WILL TRY

WILL TRY

By Japgun Kaur

College life is supposed to be fun, but I rather not get my hopes up for it is said that the weather always changes.

I am setting into a dorm today and I can only hope that college life won’t be as dreadful as my school has been. It’s a long story but we will talk about it later. I am seriously sick of living in such a small town with only a few places to spend time and I am fully ready embrace something new. So, it’s going to be Chicago. University of Chicago was really hard to enter but I did it and I am finally going to arrive there is two hours, Oh my God! I am freaking out. I will make new friends and enjoy; no you won’t, my subconscious doesn’t know when to stop. Stop overthinking Grace.

‘Grace, are you sure you didn’t leave anything at home, we can always turn over’ my mom practically yelled.

‘Mom, I have everything, for the tenth time, you are getting on my nerves. I am going to be just fine’

I know she is nervous because of my dad, who is on prison because of forgery. He was a pathetic drunk because he was having problems in business. And eventually committed fraud to make money but see where it brought him. He was not a good father and never paying attention to me but before I was born, my mom and dad had a good relationship. After me, they had problems with finance and my father started to depend on drinks. My mom still thinks there is hope for him, but don’t. I think we are better off without him. He only brought misery and the FBI took everything from us because of his crimes.

‘I hope so, you have worked so hard for this and I don’t want your past or anything else ruins that.’ My mom says and puts me out of my thoughts.

‘Nobody can ruin this, and forgot to tell you that I got that job at the cafeteria, so you don’t have to worry for dorm fees. And I’ll try to pay my college fees after this semester’

‘Oh! I am so proud of you being independent but you don’t have to worry about money, just concentrate on your studies’ she cries

I hate when people cry. I don’t like to cry, I know it’s an emotion but still I have some kind of irritation when I see people cry. I really don’t know how to comfort people or make people laugh. That’s just not my thing.

My mom is something really dramatic. I calmed her down by saying that I want to be better person and I will be and make you proud. I think that worked. Only thirty minutes left. Wish me luck.

ON THE WAY to the dorms, my nervousness was getting worse and worse. It was taking every ounce of myself to just calm down. I had this thing , where I used start imaging some calm places to be in control of myself which my granny though me when I was five. I loved her but she had to move to LA has she works in an NGO which was recently shifted there. I said her that I would visit whenever I get time. I hope it would be soon. Breaking my thought, my mother said ‘We are here, D-22.’.

When I opened the door an empty bed and a bed stock with clothes. The wall are green colored with two desks and two closets. There is a small window and two beautiful paintings hanging on the wall. The room is overall clean except my roomie’s bed. She has a guitar so I assume she’s a singer.

‘So, I don’t get to meet your roommate, I really think she is nice’ my mom says.

‘Don’t worry mom, I’ll handle it’ I respond.

After arranging my desk and clothes, I said my mom goodbye and saw her car go away into the sunset and I realize I’m finally all on my own. I wonder how that’s going to turn out.

When I return to my room, my roommate is sitting on the bed with a camera in hand.

‘Hey, you must be Gracia. I got the notice that you will settle in today. Welcome to UC. I am Blaire’ my roommate says excitedly.

‘Hi, Nice to meet you Blaire, and I prefer Grace’, I say as calmly as possible as I hate when people call me Gracia. My father gave me that name and as I hate him, I hate that name as well.

‘Oh, and you don’t have to formal around me. You need to chill and as your roommate I will invite you the bonfire today night at the central house. You will love it there. It’s generally organized by seniors to have fun.’

‘I don’t think so I will come, these are really not my scene’

‘Oh, come on it’s going to be lovely and you seem like you need some fun in your life. You have to come, if you don’t like you can always come back.’ She practically begs.

Some part of me doesn’t want to deny her, she is so sweet and I really think I might enjoy. Also, I can get to know people. I just expect that no one knows about my past or it’s doing to be a disaster.

‘Fine, but I won’t stay long’, I say and she responds me with a smile. She says she going to shopping and asks me if I want to tag along. I say ok and she promises me to show around and help make friends.

