Almost a Suicide Bomber

The email was sandwiched between two others in my inbox: one from J. C. Whitney, the other, the University's chancellor's weekly newsletter. 

At first I thought the email between those two was one of those sexually explicit pieces of spam that had, through clever wording, managed to make it through Yahoo!’s filter. The e-name of the sender was shar_moota, which, I guessed, probably was meant to draw my attention to it; “sharmoota” is an Arabic cuss word that means “whore.” It was the subject of the email, though, that kept my mouse pointer away from the DELETE button. The subject line said, "why u like arabs plz tell me i must no?" Instead of deleting it, I opened the email and read it: 

dear my friend 

how r u ? how is the life with u ? i saw ur website n i was surprise why sould a amrican person care about arabic country ? u no u were a good photogrpher n a good writer but i have 2 use the english 2 arabic dicshunary alot i forget 2 tell im algeria arab girl now live in moroco n im 17year old i like 2 be friend 2 u 2 give me from ur idea n 2 speak about the life so can i called u my friend or im young n u dont care ? i wish u care thanx alot for reading my email n i will be hopefull if u answer me 

yours 

shar_moota

btw my computer name shar=dungen-dragon mistrees ofnight moota=long ago battle in moota  

What “Shar Moota” was referring to was my website called “Remembering Libya and Wheelus Air Base.” As a child, I had lived in Tripoli, Libya during the ’50s. My website consisted mainly of some pictures of Tripoli and Wheelus that Daddy and I had taken. I also included some of my relevant-to-the-area short stories.

Out of curiosity, I Googled “Shar” and “Battle of Moota,” neither of which I had heard of. Turned out that “Shar Moota” was right: “Shar” (a.k.a. “Mistress of the Night”) is one of the characters of the Dungeons & Dragons game; the Battle of Moota took place in Syria between Muslims and Christians in the year 624.

Three days later, I got another email from “Shar Moota.” The subject line said, "waiting the reply": 

my dear friend 

good afternoon how r u ? i wish u r fine infact im asking my self why didntu answered my email i dunno why but may be i was impolite or something wrong in it so im sorry if that was the reason of not replying me dont u want 2 be friends ? i was waiting ur reply min by min n hour by hour so plz i wanna no why u like arabs ? for sure im waiting ur email 

yours 

shar_moota

Despite my reservation (“Shar Moota,” of course, could actually be a guy named Bubba, who was doing life without parole for the triple murder he had committed), I replied to the email, signing the reply “Jamal Yidhak” (Laughing Camel), just to see what this “Shar Moota” person’s reaction would be:

Dear Shar Moota, 

Thank you for your email and thank you for visiting my Libya site and your nice words about it. 

I would be glad to be one of your friends. 

To answer your question: Don’t believe all the bad stuff about Americans that you hear on the radio or see on the TV. Countries have governments; countries have people. As you know, the two don’t always think the same way. There are a lot of us Americans who care about Arab countries. 

I think that people who live in Arab countries are some of the nicest people in the world. 

I hope you will write to me again soon, because I would like to learn more about you, your friends, and your country. (I added this sentence out of paranoia; a somewhat pathetic attempt to see if “Shar Moota” was legit.) 

Again, thank you for your kind words about my site. 

Take care 

Jamal Yidhak

The next day, when I checked my email, there was one from “Shar Moota” (Subject: "tooooooo long email"): 

my dearest mr. yidhak (No mention that “yidhak” means “laughing”!) 

im happy 2 see ur email first of all thanx for being fastby replying how r u ? i wish every thing fine nice 2 know that im 1 of ur friends i do like 2 learn how 2 live my life in the best way i wish i can tell about my past but is not possible 2 tell u what im doing now wish u understand i want 2 ask u 3 qestion the 1 what do u think of love PEOPLE N CONTRYS? can u tell me ? as an amrican man who lived in arab contry do u think their were real love between PEOPLE N CONTRYS ? qestion the 2 do i have 2 lose dignity for loving someone or another contry ? qestion the 3 do i have 2 do same thing my parents their parents ect did ?

thanx my friend 

this is for u is poem about talkative girl 

(At this point, she included a poem written in Arabic.)

At the end of the email, "Shar Moota” wrote "im also talkative girl!" 

take care 

ur friend shar_moota 

I would have replied to “Shar Moota’s” latest email, but her (the fact that “Shar Moota” referred to herself as a “talkative girl” in this email, and as an “Arab girl” in the first email made me think that maybe she was actually a she) wanting my opinion of love, however, smacked too much of a scam from someone who lives in, say, Liberia. And then there was that part about not being able to tell me about her past or present; that put my scam radar even more notches higher. So I chose to ignore “Shar Moota’s” latest. 

