I Believe You

I Believe You

By: Hannah Cairns

I messed up and I still don’t know why I did it in the first place. She didn’t deserve what she got. Alisa was a good person, and I am not. I am a horrible person who deserves ten times worse than what she’s going through.

    I look at her in that bed with that tube down her throat and I want to die. I wish that I was in that bed instead of her. There aren’t many people in this world like her, she was caring and wanted to make an impact in this world.

    “Im sorry Alisa.”

Two weeks ago…

    “Hey Alora,” my best friend Brea said while walking into my bedroom.

    “Hey,” I said while blowing out smoke and putting my cigarette out.

    “We got invited to a party at Levis house.”

    “When?” I was a little shocked because Levi hated us.

    “For tonight. Do you want to go?”

    “Sure, but why is Levi inviting us?”

    “Well he didn’t, his friend did. Plus so many people will be there he probably won’t even notice us.”

    “Okay.”

    Me and Brea have been going to so many parties lately that I don’t even know what day of the week it is right now. I was never really into the party scene until I met Brea.

    “Let's get ready.” 

Later that night…

    When I walked in I could tell that Brea wasn’t kidding, there are like a million people here. It smells like weed, tabaco, and puke. Brea walked straight in like she owned the place. I was the opposite, I'm the type to be in the corner of a party smoking by myself, I know, depressing.

    I go over to the pot heads and start smoking. As I watched Brea flirting with a hundred different guys, someone came through the door. Most people were too busy smoking, drinking, and kissing to notice. But me, Brea, and a few of our friends noticed and were surprised, it was Alisa.

    Alisa went straight up to Brea and slapped her. I was too shocked to do anything at that moment. Alisa wasn’t the type to fight back. I say fight back because Brea, I, and a few other girls have been treating her like crap for years. And she has never fought back.

    Brea was as shocked as I was and just looked at her for a second, then they just started fighting. I got up but I was so high I could barely walk in a straight line. Half the people in this room noticed, and the other half were too busy partying. Me and Brea were the type that would do anything for eachother. I got into the fight and started hitting Alisa. I finally stopped, then she got up and ran.

    When I got up I realized that I was bleeding all over my clothes. I was confused because of how much I was bleeding, then I realized that she cut me with a knife and everything was blurry after that.

Next day…

    I opened my eyes and I had a huge headache. I turned my head and saw Brea and my mom. Immediately I could tell that I was in a hospital. My mom looked like she was going to cry but also punch me.

    “What happened,” I said in a whisper.

    “I’m going to find something to eat,” my mom said as she walked out of the room.

    “Alora, Alisa cut you and you lost a lot of blood. They weren’t sure when you would wake up but the doctors said that you should be fine.”

    I wasn’t sure on how to respond. I just felt so tired that I just fell back asleep.

A few days later…

    I finally got to go home. Brea spent every night with me in the hospital and she spent the night at my house last night too. I woke up while Brea was still sleeping, I just stared at the ceiling and thought. I was so pissed off at Alisa for doing that to me. All I felt was rage. 

    Brea woke up and saw my face and could tell that I was pissed.

    “Are you okay?”

    “I’m pissed at Alisa.”

    “Me too, but I think I know how to get back at her.”

    “How?” 

    She didn’t answer. She just got up and started getting dressed.

    “Ready for school?”

    I got up and got dressed with her. Then we headed downstairs. My mom just looked at us. I could tell that she still didn’t know what to say or ask. I can tell how disappointed in me she is. She hates the people I hang around and how much I smoke, but she knows that there is nothing she can do to stop me.

    I live pretty close to school so we just walk there. When we get there I see some of our friends. Brea and them seem like they are hiding something from me. They are all weirdly silent. Then the bell rang and we all went to class. I was just praying that I didn’t run into Alisa because I felt so mad that I would have tackled her. Next thing you know it was lunch. I went to the cafeteria and I didn’t see Brea or any of the others. So I went around to try to find them, but I couldn’t find them anywhere. Then I stopped in the bathroom. I was about to go into a stall but I heard someone crying in the corner of the bathroom, it was Alisa.

    She looked like she got the hell beat out of her and I immediately knew who did it. I was mad but I didn’t think I was this mad. She looked like she was about to die. I didn’t want her to die. I was going to get someone but then I thought that everyone would believe that I did this. It would make sense in everyone's head. She didn’t say anything to me, she just looked at me with her broken eyes. 

