i had a dream (i got everything i wanted)

Kat drummed her fingers against the counter as she waited for the water to finish boiling. The moment the kettle clicked she poured the water over the coffee grounds and gave it a quick stir.

           “Hey, Siri,” she called as she rinsed the wooden chopstick off in the sink. Her phone, sitting on the kitchen table, lit up and chimed. “Set a four-minute timer.”

           “Okay, four minutes and counting.”

           She yawned and leaned back against the island. It was too early for her to be up, but she wanted to surprise him. He’d come in late last night.

           He was still asleep when she’d gotten out of bed, curled under the covers with a peaceful expression – even with how the early morning sunshine spilled across his face. He hadn’t stirred when she ran her fingers through his hair, either.

           She wasn’t surprised he was exhausted. He always gave 110%.

           The alarm blared, and she jumped nearly three feet in the air. Silently praying that it hadn’t woken him, she turned it off before pressing the plunger on the French press down.

           She paused to stretch, raising her arms above her head and swaying from side-to-side; she relished the feeling of her body waking up, the muscles loosening and warming. She, then, divided the coffee between a thermos which she capped and set aside and her favorite mug – an old, battered thing that her crazy aunt had bought her from an antique shop in Korea. She doctored it to her taste. Two spoonfuls of sugar and a splash of milk.

           She tested it. Almost scalded her tongue, but it was perfect. She set it down and washed her spoon off, propping it on the side of the sink to dry.

           “Morning, baby.”

           She startled. “You scared me!” she said, turning and whacking his shoulder.

           He laughed and caught her hand in his; he pressed a kiss to her knuckles, then another to her cheek. “Sorry,” he said, but he didn’t sound sorry in the slightest. His voice still rasped with sleep. “You seemed like you were deep in thought.”

           She gave him a flat look. “You should still be in bed.”

           His lips twitched. “I couldn’t sleep.”

She snorted. Bullshit. “Uh-huh, sure,” she drawled, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. “Whatever you say.”

He seemed like he wanted to comment but thought better of it. Instead, he peered around her, at the thermos sitting on the counter. “Did you make coffee?”

           “Yeah. I didn’t add anything, so you’ll have to doctor it yourself.” She grabbed the thermos and handed it to him; he accepted it with an eyebrow raise. “But I thought that it’d be nice if you didn’t have to make your own coffee this morning.”

           He looked touched. “Aw, thank you, baby.”

           She smiled and kissed his cheek as she passed him. “Of course.” She sank into a seat at the island and wrapped her hands around her mug.

           He unscrewed the lid and doctored his coffee, humming happily as he took his first swallow. He walked over and wrapped his arms around her waist, propping his chin on her shoulder. “I missed you.”

           She leaned back into him, eyes fluttering shut as she basked in his warmth. “I missed you, too,” she said. “I’m happy you’re home.”

           “Happy to be home.”

           He slid into the seat next to hers and intertwined their fingers. They simply sat together, in silence, just enjoying their coffee and each other’s’ company. She smiled, her heart warm. Slow mornings like these were her favorite.

           She took a sip and glanced down at her mug, at the coffee still spiraling silver steam. Its color, lit by the sun streaming through the windows, reminded her of butterscotch.

           The light caught his eyes just right as he tilted his head, and they lit up, turning the color of butterscotch.

           Kat loved his eyes. They were always beautiful, but she loved them best when he wasn’t wearing colored contacts, when they were their natural color.

           “I love your eyes,” she blurted out, as she watched the stylists do their final touch-ups on his makeup. She cursed her lack of a filter and bit her tongue. Maybe he didn’t hear her.

           But his eyes flicked over, meeting hers. “Huh?”

           Dammit!

           She blushed. “You heard me,” she said. “I’m not saying it again.”

           A slow smile stretched across his face, his eyes dancing with mischief. Once he had the stylist’s all-clear, he sauntered over, wrapping his hands around her wrists and pulling her close. The scent of his cologne washed over her. “Do you really think so?”

           She bit her lip. Her heart was tap-dancing in her chest, and she almost felt faint. She kept her eyes fixed on the floor, but he tilted her chin up.

           “I asked you a question.”

           She glanced away, unable to meet his eyes. The butterflies in her stomach flitted their way up her throat, carrying a coy “Would I say it if I didn’t mean it?” that she might not have said otherwise.

           He laughed. His arm wrapped around her waist and tugged her closer, folding her against him. His warmth enveloped her as he leaned down. “You’ll pay for that,” he said. His breath fanned across her lips.

           She longed to kiss him, but the reminder of his stage makeup stopped her.

           “Don’t you have to go?” she asked, looking up at him through her lashes. The heat in his eyes almost sent her spiraling again.

