Ms. Bravado

“The reason I’ve lived in the forest as a wolf, or the desert as a Mountain Lion, or the Artic and Antarctic as an Artic fox and the wetlands as a Blue Herring is because I’ve always just…” The she-wolf looked down, gulping. Then she sighed, and another wolf, a gamma male, finished for her.                                                                                      

“tried so hard to proof myself to others that—”  

“Shackles, you know who I am—”            

“I lost focus of who I really am. I need believe I am one of Clouds’ wolf! I can’t fear others’ view of me.” Shackles looked firmly at her. “Believe in yourself. Then you’ll find true acceptance.”         

“No one in that school, as you say, is going to believe you’re a shape-shifter. Give up. You can’t convince anyone. It’s not who you are.”               

“Well, I’m not going to just turn into a wolf. Or a Mountain Lion. Or a fox. Everyone will just freak out even more than when I’m bringing a tarantula or a garden snake in for Show and Tell. I just…I don’t—”       

“Say ‘just’ enough!”  

One of the wolves howled with whoever quipped this. The Alpha barked, and everyone fell silent. Except for this she-wolf.          

“I just…don’t know how to say it. Or do it. I’m just…too scared—”

“A she-wolf is not afraid! We’re wolves, Quilt. You may weave and stitch, but you also attend a place called a school. I’m not really understanding what you’re so afraid of. What did we raise you to believe? To prove yourself? To whom—us? You are part of a pack. Stand up for yourself!”  

“Yes, Clouds. But—”        

“Keep saying ‘just.’” Shackles looked at Clouds, but he just rolled his eyes. Shackles laughed. “So what are you going to do? Just do—”             

“Quit it!” Clouds growled, rounding on this male wolf. “She is a beta while you are a gamma. Quit thinking you’re an alpha!” As he glared, teeth bared, at him, he whimpered, tail between his legs.

“Yes, sir.”           

“So stay silent!”  

He nodded meekly. The alpha male ignored it, returning to Quilt. “So…what are you going to do?”

But she was looking behind at the gamma. His head was bent, and his eyes were shining with hurt and confusion. Clouds snarled out words harsher than an axe hitting a tree. His attitude pretty much summed up everyone’s thoughts of him: despicable. He wasn’t just angry at his enemies. He wasn’t just frustrated with the so-called disrespectful, lower-ranking wolves. He had to have a spat with everyone who crossed his path. His name shouldn’t be Clouds. It should be Dirt. Or better yet, Mud. Because, just as Mud was dirt mixed with water, he was a wolf mixed up with hate. And he despised Shackles the most.                                             

His name came from Clouds’ naming of his wolves. So…he chose whom he liked. Your name wasn’t the best, so be it. Was not Clouds the leader? Why he hated his wolf pack so much, no one knew. All they did know was that you just add hate. And you get Clouds! Quilt would whisper this in wolf dens across the forest, every wolf chuckling in agreement.        

Oh, what Clouds didn’t know.      

“I understand there’s a sense of fear in your voice or mind or bones.” Quilt’s head whipped right over to him. “But you need to stand up for yourself. You can’t bow to weakness!” He sniffed the air. “I see. I see how it is with wolves who don’t respect me. But they must! Or I’d give them a piece of my mind.”      

Yeah, you would! Quilt was glad Clouds couldn’t read minds, but nodded respectfully to him. “Yes, Clouds, I…need to be brave. Show them who I am.”    

Later, Quilt checked to see whether Clouds was around. No, he was sleeping contently on his throne of leaves and grass. Anyway, as Clouds dreamt away, Quilt snuck over to Shackles, who turned into an ashen-faced, dark-eyed little boy. His beautiful eyes. Quilt couldn’t, well, quit looking at him. He blushed, smiling mischievously. She grinned, morphing into a dirty-blond girl. She shook her head. “You’re so weird, Shack!”              

“Well, what are you waiting for?”                                                

Quilt stood up. “You think I’m crazy, but we should extend mercy towards Clouds instead of—”  

“Quilt—” He dashed away. “Let’s go!”          

