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General

Hila had spent much of her life wondering what she wanted to do for a living. She had many outside influencers like parents, teachers, and other family members constantly pressuring her to pick a sensible career.

Hila thought through her options; she liked the idea of being a teacher, or a manager, or even a city planner. These were sensible career choices that would earn her a liveable salary and made sense to the non dreamers in her life.

However, when Hila thought it through, she had realized that she would much rather live her life doing something she loved. Even if she was not successful, she thought she would be happier.

Hila's dream and passion was writing. Hila had been writing song lyrics since she was a teenager, she wrote journals, and short stories as well. Hila loved writing so much that homework was fun to her.

So, after a 3 year college program and a 4 year BA program studying practical skills to get one of the jobs she had considered before deciding on following her dreams. As well as having written many stories just for fun, Hila decided to write a story that she would have published.

Hila brainstormed what she would like to write about. Hila had this ability to have ideas for stories to just enter into her mind. So after combing through many ideas that just came to her, Hila decided to write her story of love and romance.

Hila excited to start her writing journey opened up her computer and just started writing. Hila kept writing whenever she had free time, once she was finished writing her story she went through it and made changes to improve upon her initial illustration of the story.

Happy with the changes she researched online potential places to attempt to publish her new book. She found publishing houses that allowed submissions, and she submitted her book very hopeful. One after the other declinations came in. And with every rejection Hila lost all hope of ever publishing her book.

Still believing that maybe there were some people who would find her story interesting to read she trekked onward. Hila had discovered self publishing, she liked it because it meant that she could not be declined being published. However, self publishing came with its own set of obstacles. While self publishing meant her book would be published it did not mean that anyone would know it exists or that they would want to read it. When self publishing their were prompts to advertise her own book.

Hila opted to spend the money to advertise her book to try and obtain readers, but it did not matter; still no one wanted to read her story. Eventually Hila decided to take her book down from the website she had self published with realizing it was just sitting there and would never have an audience.

After her failure at writing a novel Hila tried her hand at a children’s book. Hila thought that a book that was entertaining but also taught children would be a good idea. Hila decided on a story about a person who complained too much.

Hila's short children's story was about how complaining too much was an ineffective way of getting things done. Hila tried children's publishing houses and got the same declinations as she did for her novel.

So Hila decided to try and self publish this children's book as well, she ran into the same problems that she had before. Hila would have to advertise her own book again to no avail.

Hila while on social media saw an advertisement for a publishing company that said they would accept submissions from authors. Hila being jaded by her experience at trying to publish, did not want to attempt it again. However when she thought about it she realized that the worst that could happen is they would not publish the story.

Hila decided that if she was going to submit her book she would research online reviews. So Hila did just that and found it to be legitimate. So, Hila submitted her children's story.

After many weeks Hila received an e-mail saying they would not publish her story and instead tried to sell her on a program they were offering that she would have to pay for. Hila felt duped, it was clearly a trick making her believe that they might publish her story when really the whole time they were just trying to get money from her.

It was then Hila realized that she had to let go of her dream of ever being a professional writer. Hila had only wished that she did not waste so much time writing and dreaming. Hila had learned some very hard lessons, first she would never be a good enough writer to be published. Secondly, their are many people who will take advantage of people trying to chase their dreams. Lastly, she learned that she just was not a good story teller.

While she would have loved to earn money from her writing, she really had just hoped that somebody would like to read her story. Hila would have loved an audience, with whom she could discuss her book, to discuss other books, even to get constructive criticism to help improve her writing.

Hila was very disheartened that her story was not good enough to be published in any form. Hila realized that maybe her dream was better than her writing and that maybe instead of trying to make a career of writing she should make it more of a hobby.

Although, Hila was sad upon the discovery that she would never be a good enough writer to ever get any of her stories published it did her well to stop having hope. Hila felt a little happier writing without the pressure of trying to be the writer a publisher would want. She was now able to write from her heart.

Hila will forever be saddened by her lack of talent and inability to tell stories people want hear. Hila is happy she tried and now knows that she is just not capable of being an author.   

June 15, 2020 16:19

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