Seasons Greetings

Part 1: Snowball Fight

Rounding the corner of the house, I spot his little, red, dog eared, hat poking up from the mound roughly 30 feet away. I scoop up a pile of wet snow, perfect for packing snowballs, and begin plotting my malicious plan of attack as I wait. Everything goes silent… 

It’s so quiet you can hear the snow falling in gentle pats. The sky is a frosty light blue. The dark pine trees are bundled in a thick blanket of snow, making them look as if they were planted that way. The houses are caked in festive green and red lights. There are Santa Claus decorations: a big red and white sleigh and 10 identical reindeer, except for Rudolph of course, on the roofs of houses.

I hear a groggy moan coming from my left, it sounds as if he just got out of bed.

“Johnson?...” I whisper, “Is that you?”

Crouching down, I methodically make my way around the mound of packed snow.

“A-Huh?...” He snorts himself awake. “Where am I?” A can of beer rolls away from his fat belly as he tries to sit up. It crashes into the pile next to him making an obnoxiously loud dinking sound as the cans mix around with more Bud Lite cans.

My face turns red as I try my best to quietly yell, “What. The. Fuck are you doing!?”

He looks up at me with a look of ambiguity and innocents as if I had come into his house and interrupted his mid-day nap.

“I’m sorry. I just… I was… gaining intel on the enemy camp from HQ.” 

He adjusts his hunting cap with a look of satisfaction at his obvious lie.

“Get the fuck out of here.” I look down next to my leg and see that I have subconsciously formed five more snowballs.

“Yea... You caught me.” He exhales in a sigh. “We don’t even have an HQ.” He shakes his head in disappointment.

“No. I mean, GETTHEFUCKOUTOFHERE!” My yell has surely alerted the enemy. I grab a snowball and pelt him in the forehead; it explodes into a million white flakes.

Rubbing his forehead he says, “What the hell man? I was trying to catch up on some much-needed rest.”

“Whatever man.”

I crawl over to the mound in front of us like a marine, one elbow out in front of the other to hoist myself forwards, and wave my arm for Scottie to follow.

He makes an attempt at sluggishly squirming over to me; his fat belly drags up snow like a snow truck does to plow the roads after a snowfall.

“That’s right Scotty… Don’t make any fucking effort to get behind the mound! Your ass is in the open! Come on!”

I yank him up by his large ear and whisper, “Come here. Come here. Look, damn it!” I have to turn his fat face for him to look in the direction of the double mounds in the distance. 

He breathes in loud pants like a dog and with each breath, the frost rises from his mouth like he’s a chimney. 

Peaking over our fortress, I see the face the dog eared boy pop his head out as he’s scanning the area. Everyone else who was hit must have already walked home, and I don't blame them, it's freezing out. 

I load my hand with a rock hard snowball and cock my arm back as I aim for his 12-year-old head.

“Eat this bitch!” I throw my arm as hard as I possibly can, and I can hear the packed ice making contact with his face; it sends him flying backwards behind the double mound structure. This is followed shortly after by loud crying.

“Wow! You managed to hit that kid from what, 30 feet away in the head like that?! You're a pretty good thrower. Nice goin’ champ!”

He squints and a flash of recognition crosses his face.

“Uhhh wait… James, isn’t that your little brother, Tommy?”

“Ahh... good game Scottie, but it looks like I’m in trouble now.”

He pats me on the back and says, “Don’t worry, James, I'm sure this won't affect your time with Jamie.” He pokes his beer slathered finger to my cheek and says, “OOO, Jamie.”

I swat his rank finger away and let out a chuckle. “Screw you, man.”

I meander back to my house where an angry mother is surely waiting for me. Snow crunches under the weight of my boots.

He burst through the screen door and into the living room crying, “Mom! Mom! James hit me in the face with a rock!”

She says, “Oh honey, look what James did!” as her hands come down to rub his already swollen forehead.

“It’s fine. Just put some ice on it; nothing can be done about it. It’s in the past,” grumbles my dad.

“Charlie, how can you be so insensitive? James needs to be punished.”

“I know. I never said he didn’t need to be, but I’m not going to be the bad parent here.” He heads upstairs.

She pulls Tommy to the kitchen to grab an ice pack.

“Fine.”

Walking through the door with my head down, I try to sneak through the hallway, past the kitchen and the living room up to my room, but before I even have a chance, the screen door slams behind me and gives my position away… 

Out of nowhere, I feel my ear being wrenched as I’m dragged into the kitchen.

