to midnight, a little earlier than he expected. His headlights splashed the garage door and before he could even get out of his car the front door was opening. It was Jeff and Steph. The kids pushed past them and ran to meet Jack at the car. Jack smiled as the kids yelled, “Unka Ack! Unka Ack!” Each one grabbed a leg and almost knocked him down. He smiled and laughed. He loved those kids, and still couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like for them to be his.

“They were supposed to be in bed two hours ago, but they just had to see their Unka Ack.” Steph said with a laugh.

“Steph is a softy, she couldn’t help but give in. Sometimes I wonder if she loves you as much as she loves me.” Jeff said.

Steph.

He called her Steph. That killed him. He was the first one that ever called her that, and now it was his brother’s pet name for her.

Steph smiled at Jack, and Jack wondered for a minute too. Did Steph love him as much as she loved his brother?

Maybe more than she loved his brother?

Maybe More.