A Change of Heart

Dear Reader,

This story contains hints of bullying, sexual assault, and physical violence. It is not graphic, however, I must put a trigger warning here. I hope you can enjoy my story otherwise.

Thank you for your time

“Guys I don’t know about this.” Cami shifted her feet and crossed her arms.

She and her friends, Jade and Abby stood on the edges of the property on a Saturday night, where a party thrown by a couple of brothers on the school football team was in full swing. By now most of the partygoers were at least tipsy if not drunk. She was tipsy.

“Come on, Cami! Don’t back out now! It’s all in good fun.”

Cami shook her head. “No, Jade, this is too far. Even for us.”

Jade groaned and rolled her eyes. “Why do you even care what happens to the freak? Don’t tell me you secretly like her. Are you her friend in secret or something?”

“No. I am not her friend. Of course, I don’t like her. Call the freak names. Push her around a little. But to do this?”

“Oh, what’s it hurting, Cami? No one cares about the freak,” Jade said.

“Yeah, no one is going to care what happens to her. If anything happens,” Abby added, “She may end up having fun.”

“Stop pretending. We all know she will not have fun. And if she tells? What then?” Cami crossed her arms, biting her lip as she glanced back at the party.

Jade turned to leave, and she replied, “We left the party before the incident. We did our part. Make sure the freak shows up tonight. Anything that happens after we leave will never be connected to us. Now let’s go.”

Abby immediately followed, catching up to Jade and chatting without a care. Cami followed reluctantly a few feet behind them, her mind on the party she left. She didn’t feel right, just walking away like this. She knew what was likely happening, knew that it wasn’t right. So why wasn’t she turning around to help the girl? Why did she care so much?

Cami allowed herself to lag further behind her friends, thankful that they were too busy chatting to notice. She didn’t want to join their giggle fest as she normally would. She knew her peers considered Jade and Abby to be mean girls, bullies who picked on anyone they thought were vulnerable. And not for the first time, she agreed. She saw just what kind of monsters they had turned into.

This was the first time that she truly looked at herself, and she didn’t like what she saw. She remembered a time when she was open and accepting and didn’t tolerate bullies, but that was before high school. Back then she was never outright mean and tried to stand up for others. Ever since she started hanging around Jade and Abby, that changed. While she had not directly bullied anyone, she never tried to stop her friends and always defended them even when she knew they were in the wrong. All to fit in. That made her just as bad as them. Now, not only was she a bully, but she had participated in tricking a girl who had done nothing to her into what would probably be the worst night of her life.

Cami stopped walking, watching her friends continue up the road until she couldn’t see them anymore. They still didn’t seem to notice she was not with them. What did that tell her? Were they her real friends? Did that matter?

This wasn’t right. She had to do something, anything. Did she have the guts to go against her friends? She didn’t know. What could she do now? Going back to the party would be useless, as she would likely be too late to do anything about the plan tonight. And she would get hurt and ostracized for it. But what did that matter?

She could go home and tell her parents. If she did that, they would be disappointed in her, to say the least. She would be completely grounded. They would immediately contact the authorities and word would spread like wildfire around the school that she was the snitch. If that happened, she shuddered to think of what would happen to her.

She could leave it alone. Pretend to know nothing. If she did that, could she live with herself? No, she couldn’t. She had to tell someone. Maybe an anonymous call to a police station via payphone? No, there might be a camera that captures her face if they try to trace the call.

She had to solve this herself. She would walk back to the party, pretend she left something behind, and pretend like she was looking for it. When the opportunity came, she would find their victim, Leah, and help her get out of there. Hopefully, before anything too bad happened.

She made her way back to the party only to find that it was over, and all the lights were off, the cars gone. There was nothing she could do now but wait to see what happened. Hopefully, Leah wasn’t hurt as badly as she had imagined.

Two days later, Cami reluctantly got up to go to school. She had ignored calls and texts from Jade and Abby all day Sunday, both girls wondering where she disappeared to. What could she say to two people who took pleasure in hurting others? Even going so far as to set the people they dislike up for horrible experiences? She knew she was no better, but it counted for something realizing it now, right?