“OWWW! Ma, what the hell!?”

She gasps. “James Paul Carlton! You apologize right now!”

Looking over to the corner of the room, I see Tommy sitting on the stool with tears in his eyes and an ice pack on his forehead. I walk over and rest my hand on his shoulder so that he faces me, and I give him a half-hearted apology. 

“Tommy, I’m sorry.”

I can hear my father’s loud footsteps coming down the wooden staircase.

I look at my mom, “Mom, I’m sorry. Happy?”

Charlie steps into the kitchen with everybody's luggage but mine.

“Ok, James, I don’t know what you or your mother were talking about, but we’re in a hurry to catch our 2:30 flight, and you need to be punished. So don't think about making any plans with your buddies because you are responsible for keeping the house clean got it? And just to ensure that…” He gives me that look I hate; he raises one eyebrow up in the air and it drives the ladies, specifically my mother crazy, for me it means to give him something. “Give me your phone.”

Mom tugs Tommy’s puffy red and black jacket over him and tells him to come on as he’s still holding the ice pack to his forehead. All three of them walk out of the door with their luggage and snow gear on like how many families do for the holidays. I hear the taxi cab honk twice for them to notice, and then they drive away for the holidays.

Now I’m home alone. 

I grin; I have free reign of the house for the holidays… I feel like the kid from those Home Alone movies that we used to watch together as a family, but this is no home alone movie…

Part 2: The Girl Next Door

“Alright Jamie, have fun, and don’t burn the house down while I’m gone, ok?” My mother kisses me on the forehead. MUWA! “Love you, and see you when I get back from nana and grandpa’s Manor in South Carolina!”

“Bye mom, love you too.” I go back to texting and smack my watermelon flavored bubble gum. 

The door closes in a loud bang.

2:26 pm

Omg girl what the hell were you thinking? Why wouldn’t you go to your rich grandparent's house for the holidays? You’d honestly rather be stuck in this lame-ass town with no attractive men?

2:26 pm

I didn’t want to go to my grandmother's Manor because honestly, they creep me out, and I always notice the way grandpa looks at me… Gross. Like, get a reality check… you piss your pants every so often and expect to get with an 18-year-old… yea ok.

2:28 pm

Hahaha WTF??? EWWWW! He looks like a harry old sack of balding potatoes!

2:31 pm

And what is Gran Gran’s deal? She’s always sizing me up like I want a piece of her old ass husband? I don’t know, Susie sometimes these old people have to get a reality check am I right?

           I walk to the kitchen and open the fridge to see if anything new arrived… I don't know why I tend to do this; maybe it's a type of therapy for my food cravings. I could sit here with the doors open for hours thinking, "Mmm that cheese looks nice. Ooo and so does that gallon of milk. But do we have any actual food in this Goddamn house!?" So I pull up a stool and watch as if I were watching television. Mmmm Food Network… That's a good show. I think I even started drooling when a buzz interrupts my daydreaming.

2:40 pm

Omg yea, like the other day I walk into the Stop and Gas for a twinkie and the old bitch running the cash register looks at me and has the nerve to say, “Don’t you think you’ve had enough twinkies this week?” Like bitch? Who is you? She can hardly move her eyes to see the overhead TV hanging above her blind ass. 

2:40 pm

I’ve got a question...

2:41 pm 

So, Jamie… who would you fuck, Brad Pitt or Paul Walker?

2:41 pm 

Susie, what the hell is wrong with you?

I look around to see if anyone is watching me even though my mom already left 20 minutes ago. I start blushing; then I reply.

2:41 pm

Brad Pitt obviously. DUH??

I burst out in laughter, and I imagine Susie doing the same as we have a similar sense of humor, and we have a similar taste in men too. I guess that’s why we’re friends.

2:42 pm

Ok. Now here’s the real question… Who would you do? Brad Pitt or… 

Only moments later does she respond with...

2:43 pm

James Paul Carlton

Now I’m really blushing a bright red. I try to disengage this conversation as quickly as possible.

2:45 pm

Susie, he’s just a friend. Please, mind your own business. I’ll talk to you later.

I put the phone down and throw on my big blue winter coat. I already tried to text James, but he isn’t responding immediately like how he normally would. I bet he got his phone taken away… Again.

Obviously, I’m not going to hang out at Susie’s house because of her comments about me sexually wanting James. I sigh, “Sometimes I just don’t get Susie…”

So I head out the front door and into the color-filled streets of Winslow. Susie's girly voice enters my thoughts, “and in the pursuit of love.”

