I Can't do This.

The clink of forks on ceramic plates was the only noise in the room, aside from the silence. Daphne's mother stared foggily up at the dusty glass chandelier above the pinewood table. Her father and sister stared down at their plates, bouncing their knees. Daphne simply sat, staring at the empty seat across the table. Her hands were twined in her lap, her joints locked like cement. She suddenly remembered to breathe and glanced around. Her family all seemed glassy eyes and subdued. Even Lucy's frizzy hair was less voluminous.

The silence of the room was beginning to feel crushing, as though they were trapped under a boulder. Lucy's eyes touched Daphne's and they both attempted smiles. Her father glanced at her mother, who's eyes were glazed and watery, her arms limp on the table.

"How have you been, Daph?" Lucy asked weakly.

Daphne continued to stare at that empty chair.

What was she expected to say? 'I am okay.' She was not okay, would never be okay. Her life was over. Her father rested his hand on top of hers, his tired eyes even more exhausted then ever.

Lucy pushed her food around her plate before setting her fork down, loudly pushing back her chair and rushing out of the room, hand over her mouth.

"I can't do this" Daphne whispered.

She stood from the chair and turned into the hallway. She sped down the linoleum and threw the front door open and leaving it ajar. She jogged to her car and after she climbed it, she slammed the door and turned the keys in the ignition. Her Volvo purred as she hastily backed out, tears half-obscuring her vision. As she was craning her neck to see behind her, she saw it.

The car seat.

She stared blankly at it, tears streaming down her cheeks. A loud horn drew her back to reality and her head snapped to the windshield. She was in the wrong lane on a two-way road and quickly swerved back before she crashed. She flicked her tears away and regained her breath.

How could she live. How dare she live when Jennie could not? Daphne's mind flooded with hatred for herself. She should have done more, anything more. Paid for better treatment, spent more time with her, researched more...

She could only smell the scent of her favorite Claire's body spray, could only feel her silky hair as her deft fingers played with it. All she heard was Jennies laugh, all she felt was pain. Despair. Agony. Every single day.

Her back seat was littered with bright scrunchies and plush toys, an empty juice box sat in the back cup holder. Daphne screamed.

She screamed at herself, at the world, at everything. She accelerated to 101 MPH. She took the canyon corners sharply and blindly, sub-consciously wishing to crash. She slammed her hands on the steering wheel and wailed.

Jennie was gone because Daphne couldn't pay. She could not collect enough money from anyone to pay enough. She didn't deserve to live, to survive when Jennie could not.

She thought of her of the sounds, the feeling. She was sitting in the hospital with Jennie, holding her hand and talking. She told Jennie that everything was okay. Her daughter had nodded, her frail bones popping when she moved. She laid down and mumbled, looking out the window. Her breathing slowed and the beats from her heart monitor became more spaced out. Daphne panicked and called for a doctor who came rushing in and told her to leave.

The doctor called for her team and the began loading the room with equipment. Daphne stared at her daughter, her breathing becoming shallow.

Then the flat line. Daphne had shrieked and tried to get to her baby, but she was held back. The nurses began some light heart compression's, but gave up quickly. A nurse whispered the time of death and they all looked sunken. That's when Daphne passed out.

Daphne pulled over, and threw herself from the car. She pulled a pen from the center console and picked up an old job application and brought it to the hood of her car. She pressed the paper to the metal and began to write.

'I can't do this anymore. I have to be with my daughter, after I didn't save her. I'm sorry, I love you.

-Daphne'

She folded the tear-stained paper and set it on the dash board. She dragged her feet as she approached the metal railing, and her tears fell into the deep canyon as she climbed on top.

She shook and sobbed, clutching her chest as she stared down into the overgrown erosion. She realized she held one of her Jennie's scrunchies in her hand, and inhaled her smell. A loud screech boomed from behind her and she heard a car door be thrown open. Quick footsteps raced towards her.

She didn't want to be saved! She turned to face the stranger and saw a woman in her forty's slowing to approach her.

"What're you doin' up there, hon'?" she asked anxiously in a thick southern accent.

Daphne shook her head.

"I don't deserve life" She sobbed. "How can I live if my baby can't?"

The woman shook her head and took another step toward her.

"Honey, that sounds awful. I understand! My son died in a car crash three years ago. "

Daphne shook her head again.

"I can't. I can't do this anymore. Please, call my sister. Lucy. She's in my phone. Tell her how sorry I am, Please."

The woman took a few more steps forward and reached for Daphne's arm.

She went limp. The woman reached for her but just didn't make it. She looked down over the rail and watched Daphne fall, screaming curses.

Daphne felt more alive than she had in months. She looked at the clouds and the tears flew from her eyes. She felt at peace, content. She was going to see her baby again, she knew. She smiled up at the burning sun and saw her daughter's face. She closed her eyes and relaxed.

And then everything was dark.