My Home

High school was a time in our lives where we all began to discover love. Maybe not true love, but a certain type of love. That type of high school love you see in those cheesy rom-com movies. I was fortunate enough to have discovered love. No, not true love or cheesy high school romance. A different type of love. That’s when I met my other half. Jay. We met my junior year of high school in my art class. I remember him being the new kid at school and we were assigned to sit next to each other. He was shy and had the softest features even though his demeanor was almost serious. He had milky white skin and the deepest dimples on each cheek. I never liked any of the boys in my school only because I knew I deserved better, but Jay was different. There was something about him that made me realize maybe boys here aren’t so bad after all. We got closer through art class and eventually we became the best of friends. He always waited for me when I got out of one of my classes to walk me to my next one regardless if his class was across the entire campus. We did everything together as best friends and when you see him, you’d always see me right by his side. As best friends should be.

After high school, we had to part ways. I went to a college 3 hours away from home and Jay went to a school across the globe. I was excited for him to finally pursue his dreams of traveling the world, but a selfish part of me wanted him to stay so we can always be together. But I couldn’t ever bring myself to tell him the truth even though he was my best friend because I knew he’d stay for me in a heartbeat. So I let him go. We were apart for 3 years. He only ever visited once when his school wasn’t piling on work. The time zones were hard to deal with as he was practically in the tomorrow of my today, but as best friends should, we worked around it. We always made sure to call, text, or find some sort of way to reach each other. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration when we say that we couldn’t live without each other. Even though there was romantic tension between us, it was never acknowledged.  Our feelings always remained enclosed.

One day, Jay called me. A video call. He seemed like he was being rushed and his voice was very hoarse. We talked for what seemed like seconds before my doorbell rang. I left my phone on the bed as Jay was still on the call as I got up to open the door. I opened the door and there was my best friend that I hadn’t seen in years. He got taller, his jawline was more prominent on his face, and his dimples remained the same. Jay wrapped his arms around me as I couldn’t bring myself to get my arms around him. He felt like home. The smell of linen and cedar from the cologne I gifted him for his birthday every year. I almost wanted to cry, but tears wouldn’t flow out. He let go of me and gave me a sweet smile, the one I always got to see every day before he left. I looked up at him and then rushed into his arms to make sure the moment was real. I felt the way his broad shoulder stiffened upon my sudden hug as he stroked my hair and laid his head on top of mine. The moment felt like forever, but I never wanted to let go. I just knew that Jay came back to me and for once I felt like the entire world was in my arms.

For the next few days, we had our movie nights, sleepovers, and made up for lost time. I felt like I was at home after being away for days because Jay was my home and the person who always kept me together. After all the time we spent apart I was more than happy to have him back again. I like to think of our friendship as where we grew apart to grow stronger when we got together again. It was a late Friday night and we had our weekly movie night. After we watch movies, we always talk about it and analyze it. That night we watched a coming of age movie. We said it reminded us of us, but we never fell in love like the main characters. The topic of love was always awkward for us to talk about because we knew love was there between us, but we never knew how to act upon it. He always stuttered, smiled awkwardly where his dimples would pop out, and his ears would get red when he was nervous. So I asked him the big question. We looked at each other and he rubbed the nape of his neck. Then he moved closer to me and cuddled me into his arms. Jay always did that to me whether I was sad, angry, or happy. It was his way of showing affection without ever saying anything and I just knew that that was his answer to my question. 

Romance was never an option between us two because we got used to the title of best friends. Best friends are meant to be platonic. Friendly. There’s no kisses in between, nothing romantic. Just plain simple platonic love. Although our families always thought we were dating and made bets amongst each other to see how long we would take to start dating. It’s not that we wouldn’t want to date each other, we just wanted to grow together. We wanted to grow through what we went through. Together. As best friends and nothing more. Nothing less. We became each other’s home and safe havens and we wouldn’t want to have it any other way than that.