She has a car and we go shopping at a mall where I meet her friends. Two twin girls, they look alike but have very different taste in fashion. One, I think is named Sophia and the other Jessie. Sophia has a lip ring which I think is cool.

‘Grace, how are you getting along’ said Sophia.

‘It’s nice till now and look forward to the first day’ I reply. We don’t talk much but Jessie tells us about their childhood and their family history. Blair is a photographer so she clicks our pictures every now and then.

The mall is all nice and cozy. I buy a dress for tonight while the other buys pair of tops and heels.

On our way back I ask Blaire what will happen at the bonfire. ‘Nothing, just some music and dance with drinks. Don’t worry there will be non-alcoholic drinks as well’ she says.

We finally get dressed and I put some makeup on which I usually don’t do. Blaire is looking absolutely amazing compared to me. But she says we both look great. So, I just give her a smile.

WHEN WE ARRIVE at the bonfire, one boy with blonde hair and the other with black hair approaches us.

‘You a little late, I was waiting for you to do the performance’, and gives her a quick kiss, ‘Come on.’ His eyes meet mine and he says ‘Who is she?’

‘She is my new roommate Grace’, turning to me she says ‘and Grace this is Lee, my boyfriend and Max my friend’ she smiles at him.

‘Hey, nice to meet you Grace’, Max says to me.

We make a small talk and I go to sit on a chair and a boy walks up to me says, ‘You new here?’

‘Yes, I just came in Today, I am Grace’

He says with a smile, ‘Hey, I am Alex, do you want a drink?’

‘Just some coke’

‘Here’, he hands me a plastic cup and sits beside me on the chair. ‘So, where are you from?’

‘From Santa Monica and you which year’ I ask. He says he is from Seattle and a second year in law. We talk about brief details of my life but not my dad history.

‘Do you want to dance maybe ’, he sees my hesitation and adds ‘or not, no pressure’ and smiles at me.

‘I don’t dance’ I say, ‘I mean I am not a good dancer’ I make my tone polite.

‘Oh! That’s okay, so tell me about yourself’ he tried to make a joke but failed miserably.

Before I could answer him, we heard a loud crash outside the haul. We hurried outside and saw a man crashed his car. His head was bleeding and I didn’t get a clear look at him. But, when I and some other people tried to get him out of the car, I saw his pale skin with blue eyes. I can’t believe my eyes, I was sure hallucinating when a police car came and said he broke from the prison. Oh my God, my father broke from the prison and crashed his car in front of where I live. Dozens questions arose in my mind and I felt like I would pass out any minute. But, I hold myself. My father was taken to a hospital and step forward and said he is my dad.

I called my mom on the way to the hospital. I am really worried about him. I know he is a fraud and deserves this but everything aside he is still my father. I can’t believe that he tried to break from the prison.

‘Is my dad well?’ I asked the doctor

‘He got a major injury on his forehead with a lot of internal bleeding. We are doing what we can’ the doctor said and went in the ICU again.

It’s a lot comprehend at once. I can’t stop thinking about what will happen when he wakes up, what will I even say or will he even wake up. These thoughts are clouding me and it feels like I can’t breathe.

My mom is coming rushing through the entrance door. She looks drained and like she was crying the whole time here. Though her husband did some bad things, she always loved him and I could never figure out why. I told her everything and she listened intensely.

‘Oh my God, why would he do such a thing and endanger his life’ cried my mom.

‘Mom, you have get hold of yourself, he is not worth crying about, and he gave our money for fraud and tried to run away from the prison’.

‘Don’t say that. His flaws don’t make him a bad person’. She is crying constantly and don’t know what to say. I’m exhausted and anything I say won’t make this better. Hours pass by just sitting on the bench before the nurse says that he is awake and asking for us. I don’t know whether I should be relieved or afraid. As for my mom, she mostly relieved and but some part of her is not ready to face him. We got no option, so we go into his room.

Now, whatever happens, I know I will not get the dad I wanted. Maybe it’s better this way. I guess, we have to face reality and will continue to try.