Turning Over a New Leaf'

"Are you coming tonight?"

The question reverberated in my ears as you threw it to me. Maybe. I mean, I don't have to attend someone's party that I had no contact with. Then again, what's the hold back of having a fun time out in the city, drinking, playing, and whatever crap you'd put yourself in tonight?

But it's neither, because it was you that's holding me back. Your face looks into mine questioning not just my judgement, but my whole being as well. You know me, as if I was your brother, but we never we're, and never will be.

Your eyes stare into mine as you try to get some sound out of me. Right now, however, I don't care about awkwardness, your patience, because I'm at the high ground, and you bow before me.

My mind drifts off to the past. I think of you, I acknowledge you, whether against my will or not. Your voice brings the life out of me back then, but now, you make my very existence horrible. You make me happy amidst my horrible day, but now you ruin me.

I offer you to go to the coffee shop with me, ignoring your question altogether. You agree out of kindness, and it makes me glad. I bought a drink and took out my cell phone. I took my air pods out of my pocket, and let it sink into my ears, just so I could ignore your very life for precious minutes. You look into me, wanting to question me, but you can't, after what you've done you just can't. You took your own phone, and went to Messenger to chat with your friends, just so you could feel that someone appreciates you. I don't bring my eyes to you, it'll give you the upper hand. I could feel your bragging right now, telling them all about your daring choice of bringing me to your presence right now, but it doesn't matter, your presence is a mere waste of time to me, and no bias will affect whatever choice I'll make tonight.

You look into me moment after moment. I won't give in, I won't let you unburden yourself after you made me sink in deep waters that I haven't got out of. I couldn't breathe, I just kept sinking, minute by minute, hour by hour, day after day. How long has it been? Was it 6 months? No, no, it was a whole year. Amazing really, how you could switch those guys of yours in so quick a time. You're used to it, I was your fifth, not including those of yours during your school days.

Those last 2 years of our time, you would always tell me how much I've been the best thing in your life. The idiot I had been in the past always believed those words of yours, and it made my passion grow stronger. It never faltered for a moment, I loved you, loved you as my first and as my best.

Those doubtful times of your suspiciousness, did I ever question you? Did I ever give any remark as to where you have been when you came home late at night? Did I ever shoot suspicious glances at you when you chatted over the phone, smiling and laughing from time to time, which now I came to know as flirting. I was stupid, and I had to take the full blow of your confession. Your face in the process however, was neutral, the face that you make when you're forced to look in my direction as I asked you to look into something I found interesting. It hurts me, it tears me to shreds to hear each and every word that came out of your mouth that day. I pleaded with you, asking you over and over as to where I have gone wrong. You told me it wasn't me, but I was deaf to anything that blurs that perfect frame of yours in my mind. When I asked you for the sixth time - you being too annoyed and anxious, while I with heavy eyes and drooping tears from my face - you told me you can't deal with me anymore, and you shut the door in my face. That very moment haunts me in my dreams, replaying over and over, more and more intensified than the last.

As I rose from my chair, telling you I wanted to get some fresh air - not making eye contact with you - you held my hand. I stopped. I looked back at you, your head was sunk down. I tried hard to suppress my grin as I towered over you while you were rendered speechless.

"I.. uh.." you muttered out.

"What?"

You looked straight into my eyes. Your eyes sparkled at that moment, and I knew it's what I had been waiting for that miserable year, but I couldn't accept it, not anymore.

"I'll be back."

Your face, from hopeful, had contorted to broken. You finally let your own feelings out, those tears of yours glistening from the light. That ignorant face of yours is now contorted to the most miserable face I've ever seen. I couldn't smile anymore.

As my eyes stand submerged to the bright sky, your presence invades my memory. I clenched my fists, but I didn't have the strength anymore. You broke me, and I broke you. You don't have to know, you understand right? We're even. The moment I saw you with your guy at the Italian restaurant, it opened a new door for me, I knew him.

It wasn't easy trying to get in touch with him, but it was worth it every moment. We became intimate friends since our.. 8 months distancing. You knew what I would do. I gave some truth to him. He denied it at first, but he accepted it, he trusts me more than he could trust you. He would tell me of his acts when he got the chance, and I supported him all the same. I just heard of your break-up, he came straight to me after that, and I knew I had gotten what I really wanted.

I could hear your faint sobbing as I entered the door. I sat beside you and threw my arms around you. I gave a grin to your surprised face.

"I'm sor-" I pressed my hand against your lip. You didn't have to. You don't need to. We're even after all.

As I held your hand into mine, taking you with me as we brought ourselves to the familiar city we were once before, I smiled.

"You know what, I think I want to go to the party."