The Day After

The day after Christmas and look at this place,

I’m sitting here crying, tears on my face.

I invited the gang, I thought they were nice,

The only thing left is this half bowl of ice.

They drank all my booze and ate all my food,

And left such a mess, I’m in such a foul mood.

I cooked and I cooked, and they still wanted more,

It wasn’t even ready and they broke down my door.

Feed us, they yelled, give us the eats,

They ate all the food, the cakes, and the treats.

They drank beer and wine and vodka and gin,

See if I ever have a party again.

Before I knew it, they stole someone’s tires,

And then had all the furniture on fire.

What the hell’s going on in here?

“Oh shaddap and bring us more beer!”

Did you all like my dinners? My desserts and my cakes?

They wolfed them all down, what difference did it make?

My ziti, my shrimp, the cold cuts as well,

Disappeared in a feeding frenzy from hell.

Booze bottles were empty, as was the beer ball,

And some guy was peeing there in the hall.

Hey! Why are you doing that in here?

Whattaya mean? Gotta let out some beer!

The bathroom’s right there, right through that door,

Then I saw the toilet ripped from the floor.

Someone else had barfed in the sink,

The smell was atrocious! Man, did it stink!

I invited some forty, I cooked for twice that amount,

Over two hundred showed before I lost count.

They devoured it all, even an old hat,

And I’m really worried, I can’t find my cat.

There, from my room, I here some noise and some racket,

From naked drunks under the coats and the jackets.

Who are you? Why are you here?

“Oh shut up and bring us more beer!”

My house was wrecked, the whole place trashed,

My car was burned and the tires were slashed.

The cops were here, twice, and I’ll pay a big fine,

My court date comes up on January 9.