Deja Vu Moments

I’ve never been a fan of time travel movies. They confuse me as I try to connect the dots of the back and forth events for them to make sense. I’m better off just relaxing and enjoying the ride rather than factchecking along the way to see if it all adds up.

“I just don’t get it,” I groaned to my husband, a big sci-fi fan. I was attempting once again to watch a remake of a remake of an old classic movie. “How did he get back to his father’s childhood?” 

He looked at me almost disdainfully. “I explained it already. Pay attention.”

I felt like an old balloon, the air fizzling out. I settled back onto the couch staring blankly at the screen. It just wasn’t my thing, I realized for the millionth time. I glanced over at Dave. What exactly did we have in common? Not movies, that’s for sure. That was the least of it, though. I wanted to stop working and start a family, he wanted me to push for a promotion, to become partner. How did we even get here? It was an okay life, but not exactly my dream come true. The movie turned black and white depicting the past and my eyelids grew heavy.

***

I woke up in a narrow bed with a bad case of the spins as Billy Idol’s “Eyes Without a Face” played on an endless loop in my brain.

I fell back to sleep, but a shallow disjointed sleep, with confusing images in a spinning room.

***

“Oh fuck.” My head was pounding, mouth was dry, bucket at the bedside. Glancing at the clock radio I saw 10:48. AM or PM? Too bright to be PM, I realized looking around my dorm room. Vague nagging scenes of a law office teased me. Was I supposed to be there? That made no sense.

I reached under my pillow for … for … for what exactly? Just had a craving to hold something to read, check info, look at photos. Not sure exactly. Looking at the stack of books next to my typewriter, I felt guilty. I had so much homework to do. Why did I go The Salty Dog last night?

I threw back my blanket dismayed to see I had slept in my clothes, my boots and bandana discarded on the floor next to my denim jacket. Crap! I looked in the mirror, hair a tangled mess of hairspray like an actual bird’s nest, eyeliner smudged like a racoon. A regular enchanted forest I was.

I thought back to being abandoned at the bar when Jillian met her ‘dream man’ and left with a wink over her shoulder as they scurried out to the parking lot. How I hated being alone in bars.

Lighting up another cigarette I had called out for a shot of Jack Daniels and threw that back. How many had I consumed? No clue. No one cared, why should I? I staggered to the dance floor to stand on the sidelines swaying along to Madonna’s “Like a Virgin.” Like a vir-r-r-r-gen … touched for the very first time. I inhaled my cigarette looking around. Maybe I would find my Mr. Right tonight, I had thought. Who was I kidding, at that point Mr. So So would have been just fine.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I felt my sweater slip off one shoulder reminding me of the voice in my ear coming out of the crowd. 

“You look like the girl from Flash Dance.” The voice was accompanied by a gentle caress on the nape of my neck under my curly hair. I turned to see that face inches away from mine leaving me speechless for once in my life. 

Knowing I had to say something, I replied, “Yeah. I get that a lot.” Clever little thing, wasn’t I? 

Now as I reach for the bucket I question everything from the rumpled bed sheets to the pack of Marlboros on the desk when I only smoke Marlboro lights. He was here. He came back to my dorm with me. It all came flooding back. I put my hand up to my mouth to hold in a hysterical fit of laughter. Who was I hiding it from? My roommate was clearly having her own adventure, hadn’t been seen in days, not that I cared much one way or the other. I fell back on the bed smiling, smelling his cologne on my pillow. 

My disgust at still being in my jeans and sweater turned into relief that it hadn’t gotten too far. I liked him, I realized. Would I see him again? Did we exchange numbers? Or would I have to go back to The Salty Dog looking for him? I only knew his first name. 

“Paul,” he had shouted over “Wake me up before you go go …” If only he did wake me up, I thought now. 

“Susan,” I shouted back, raising my umpteenth Jack and Seven. 

The phone rang, distracting me from my memories of the drunken encounter, the shrill sound painful to my poor head. Tossing heaps of clothes around the room I searched for the phone and answered it, holding the receiver in one hand, twisting the cord round and round with the other. 

“Hello?” Maybe it was him? Did I give him my number?

“Hi Sue.” 

I felt let down. “Hi Dave.”

“Want to have lunch today? I have to get into the computer lab, but we can meet at Bits and Bytes when I’m done.”

I looked around the room, the disaster area, saw my reflection in the mirror on my desk, colorful earrings still dangling crazily. I looked like shit, felt like shit. I thought of Paul. 

“I can’t. I have papers to write.”

“Ok. I’m going to Blockbuster tonight to pick up a movie. Hopefully they have Back to the Future. It’s been out of stock every time I’ve checked.”

“Ok. See you later.” I hung up the receiver, distracted. Something on the floor caught my eye. 

I bent down to pick up the matchbook and grinned when I saw the name and number scribbled under The Salty Dog logo. Paul. Should I call him? I thought of Dave who I had been dating on and off for years. He had become more of a habit than anything else, and lately I found him pushy and uncompromising.

***

“This pizza really is disgusting.” Jillian looked slightly gray sitting across from me in the Rathskeller. 

“Not exactly the cure for a hangover.”

“Where’s Dave? I’m surprised you’re not eating with him.” 

“He’s working in the computer lab, some time travel thing he’s obsessed with. I don’t know. He asked me if he can use my data to enter into the program.”

“You didn’t say yes, did you?” Jillian stared at me.

“I did, but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like it’s real, just a mockup.”

“Why didn’t he use his own data?”

I sighed. I knew Jillian didn’t like Dave and lately it was getting harder and harder to justify our relationship. My thoughts drifted to Paul and the matchbook that I had tucked into my back pocket. 

“He said he needs to monitor the outcome, make programming changes if need be. It will never work, don’t worry. It’s not like we are going to be that high tech in our lifetime.”

“So, he needs to be able to control it?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“Like he wants to control you?”

I sat back in the booth stunned as if my best friend had literally slapped me across the face. Maybe it was the hangover that left me in a weakened state or maybe it was the truth that hurt. I felt tears come to my eyes. 

“You better be careful,” Jillian continued. “I see how my mom is with my dad. She goes along with everything he says. She watches the movies that he chooses, listens to his favorite bands. She has a dead look in her eyes, just wandering around like she’s an accessory in his life.”

“That is not going to happen to me. You know that.”

“Make sure.”

We sat in silence, finishing off the pizza. I felt like I was going to throw up.

“This pizza is disgusting. Why do we do this to ourselves?” I grabbed my stomach, doubling over in the booth. Was it the pizza or Jillian’s words that made me sick? 

***

“Hey babe, can you make it louder? And pass the popcorn? I’ve been dying to watch this movie. It’s hilarious, you are going to love it.”

I put the bowl down on the couch between us after grabbing a handful for myself. Picking up the remote, I increased the volume, but only slightly. I had just gotten the baby down and was looking forward to date night with my handsome husband. As much as we loved babysitting the grandkids, our time together was precious.

He scrolled through the choices on Netflix, pausing at Flash Dance. We looked at each other surprised. 

“Remember Flash Dance?” Paul placed his hand on the nape of my neck, my hair still curly but shorter with touches of gray in it. 

“How could I forget the day I met you?” I leaned over to kiss him. 

“I still can’t believe it took you so long to call me.”

“Thankfully I finally did.”

Something was nagging, some old black and white memory, a sci-fi movie maybe. Those déjà vu moments flittered past every so often. They made me wonder.