    “You fell down the stairs, no one did this to you,” I said to her.

    She was so scared and broken that all she did was nod.

    I left the bathroom feeling afraid. For her and me. I decided I would skip the rest of school. Brea kept calling but I couldn’t answer. I just went to the alley where I usually smoke. I didn’t smoke, I just sat there lost in my thoughts. Then I tried to figure out when this whole war started between us and Alisa. We used to be friends until I met Brea and one day she just turned on her. Brea liked her one day then totally froze her out the next.

    I never really questioned it, I'm not sure on why, but now I am. I started getting mad again but this time at Brea. I decided to straight up ask her. I could hear the bell that meant school was out so I went to find Brea.

    “Hey, where have you been Alora?” she asked.

    “Why do you hate Alisa?”

    “What?”

    “We all used to be friends, why did you cut her out and start bullying her?”

    She looked at me for a second, she looked mad, “I am not the only one that bullied her, don’t act so innocent.”

I know that she was right, I'm in no way innocent.

“Why do you hate her, Brea.”

“Why do you?”

When she said that I felt awful. Why did I hate her? Just because Brea did? Am I really that shallow.

I just turned around and decided to talk to Alisa. When I turned around I saw her being loaded into an ambulance. I decided to walk to the hospital, it took a while but I made it.

“Hi, is Alisa Lee here?” I asked the front desk at the hospital. 

“Room twenty two,” she said, not even looking up.

It took a minute but I found the room. It didn’t look like anyone was in there, so I walked in. She looked so broken. When she saw me she looked terrified.

“I told them I fell,” she said with a terrified voice.

“That’s not what i’m here for.”

“Then why? Want to have your turn.”

“Why does Brea hate you?”

She looked at me with a shocked look. Like she was so happy that I finally asked her that question. 

“Why?”

“I never asked,” I said while sitting down on the bed near her feet.

She looked like she wanted to answer but couldn’t find the words.

“I used to love Brea, more than a friend. And when I told her, we had sex, then the next day she hated my guts and got everyone to turn against me.”

I was shocked when I heard that. I never looked at Brea like that. I wasn’t sure what to say. So we just sat there for what felt like an eternity.

“You don’t believe me?” the words were a question, but it came out like a statement.

I couldn’t answer so I just left. Did I really spend years bullying someone only because they loved someone? 

Truth…

Days passed. I stayed home from school and didn’t answer Brea. Then she finally decided to come over.

“Get out,” I said right when she walked through my door.

“What is your problem?”

“Have we spent years bullying someone just because you’re too afraid to admit that you’re gay?”

“I said while I stood up and got in her face.”

“Oh, who told you that?” she said in a sarcastic tone.

“Give me a reason then. Give me a reason on why you turned on her.”

“Because she’s a bitch!”

“That’s not good enough! No one deserves to go through what we put her through! I don’t even understand why I stood by you for all of these years! Get out!”

I could tell that she wasn’t sure what to say, so she just stomped out pissed off. I decided to go to school today, I decided I would talk to Brea again. I heard she went back to school a few days ago.

When I got to school I was being stared at and I could tell why. They think I did this to Alisa. It makes sense why they think that, I would think the same thing. When I walked in I planned to go find her, but before I could a teacher stopped me and brought me to the principal's office.

“Hello Alora,” she said while walking in.

“Hi.”

“So, there have been rumors going around about you and Alisa.”

“I know.”

“Did she put you in the hospital?”

“No,” I said straight away. I deserve to be in trouble, not her.

“Did you put her in the hospital the first time?”

“Wait, what do you mean the first time?”

“She was admitted to the hospital this morning for attempted suicide.”

I couldn't say anything. I sat there for a second then bulleted out. I ran as fast as humanly possible to the hospital.

There was no one at the front desk so I just went in looking everywhere for her. Then I saw her on a bed being rolled into a room. I followed and asked the doctor what happened. I was surprised that he even told me, I thought doctors weren't allowed to give out information unless you’re family.

“She took a lot of pills. We aren’t sure if she is going to wake up,” he said then just left the room.

I saw her lying there with the tube breathing for her. I sat on the bed and just looked at her. I just kept thinking that she didn’t deserve this. I sat there just looking at her for at least an hour. Then I got up and said…

“I believe you,” when I said that her eyes opened.