I didn’t hear from “Shar Moota” for about a week. And then I got another email from her. The subject of this email was "im upset": 

dear my friend mr jamal yidhak 

u always forgetten me as u dont want 2 talk 2 me ? take care 

ur friend shar_moota 

And then another appeared in my inbox a few hours later (subject: "re: im upset"): 

dear my friend mr jamal 

i wish that when i open my email i will find a email from u but i didnt ! something wrong ? 

take care 

ur friend shar_moota 

I felt I had to respond to this one. Besides, I, as Alice in Wonderland might say, was getting curiouser and curiouser about who this “Shar Moota” really was:

Dear Shar Moota, 

Sorry I haven't replied to your emails. Thank you for writing and reminding me. 

How are you doing? I hope your life is going well. I'm very much looking forward to hearing from you real soon. 

Take care, 

Jamal Yidhak 

(I chose not to answer her question about love.) But I was reminded by “Shar Moota” that I had not answered her questions in her next email, which was in my inbox the next time I checked it (subject: "thank u for being my friend!!"): 

dearest my friend jamal 

i was so happy when i opend my email n i found ur email im doing ok n u ? how come u didnt answer my ? 

wish u nice holiday 

take care 

ur friend shar_moota

I had to satisfy myself that “Shar Moota” was legit. So I fired off another email to her (again, ignoring her questions, but asking for more information to satisfy myself that she was legit): 

Dear Shar Moota,

How are you? I hope everything is going well with you. 

I haven’t answered your questions, because they are so important to me that I am still thinking about them. (A little “truth stretching” on my part!) But I hope to have them answered soon. 

You mentioned in your first email to me that you like the stories I had posted on my website. I have more stories. In fact, I have made a book out of them. If you would like a copy, I would be glad to send you one free of charge. If you would like for me to send you a copy, please send me your postal address. 

Take care, 

Jamal 

(I figured that asking for her address was another way I could satisfy myself of her legitimacy. If she chose to not send me her address, then I’d just write off her emails as just other pieces of spam, and have them sent to my spam box. If she does send an address, and the book comes back with RETURN TO SENDER stamped on the package, I’d also treat her emails as spam. However, if the book doesn’t come back to me, that’d go a long way in proving “Shar Moota’s” legitimacy, because she had sent me an address that really exists.)  

In her next email (subject: a warm helloes), not only did she send me an address in Rabat, Morocco, but she also attached a picture of a person who she claimed to be herself: She wrote that “im sendu my pic so no who ru talk with.” And then she very modestly added, “imnot beautiful girl but imnot so bad.” 

Against my better judgment, I opened the file. 

I fully expected the picture to be of “Shar Moota” lying enticingly on her back on a bed, her legs spread wide apart, shooting me a wet, shaved beaver or, more than likely, the teasing outline of a shaved beaver behind the thin cloth of her thong panties, with a flashing message underneath that says SHAR MOOTA WILL TAKE OFF HER PANTIES IF YOU WILL SEND HER YOUR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION.

Instead, when I opened the file, I saw a picture of a mysteriously beautiful Arab girl standing next to a globe-shaped bird cage that looked like it was made of fine crystal, inside of which was a yellow bird. The girl was wearing a white chador, a hennaed hand hiding her face with the white cloth, only her dark, kohl-lined and black-eyebrowed eyes visible, which were peering enticingly in the direction of the bird cage.

A few days later, this was in my inbox. (Subject: "…no book…"):

dear my friend jamal yidhak 

i went 2 the pobox 2 check it my luck was bad i didnt recieve ur book tomorrow i will go 2 the pobox again 2 see if anything recieved n i wish i will find ur book 

take care 

ur friend shar_moota 

Followed by: (Subject: "re: …no book…"):

dear my friend jamal yidhak 

again i went 2 the pobox again no book 

take care 

ur friend shar_moota 

Next came: (Subject: "...yes book..."):

dear my friend jamal yidhak 

thanx for sending me copy of ur book it will be speical 2 me becouse u send it n u put ur sigenture n it i will read it with condensation ( i think i have grammer mistake but i have no idea what is it ) im still waiting ur answer 2 my ?? but seems u hate me so thats why u dont reply me n if u do hate me i ask u 2 tell me why then 2 forgive me if i did any wrong thing if u dont reply my ?? 

take care 

ur friend shar_moota

I replied immediately to that email: (Subject: "Answers to your questions"): 

Dear Shar Moota, 

How are you?  