Both of them escaped this black forest, Clouds and their wolf ranks. At the desert, soaking in the sun, these children would just absorb the sun’s scorching heat like food does microwave’s heat. Searching for berries but finding cactus juice and quenching their thirst and then laughing and giggling with each other, Shackles and Quilt pondered whether Clouds would ever find them.                        

“So,” Shackles sat with his hands behind him, his bony shoulders showing his collar bone. They sat together on a dug-up log in front of a crackling fire. “How are you going to convince your school—much less Clouds—that you can do more than quilt stuff? That you can just fit in?” He smirked. “I thought they were followers of our wolf pack, no?”            

“No—they’re people.” Quilt shrugged. “I should get back to them. They need me. I need to be around people. I shouldn’t be controlled by Clouds as a wolf. I must be free to make my own choices.” She sighed. “But…Clouds…”                                                  

Shackles leaned forward, his straw-thin arms slithering over his hinge-like knees, a mischievous grin on his face. Quilt threw her head back, laughter ringing out clearer than any howl Clouds could’ve emitted.

“You know something crazier than the fact that we bowed to a leader like Clouds?”            

Shackles yelled, “What? That you go to something called a school?”

“No! School’s cool.” The girl jumped up, and the boy did, too. Both of them hugged and then looked out towards the ocean. The sinking sun’s gorgeous gleam behind the endless navy-blueness distracted them. Soon, Quilt dashed to the water, and Shackles chased her. They splashed each other with saltwater, chasing each other, the sunset’s radiance glowing. When Shackles’ body was orange and red, Quilt told him so. He jerked a finger at her, too, saying she was the same. Both kids stepped into each other’s footsteps and then lay on the sand, side by side, in front of a roaring fire, gazing up at a starlit night sky.       

“Hey—Quilt. I never asked you. Why’d you stay with Clouds? I mean, that forest needed to burn down—with him in it—a long time ago! As soon as we joined his dumb pack!”

“I just…I can’t keep bowing to my own indecisiveness.” 

“Well, we’ve left.”     

Quilt thought about those baskets of berries she weaved together for Clouds’ birthday and victory feasts. “I don’t know. Something about burning down that forest with Clouds in it doesn’t feel right. It just doesn’t.”

“Hm. Hey, I think I see Clouds!” Shackles twirled his finger, and then looked over.          

He gasped in horror: Quilt’s arms gashed and cut. Clouds, growling, bent low and lunged for her. Before Shackles could do anything, Quilt was slammed to the ground (but before she formed into a Mountain Lion). Shackles balled his fists and screamed for Quilt to kick the stupid wolf with her two hind paws. She did, and Clouds landed flat on his back. He groaned, but then rolled over, growling like a rabid fox, his eyes on fire.                                 

Shackles snickered and grabbed a log right from the fire. He branded it above his head, yelling for Clouds. But Clouds ignored him. The savage enemy went for her throat (though his ears and nose were torn and bloody), and bit down hard. Rage seized Shackles, and he threw the stick, it spreading the fire on the wolf like butter on bread. Clouds immediately let go of the poor Mountain Lion’s neck, and howled, thrashing about with wild madness. Like a fire sucks oxygen from someone’s lungs, this fire evaporated every piece of fur.  

“Yes! Burn, wolf, burn!”   

“No!” A Mountain Lion’s shriek ripped through the air. As wounded as she was with barely a left paw and a hind ankle on her right side, Quilt tried grabbing Clouds to chuck him into the ocean. Luckily, it was there, or Quilt wouldn’t know how to stop Clouds’ bloody anger. “I will help—”

“A burned piece of charcoal?” Shackles lunged for the half-charred creature, who was screaming, flailing like a fish out of water. Soon, when the fire went out, Quilt grabbed him, hurtling him towards the ocean. Ordering Shackles to help her, Quilt carried a lighter Clouds. Thanking him, she turned her head, but witnessed Shackles raising Clouds above him. Ordering him to turn around, Quilt dove for Shackles.             

