One_Up

Rodent! Liar! It was supposed to be fun, not this ridiculous foofaraw where I can’t patch in but only hear pronouncements. Anyone could do that!

“I thought you were premium support and extra paid up! Instead™, you’re privacy-shading me!”

"That other voice you paid for never had too much to say. But you must hand it to them when they invented Instead™. It was a game-changer, always keeping things interesting," replied One_Up. “You can count on me to stay ahead of it!”

The concert hall was vintage 20th-century. No accoutrements, not Ghezi certified. It still had a lovingly preserved red carpet and seats, and knowing why we could be there was hard.

“A vision of Hell? N’est-ce pas?” a_Playful_Voice said. I ignored it, one of the many voices I tended to ignore. It left you_snubbed_me on my social. Not that anyone else was there to be playful—no one else was here at all!

One_Up was first because he earned it. It was the voice I listened to the most!

“You got that right!” he said.

I went dark on it to talk to you, my dear diary. I had to have a One_Up, you see—not that I had to listen to it! My little rebellion was so tiny that no one noticed. I wouldn’t want a pronouncement, would I? Actually, it was best not to listen to pronouncements. If I got too interested, it might be suspicious…

“C’mon back, Darren!” One_Up said. "I have a pronouncement for you!"

“Yeah, sure! If I can’t patch in, what’s the point?”

“The point? The point is to stay ahead of them! Here we go!”

“I can’t say I haven’t tried, sir.” Uh-huh… Instead™ is failing. Well, he’s interested in it, but I'm afraid the therapeutic value is nil.” 

Long silence

“Sir, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell me how to do my job….When I’ve reached the end of my options—

Silence

“It’s been nice working with you too. If there's anything else I can assist you with, please don’t hesitate to call. Goodbye.

“Weird, don’t you think that people still talk like they’re on a telephone, even though we all have instant access to anyone who gives us permission?” said Darren.

“Old people do that!” replied One_Up. “And why would you think I got permission for this?

#

“Darren? Oh, Darren?” One_Up asked in his most playful voice. DARREN! It's time for your diaper.”

“Don’t.”

“Time! Too much non-ghezi time means it's diaper time!” demanded One_Up.

“We spent all of ten minutes in that concert Hall!”

“Non-ghezi! Just the same. This isn’t an Instead™ stratagem, is it?”

“Instead of what?”

“Your diaper!”

“You talk in riddles, you know that?”

Diaper, my ass! One_Up was always being a comedian! If I had wanted comedy, a_playful_voice would have been my choice!

I went on recycle. Well, actually, it was more like my garbage cycle. There wasn’t much I could get out of being in the concert hall!

#

I heard the most beautiful music—non-ghezi—across the way. I tried to patch in until I remembered what non-ghezi meant. Am I losing my mind?

She was so beautiful. Alone in her apartment, she had long blonde hair, which made her seem slenderer than she was. Is slenderer a word? She’d go to the window to feed some birds, and I could just make out a smile, being a stone’s throw away from her. Yes, that’s right, isn’t it? People used to say that. You could throw a stone; how far away you could throw it would describe the distance. I never threw a stone—not a real one. I wonder what it would be like to throw one. The other day…

“Darren!” shouted One_Up.

“DARREN! Time for your walk.”

“I don’t want to walk.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No!”

“We’ll go to the concert hall…”

People used to go to places like this. I feel the plush seating, the furrowed abrasive cloth caressing me as I sit. I imagine how people used to clap and swoon for music that I could hear anytime, anywhere. What did I miss? The energy, the shared experience? What exactly?

Could there be anything more than systems attuned to the beating hearts of billions that could be exceeded? And more still undiscovered, the synthesis of minds overcoming time and space? Yet what crushes me is the knowledge of what is gone forever. The silence is endlessly filled. Can everything really be nothing in disguise?

Dark again. Help me figure this out. Someone needs therapy, and I think the person who was supposed to provide it just got fired! At least, it sounds that way. It seems serious, too, like things aren’t working out. I’ll catch you later.

“There you are! Why do you keep hiding from me?” pouted One_Up.

#

One_up took me to the concert hall. I thought its job was to entertain me! C-O-N-C-E-R-T H-A-L-L. I could spell it! We meander down the streets, and I get bored. What was I hoping to find at the concert hall? Old Tech? An orchestra? Musical instruments? Like cave implements and ancient wall paintings! I am hunted by Neanderthals who aspire for immortality at my expense! I call up Instead™ but get put on hold. Then, it fails.

“Instead™ is non-ghezi!” says One_Up.

“Good.”

"What do you mean, good? Patch in here!” says One_Up.

Everything swirls. I’m playing Hell Surfers 6 in no time. It starts to hurt, but everything old is Neanderthal to me. I keep going!

#

There was no One_Up to greet me. Where am I? I feel so alone. Everything is dead when I try patching in— no patch in, no One_Up.

