Grass Stains on The Couch

Heather burnt the damn cookies. Her husband, who would normally console her by eating the charred remains of whatever dessert she had murdered, was outside mowing the lawn as he always did before they had guests over. So, Heather was forced to huff and puff as she tossed a whole sheet of sweets into the bin. 

Tossing her apron aside in a fit, she walked over to the open window and yelled, “Oh Daryl! Would you just cut that out?!”

“What?!”

“Cut that out! It doesn’t make any sense. Sara won’t care if you cut the grass or not!” She tried to raise her voice, but they were both getting older, and the loud revving of the lawn mower was not helping. 

“I can’t hear you!”

“Clearly!” She threw her hands up and stormed off to the living room. Heather did not sit down as she had just finished vacuuming all of the couches and fluffing every single throw pillow. Her granddaughter, Sara, only came home once a year from college for New Year's and no other time. She was always too busy with her job or school. Apparently, she had recently gotten very into roller derby as well. That meant there was no time to visit the ones who raised her. She would call, of course, but it wasn’t the same. Heather knew that Sara was growing up, but it was too hard. Too much. Too fast. Her entire life had been that child for so long and suddenly, without warning, Sara wasn’t a child anymore. 

And so, Heather’s new life was making burnt cookies. And sometimes crocheting. 

Soon enough, the sound of the lawnmower quieted and Daryl came trudging in with flecks of grass sprinkling his sparse hair and his thick work boots stained green.  

“Take those off right now,” Heather said when she saw them, “I just mopped, vacuumed, and swept. I will not do it again, do you hear me?”

“I hear you. I hear you.” He grumbled as he bent down to yank off his shoes. “Sara won’t care if the house is a mess, honey. Hell, she was the cause of the mess for eighteen years.”

“But no one wants to have a New Year's Eve dinner in a pigsty. And we should be setting an example. We don’t want her to think she can invite guests into a mess, especially on a special occa—“

Her phone rang somewhere in the house, and she scrambled to look for it. She followed the sound back into the kitchen where her cookie slaughter had taken place and eventually to the pantry, where she had left it while looking for the sugar. 

“Oh!” She said as she looked at the screen, “Sara is calling, Daryl! She better not be canceling on me now after all of that!” She slid her finger across the screen and sighed, “Hello?”

“Hey, Gran.”

“You’re still coming today, right?” Heather nervously tapped her fingernails against the counter. 

Sara laughed a little bit on the other side, “Yeah, of course, Gran. I’ll be there at 1:00, I promise. I just had a question.”

“What is it, then?” Heather sighed as she began to walk back towards the living room, where Daryl had comfortably sat himself upon her nice clean couch. 

Her granddaughter cleared her throat. “Well. My girlfriend’s flight got cancelled and she’s really bummed so I was wondering if she could come over? I know it’s really last second, but… You know.”

Heather’s eyes widened. “Oh! Your girlfriend! How lovely!”

“Please, Gran.”

“No, no, no. It’s fine! We have enough food! You know us, we always make way too much steak. And mashed potatoes. And I burnt the cookies so we will have to settle for store-bought cheesecake, but that will be plenty for the four of us.” Heather, frazzled, sat down on the couch next to her husband, who was beginning to doze off. 

Sara sighed on the other side, clearly relieved. “Thanks, Gran. It means a lot. She’s really excited to meet you guys, even if it’s kinda a last-second thing.”

“Oh! We are so excited too!” She ribbed Daryl, causing him to jump up and stare at her with raised eyebrows. 

‘What’ he mouthed.

Heather only held a finger to her lips as she continued on. “Well, we will see you two at 1:00. Toodles, dear.” She hung up the phone. 

Silence filled the home and Heather could feel her ears ringing. She had never had a stroke before but imagined she might be about to have one. 

“What? What’s going on?” Daryl said, sitting up.

“This house is a mess, Daryl.”

“What are you talking about?”

She turned to her husband with frantic eyes and gripped his collar. “Your granddaughter is bringing her girlfriend over! On such short notice! How am I supposed to prepare in these conditions?! The house smells like ashes! There’s grass everywhere! I’m wearing sweatpants! Sweatpants!” Her head was beginning to spin.