“NO!” A thunderous roar from Quilt sent Shackles to the side with fright. She lunged for a still Clouds. With him in her mouth, she scampered about, trying to see anything salvific. But…          

Shackles ordered that he was the enemy and so should burn in that fire forever. But Quilt demanded he get a second chance, as she isn’t always the one to just give up on others. Despite the dissimilarities, Quilt was going to stitch together a new story: one that would release Shackles of his chains.

Chains of unrelenting hatred. Hatred, he saw, needed to be justified. By hate. After healing Clouds of his charred body, Quilt lay him in the sand and returned, frustrated, to Shackles as a girl (and he turned into a boy). Fists balled and jaw set, she said, “I once didn’t think Clouds deserved such mercy. And neither do you! Besides…” She seemed to hesitate. “You know, maybe I don’t need to prove myself to you or Clouds.”       

“What?” Shackles snapped.      

“Do you for hating him, too?”

Nothing.

“Shackles, please. Can we agree on something? I know I’m—”   

“We can be friends, but we don’t have to agree on everything. Besides, you’re just trying to save your own fur. I know it—I can see the truth in your eyes. You’re just being merciful to Clouds so I’d have mercy on him, too. I’m not buying it. You can’t just convince everyone. Mercy is an act of kindness. You’re manipulative and a cheat. Host his funeral, Ms. Mercy. Maybe I’ll come!” The kid dashed down to the ocean, and then started throwing some clods into it. Being nearly dark now, they just splashed into the water. 

She thought they’d live forever.

The darkness obscured her view of Shackles, the splashing of water happening again and again. she dashed out to him, asking whether Shackles wanted to return to the fire. Shackles nodded.

Quilt put her head on his shoulder. He put his head on her head. and sighed. Quilt blinked, looking down. she didn’t want to anger Shackles.

“Do you feel better now that he was almost a burned piece of steak?”

“Yeah!” He whooped. “I do!” He threw an arm around her. “Don’t you?”

She jerked away. “No. I wish…I just needed him to see my other side. The part where I—”

“See what he deserves?” Shackles jumped up. “I thought maybe instead of letting him live, you’d be smart enough to end his life!” Shackles looked over at the snoring wolf. The fire lit up Shackles’ already inflamed face.                                           

“I don’t need to quench my hatred of him, too. I just wish you could see that, too.”      

After ensuring they were safe from Clouds, Quilt and Shackles each made little sand beds on opposite sides of the fire. They awoke to Clouds’ growling. From hunger or tiredness, she didn’t know. But she stayed her distance.

“I never knew what you’ve got against us. You’re our leader, Clouds!”

He growled, low and fierce, but Quilt became a wolf, bearing her teeth. He told her to save it for a real fight. A fight where he’d win. But Quilt trotted up to him, telling him with her head held high that she’d rather be a wolf who’s loving and peaceful than hatred eternal. She didn’t want to try convince Shackles of mercy. Instead, he sniffed the wind, and howled. She rolled her eyes.

“You’re not going to listen to me, Clouds. Fine. I can’t listen for you.” She trotted away, back to the dying campfire. Its embers seemed to burn in Quilt’s eyes, making her look away. Suddenly, a voice was beside her.               

“You okay?”

“It’s the smoke.”

“Just like Clouds. Always threatening but never meaning it.” And he growled something fierce.

“Stop it, Shack. You would want someone to save you, too, right?”

“Yeah—but I’m not Clouds!” And he bounded right towards the wolf, growling and snarling, a war between the two males that would turn yellow sand to red. But Quilt screamed something fiercer, and both wolves stared right at her.   

“I saved you, Clouds. I will save you again.” She transformed into a Mountain Lion, and glared at them. “I’ll save both of you. If you want. For real. No more convincing. Just love.”

For the remainder of the day, Shackles and Clouds never looked or went near each other, only glaring at each other from far away. Quilt kept them at bay, the ocean’s crashing waves the only sound. She broke their arguments with a word, and hissed at them whenever they leered at each other, crouching and crawling slowly towards each other. Finally, the Mountain Lion grabbed a burnt stick and threatened to rub it against both their backs.