           He smirked. “We’ll continue this conversation later.”

           Before she could say another word, he tore away from her, and, to the cheers of thousands, he strode onto stage. A guitar riff ripped through the air, announcing his presence, and she watched as he disappeared into the blinding spotlight.

           The sun glowed directly overhead, a lone pinprick of blazing light in a vast sky. It bored down on her, no clouds to shield her from its glare and no breeze to cool her off. Her skin prickled as sweat dripped down her back. Kat squirmed at the sensation and crossed her arms across her chest.

           “How much longer?” Her voice was a whine, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. He was the one who insisted that she tag along for the filming; she’d wanted to stay and wait for him to finish in the paradise that was their air-conditioned hotel room. He could put up with a little whining.

           He looked up at her and gave her a smile. “Just a few more minutes,” he called back, “I promise.”

           “Famous last words,” she muttered to herself.

           One of the cameramen was standing close enough to overhear, and they snorted. She promptly flushed and turned away.

           The pool looked entirely too enticing, the water crystalline blue and shimmering under the sun. She wasn’t wearing a bathing suit, but she almost didn’t care. She had a change of clothes back at the hotel, anyway.

           Then there was a splash, and she was soaked for another reason.

           She pushed her now-sopping hair out of her face and whirled around. “Hey!” she exclaimed through laughter, pushing him gently.

           He played along and let her shove move him back, grinning as he dropped the bucket he’d used to dump water over her head. “You were the one who was complaining about the heat,” he said. “I thought I’d cool you off.”

           She huffed, trying to bite back a smile. “Jerk.”

           “Who’re you calling a jerk?” he asked in mock offense, holding a hand to his chest. “I was being a wonderful boyfriend, taking care of my girlfriend.”

           “Whatever you say,” she said as she began wringing water from her shirt. Watching the water splatter against the ground gave her a great idea, and she looked up at him, smiling.

           His smile dropped, clearly scenting danger. Before he could run, she darted forward and hugged him.

           “Hey, hey, hey! Let go!” he shouted, but he was laughing as he pretended to fight against my hold. I laughed, too.

           She was drenched, but she didn’t care. She was with him.

           She stood in the middle of the street, hair dripping with water. The rain was slowly soaking through her clothing, and she shivered. In her rush to get out of the house, she’d forgotten an umbrella.

           Kat regretted it now as she scanned the crowd. Strangers carrying black and white umbrellas pushed past her. She could see no faces – the umbrellas blocked them out. They drifted along, unhurried; the hum of their voices barely carried over the sound of the rain.

           She couldn’t see him.

           She bit back a curse. Her eyes pricked with tears. She hadn’t meant for it to turn out like this. She’d just asked to spend more time with him; he was so busy and hardly ever home, and she wanted to see him a little more often. That wasn’t so bad, right? But it had started an argument which culminated in both of them shouting things they didn’t mean and him storming out the door.

           Now she had to find him. She had to apologize.

           But she couldn’t spot him anywhere.

           There was a flash of color which caught her attention, and she spun in place.

           There was a figure with a red umbrella walking in the opposite direction. The crimson was brilliant against the backdrop of blacks and whites and grays, and she wondered how she had missed it.

           As she watched, the figure turned, and she caught sight of their face. It was him!

           She broke into a headlong sprint after him. Her feet slapped against the slick pavement. Her heartbeat echoed in her ears. Her lungs ached sharply with the exertion of each breath.

           It was like she was running through molasses. She didn’t seem to be getting any closer; she didn’t seem to be moving at all. He was just walking further and further away.

           Tears rolled down her cheeks. Hair slapped into her face. She gasped for air. “Wait!” she cried. “Please wait!”

           He didn’t seem to hear.

           “Don’t go!”

           Or maybe he did, and he didn’t care.

           “Please don’t leave me!”

           He kept walking, disappearing into the crowd. She lost sight of that brilliant crimson.

           “No!”

           She pushed herself to run faster, but her foot caught on a crack in the pavement.

           Kat tumbled forward as her feet tangled together. Her heart leapt into her throat. “Shit!”

           She was prepared to go sprawling across the hardwood floor, but he caught her in his arms, just before she hit the ground. She breathed a sigh of relief and took a moment to soothe her racing heart.

           “You okay?” he asked. His hair fell into his eyes as he looked at her, concern coloring his face; she was struck, yet again, by the reminder of how beautiful he was.

           “Yeah, I’m good.” She nodded, smiling as she brushed some hair behind her ear. “Thank you.”

           He set her upright, back on her feet, but didn’t release her from his embrace. “Maybe we should take it a little slower next time,” he suggested, with a soft laugh.

           “Or maybe I should stop dancing.”

           “Oh, come on,” he said, pouting. “You can do this – I know you can. You almost had it that time.”