I go dark. Whew! That works. Help me out here, dear diary. This has never happened before. I swear! Maybe I should be scared or something. Let me know what you think.

Do the pronouncements work? When I switch on, the voices sound far away. I also try amplification, but it doesn’t work.

I’m only dimly aware…

“He’s in terrible shape. Yes. Uh-huh.”

Long silence.

“We tried that. She came to the window and snagged him a little, but the relapse was awfully quick. There are no legs on this one.”

Silence.

“Well, the last chance is to nuke him. We tried Instead™. Next™ isn’t the same generation. It wouldn’t work. Guaranteed…Uh-huh…Right. Do I have the go-ahead?”

I get so angry—angrier than ever! It’s part of the game—self-generating. I helped design it myself! The Hell you surf is your own, see? It's self-replicating, too. It gobbles up everything to present the best entertainment ever! Because the best of realfun™ is how close it comes to everything imaginable that ever existed! Mashed together, a million billion experiences of people worldwide. You feel everything! Presented in endlessly entertaining entertainment…

“Darren?”

“DARREN?” yelled One_Up.

“We need an ambulance to this location. Can you please hurry?”

I’m out, but I’m not. I'm too tired to switch off. I can’t do anything. I wish I could turn off the voices in my head!

“We have to murder One_Up! You heard me! I don’t care if he has been trying to help Darren. Uh-huh. The sooner, the better.

One_Up is frantic. “You have to protect me, Darren!” Sure, sure, I say.

“Getting a fix. No, it's not murder! It’s a figure of speech. Do I have your permission or not?”

Silence

“Can I hide in your secret place, Darren?”

I heard the most beautiful music. I can’t describe it. I don’t even know why I would try. They’re hunting for One_Up, but he’s safe, in a place I made that no one knows about! Until today, even One_Up didn’t know where I went!

#

“OK, ease it in,” said Dr. Oakley.

“I want to go on the record, sir,” said the lead nurse. “I recommend that we not proceed. We were unable to stop the program. His digital assistant is still operational, presenting an unquantifiable risk to the operation's success.”

“I’m aware of the risks. It is my responsibility.”

“Are we cleared for this?” demanded a lawyer over a microphone from the observation deck.

Dr. Oakley looked up from the operating table. Three nurses, looking very apprehensive, tried to look busier. The lead nurse presumed to stop what he was doing to gaze at the lawyer, too.

“What do you mean? Are we cleared? I wouldn’t be here, would I?” snapped Oakley. “Has something changed?”

“He can’t die, that’s all,” the lawyer shouted. “Too many other people are involved.”

Dr. Oakley’s jaw tightened. “You tell me this now? Let’s get this started!”

#

I was standing at the edge of an abyss—a volcano or something—only it was a long way down and incredibly hot. Waves of heat envelop me, so the moment sweat develops, it immediately evaporates. There was lava below, and I was going to fall!

“He’s reacting to this like he’s reading a script. We’re losing him!” the lead nurse yells, glancing at the heart monitor.

“Okay, ease back a little bit,” says Dr. Oakley. He’s got to take this seriously, or we’ll lose him for good.”

“Wait for it…” calls out the lead nurse.

One-Up! I don’t like this program. Switch, please! One_Up? Anybody?

“I’m here, Darren! At your service! None of this is real. I can switch this now if you want to?”

Oakley swore under his breath, “He has to try! Make the path away from the abyss clearer.”

“On it,” says the lead nurse.

“Blood pressure keeps rising, 155 over 90,” one of the nurses says.

“Stay with it. He has to realize that he doesn't control everything,” says Dr. Oakley.

“He’s taking the path…” says the lead nurse. ”With One_Up!”

Everyone cheers.

 #

“Debrief…everyone. You all have your assigned places. Dr. Oakley? Can we begin with you?” the head of hospital staff says.

Dr. Oakley took his seat, his laptop in front of him. “Well, it was a success, as you all know. Instead™ and even Next™ have come up with treatment plans. We’re coordinating that now. The patient is responding well.”

Another doctor asks, “How long until Darren Oakley is completely well?”

Dr. Oakley teared up. He struggled to clear his throat. “I’m sure we’ll manage,” he said.

The lead nurse caught up with the hospital lawyer after the meeting.

“That was a real bone-headed thing you did, calling out to us from the observation deck! What were you thinking?”

“What was I thinking? Well, try this on for size.” The lawyer took out his cell phone to project an image.

“Jeez!” exhaled the nurse.

“And those calls to emergency were just for the people with an addiction in North America! We don’t have good data for anyplace else.”

“Darren helped create it all,” wondered the nurse. “What was happening to him started to happen to everyone?”

The lawyer turned to go, but then he hesitated. “Say, do you feel like a beer?”

“No. But I’ll drink one.” cracked the nurse.