He Found Beauty in Everything

He found beauty in everything. Ever since she could remember he could look at a plain stone he had picked up from the sand and lovingly exclaim “Would you look at the colour in this one” as he held out his hand to me. I would of course agree with him and he would be happy.

His bedroom was full of ‘stuff’ he had collected. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder they say, and in the case of James, it was true. All along his window sill were sticks, small and large. Just plain old sticks to me but James insisted ,once dried out could be made into something wonderful. Most of them he made into mobiles which hung from the ceiling of his room, all shapes and sizes , both smooth and knobbly, but hanging from them were brightly coloured beads, feathers and glass. Sunlight coming in through the window would catch the glass and rays of light would bounce off it onto the wall, sometimes taking colour from the glass with it, making colourful rainbows on the white paint.

“These represent the brightness of life Mum” James would tell me “and if you ever feel a bit down, you can come into my room and these will brighten you up”.

“Thank you son, I’ll remember that” I said looking around at the feathers he had sitting on top of his table, the big pieces of granite he had found while on holidays somewhere, and the coloured broken tiles that he painstakingly made into mosaic pictures, some displayed on his walls. I also looked at the dust in between all of the ‘junk’ and thought that I needed to bring in a cloth next time!

There didn’t seem to be any distinction between beauty and plainness with James. Everything had a hidden depth of something special and James seemed to see it in everything. When we had taken James to the dog pound to choose a rescue dog about five years ago we tried to encourage him to choose a cute puppy. The curly haired type that stare at you with big brown eyes and wag a blob of hair that’s their tail at you, barking ‘choose me, choose me’ but they weren’t the kind of dog James was attracted to. “Come over here Mum and Dad, I think I’ve found the one I want to take home” he called out to us, sounding excited and animated at the same time.

We walked over to the row of cages where James was standing and peered in. The strangest little face stared back at us. The dog was a mixture of colours and his hair was shaggy and messy. His body was quite long but very low to the ground and he had short stocky legs, with big paws on the ends. He barked at us but the sound was a cross between a growl and a grunt.

“You want this one?” James’s dad asked in disbelief.

“Yes, why not?” he asked back.

I decided to join in the conversation – after all I would be taking it for walks too and I wasn’t quite sure that I wanted to walk a dog that looked like this one! “Are you sure you want this particular dog James, I mean we did say you could choose but think carefully love”.

“What’s wrong with this dog?” he asked us both, not quite understanding our reaction to his choice.

“Well it’s just that, to be honest, he’s a strange looking thing” his dad answered honestly.

I tried to be kinder but it sounded as bad “Umm, well, he’s a funny shape don’t you think?”

“No I don’t and I don’t think he’s ugly either, and this is the dog I would like” was the decisive reply.

So after paying for ‘Cyril’ – James was adamant about his name too – and signing the forms, we set off for home, James on the back seat with a whimpering Cyril on his knee!

To James he was the most beautiful dog on the planet. He didn’t seem to notice how ‘different’ Cyril was to the many other dogs and puppies running around the park. When his friends came over to the house, at first they joked about how James must have got Cyril ‘on special’ because no one else would have him, but it had no effect on James, he loved him no matter what anyone said and he would just laugh.

One day James walked home from school carrying a small cardboard box. “What have you got there love?” his mum asked as he walked into the kitchen. But before he could answer her, she heard the ‘meowing’! “James, is that a kitten in that box? We can’t keep it, you know that. And anyway, how come you’ve got it?”

“Oh Mum, we have to keep it. It’s the last from Peter’s cat’s litter, the runt and it’s got one leg shorter than the other”.

“And why does that mean we have to have it? She asked sitting down in readiness for the discussion that was to follow.

“No one else will take a cat that can’t walk properly so it will have to be put down. I can’t let that happen. This kitten was born for a reason” he told her, pleading with his voice. “Just look at its little face….

“James, why do we have to take in all the strays and misfits of the animal kingdom? We’ve only just gotten rid of two guinea pigs – well I mean they died, and before that it was a tortoise you picked up off the road and that horrible bird. It bit us all at some stage, and it swore!”

“Please Mum”.