“Calm down, honey,” Daryl said, placing his hands on her shoulders, “Slow down. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

“Are you insane? Have you actually lost your mind? Did dementia kick in early? What if that sweet young woman walks through the door and sees this… This barn and thinks that we are slobs? Or worse, that we don’t respect her and don’t care to clean the house before she comes?” She motioned to the perfectly spotless house with clear glass panes and a neatly organized coffee table. Even the candy on the counter was separated by flavor. 

Daryl deadpanned, “I don’t think that’ll happen.”

But Heather was inconsolable. She stood up with great force and began to pace around on the clean carpet, still stiff from chemicals. Her nails gravitated between her teeth as she began to chew away at them, a nervous habit she thought she had grown out of. 

“I don’t even know what she likes to eat. I just said I was going to make the usual! What if she doesn’t eat meat? What if she’s allergic to something? What if I give her too small of a portion and she thinks I’m commenting on her weight?” She wrung her hands together, her fingernails now too stubby to continue biting on. She squeezed and squeezed until she felt pain, then would let go. And then she would squeeze again. 

Daryl didn’t say anything, helpless. 

“What if I say something offensive and she thinks I hate lesbians? I don’t hate lesbians, Daryl. My granddaughter is a lesbian.”

“I think she knows that Sara is a lesbian.” 

“Oh god, Sara will hate me.” Tears began to form at the corners of her eyes as she fanned her face. It did not help very much. Her hands were shaking and all she could think about was her granddaughter’s face— Betrayed and heartbroken. Heather hated seeing that face when Sara was a child, but the idea of seeing it now that she was grown seemed to hurt more if that was even possible. 

Daryl stood up and walked over to her. “Alright, that’s enough.” He wrapped her up in a big bear hug, like when they were high school sweethearts, and placed his chin on the top of her head. “Everything is going to be fine, Heather.”

“But what if I get it all wrong?”

“Then, you can get it right next year,” He slowly traced soothing circles on her back as she sniffled and tried not to cry. Ruined eyeliner would only make the day worse. He continued, “It’s gonna be different than it usually is, but that’s okay. It may take some adjustment but that’s okay, too. It will all be alright, honey. You have a big heart and you try your best every time. Everyone can see that.”

Heather laughed quietly. “Oh hush, you big ole sap.”

“You’ve done everything you can as a mother, you know that. When our daughter came to us and said she didn’t want to be a mom you stepped up. When Sara said she liked girls, you made sure she felt loved more than anything else. And when she decided to get an art degree, goddamnit, you bought her the nicest sketchbook you could find. She knows you love her and is willing to work with you even if you’re a little unsure. Give yourself some grace, honey.”

Heather felt her shoulders begin to untense. She forced herself to unclench her hands, which had apparently balled into fists by her side. It was still a little hard to breathe, but she was trying. Slow and steady. She gently pushed Daryl away as she wiped the tears that had finally begun to fall down her cheeks. 

He chuckled as he let her move away and placed his hands on his hips. “How about I give Sara a call and ask her if her girlfriend is allergic to anything? Yeah? Then, I’ll go out and get the cheesecake you were talking about.”

“No,” Heather sighed as her heart slowed. Everything would be okay, even if things would be a little strange or uncertain. “No, I will do that. You clean the grass stains you made on my clean couch.”

He winced and gave her a mock salute as she picked her phone back up from where it had fallen to the floor. With a great deep breath, she called Sara, who picked up right away.

“Yeah? Hello? Gran? Is something wrong?”

“Oh no. No. I just forgot to ask if your girlfriend had any allergies or anything.” Her voice was still a bit shaky, but she hoped her grandchild wouldn’t be able to hear it over the phone. 

There was a murmuring on the other side. Two voices and laughter, when Sara came back to the phone again she sounded happy. It was nice to hear her happy. “She’s all good. She doesn’t eat veal, but we don’t eat that anyway, so.”

“Oh perfect. I’ll see you in an hour or so.”

“Oh, we’re only like ten minutes away. It’s almost one, right? Yeah! I’m on time!”

Heather was silent.

“Gran?”

“Just a moment dear,” she muted herself over the phone and turned to where her husband was knelt over their couch with cleaning supplies, “Daryl.”

“What?”

“Ten minutes.”

He looked at the stains on the couch, then back at his wife of many years, and smiled. “The good bottle of wine is above the fridge.”