A Payphone in Honolulu

JANUARY 13th 2018, HAWAII

“They’re just better, I’ve always said this. Of course people are coming crawling back now that the network service is down. Too many outgoing calls. With a pay phone there’s a really satisfying clunk when you put the coin in and you can hear it rattling around inside. Nice dial tone too. Sometimes on a night walk I’ll stop by and pick up the receiver just to listen to it. They’ve been left to rot though, it’s a real shame. Some of the receivers have been pulled off and it's just a frayed bit of cord which I find sort of eerie. I think they’ve kept them for the tourists. Or they’re too lazy to rip them out. I suppose it doesn’t matter now, but it’s a shame you know?”

“What does the text say exactly?” 

“It says ‘Emergency Alert: Ballistic Missile inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.’ All capital letters.” 

“When did that come through?”

“Just after eight. I was reading the weather and swell report: high surf, scattered clouds, 67% humidity, strong chance of intercontinental nuclear warhead. I was also reading about how they class wind. It’s six miles an hour today which is light wind and according to the Beaufort Scale that means: Wind felt on face; leaves rustle; wind vane moved by wind. Small wavelets on sea. I thought that was nice.”

“What's happening over there? Are people panicking? I’d be fucking panicking.”

“I saw a woman trying to get into a storm drain with her kids. I heard a guy talking about old world war two bunkers. There’s a bit of crying and bad driving happening too. Some people are walking out to sea now which makes sense. I might do that when I get off the phone to you.” 

“No offence Wayne, but shouldn’t you call your family?” 

“Nobody left, Lily. Nobody I’d care to talk to, or who would care to talk to me, which is more the point.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” 

“Aren’t you scared?”

“I guess I was at first but it’s a bit like surfing. There’s a point when you’re about to wipe out, when the wave is going to break on you and there’s no way off it. You can’t peel back off the crest and you can’t dive through it. Best thing you can do is not tense up. Take a deep, easy breath and fall.” 

“That’s nice. A nice way to think about it.”

“These things happen so quickly too. It’s a flash of light.”

“Not like one of those old bombs, like in Japan. A lot of people burned alive then.”

“No, much more instant these ones I think. I’m sorry too. I never really apologized on behalf of America.” 

“(laughs) I never expected you to.”

“I know neither of us were born.”

“Really?”

“How old do you think I am?”

“[pause] Umm you were apologizing about the bomb?”

“Yes. I know we weren’t born. But it was a horrible way to end a horrible war and I am sorry.”

“And I’m sorry for Pearl Harbour. Dad’s a big History Channel guy, so I know that was pretty shitty too. Who do you think is sending this bomb?”

“North Korea probably.” 

“Yeah.”

“It’s funny, I remember staring up at the underside of my school desk during the drills, looking at the chewing gum and thinking about the Russians.” 

“Could be the Russians again, with how things are. Putin and shit.”

“Yeah, though I’d say when the missile leaves the silo it stops mattering where it comes from. Just matters that it's coming.” 

“True that.” 

“What are you going to do with yourself Lily?”

“Me? I dunno. I was going to do some travel but it sounds like there’s going to be a nuclear holocaust so I’m not sure now.” 

“Well, whatever it is, don’t wait. I waited my whole life to retire and go surfing again and they’ve sent a bomb to stop me.”

“Kim Jong Un doesn’t want to see you shred.”

“He can’t stand it!”

“Jealous.” 

“Another bit of unsolicited advice.”

“Please.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” 

“Girlfriend.”

“Oh sorry. Yes, brave new world.” 

“We lesbians were always around, Wayne.” 

“Yes, true. I had an aunt who lived with her best friend for the best part of 50 years and it took me till last year to work out what that was about.” 

“…Your advice?”

“I look at your generation and I get a bit worried. Our generation sort of screwed up the concept of love for you. We were all free love and love is everywhere and love not war and that’s all well and good and it looks cool on a t-shirt. But I’ve worked out the hard way that you’ve got to be a monk about love. It’s not something that just happens to you. You might find love at first sight but that will only buy you a few hot months. With real love you have to shave the top bit of your hair off and get in a robe and pray. The person you love should be your God. Sometimes they’ll forsake you but you have to have faith even, in fact especially, when you’re not feeling ‘in love’. I fucked that bit up. I thought when I stopped feeling it, it was over.” 

“Ok. Thanks Wayne. What if we all die though?”

“We will anyway.”

“It feels so cruel to hang up on you, but my boss is giving me a look.”

“No, you go. If things go south you’ll need the money.” 

“It’s so dumb. If the world is ending, who is going to order? This will probably be the least busy day of the year.”

“You’re a few hours ahead aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“What time is it there?”

“1:16.”

“You might get a lunchtime rush. Panic is hungry work.”

“Maybe. Hey nice to speak to you again. I thought when you moved that would be it. I know it’s like ‘Hi, Bye’ but still.” 

“It’s really nice. Hey, can I do something?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I order my usual and can you get them to make it?”

“Of course! Large Pepperoni, Diet Coke.”

“Make it regular Coke.” 

“Deal. What do you want me to do with the pizza?”

“I don’t know. I just want something of mine to outlast me.”