She knew the kitten would stay. James just couldn’t say no to things that were different, be they people, animals or anything really. His saying, when in a situation like this one, and the many others that had gone before this was ‘All animals and people deserve a chance’. And when really pressed to try and win an argument about keeping stray animals or justifying why some of his friends behaved the way they did, he had another one – ‘Be kind and don’t expect too much’.

James’s mum Laura did love that about her son. He had a kindness in him towards others that was beyond his years. When Laura heard about some of the behaviours of his friends and questioned James as to what he thought, all he would say was ‘There was a reason he did or said that’. ‘He’s going through a tough time at the moment’ or ‘How lucky am I with the family I have’.

James grew up but kept everything the way it was in his bedroom – he told Laura that when he left home it would go with him, he might pack it away but he would always keep it. “I don’t care if you keep it love, as long as it goes with you!” she said quietly.

When James was eighteen and starting university he asked his mother and father if a friend of his, who they had both met a couple of times, could come and stay at their house. “How come James?” asked Laura.

“He’s just having a hard time with his family. That’s all, and he needs somewhere to live for a while”.

“What do you mean a ‘hard time?”

“I’m not sure of the details but his mum and dad are getting divorced, they’re selling the house, but arguing all the time and he needs to get away.

They had met Jason a few times and thought he seemed like a nice boy but Laura was a bit sceptical as to what his family might think, so she asked James.

“Oh they’re ok with it. They’re not like you and dad – although they are nice enough, but like I’ve told you before Mum, I’m lucky to be in the family I’m in”. ‘Jason was no bother – it was just like having another son in a way and after three months the house was sold and he went to live with his mum.

It wasn’t the first and last of the ‘lodgers’. There was Paul who came to stay because his Dad had decided to run off with his secretary leaving behind his Mum, and older brother, who promptly moved out. The household was fine until Paul’s mother decided ‘what’s good for the goose….and all that, travelling to Spain with her personal trainer, leaving Paul to fend for himself. He stayed for four months and one week. Next was James’s Nanna, as his Pops had just passed away. She was a frail old lady, eighty six years of age and very forgetful. James loved his Nanna and became her self-appointed carer when not at Uni. They would play cards together after dinner and watch movies at the weekend – until eventually she began wandering around the house at night, trying to get out of the front door to walk back to her house to see Pops. Nanna had to go into a facility and only lived another six months before she went to join Pops.

When James was nineteen he asked his mother if it was ok to bring a friend home for dinner on Saturday night.

“Of course you can. When have you actually asked? I thought you usually just turned up with a few extra mouths for me to feed! Who is it?” she casually asked.

“Angela” sounded the sheepish reply.

His Mum spun around to look at him “Angela eh? I was wondering why the extra cologne lately in the mornings!!” she laughed.

Angela had a warm and sunny personality. It was a fun evening for the family, after the initial nervousness from James. His mum didn’t know how he would be bringing a girl home for the first time. She remembered when she had taken Philip home to meet her parents and sisters – it had been like the Spanish Inquisition and she thought it would probably be the end of their relationship if he thought he would be getting into a family of ‘nosey parkers’ but on the contrary it didn’t worry Philip. The family settled down after he had been around a few times and Philip got used to a family who liked to ask a lot of questions!

She laughed a lot and when Angela and James made eye contact Laura could see the mutual fondness they seemed to have for each other. At first it was a little difficult to understand everything she said because of the sound she made with some of the words but by the end of the evening they were all very relaxed in their conversations and didn’t find themselves listening extra vigilantly like they had been doing. Laura was amazed when Angela told them that not only was she born deaf but was brought up by a mum and dad who were deaf too, and even though she had a brother and sister who weren’t deaf, she said that growing up they were all treated the same – there was no special treatment in her house!

Laura thought that after over two years

 of dating it was a sure thing that James and Angela would end up together as they seemed so compatible and happy. They were always playing around and laughing - Angela seemed like a part of the family now.

Laura did start to notice a few little things but never assumed that it was the start of James’s and Angela’s relationship starting to unravel- they just didn’t seem to go out as much as they used to and were happy to sit at home with the dog and cat and watch television.

James’s started to change from the happy-go-lucky boy they all knew to a person a lot quieter and slightly withdrawn on occasions. It didn’t seem to affect Angela, who seemed as loving and absorbed with James as always.