Throughout the school day, Cami tried to find Leah, hoping that she somehow managed to be okay, while also trying to avoid Abby and Jade. She wasn’t ready to talk to them yet, not after her revelation of just how far they would go in their bullying. She couldn’t make herself agree with it, even if she couldn’t work up the courage to tell an adult what they did. Her avoidance lasted until lunchtime when her friends cornered her on the way to the cafeteria.

“Why are you avoiding us, Cami? Jade asked

“Just don’t feel like talking.”

“Why? Did we do something?” Abby asked.

Cami shuffled her feet, and leaned against her locker, “Not really. Just not in a good mood, I guess.”

Jade huffed and let herself fall back on the locker behind her. “Don’t tell me this is about the party. The freak deserved it.”

Cami raised an eyebrow, “Oh, so you know exactly what happened to her?”

Jade rolled her eyes, “Of course we do, Mason told me exactly what was going to happen. He was going to show her what a good time was if you know what I mean. The freak probably enjoyed herself.” Jade paused for a few seconds, tilting her head. “Well…after she had a few drinks in her, that is. Don’t worry though, he returned her home after it was over. She’s fine.”

Cami shook her head, “I know what you mean, even though I hoped I was wrong. If she’s fine, then why isn’t she here today?”

Abby snorted, standing in front of them in the hallway, “Who cares? Maybe she’s embarrassed for being such a––”

“Don’t say it!” Cami felt sick. She should have gone back to try and help Leah sooner. “It doesn’t matter how much we don’t like her; she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve anything we did to her. And besides no girl deserves that. What we did was wrong. And it was a step too far.”

Jade’s eyes narrowed. “Are you going to snitch?”

“No! I may not feel right about this, but I’m not stupid. Snitching would get me in trouble too.” She felt sick just saying it, but she didn’t want to become an outcast.

Jade looked at her closely for a minute before smiling, “Good. Keep thinking like that. Let’s go to lunch.”

The rest of Cami’s day went without incident, and she arrived home from school and flopped on her bed, exhausted from the uneasy feeling she had all day. Her friends were wrong. This was wrong. Why couldn’t she just do the right thing and tell someone, like she was raised to do? She was disappointed in herself.

The next day at school Leah showed up, but Cami noticed that her eyes were red and puffy and she hunched in on herself, flinching when someone got too close. If she didn’t believe her imagination Saturday night, she sure did now. Her guilt nearly swallowed her whole. She could barely stand it.

At home that night after dinner, Cami’s father pulled her aside, sitting her down in his office before speaking, “Cami, do you trust me?”

Cami looked at him in confusion, “What kind of question is that? You know I trust you. Why are you asking me?”

“I got a call from a Detective. I’ve been asked to bring you in for questioning, even when I told him that you would never be involved in illegal activities. I know you, Cami. You have been acting weird since Saturday. Something is bothering you and has been since Saturday night. What happened that night?”

Cami looked down at her feet, “I went to a party Dad. There was alcohol, and I drank some. I’m sorry Dad.”

“Were you safe coming home?”

Cami nodded, “Yes. I walked. I was only tipsy.”

Her father sighed and leaned forward, “Cami. While I am disappointed, I am not angry. You are young, you are experiencing life. Is that the only thing bothering you?”

Cami stared at her father, without answering. What could she tell him? That she had participated in something so awful, that another girl is traumatized?

“Talk to me, Cami. Why are you a person of interest to the police? I can’t fix it unless you tell me.”

Cami’s eyes filled with tears, the stress of the week so far getting to her. “I’m scared, Dad. I’ll lose friends if I talk. I’ll be a pariah at school.”

Her father stood, making his way around his desk to sit next to her, grabbing her hand. “If it is so bad as to drive you to tears, you need to talk. To get it off your chest. If talking is the right thing, and you lose friends over doing the right thing, then they aren’t friends worth keeping anyway.”