I was relieved and happy to hear that you received my book at the address you sent me. 

First of all, I don’t hate you - you are one of my friends. 

Now to answer your questions: 

You asked me what I think of love. 

Love, to me, means that two people, countries, etc., even though they might be 180 degrees different in their beliefs, respect each others’ opinions.

You asked me if you have to lose your dignity for the sake of loving someone or another country. 

My answer is DEFINITLY NOT! In fact, you can accept someone without losing your dignity. Just like between countries, compromises can be made, but make sure that you are comfortable with the compromises, and ABOVE ALL do not compromise yourself, if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If a person refuses to accept you the way you are and expects you to compromise what you think is right, IMMEDIATELY tell that person goodbye and find someone who respects your individuality. 

Finally, you asked me if you have to do the same things your parents did. 

Only if you think they were right. What might have been right in the past, doesn’t necessarily mean it still is. You must, though, respect the past, even if you don’t agree with what happened. What happened, happened, and it can’t be changed. What you must do, is forget about past events, and always remember that the world today is a different world. However, that doesn’t mean that you should reject EVERYTHING from the past. Only reject something from the past if it causes you to compromise what you think of as right, but always keep in mind that what your parents regarded as right, must be respected, even if you don’t agree with it. THE PAST CAN’T BE CHANGED. The people of the past might have had good intentions and thought that what they were doing was the right thing to do, and they weren’t simply doing it because their parents’ had done it. But even though you don’t agree with everything they did, you must respect your parents’ decisions, because theirs' was a different world.  

Take care, 

Your friend Jamal 

To which I received just as quickly this reply: (Subject: "2 me i just teach other how 2 have fun"): 

dear my friend jamal 

in fact im glad u answer my ?? actully i was glad that u take my ?? in serious way a way from if im young or coz im thinking about thing maybe will change many thing in my life

ur friend shar_moota

I didn’t hear from “Shar Moota” for a few days. And then I got an email from her. The subject of this email was "good bye for ever 2 u": 

dearest friend jamal 

thank u for answering my ?? it give me much 2 think about 

specially part when u say we have 2 accept past becouse we cant change it!!! unfortunately i must say good bye for ever 2 u wish u good life 

take care 

ur friend shar_moota

I didn’t receive any more emails from “Shar Moota.” About three weeks later, though, a very strange thing happened. I was running on a treadmill at the gym when CNN, which was playing on one of the TV sets on the shelf in front of me, announced some breaking news. I strained to read the closed caption streaming at the bottom of the screen. It said that there was almost a bombing at the French embassy in Rabat, Morocco. The suicide bomber, who was a female, however, changed her mind and didn’t detonate the dynamite strapped to her body underneath her full-length chador. When a picture of the “almost suicide bomber” appeared on the screen, only her dark. kohl-lined eyes peering out from the veil of the black niqab that covered her entire body, I immediately thought about “Shar Moota.” 

Was it her? Surely not, I convinced myself. But I had to know for sure. Stopping and hopping off the treadmill, I hurried home as soon as I had changed out of my workout suit. I immediately fired up my computer. And there on Yahoo! was a picture of the “almost suicide bomber,” her dark, kohl-lined eyes peeping out from the thin slit of the black niqab. The eyes looked scared. I clicked on the picture to read the entire article. The article said that, based on preliminarily information, her name was Fatima al-Fera, and she was seventeen years old, and an Algerian citizen now living in Morocco. I felt my whole body start to tremble, because, except for the name, it was the same few things that “Shar Moota” had told me about herself. The article went on to say that she was being held at an undisclosed location in Morocco. 

I forced myself to read the rest of the article. After a paragraph about the rarity of female suicide bombers, the article concluded by saying that Fatima al-Fera’s motive apparently was to avenge the massacre of Arabs at the Casbah in Algiers in the 1950s by French troops, but she had decided at the last minute not to blow up herself and the French embassy, further telling the authorities, when they took her into custody, that “the past cannot be changed.” 

I’m sure that some of the CIA goons will get more information out of her, especially when they threaten her with torture. And, if she turns out to be “Shar Moota,” I’m sure they will find out about the emails. If so, I can expect, in the next few days, a visit by some Department of Homeland Security agents. I’m also sure they wouldn’t see my logic: that I had saved the French embassy in Morocco from being destroyed, and God only knew how many lives I had saved. They needed a scapegoat, and I would make a perfect one; arresting me for something like “conspiring to destroy the free world” would be a major feather in their DHS ball caps.

Oh well, all I could do now was work on my website and wait for that knock at the door.