She just thought it could be another ‘phase’ that people go through, especially when you have a relationship with someone that is pretty serious, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Laura was tempted to have a quiet word with Angela without James knowing but felt as if this could be a bit awkward especially if it did have anything to do with their relationship. They were both adults and had to sort their own problems out!

One afternoon after James got home from Uni Laura decided to ask him what was wrong. She had to pick the right time, when it was just those two together, so waited until his dad had left the house. “James, what’s wrong love?” she just came right out and said it. Before he had a chance to answer she continued “You just don’t seem yourself lately. Are you and Angela still happy together? I don’t mean to pry, I’m just worried. You’re usually so upbeat – and you seem very tired. You know that you can tell me anything and it won’t go any further”.

He looked at his mum and Laura saw something that she hadn’t seen for years, so unexpected from James and such a shock for her. He had tears in his eyes, they had welled up like tiny raindrops and slid down his face. He wiped them with the back of his hand and sniffed. “Oh James” said his mum rushing over to hug him “Whatever is it?”

“I’ve wanted to tell you and Dad for a while now, but I didn’t want you to worry unnecessarily. Do you remember last year when I had that ‘episode’ when we were away and we just put it down to the hot day it was and the fact we had all traipsed through the bush for hours, not drinking enough water? “Yes of course I do love. We took you to the local doctor and he said rest, fluids and keep out of the sun…why?”

James stood up from his chair and walked over to the window where the cat lay sunning herself and stroked her soft fur “Well I’ve had a few episodes over the last couple of months, you know dizzy spells and headaches and I’ve been having all sorts of tests”. He went to say something else but before he could, his mum cried out in disbelief…

“You didn’t tell us James, how you could not tell your parents about something this serious?” her voice was quivering as she spoke, finding it hard to believe what she had heard.

“Mum, I did it for you and Dad. I wanted to be sure of what was wrong before I told you anything but you probably know me better than I know myself so saw that something was wrong” his voice trailed off.

“Does Angela know?” she asked him, only because she wanted to know that there had been someone with him when he had all the tests done, someone who loved him.

“Yes she came with me for the MRI and all the other scans. I couldn’t have done it without her Mum”

“Oh James, when do you get the results?” she was now in tears and they both stood hugging each other, the cat watching as if she knew something.

“I get the results on Wednesday. Maybe you and dad can come with Angela.”

“Of course we will” she assured him, and knew that she wouldn’t sleep between now and then.

9am Wednesday morning came too soon – they all sat in the cool sterile room the other side of the big wooden desk where the oncologist specialist sat. A life sized skeleton was staring at them from the side of the room, and as the Dr was talking Laura kept looking over to the skeleton, not quite being able to process what they were being told. All she heard, as if the doctor had screamed only those words were ‘Stage four, very rare, metastasised and terminal”.

James didn’t have a great prognosis. The brain tumour, the size of a tennis ball couldn’t be operated on - the options were chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a positive mindset. So James began the first two options and for the third, he was just himself.  

James fought with the quiet determination that he always lived his life with. He didn’t complain that it ‘wasn’t fair and why did it have to be him’, instead he told us most days that he knew if he could beat this cancer it would be because he had the most amazing family and girlfriend, and then went on to say that “If you have love surrounding you that’s all you need”.

When he wasn’t in hospital, but in his own bed, with more often than not his cat or dog sleeping on it with him, he asked Angela if she could arrange to have another table put the other side of his bed and on this sat photos of everyone he loved, including the cat and dog, along with the pack of cards he and his Gran used to play with.

The oncologist had given him about six months to live - he had peacefully passed away, in his own room filled with his keepsakes and mementos from when he was a little boy, surrounded by his heartbroken family after eight months.

Laura would often come into James’s bedroom, sit on his bed, where the cat and dog were sleeping,  and expecting  James to come back, and look around at all of his ‘stuff’ -  his treasures. She wasn’t ready to part with them. The mobiles blew in the breeze when the window was open, the sunlight catching the colour of the glass as it sparkled and danced about the room.  Laura could feel in her heart the love of James surrounding her as she wiped away her tears and thought about how much she missed him.