I mean friendship… Yeah… We're just friends… I'm not certain where I'm walking, but this town is pretty small, so much like the fridge and me choosing food, I'll figure something out, eventually.

Everything looks so beautiful. The black light posts: decorated with wreaths and long red and white stripes. Buildings: lit up with lights so bright you would think you were looking into the sun. The snow is dancing in the air to the neighboring house's Christmas music. But it’s so... quiet.

I take a couple of long glances at some houses and adjacent streets. All I can see through the thick snowfall is Hank, the town sheriff, on a park bench looking out to the frozen pond. 

Did everyone decorate the town and then leave for the holidays?

I walk for a little bit until I find myself reaching my best friend James' fully decked out house that makes mine look like we don’t know what Christmas is: ornaments in the snow on the lawn and glitter everywhere. 

There are a bunch of fake Christmas presents next to the driveway and a big fat Santa that sits still on the roof next to the chimney. And my personal favorite… the huge “HO HO HO” sprayed on the white house with red and green. I know James did this because I saw him a few days ago walk out of the Stop and Gas with a few cans of spray paint and a huge smirk on his face.

I knock three times on the oak door with the golden knocker and hope for an answer. Not that I’m lonely or anything of course...

Part 3: Home Sweet Home

Putting my ear up to the cold door, and I hear muffled grumbling followed by footsteps coming down the wooden stairs. 

He opens the door as if he’s in a hurry to go somewhere when he sees my face, and then his face lights up. 

“Oh, hey Jamie, how’s it goin’?”

I let myself in and take in the sweet cinnamon aromas lingering throughout the house. The gentle heat holds me in the foyer for just a little bit longer; this place feels like home.

“It’s pretty cold out there. Where were you going, silly?”

He puts the back of his fingers up to my forehead to check my temperature.

I tease him even though I really liked the gesture.

“What did your mom teach you that trick?”

He replies with, “Yup, and guess what? They took my phone away too! All the way to Hawaii…”

“So you got your phone taken away huh?” I give him a playful smile.

“Yeah, It sucks, but now at least I have you here to keep me company.” I can feel myself beginning to blush.

He starts to head upstairs, but then he turns around and says, “Do you want anything to drink? I know you're probably freezing and haven’t had anything. We have hot chocolate if you want to make that.”

“Yeah, sure. That would be nice.” 

I follow him into the pristinely kept kitchen. I swear you could eat anything that fell onto the white tiles. I bet his fridge is so packed with food that I could just stare into it for not only hours but for days on end without moving.

Part 4: Shootout

She sat down on the kitchen stool like it was her home and took off her jacket revealing a soft pink sweater. 

I grabbed the milk and hot chocolate packets from the fridge Jamie always seems so fixated on whenever she comes to my house.

I began stirring when she looked up at me with a bashful face and said, “You know… Christmas is coming up, so I wanted to give you a present.”

“Okay, where is it? I didn’t see you walk in with any gifts.”

“You have to come over here to get it though,” she said with a blush.

When I walked over to the stool next to her I said, “Ok, I still don’t see any gi-.”

I was interrupted because before I could even finish my sentence she jumped out of her chair and had kissed me on the lips. I pulled back after a long embrace and said, “Wow… I’ve got a present for you too; just wait right here, okay?”

I hurry upstairs and grab the neatly wrapped present with a tight bowtie on top when all of a sudden, I heard glass breaking followed by a loud familiar scream.

“Jamie, did you like the hot chocolate that much you had to break the cup?” I say with a laugh.

I’m a little scared when I get no response at first. It doesn’t make sense for it to be anything else, but I bet it’s just Jamie playing a trick on me. I slide my hand on the smooth railing as I ran down the stairs like I used to as a kid on Christmas morning.

I enter the kitchen and drop the present. I see the back porch glass had been smashed to pieces with a rock. A raggedy old homeless man is holding a piece of the back porch glass up to Jamie’s throat.

And then there’s Sheriff Hank with his gun drawn and aimed right at the old man’s dirt-covered head.

“Drop the glass damn it. Nobody has to get hurt; just slowly put down the glass, and let her go.”

I grab the rock the homeless man used to break into the house and cock my arm back as far as my body will allow me to.

The craziest thing happened when I heard the front doorknob turn.

“Hey, James. We’re back… I can not believe we missed that flight. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to spend the holidays with you huh?” Both my parents are laughing until they enter the kitchen...