I Made it All Better

Inside, I am squealing right now, but I gotta play it cool on the outside so taking a deep breath I survey my work. On my right, I have my mom, her younger brother, and my older brother Juno, attempting to build a human pyramid. The only trick is, my 100lb brother can’t be on the top. They’ve tried having Mom and Juno on the bottom, my uncle and Juno, and now I think they’re trying to perform a reverse pyramid. Points for creativity I guess. 

On my left, my grandfather, my 6-year-old female cousin Layla, my dad’s older sister, and my also older stepbrother Marco are attempting to get out of a human knot specially designed by yours truly. It’ll take them a solid 10 minutes to get out of that one, maybe 15 with all of the parking that Noodles is doing below them. The longer I watch, the more I think I made my knot too complex for them. My aunt is also very unhelpful as she tries to break the human knot by tickling everyone in her vicinity. Luckily Layla isn’t near her or she would succeed. 

Finally, in front of me is my father and my grandmother having an arm wrestle, you’d think that odds would be unfair but Pilates is not letting my 60-year-old grandma down. The dining room table there sitting at groans under the pressure of their elbows, not necessarily as a tribute to their strength but rather the table’s strength. My dad is going to win no matter what. He’s so strong that he can pick me up and carry me anywhere. Sometimes even all the from the car to my room on the second floor. I’ve seen other people’s dads. I don’t think they could do that. 

This is such a dream I can’t even. Everyone is finally playing my games! I wonder if this is what it’s like to lead a cult… I like it.

Feeling a bit dizzy I drop into crisscross apple sauce on the living room rug. Noodles comes over as per usual to check in on me and make sure that I’m ok, which I totally am, I’m just a little tired. The adults in the room glance over quickly in a way that they think I don’t notice but I do. Getting out of their predicaments or finishing their challenges is what they really should be worried about. It’s been about five minutes since everyone started doing what I asked of them and I think people are starting to feel better. Before this, there was a lot of yelling. Really really loud yelling. I’m not super good about yelling, or any loud noises really.

I think somebody was arguing about whether or not Noodles had been taken on a walk. No no, I don’t think it was about Noodles because he was with me. Maybe it had to do with the fire alarm, there was a blaring noise that sounded like a fire alarm. I… I can’t really remember. The only things I remember are Noodles putting his wet nose in my face, licking up something that had gotten on to it, and then the adults crowding around me. They were looking at me the same way I look at my stuffed frog whenever his eyeball falls off. Then all of a sudden my mom said we could play some of my games. I was so excited that I leaped to my feet, ignoring how hard it was to do, and began pointing people to different spots in the room. 

The tiredness has come back now, everything seems to be going a little bit slower. My dad seems to be finished with his arm wrestling because he comes over and sits next to me, or at least as close as he can without sitting on Noodles’s tail. I let out a big yawn, and he started to rub his hand on my back. I look back around the room and see that everyone is slowly stopping their games. The human knot is unraveling and I try to point out that they’re not supposed to let go of each other’s hands. I think they heard me because they clasped their hands together again, but by that point, they only had two more steps until they were finished. The human pyramid stopped trying, my brother told me that they managed it, and was sorry that I missed the epic reveal. 

I start to pet Noodles's long yellow fur, it’s so soft from the bath she got yesterday, I wish I could lie down in her fur. I keep petting her as everyone finds a place to sit, my mom and my brothers find spots next to my grandparents at the dining room table while Layla sits on her mom’s lap. I must be a really good cult leader for them all to want to stare at me. 

Satisfied that there’s no more screaming I rest my head on my dad’s shoulder, letting my eyes slowly close. I think it was a few minutes before he brushed Noodles away and picked me up, see I told you he was strong, and carried me to bed. Noodles follows and as I’m getting tucked in he jumps onto the bed and curls up near my feet. This time he gets to stay as my dad kisses my cheek and walks out of my bedroom, flicking on my Barbie nightlight and gently closing the door behind him. 

Before I finally fall asleep I hear loud whispers coming from outside my room. Despite being exhausted I poke one eye open to see if I can see through the door and get in on the conversation. I hope there’s no more yelling. I heard my mom sigh and started to cry into what sounded like fabric, maybe she was crying on my dad. I do that sometimes and it makes me feel better. He whispers that it’s going to be ok and that it will get better. My mom pauses and says that she doesn’t even know why everyone was fighting or how it got bad enough for me to have a panic attack. 

That’s what it was, the thing I forgot, a panic attack. I guess my having a panic attack made everything all better. The last thing I think about before I fall asleep is that me and my panic attack did a good job stopping the fighting.