“You’ll hate me.”

“Never, Cami. I could never hate you. I might be disappointed in you, yes. But I would never hate you. Now tell me, what’s happened?”

“I did something horrible, Dad. Me, Jade, Abby, and some of the guys.”

“Just tell me.”

Cami blinked back the tears and took a deep breath, “Jade and Abby like to bully anyone who seems vulnerable. I’ve never stood up to them over it in the past, and sometimes I even took part. I didn’t see what monsters we were becoming until Saturday night. There is this girl at school, her name is Leah, and she has been our latest target. We lured Leah to the party. Convinced her it was part of fitting in. She wanted to fit in so bad, she agreed to come. She even agreed to drink.”

“Okay. I’m not happy with your bullying behavior, but I don’t see how being a bully is enough to warrant a call from the police.”

“We left her there. Some of the boys at school had plans for her that night, and none of them were good. But a few minutes after she got there, I left with Jade and Abby. And I felt horrible, Dad. I told them I didn’t feel right about going this far, but they wouldn’t listen. They said she deserved it. I walked behind them for a while before I decided to go back and get her out of the party, hopefully before anything bad happened. But when I got there, the party was over, the lights were out, and the cars were gone. I didn’t know what else to do but come home and wait.” Cami began to sob into her hands. “I’m sorry Dad, so sorry.”

Her father sat in stunned silence for a few minutes. This was not the sweet little girl he raised. His first instinct was to ground her for life, but he knew that wasn’t what she needed right now. “Thank you for telling me, Cami. Why did you not come forward before?”

She took a deep breath before answering, “At first, I didn’t want to face what I had done, didn’t want to face the truth. Then I was afraid of becoming the snitch at school. Losing my friends. It’s stupid, I know. And then I was afraid of being in trouble with the police.”

“I don’t know what to tell you about the police part, but I can tell you that running away and hiding from the truth is going to make everything harder in the long run. As far as your social status at school, it may suffer, but you will have done the right thing in the end, and when everything is over, you will feel better in the end. You will make new friends at some point, and those friendships are more likely to last. On that note, you will have to face the consequences of your actions, regardless of you doing the right thing.”

Cami nodded, “I understand, Dad.”

“Alright, let’s go to the station and get this over with. I’ll call our family’s lawyer on the way. You need to be honest. You also need to listen when the lawyer tells you not to answer something. Understand?”

“Yes, Dad.”

An hour later she stood outside the police station, sure that she was doing the right thing. Her father patiently waited next to her, giving her the space she needed, the few moments she needed to gather every ounce of courage she had. She knew this was the right thing to do, despite the consequences. She needed to speak up, to tell the detective what she knew. But she couldn’t make herself move.

She was scared. Scared of getting sent to jail, scared of spending the rest of her high school years alone.

They were stupid fears. Irrational fears. Who cared if she lost all her friends? Were they even her real friends in the first place? Her dad was right. And jail time for her part might be extreme, though she knew she deserved it.

She took a deep breath, and slowly let it out before walking through the door. The next hour was filled with Cami telling the detective everything, including how sorry she was that she took any part in the plans. She told the detective the names of other classmates that she knew for sure took part in hurting Leah that night, and who she suspected might have. The detective thanked her for the information and told her that they would be in touch if they needed anything else.

Cami was getting ready for bed that night when her father knocked on her doorframe. “Thank you for telling the truth. I am disappointed in you, but I still love you and I am proud of you for doing the right thing. We will talk about the consequences you will have at home in the morning. For now, get some rest.”

Cami agreed. “Dad? Is there anything I can do? For Leah?”

The man sighed. He never expected his daughter to be in this kind of situation. “A sincere apology would be a good place to start. Whether she accepts it and forgives you at all, is up to her. Apologize and wait for her to come to you.”

           “I can do that. Thanks for everything, dad. Good night.”

           “Good night Cami.”

           Cami fell asleep with a plan to start making things right in the morning. Starting with that apology.