           “But, clearly the universe is trying to tell me something, and I think I should listen.”

           He snorted, and she grinned. Success!

           “Well, we wouldn’t want you to ignore the universe.”

           “Probably best,” she said sagely.

           They stared at each other for a moment before both cracking up. Still giggling, she glanced up at him. “I love you.”

           “I love you, too,” he whispered, brushing some hair from her face. His finger traced the curve of her cheek. He looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time and was falling in love all over again.

           Beneath his eyes, she felt so treasured, so supported. She felt like she could do anything with him behind her. He gave her the strength to face the world.

           The music switched, going from a high-energy hip hop track to a slow ballad. He took his cues from the shift and pulled her closer, capturing her hand in one of his. He gave her a grin, and that was her only warning before they were spinning.

           It wasn’t a waltz, not really. It was more of a wild whirling around the room, but the sheer joy in his eyes made the disorienting, breakneck speed worth it.

           Their laughter rang out again, a new instrument joining the symphony. Her cheeks ached with her wide smile, and her sides began to hurt. Her head was spinning as she looked up at him.

           Their eyes met.

           Time seemed to grind to a halt.

           Kat blinked. It was supposed to be an ordinary grocery run, but apparently fate had other plans. That or even celebrities ran out of milk. Because that was the only explanation for this situation she’d found herself in.

           “Do you . . . need help?” she asked tentatively. He seemed frustrated, and she was afraid that he was about to kick the fridge and possibly break his foot.

           He shrugged, hands jammed in his pockets. “I don’t know which to choose,” he said and huffed. “I just wanted cereal. Why are there so many options?”

           “That’s a mood,” she muttered, and he couldn’t quite bite back the surprised bark of laughter. Her cheeks flushed, but she walked closer.

           He eyed her as she approached, but he didn’t say anything and she made sure to leave several feet of distance between them. Celebrity or not, she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

           “Do you want fat-free, 2%, or whole milk?”

           “Whole milk.”

           A man after her own heart.

           “Are you lactose intolerant?”

           “No.”

           “Lucky,” she said, and he laughed. “How much do you want?”

           “Um, a gallon is fine, I guess.”

           She grabbed a carton of milk and handed it to him. Considering her good deed of the day done and over with, she turned and prepared to leave, ready to possibly have a mental breakdown in peace. But he grabbed her wrist.

           She turned and stared at him.

           “I just wanted to thank you,” he blurted out. His ears were beginning to turn red. “Do you think I could, uh, get your number?”

           “Really?”

           Blushing furiously, he nodded, refusing to meet her eyes.

           “Sure.”

           He beamed at her and added her number into his phone. He thanked her, once again, for the help, promised he’d be in touch, and then swept away.

           Her façade of calm and confidence fell away in his departure, and, left reeling in his wake, she stood in that aisle, staring blankly at the floor.

           Kat bounced on the balls of her feet, perched on her tiptoes like a bird about to take flight. As she watched the front door, she spun the ring on her finger around and around and around.

           The motion was soothing and yet didn’t slow the pounding of her heart. Her hands shook. She bit her lip.

           The sound of the key rattling in the lock sent anticipation shuddering up and down her spine. Slowly, the door swung open, and there he was. There he stood, on her porch, silhouetted by the glow of the sunset.

           Her heart swelled, and, even as her eyes watered, she smiled. “Welcome home,” she said and opened her arms.

           He stumbled forward, into her embrace. His arms wrapped around her, and he buried his face into her neck. His shoulders shook beneath her hands. His trembling breath fanned across her shoulder, and the collar of her shirt grew damp.

           She ran her fingers through his hair and hummed, closing her eyes against the tears which welled up and threatened to slip down her cheeks.

           “I’m home,” he whispered against her skin. “I’m home.”

           Her eyes fluttered open.

           She stared up at a familiar ceiling. She was alone.

           After a moment, she glanced over. The clock on her nightstand read 7:58.

           She sat up. The printed essay her professor had assigned as a reading slumped over and tumbled onto the floor.

           Realization dawned on her. Her eyes pricked with tears. She swallowed around a sudden lump in her throat. She tried not to cry, but her eyes landed on a photograph hung on the wall, a picture of them standing together, both smiling at the camera with their arms around each other.

           She couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, and she buried her face in her knees.

           She knelt in that desert of reality, clutching the wilting flower of a beautiful dream in her cupped palms.

           She clung to those few, lingering images. That flash of his smile, the way he tossed his head back when he laughed, the brilliance of his eyes. She gathered them into her arms and pressed the petals of these precious moments between the pages of her memory. She did not want to forget.

           And yet, the petals withered in her hands, dissolving to dust. They slipped through her fingers and blew away in the wind.