“I’m starving! How about Shackles for dinner, and Clouds for dessert!”

The war between these two better be over. As the sky soon all grew dark, Clouds growled but kept his distance from Quilt and Shackles. Shackles obeyed Quilt, and slowly began to agree with her. Clouds’ eyes, Quilt promised, glowed with envy. Brighter than the fire licking the blackness all around them.

Shackles broke through his comfort zone. But Clouds? Quilt saw that the sparks between the two wolves glowed only hotter. Both lunged for each other one night, separating from each other at Quilt’s fearless roar. However, both attacked the following night, until Quit threatened she’d leave.

“How,” Clouds spoke one night. “How did you almost become the alpha?”

“I want to be the merciful one. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’d want the same kindness extended to me.” Quilt secretly knew she herself didn’t extend mercy; she only wanted it. wanted kindness for herself. she was only thinking of herself. and selfishness didn’t grant her mercy or kindness.

“Ever thought of that?” Shackles’ howl soared into the night air. “Huh, Clouds?”

“Yeah, Shack!” Clouds retorted. “Ever want mercy, too?”

“Yeah!”

“Then how about you talk to Quilt—the so-called merciful one?”

Clouds turned on Quilt. Shackles didn’t join him, but she, shapeshifting into a Mountain Lion, started circling them, trying to convince that she was different from the pack. That she wasn’t hateful. That she only wanted peace, please! His body fully healed of its burns, Clouds escaped back to the forest, leaving Quilt to choose whether she’d become alpha female. Quilt stayed with Shackles, him saying he wouldn’t be caught dead forgiving someone like Clouds. Or helping someone like Quilt see the truth. There was no truth to learn—just to accept. That Clouds deserved to die for his hatred.

“Now Clouds is going to tell everyone of your selfishness!”

“At least I’m not hateful. Isn’t he going to—?”

“Tell everyone he’s the leader of a wolf who—”

Quilt bowed her head. “I’m sorry. I thought indecisiveness had trapped me. I didn’t know. but please, Shackles. We’re best friends. We can make the pack see. Can’t you see—”

“Clouds would tear us apart. For our betrayal!” 

“If we’re right. How about you stay silent and think for a moment. Think about how, if we’re friends, we need to listen to each other. Maybe I listened to you. Maybe it’s your turn to listen to me. I can’t convince you. And you shouldn’t hate Clouds.”

Shackles heard her, but didn’t listen. They never returned to the wolf pack. They grew up together, Shackles renaming himself. Quilt and he built a life for themselves somewhere in the human world, Treasure transferring to the circus to escape Quilt’s quiet presence, and Quilt secretly traveling with him whenever his master drove that train around the world. a traveling circus, she shook her head, wasn’t going to quench his fiery attitude towards Clouds. Clouds will be found out; Quilt said she didn’t return because she always thought before she acted, meaning she decided the best choice and saw it through. Treasure, on the other paw, shook his head. Quilt quit her heated debates with Treasure. 

He doesn’t want my wisdom. Quilt thought. I just can’t always win in the end. She walked away, hoping he’d love her in return.

Eventually, Quilt heard that Ghostwriter as he now called himself visited Clouds. She mourned his murdered body. Quilt cornered him one day.

“Nothing short of invisible, icy, transparent and vengeful. All you do is kill and move on! Now the pack’s going to avenge Clouds’ death—”

“Says you. They’re not worried. He won’t come back. I did them a favor. I’ve been shackled to my lust for vengeance, and I finally got it. Happy?”

“Ghostwriter. Please.” She turned into a girl. He became a boy. “We can get married and start a family.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. 

Ghostwriter returned to the circus. But, Quilt knew, for the circus fame. She knew it was all about the stardom for her best friend. She dashed off, a lone she-wolf independent, with no wolf above her. I just have to befriend. I’ll be popular, too—with students and teachers who fear, respect and love me. The Shapeshifter! I will be under no wolf anymore. Clouds, I forgive you. Shackles, I forgive you. But I must move on—no matter what! Even if it means death by the next alpha.

Hope you won’t become the next Clouds, Shackles.