Until You Believe

“Have you ever thought about it?”

“Thought about what?”

“You know, disappearing. Just… leaving everything behind.”

“Wow. That’s not exactly casual dinner conversation.”

“I’m serious. Haven’t you ever thought about it? No responsibilities, no expectations… Just freedom.”

“I don’t know if I’d call that freedom.”

“Why not?”

“Because it sounds lonely.”

“Lonely? Or peaceful?”

“Lonely. You’d miss people. Your family. Your friends. Me.”

“Maybe at first. But wouldn’t you eventually find something new? A fresh start?”

“A fresh start isn’t a reset button. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“You’ve tried? When?”

“Years ago. I thought running would solve everything. It didn’t.”

“What happened?”

“I learned you can’t replace people. Or yourself. Wherever you go, you bring all your baggage with you.”

“That’s kind of bleak.”

“It’s the truth. Fixing things is hard, but running? That just puts a different kind of weight on your shoulders.”

“And what if fixing things isn’t an option?”

“Then maybe it’s about learning to live with the cracks.”

“You sound so sure about all this.”

“I’m not. I just… don’t think disappearing solves much. It’s not like I’ve got everything figured out.”

“Could’ve fooled me. You always seem to know the right thing to say.”

“Hardly. Most days, I’m just winging it.”

“Then why does it sound so easy for you?”

“It’s not. I’ve just learned to keep going, even when it feels impossible.”

“And what happens when you can’t keep going?”

“Then I lean on the people who stuck around.”

“Must be nice, having people to lean on.”

“It is. And it’s terrifying, too.”

“Terrifying?”

“Yeah. Trusting someone like that, letting them see the mess… It’s hard. But it’s worth it.”

“I don’t think I could do that.”

“You already are.”

“What? How?”

“You’re talking to me.”

“That’s different.”

“Why?”

“Because… it just is.”

“Okay. But if you can’t depend on anyone, why are you still here? Talking to me?”

“Maybe because you’re the only one who doesn’t feel like a stranger.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know.”

“Want me to take a guess?”

“Go ahead.”

“Because deep down, you know you’re not as alone as you think.”

“I wish I believed that.”

“Then let me believe it for you, for now.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“Sure it is. That’s how it worked for me.”

“Someone did that for you?”

“Yeah. And I hated them for it. At first.”

“Why would you hate them for helping you?”

“Because it felt like pity. Like I was their project or something.”

“And it wasn’t?”

“No. They just cared. More than I thought I deserved.”

“And what, that fixed you?”

“No. It didn’t fix anything. But it made me stop believing the lies.”

“What lies?”

“The ones that told me I wasn’t good enough. That disappearing would be better for everyone. That I didn’t matter.”

“And now you think you matter?”

“Not every day. But more than I used to.”

“Must be nice. To believe that.”

“It’s not about believing it all the time. It’s about holding onto it, even when you don’t.”

“That sounds impossible.”

“It’s not. It’s hard, but it’s not impossible. You just need someone to remind you.”

“And you think you’re that someone for me?”

“I don’t know. But I’m willing to try.”

“Why?”

“Because I care.”

“Why do you care? I’m not anyone special.”

“Says who?”

“Me.”

“Well, you’re wrong.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I know enough.”

“Enough to think I’m worth it?”

“Yeah. Enough to know you’d do the same for me if the roles were reversed.”

“You sound so sure.”

“Because I am. You don’t have to believe me right now. Just… let me stay.”

“That’s asking a lot.”

“I know. But you’re worth it, even if you don’t see it yet.”

“And what if I never do?”

“Then I’ll believe it for you, for as long as it takes.”

"And if I never can?"

"Then I’ll still be here. Because you’re worth more than you think, even if you don’t see it."

"You’re so sure of that?"

"Yeah. Because I’ve seen it. I see it right now, even if you can’t."

"That’s hard to believe."

"I know. And it’s okay if you don’t believe me right now. Just… let me be here. That’s all I’m asking.”

"That’s… a lot."

"I know."

"And what if I’m not worth it?"

"Then I guess I’m wasting my time."

"You don’t think you are?"

"Nope. Not even for a second."

"Why?"

"Because I know you’d do the same for me.”

“Would I, though? I’m not so sure.”

“You would. Even if you don’t believe it now, I do.”

“You seem to think you know me better than I know myself.”

“Maybe I do. Or maybe I just see the parts of you that you’re trying to hide.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Fair or not, it’s the truth. You’re not as invisible as you think.”

“Invisible? That’s not the problem. Sometimes, I wish I was invisible.”

“I get that. But disappearing doesn’t mean the pain goes away. It just means no one’s there to help carry it.”

“Maybe I don’t want anyone to carry it.”

“Maybe. Or maybe you’re just afraid they won’t want to.”

“…And what if they don’t?”

“Then they’re not your people. But I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“For now.”

“For as long as you let me.”

“And if I push you away?”

“Then I’ll step back. But I won’t leave.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Why would you stay if I don’t want you here?”

“Because sometimes what we want isn’t what we need.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“It’s not simple. It’s just true.”

“And what happens when you get tired of me?”

“Then I’ll tell you. But I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s… frustrating.”

“I know. But maybe frustrating is better than disappearing.”

“You’re really not going to let this go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Why? Why do you care so much?”

“Because I’ve been where you are. And someone cared enough to stay. Even when I didn’t want them to.”

“And you think you can do the same for me?”

“I don’t think I can fix you, if that’s what you’re asking. But I can sit with you in the mess. If you’ll let me.”

“…I don’t know if I can.”

“That’s okay. Just take it one moment at a time. You don’t have to have all the answers right now.”

“And if I never do?”

“Then we figure it out together. No rush. No expectations.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s not. But it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true. And I’ll keep saying it until you believe it, too.”

“…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just let me stay.”

“For now.”

“For as long as it takes.”