The Road Travelled: Parental Love vs. Abuse

Look at Where You Are. Is This Where You Want to Be?

Roxie and her mother had always been close. Their family was cultivated in loving, caring for, supporting, and protecting one another. She and her siblings would emotionally challenge their parents decision to admonish any of them when they were too young to understand child-parent relationships and roles. Her father was her hero and staunch supporter in catering to her and all his children and he craftily portrayed himself as the protector from mommy who said No. Her mother watched Roxie assume the motherly role in her relationship to her siblings. She always preserved her candies and gift money and shared with her siblings when they had eaten are spent what was given to them. This pattern of providing for her siblings became a pattern of her character into her adulthood, marriage and motherhood. So when Roxie showed up at her mother’s door, it was only natural for the welcome offer to be extended even though it was a one bedroom with a den apartment. Roxie had removed herself from a bad relationship with two preschool children. Her spouse Manny had been detained by the local police, she had no money and the rent was behind. Manny had totaled her car which was being used as a work vehicle by him.

Roxie received a small stipend from the state as well as SSA for one of her children. Roxie could not take on a job because her special needs child had to attend therapy twice a week and the impromptu seizures meant visits to the emergency room and follow up visits with the hospital team that assessed her child situation to work on a control treatment to try and bring some normalcy into their lives. The stay at her mom’s went from a weekend to weeks to months. Before long her mother had to make a decision; either Roxie had to find another place to live or her mom had to get a bigger place for them to live.

After several discussions it was agreed her mom would look for a larger place and they would split the expenses for her mother could not bear the thought of her special needs grandchild being homeless and having to take medicine every day in an unstable situation.

For a couple of months, the agreement ran smooth then snags starting setting in. Roxie's stipend was reduced, her daughters SSA was reduced so Roxie's financial contribution trickled down to nothing.

After a year, Roxie's mother had to face the reality that her finances were depleted, her debt was overwhelming and she had no one to turn to for relief.

With all this economic snowball growing, Roxie appeared to take a nonchalant approach to the upheavel of her senior mother's comfort and stability. She no longer showed concern for anyone outside her children and she quickly defended the estranged spouse who was not even providing support for his children by her or those by another mother.

It was clear that Roxie was battling with a darkness within her that was overshadowing and attempting to overpower that natural nurturing affection that her family had come to know and admire her for.

The outgoing and excited about life young girl had become an introverted, almost non communicative young woman. She didn’t want to discuss her situation, her children, her goals. She was extremely protective of her children touting her children would know no boundaries and if someone attempted to correct them she would become very defensive. The person who had once been a delight to be around had evolved into someone people dreaded to encounter.

Realizing Roxie needed transportation for handling her children’s needs her mother secured her a vehicle which was totaled in a non collision accident. Thankfully Roxie was not harmed though she had to be pulled out of the vehicle and did not have her children’s needs with her. Yet, in the aftermath she showed no concern for resolving the minimum debt that remained on the car loan that was in her mother’s name.

Roxie verbally conducted her business as nothing was wrong in her life. She readily dismissed any suggestions for seeking help while acknowledging she was deeply indebted financially to her aging mother but did not make any physical effort to alleviate the burden she has placed on her mom.

In Roxie’s mind, if she bought her mom a sandwich from a fast food restaurant she was being generous yet the bills for their living arrangements had become overwhelming and her mother saw bankruptcy as her only out from the astronomical credit card and personal loans she had incurred trying to help this once sharing and sensitive had become. She was holding on to hope for a financial windfall that if and when it would transpire would be consumed by past debt.

There was a tolerance of the situation that was growing thin. There love was there, but not the willingness to be the sacrificial lamb for a cause unknown that was on a crash landing destination.

Roxie was a controlling person from a child on but with her being a cold no one recognized it at its onset until she stepped into the world outside her parents authority.

As the parent, this situation had nothing at all to do with whether or how much the mother and child loved one another. The dilemma was figuring out how to combat and deal with that inner darkness that was rearing it’s head in an environment that did not desire, welcome or embrace it.

Poor Roxie, did she even recognize her sweetness and gentleness was being engulfed or was she aware and comfortable in coming from behind a veil.

As Roxie like us all (Parents and Children) is travelling the road of life’s ups, downs, trials and tests it it questioned does she really understand why she is travelling that specific road though it is causing harm to those near and dear to her or does she even care?